Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 12/29/2017

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

NMSU WINS! NMSU WINS! – After decades of disappointment and losing seasons, NMSU has finally won a bowl after more than 50 years of waiting. The NMSU Aggies beat Utah State by a score of 26 to 20 in a tense game that had to be decided in overtime. Their last win came in the 1960 Sun Bowl which was, in fact, the last bowl that they were invited to. That win was so long ago that a Brontosaurus played on the offensive line for that team. Before they went extinct, Brontosauruses made excellent offensive linemen. Congratulations, Aggies! Now comes the hard part of trying to stay afloat in the top level of college football without a conference. Good luck and God speed. (lcsun-news.com)

SPEEDING ON ANY ROAD IS A HORRIBLE IDEA. SPEEDING ON A POORLY MAINTAINED PRIVATE ROAD IS JUST CRAZY – Tragedy has once again happened on Jobe Road. The private road, that is part of the weirdo Joe Battle / Windermere hodge podge of private and public paving, has once again claimed another ill prepared driver. Three people are dead and one person is in critical condition after a car flipped over and caught on fire on the dangerous road. The road is borderline passable if you drive near the speed limit, so speeding and not paying attention while driving on this “road” is just dangerous. As a private road, it can possibly be gated to prevent unauthorized personnel from using it but the people in charge of the road don’t seem like the type to do something good for the community. Jobe – “When they’re not raping the mountains in order to make crappy concrete, their crappy roads are luring people to their deaths!” (kfoxtv.com)

LOST IN THE ONSLAUGHT OF NMSU CAUSING HELL TO FREEZE OVER, THE SUN BOWL WAS ALSO PLAYED – Due to prearranged scheduling out of everyone’s control, the Sun Bowl was played on the same day as NMSU’s bowl game. So while most of the sporting attention in the region was focused on NMSU’s miracle season, the Sun Bowl had another successful entry in its long history. The game was a largely one-sided affair as North Carolina State walloped Arizona State by a final score of 52 to 31, but all things considered the turnout was pretty good at around 40,000 and it seems everyone had a great time (except for Arizona State’s players). Next year is the Sun Bowl’s 85^th birthday and it will hopefully be entertaining as usual. The choice of teams have fallen over the years as the directors have allowed other bowls to push it aside, but the Sun Bowl is still a gem for the Paso del Norte region and beyond – and CBS still televises it, so that’s pretty cool. (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

ALL THE OTHER TIMES IRANIANS HAVE PROTESTED IN THE STREETS HAVE ENDED SO WELL, I CAN’T SEE ANYTHING BAD HAPPENING THIS TIME OUT – What started out as a protest against high prices and bad economic conditions in Iran has now become a nationwide anti-government demonstration in its second day. Though the demonstrations are not as massive as the ones that occurred a few years back, they seem to be growing in size and are as unpredictable as any other demonstration in Iran’s past. And judging by what has happened as a result of other Iranian protest movements, it’s worth keeping an eye on this developing situation. (bbc.com)

EVEN BANANAS ARE IN DANGER IN THIS CRAZY WORLD. IS NOTHING SAFE FROM THE FUCKING GREED AND STUPIDITY OF HUMANITY – The Cavendish is the main banana variety that is sold in western markets, but that wasn’t always the case. Up until the middle of the of the 20^th century, the main banana variety that people were familiar with was the Gros Michel. But thanks to incompetent crop management a fungus nearly wiped out the Gros Michel and plantations had to switch to the more resistant Cavendish variety. Fast forward a few decades and banana growers are facing an amazingly similar problem as fungus threatens to wipe out the Cavendish variety in plantations around the world. Thankfully some, but not all, growers learned their lesson from the past and new crop management techniques are being implemented and new varieties and genetic research are being used to try and protect the banana industry. Who knew bananas led such interesting lives? (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

GOODBYE 2017 AND HELLO 2018. LET’S SEE IF 2O18 CAN IMPROVE ON THIS PAST YEAR – The new year is upon us! Have a safe and fun time celebrating the arrival of 2018 this weekend. Hopefully the fascist idiots get their asses handed to them this upcoming year and maybe we’ll finally get closer to a truly rational and logical world. One can hope. Also check back with Simple Minded Entertainment often, we have some big plans for 2018. (wikipedia.org)

