Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 11/24/2017


TXDOT ONCE AGAIN SHOWS OFF IT’S AMAZING PROBLEM SOLVING SKILLS BY SHUTTING DOWN A MAIN ROAD FOR HOURS AND SIMPLY SHRUGGING THEIR SHOULDERS AS THE PROBLEM GROWS – On Thursday afternoon a tractor trailer pulling a load of propane flipped over on Montana near Hueco Tanks and caught fire.  As a result the fire and wreck led to the closure of the road, a closure that still continues today.  So for over 24 hours, txdot’s response to a propane fire that is blocking a major road is to close the road and shrug their shoulders as they ask drivers to go make their own detour.  If one day you are faced with a fire, just let it burn and make up an excuse why it’s better to just let it burn off than doing anything else.  It’s the txdot way.  (

THE EL PASO STREET CARS ARE ALMOST HERE!  LET’S SEE HOW THEY ARE MADE (CUE MR. ROGERS AND HIS MAGIC TROLLEY WITH MAGICAL VIDEOS) – In one of the more interesting videos that the City of El Paso propaganda wing has created, they give a behind the scenes look at how the El Paso Street Cars will be restored.  So far, the trolley cars are looking very cool and will be a slick addition to downtown.  Kudos, city government and City TV.  This is looking like it will be a successful project.  (

EVERY DAY SHOULD BE SUPPORT LOCAL SMALL BUSINESSES DAY! – On the heels of Black Friday, Small Business Saturday is upon us.  So once you get your big deals on Thanksgiving and Black Friday, make sure you have some cash left over to buy from local businesses on Saturday.  Although a fairly new concept, Small Business Saturday has been growing over the years and is an excellent opportunity to support the local economy.  I will personally be supporting local businesses this Saturday by going to Dreams Cabaret, Xcape, Red Parrot and Foxy’s.  I hope you will join me.  Support local businesses!  Whoooooo!  (


THOUGH BROKEN, THE DAESH CUNTS OF THE ISLAMIC STATE CAN STILL INFLUENCE RANDOM TERRORISTS TO ATTACK.  THIS TIME THE DEADLY ATTACK CAME IN EGYPT – The Sinai area of Egypt has been a hot spot of activity for years as local terrorist groups have been emboldened by the instability in the country and surrounding region.  Egypt just suffered its deadliest terrorist attack ever when a Sinai area terrorist group, believed to be aligned with ISIS, attacked a mosque in the town of Bir al-Abed, killing more than 230 people.  With all the conflicts around the Middle East, it’s surprising that this hasn’t turned into a Muslim World War with different factions and countries all going at it for control and power in the region.  (

TO THE DELIGHT OF ZIMBABWE, AND THE WORLD, ROBERT MUGABE HAS GONE OUT WITH A WIMPER AND ACCEPTED HIS FATE AS FAILED DICTATOR ON THE VERGE OF A “DEADLY ACCIDENT” – Zimbabwe has a new president and Robert Mugabe will now ride off into the sunset straight to the fiery pits of hell.  So now the world waits to see if the new president, Emmerson Mnangagwa, will lead Zimbabwe to a new prosperous era or if he will just bring the same old corruption and incompetence to presidency.  On the bright side, Mugabe saw the writing on the wall and stepped down with minimal bloodshed.  So Zimbabwe is off to a pretty good start, all things considered.  (

BONUS THANKSGIVING POOP TRIVIA! – Hats off to Discover Magazine for showcasing fantastic turkey feces facts on Thanksgiving.  Did you know that boy turkeys make long, strung out poops (which like most all birds also contain urine in solid form) and that girl turkeys make clumpy poops.  And the reason for this difference?  Turkey schlongs interfering with the pooping process.  Now you know.  (

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 11/17/2017


DOWNTOWN EL PASO IS GETTING A NEW 26-STORY BUILDING!  THAT IS UNTIL THE PLANS KEEP ON CHANGING AND IT BECOMES A MINI-MALL WITH BOTH A DOLLAR GENERAL AND A FAMILY DOLLAR – The Meyers Group and Il Sabes have won the right to work with the City of El Paso to build a high rise tower on the vacant parking lot in front of city hall. The mixed-use building will include retail, apartments, a hotel and tons of parking.  Four other groups responded to the city’s request for a public-private plan for the empty lot in front of city hall at Mills and Campbell and Meyer’s Group apparently had the best plan.  Though Meyer’s Group has a mixed history when it comes to initial promises and actual results in their El Paso plans, this project looks like it will be a great benefit to the city and the surrounding Paso del Norte region.  The design for the building looks pretty cool, but I’m still curious to see what the other 4 plans looked like.  Maybe one of the other plans was a design for the world’s biggest Dollar General that’s open 24 hours a day!  Imagine all the Duranguito-style history and tourism we could attract with the world’s biggest Dollar General.  (