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 12/22/2017

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

IT’S FINALLY HAPPENED, TXDOT’S DECADES LONG I-10 AND AMERICAS INTERCHANGE PROJECT HAS KILLED SOMEONE – For some ungodly reason, Bob Bielek and friends have taken close to a decade to finish up the I-10 and Americas Spaghetti Bowl II project and now the dangerous driving conditions created by a perpetual construction zone have ended in tragedy. Two truck drivers died this week when construction equipment was dangerously left hanging over the construction zone into the left lane of traffic. The situation created an accident that involved multiple vehicles and left two people dead. As is customary, txdot will just shrug their shoulders and blame the contractors and the project that should have been finished in a few years will now go on for another decade. (kvia.com)

PASO DEL NORTE COULD USE A LOT MORE PEOPLE LIKE KAYLEE CASTILLO – Kudos to 8-year old Kaylee Castillo for her efforts to bring some joy to refugees as they come to El Paso. For the past two years she has been selling candy in order to buy teddy bears to give to children via the child crisis center and EPPD’s crimes and children’s unit. She does a lot more for the community than the vast majority of the population and we can all learn a lesson from this wonderful girl. Good show, Kaylee Castillo. (cbs4local.com)

WHO KNEW LOSING ALL YOUR GAMES WOULD LEAD TO A DROP IN ATTENDANCE AND REVENUE – In news that surprised no one, it was revealed that UTEP’s athletic program revenue is abysmal and the university has to subsidize the football program and every other sport in order to break even. Ticket revenue for the 2016 football season fell to a paltry $582,469 and with no wins and minimal hope it will take A LOT of effort to reverse this trend. It’s amazing that that the university will spend millions to support football but can’t spare $10 to start a men’s soccer and baseball program at UTEP. (elpasoinc.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

WHO KNEW THAT ONE OF THE GUYS FROM BLINK 182 WOULD BE THE PERSON TO LEAD THE WORLD TO ALIEN DISCLOSURE AND A NEW ERA IN HUMANITY? – For the first time ever, the U.S. government has released video of something that they cannot identify. The government released two videos taken from fighter jet cameras to Tom DeLonge’s To The Stars Academy and the videos are backed up by the New York Times who investigated the encounters and got testimony from pilots and people involved in the government’s not-so-secret U.F.O. investigation program. Let’s not jump to conclusions though, the video is either evidence of some secret military DARPAesque project or proof of the time-traveling, inter-dimensional, reptilian gray aliens that built the pyramids. It’s definitely the second one! (coi.tothestarsacademy.com)

MADRID THE PATHETIC EX-GIRLFRIEND IS GETTING ANGRIER AS CATALONIA STRIVES TO MAKE THE BREAKUP OFFICIAL– The majority of Catalonia have once again voted for a government that seeks independence from Spain and the heavy handed assholes in Madrid will now do everything in their power to undermine the Catalan people. Even though the “pro-Spain” Citizens party won the most seats in the election, the separatist parties will still have the majority of power in the government. Madrid already took most of Catalonia’s autonomy, so who knows what actions they will take after their upcoming temper tantrum when Catalonia slams the door in their face. (bbc.com)

WHAT BETTER WAY TO CELEBRATE THE BIRTH OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR THAN WITH A CHIRPING ROBOT MONKEY THAT WRAPS AROUND YOUR FINGER – Merry Christmas, everyone! It’s that special time of the year when we forget all the important things in life and start obsessing over pointless presents and other consumerist trappings. The hot toy this year is a tiny robot monkey that makes odd noises, back in my day our Christmas robots were fuzzy puppets that at least had the decency to say their own name. Elmo and Furby must be spinning in their graves. Be safe this Christmas and don’t get arrested in your attempt to capture teeny tiny robot monkey Fingerlings for your ungrateful brat children. (bbc.com)

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 12/15/2017

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

THE CINCINNATI PARTY DISTRICT IS FINALLY GETTING A SWANKY NEW FACE-LIFT. I GIVE IT 15 MINUTES BEFORE SOMEONE THROWS UP ALL OVER THE STREET AND IT BECOMES TRASHY ALL OVER AGAIN … THE WAY GOD INTENDED CINCINNATI STREET TO BE – The Cincinnati area near UTEP will be the first location to benefit from El Paso’s Sun City Lights archway program. The project includes improvements to the street, sidewalks, lighting and also features additional trees, landscaping and a large archway over the street that acts as a gateway to the area. Although making the Cincinnati area nice and shiny is a good move, let’s not forget that it’s the trashiness that makes Cincy special and the main reason that we all love it. They can do anything they want to the street, just don’t mess around with Cincy’s trashy party attitude. (kvia.com)

MOVE OVER SANTA CLAUS, IT’S TIME FOR SANTA KHALID-AUS! – Because Khalid is a very cool guy, he decided to give back to the community by giving toys to an entire elementary school in El Paso. The city’s favorite son cemented his reputation this week by personally delivering over 500 toys to all the students at Crockett Elementary School. Sure, some kids in other schools felt left out, but Santa Khalid-aus is only human and there are only so many free shows and toys he can give to the people of El Paso. (elpasoheraldpost.com)

THE NEW MEXICO STATE AGGIES WANT TO REMIND YOU TO ATTEND THEIR BOWL GAME IN TUCSON. THEY WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT HELL STAYS FROZEN, SO GO BUY YOUR TICKETS NOW! – The NMSU Aggies will be playing in their first bowl game since 1960 when they take on the Utah State Aggies in the NOVA Home Loans Arizona Bowl on December 29. This will be a rematch of the 1960 edition of the Sun Bowl where NMSU won by the score of 20 to 13. The Aggies are looking to capitalize on this positive news and try to gain more support from the community. Next year the football team will not have a conference and they will have a tougher time with a harder independent schedule. So let’s support the Aggies and keep them from drifting away to a lower division in football. (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

ONE DAY DISNEY WILL OWN EVERYTHING AND MICKEY MOUSE WILL BE KING OF THE WORLD – In news that has been brewing for some time, Disney officially announced its intention to acquire the lion’s share of Fox Corporation’s assets. The merger deal is believed to be worth $66.1 billion and will make Disney a much bigger behemoth than it already is. The deal still has to be approved by federal regulators, but once it’s complete it will give Disney everything that Fox currently has except Fox News, the Fox Sports channels and the Fox Broadcasting Corporation and its owned affiliates. So basically Disney is getting everything of value in the deal and Rupert Murdoch keeps his news division. The deal will have a great impact on many facets of both companies and the stuff they produce, but one of the cooler things is that the X-Men will finally be able to inhabit the Marvel Cinematic Universe. And as is the case in everything, The Simpsons predicted the Disney-Fox merger almost 20 years ago. The Simpsons are written by very intelligent people and/or The Devil. (deadline.com)

GOODBYE, NET NEUTRALITY. GOODBYE, REGULATIONS AND CONSUMER PROTECTIONS. THE INMATES ARE IN CHARGE OF THE ASYLUM AND THE GOVERNMENT WILL LET CORPORATIONS DO WHATEVER THE HELL THEY WANT – It’s finally happened, the FCC has ended net neutrality and will now allow internet providers to pick and choose the speed of certain services and the price of that speed. The end of net neutrality wouldn’t be so bad if the government hadn’t wasted money to help create the internet’s infrastructure and if they hadn’t auctioned off the spectrum in what was basically a sweetheart deal. But alas, the government has given full reign of the internet to corporations without any considerations for the public that should rightfully control at least part of the system. So now we find ourselves at the mercy of the corporations that control internet providers and hope that they will do the right thing and create a service that doesn’t discriminate between content. (bbc.com)

MAYBE THERE’S HOPE FOR AMERICA YET – Democracy survived partisan stupidity this week as Democrat Doug Jones defeated Republican, and alleged young girl predator, Roy Moore in Alabama’s U.S. senate race. Though it’s a bit sad that the Democrat candidate only won the vote by less than a 2% margin even though the Republican candidate was a vile, racist, hypocrite, constitution-trampling sexual predator. But it’s ultra deep red Alabama so this is one hell of a victory. Maybe this will be a wake-up call to the country to stand up and vote and finally get rid of the fascist shitheads in office that only want to enact racist policies and bend over for corporate interests with deep pockets. If Alabama can do it, the rest of the country has no excuse. There is hope again in America. (al.com)

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 12/08/2017

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

THE EL PASO CHILDREN’S MUSEUM IS LOOKING LIKE IT WILL BE A WORLD CLASS BUILDING. UNLESS MAX GROSSMAN MAKES UP ANOTHER BULLSHIT CLAIM THAT THE OLD GREYHOUND MAINTENANCE STATION WAS A LATINO OUTPOST KNOWN AS GREYHOUNDITO, THEN NOTHING WILL EVER GET BUILT – Even though the city has faced multiple setbacks on other voter-approved quality of life projects, it looks like the El Paso Children’s museum is right on track. The project is now in the design stage and the City of El Paso has narrowed down the list of possible architect firms down to three. The three world class firms have submitted conceptual designs and the public will now vote in order to give the city a better idea of what they want to see in the project. All the designs make the area look much better and it’s very cool that all three incorporate some sort of pathway over the “El Paso subway rail track pit” that lead into the Cleveland Square area. For what it’s worth, Snohetta has the best idea with a design that is modern and inviting but not overbearing. Koning Eizenberg Architecture’s design is also pretty good but doesn’t seem to mesh with the surroundings too well and the façade is pretty plain. And TEN Arquitectos’ plan just looks like a giant parking garage for humans with no real design features. Unfortunately, the parking garage design is probably the front runner because the city really loves parking garages and bland architecture. But anything is better than the old Greyhound maintenance building that used to be there. Even if it’s historical Greyhoundito land, it still was an eyesore. So be sure to attend the public meetings and vote for Snohetta to design the El Paso Children’s Museum. #SAVEGREYHOUNDITO (elpasoheraldpost.com)