THANKSGIVING IS UPON US WHICH MEANS IT’S TIME FOR THE ANNUAL SUN BOWL THANKSGIVING PARADE ON MONTANA AND THE DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING DRINKATHON THAT OCCURS IN EVERY BAR THROUGHOUT EL PASO.  ENJOY! – The FirstLight Federal Credit Union Sun Bowl Parade, or the Thanksgiving Parade on Montana as it is known by everybody, will take place next Thursday and is one of the more endearing of El Paso’s holiday traditions.  But before you enjoy the parade, make sure you read the great article from the El Paso Herald Post that highlights all the volunteers that help to make the parade an yearly success.  We salute you, volunteers.  And don’t forget to hit up all the bars in the city for El Paso’s other Thanksgiving tradition, the “Day Before” Parties – one of the city’s top days for booze consumption and general debauchery.  (

LET’S ARREST MORE PEOPLE AND GET EVEN MORE FEDERAL PRISONERS IN THE EL PASO COUNTY JAIL.  WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG? – Incompetent El Paso County detention officers, Matthew Garrett McBain and Dorian Lautret, were arrested and charged with tampering with records after inmate Roberto Gallegos died in the Far East El Paso County Jail Annex.  An investigation revealed that even though the idiots should have checked in on the inmate on a regular interval for health reasons.  According to a review after the death, it showed that they lied on the checkup logs and only checked a few times during the night according to the surveillance evidence.  This has resulted in the county jail failing it’s compliance obligations and embarrassing the community once again.  Naturally, Sheriff Richard Wiles will just shrug his shoulders and make up random excuses that don’t make sense while the county government gives his department more money and lets him make even more horrible deals with the federal government regarding federal prisoners.  The El Paso County government isn’t particularly competent.  (


DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD.  THE WICKED WITCH OF ZIMBABWE IS DEAD … OR AT LEAST HE IS ALMOST OUT OF OFFICE – Zimbabwe is in the midst of a “not a coup” coup as the military has stepped in to maintain the peace in the country.  Normally people would be weary of a coup, but Zimbabwe’s Robert Mugabe is such a massive pile of shit that no one cares if the cunt is kicked out of office and/or murdered.  Mugabe has turned Zimbabwe into an economic wasteland over the years due to his stupid policies, but it appears the straw that broke the camel’s back was his shameless attempt to put his idiot wife as the next in line to lead the country.  Once he fired vice president Emmerson Mnangagwa last week, the writing was on the wall for Dictator Mugabe and it seemed his days were numbered.  Since then the military, the opposition and his own party made their move against him and started planning for the future.  Hopefully Mugabe steps down peacefully because the last thing Zimbabwe needs is a civil war.  The guys in line to take over the government aren’t exactly shining beacons of truth and freedom, but anything is better than fucking Mugabe.  (

FOR THAT ABSURD AMOUNT OF MONEY, THEY COULD HAVE BOUGHT MILLIONS OF PAINTINGS OF DOGS PLAYING POKER.  HELL, FOR $450 MILLION THEY COULD HAVE JUST GENETICALLY ENGINEERED DOGS THAT KNOW HOW TO PLAY POKER – Because rich people are crazy and like to throw their money around, some random billionaire paid a record $450 million for a Leonardo da Vinci painting of Jesus dressed up in Renaissance clothing.  To put this in perspective, this is the equivalent of someone in modern day Jacksonville painting Jesus in a cowboy hat and wearing a Limp Bizkit T-Shirt.  The vast majority of the money was paid not because of the artistic value of the piece but because it is attributed to da Vinci.  If this painting would have been painted by a random Italian art student back in the 16th century, there is no way in fuck that it would have gotten $450 million in auction.  So once more the use of art as an investment, and possible money laundering vehicle, by the ultra wealthy has destroyed the concept of art just a little bit more.  (