UP YOURS, GLOBAL WARMING! AFTER WEEKS OF UNSEASONABLY WARM WEATHER, WINTER HAS FINALLY COME TO PASO DEL NORTE AND THE GREATER MOGOLLON REGION – Winter has come to El Paso as a cold front has brought snow and very cold temperatures this week. As local tradition dictates, people in the area reacted like they’ve never seen snow before even though it snows every fucking year. Temperatures are expected to be cool for the next few days, so keep warm and say hello to winter. (cbs4local.com)

UTEP HAS A NEW HEAD COACH! LET’S HOPE THIS ISN’T THE ONE THAT ENDS UP COMMITTING SUICIDE BEFORE THE SEASON IS OVER. IT HASN’T HAPPENED BEFORE, BUT SEEING HOW MOST OF THE OTHER MINER COACHES HAVE LEFT, YOU CAN NEVER UNDERESTIMATE UTEP – After a disastrous win-less football season that saw Coach Sean “Freddy” Krueger(sic) quit after a few games, UTEP has announced that Dana Dimel will be the new head coach of the UTEP football team. Although not as exciting of a hire as when UTEP somehow landed Mike Price over a decade ago, Dana Dimel has a decent resume that includes stints in Arizona and Kansas State. We wish Dana Dimel the best of luck and hope he joins the small group of successful UTEP coaches that includes Bob Stull and Mike Price and not the extra long list of names of failed UTEP coaches that includes practically every other coach that has been brought in. (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

CALIFORNIA IS BURNING … AGAIN! – In what is becoming a year round occurrence, wild fires are once again devastating California. This time out, the fires are spreading around the Los Angeles and San Diego area. The fires are fed by the dry and windy conditions in the area and the forecast offers no real relief in the coming days. Although many buildings have been destroyed as a result of the multiple fires hitting the region, thankfully the casualty count has been minimal. Stay safe, California. (ktla.com)

FEW PLACES HAVE THE AUDACITY TO ATTACK AND KILL NEUTRAL UN PEACEKEEPERS. DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC OF CONGO IS ONE SUCH PLACE – The UN has had peacekeepers in the DR Congo region since 2010 and it appears things are still pretty fucked up there. This week, fourteen UN peacekeepers were killed and dozens were wounded after suspected rebels attacked the UN personnel in the North Kivu province of Congo. The UN was already considering withdrawing most of its peacekeepers from the region and this will probably make them speed up the process. This part of Africa is a giant clusterfuck and it will take more than peacekeepers to change its destiny. Keep your eyes on DR Congo in 2018, things might start to heat up here soon. (bbc.com)

HAPPY 100TH BIRTHDAY FINLAND! MAY YOU PARTY WITH LOTS OF BOOZE AND REINDEER INTO THE WEE HOURS OF THE NIGHT – Although the Finnish people and their culture have been around for thousands of years, the country of Finland was only founded in 1917 after centuries of control by either the Russians or its Nordic neighbors. Finland is one of the top countries in Europe and it is nice to see a community find success after freeing itself from the shackles of a Frankenstein empire. Happy birthday, Finland. May you have many more years of prosperity. (bbc.com)

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 12/01/2017

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

THE LIGHTS AT THE PLAZA DE LOS LAGARTOS ARE COOL, BUT ARE THEY COOLER THAN THE LILY LIMON AND EDDIE HOLGUIN MEMORIAL CHRISTMAS LIGHT SPECTACULAR IN THE LOWER VALLEY? NOTHING WILL EVER TOP THAT SPECTACULAR LIGHT SHOW! – The lights are back for the holidays at the Plaza De Los Lagartos and the Christmas tradition continues this weekend with the annual tree lighting ceremony, parade and holiday festival all around downtown El Paso. So don’t forget to check out the fun in downtown this Saturday. Or if you hate crowds, just go check out the lights and the holiday attractions sometime during the week. (kvia.com)

I’D BE CAREFUL WITH THE ATTEMPTS TO FIX UP EL PASO STREET IN DOWNTOWN. WE DON’T KNOW WHAT THE EFFECTS OF HELL FREEZING OVER WILL HAVE ON THE WORLD – It’s finally happening! REAL investors are moving into El Paso Street with plans to fix up buildings in the area. For a long time, the only people that owned buildings on El Paso Street were dumbass, money-hungry fucks who were only in it for the monthly rent and who didn’t give a damn what businesses were in the area or in what condition the buildings were in. This appears to be changing as Lane Gaddy and other investors have been purchasing buildings in the area with an intent to restore them and bring more business into the area. This is the first time, in a long time, that a legit investor with a history of great projects has made inroads into this long neglected area of Downtown El Paso. Couple this with the city’s continued Paseo De Las Luces project and the work Juarez has done to coordinate their Avenida Juarez renovation with what is happening on El Paso Street, and you have the ingredients for a promising future for the once proud corridor that connects the hearts of Juarez and El Paso. (elpasoinc.com)

IN POSITIVE LOCAL EDUCATION NEWS, HART AND ZAVALA ELEMENTARY SHOW HOW SPORTS AND EDUCATION CAN BE USED AS A POSITIVE FORCE AT THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL LEVEL – Most of the time, when we see the local schools in the news it’s because of bloated bond elections, overspending on construction projects, ill-advised academies or some sort of bullying and/or sex scandal. So it is always nice to see a positive story turn up in the news about something great that local schools are doing. Proving that sports can be done right at the elementary school level, the El Paso Herald Post has a great run down of a recent competition between Hart and Zavala Elementary schools that saw them have friendly matches in basketball and soccer as part of the Community Schools initiatives. Under the program, soccer and reading clubs are paired up along with basketball and homework clubs to combine after school learning with sports. Instead of wasting tons of money on soccer fields for con-man led youth soccer tournaments that only care about taking money from gullible parents, maybe the city government should spend money on local youth athletic programs that actually accomplish something. Kudos to the Community Schools initiative for doing youth sports right in El Paso by focusing on the academic as well as the athletic. (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

LET’S PUT A SPOTLIGHT ON YEMEN. IT SEEMS NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE ARE PAYING ATTENTION TO WHAT IS HAPPENING IN YEMEN AT THE MOMENT – Perhaps one of the most important, yet often ignored, global news stories today is the civil/proxy war occurring in Yemen. Among the more pressing issues as a result of the conflict – we have civilians dying in droves, Saudi Arabia stopping supplies from reaching the people via a borderline illegal blockade, anti-government factions fighting among themselves and a sense that there is no end in sight. Though there is hope that global pressure will finally make Saudi Arabia ease their blockade and allow supplies to reach civilians, this is probably the only good news that is coming out of the region. For more info, be sure to check out the excellent write up in the Economist that has a great recap of the war in Yemen and possible solutions. Though the best solution is if Yemen were broken up to smaller countries based on historic tribal territories and if Saudi Arabia and Iran just minded their own fucking business. (economist.com)

MOUNT AGUNG VOLCANO UPDATE: IT’S STILL SPEWING ASH, BUT A MASSIVE ERUPTION HAS YET TO OCCUR THOUGH IT IS EXPECTED. VOLCANOES MAKE HURRICANES LOOK LIKE SPEED DEMONS WHEN IT COMES TO ANTICIPATION – Bali is still on alert as authorities in Indonesia expect the Mount Agung Volcano to have a massive eruption soon. The volcano has been active and spewing ash for weeks making flights impossible in the immediate area and making life uncomfortable for most of Bali. Though the main airport has opened periodically to allow some flights to leave, it is de facto closed for the foreseeable future and things probably won’t get better for awhile. Stay safe, Bali. (npr.org)

WHERE WOULD AN INNOCENT OPOSSUM LEARN SUCH BAD BEHAVIOR? HE LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU, FLORIDA! HE LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU! (SOBS UNCONTROLLABLY) – Florida has always been known for humans that do stupid things, but now animals are getting in on the act. The world’s greatest opossum broke into a restaurant during the Thanksgiving holiday and proceeded to get drunk on hard liquor. Good show, classy opossum. For those concerned, the opossum was safely returned back to the wild and vowed never to break into bars and get drunk again – a promise that will be broken next week on Live PD! (miamiherald.com)