IN SHOCKING NEWS, IT TURNS OUT THAT ALL THE MAJOR INTERNET COMPANIES ARE HORRIBLE BUSINESSES THAT DON’T REALLY CARE ABOUT YOUR PERSONAL SAFETY.  BUT AT LEAST THEY CATER TO STALKERS, SO THAT’S NICE OF THEM – Not since scientists discovered that water is wet, have I been as surprised as I am now.  It turns out that internet companies make minimal effort to regulate the free flow of personal data used by their ultra invasive advertising programs that are the main source of their revenue.  Researchers at the University of Washington purchased ads on popular sites and used the mobile advertising ID (MAID) with tracking tools available to advertisers to cyber-stalk subjects to the point where they knew where and when they were going on a daily basis.  For as low as $1,000 YOU too can take advantage of the internet’s ultra sketchy advertising system used by marketers, large corporations and internet giants to track any individual.  It’s a stalker’s paradise!  The monetizing of personal data is an inevitable result of the rise of advertising as the main source of income for most internet companies and there is no putting that genie back in the bottle.  But maybe these multi-billion dollar companies can do a little bit more to secure the personal data of the fucking lemmings that are making them a shitload of money.  It’s not like they don’t have the cash to do that.  Fuck Facebook, Fuck Google, Fuck Twitter, Fuck Amazon and Fuck All The Rest Of The Techwhores!  (

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 11/10/2017


THE NEW BORDER WEST EXPRESSWAY PROJECT IN WEST EL PASO IS SCHRODINGER’S FREEWAY:  IT EXISTS AS BOTH AN UNDER AND OVER BUDGET PROJECT AT THE SAME TIME! – Say what you will about State Representative Joe Pickett, but he sticks by his guns.  Joe Pickett hates toll roads and will fight any toll road that gets in his way.  The latest target of his “toll road rage” is the Border West Expressway that is now over budget and behind schedule.  As is the case with all the horribly managed txdot projects, district engineer Bob Bielek came out to spin everything around and make it seem like 12 months is only a minor delay and that although the project is over the original budget, it is actually within the contingency budget and thus under budget.  This is nothing new, Bob Bielek will always make up random nonsense to cover for txdot and to make himself out as the victim.  Remember when he wanted to tear down the Lincoln Center near the Spaghetti Bowl and said he had to do it because the building had molested him as a child and was a threat to all the area children.  Classic Bielek, making himself the victim and spewing nonsense to protect his txdot masters.  Let’s see if they can build the thing without any more delays or overages.  (

REST IN PEACE, MAJESTIC JUAREZ GREYHOUND RACETRACK – It’s finally happened, the government in Juarez has decided to tear down the old greyhound racetrack and build a (pffft) well-planned technology district that will create jobs and training in the city with a focus on high technology.  While jobs, training and economic benefits are nice – what about gambling?  Precious gambling never hurt anyone and now the government of Juarez has intelligently decided to invest in jobs, education and technology with a well-planned joint venture with the private sector.  For shame, Juarez planners who are thinking about the future.  So now the racetrack will go up to heaven where the angels will bet money on greyhound puppies.  Rest in Peace, Juarez Greyhound Track.  (

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE PRESENT TO YOU THE ELITE OF EL PASO’S LEGAL COMMUNITY.  GOD HELP US ALL – Judges are supposed to be the crème de la crème of the legal profession who are highly knowledgeable, exercise impeccable judgment and show excellent decision making skills.  In El Paso County you just have to be power hungry and slightly delusional to be a judge.  It was a banner week for El Paso judges as not one, but two judges, managed to draw attention to themselves in amazingly stupid ways.  First up, Judge Luis Aguilar of the 243rd District Court was publicly reprimanded by the State Commission on Judicial Conduct for, in essence, being a complete, fucking asshole to everyone in his court.  The commission received multiple complaints on him and they finally had to act concerning the “power trip” attitude he was showing lawyers and prospective jurors in court.  Not to be outdone, Judge Bonnie Rangel of the 171st District Court had a promotional Judge Judy-like video of hers leaked onto the internet.  The video was made a few years back, according to the judge, and it was to serve as a pilot for a show she was pitching in the hopes of making a ton of cash and retiring.  As you can expect, the video is pretty weird and involves the judge talking about vaginas, watermelons and birth control for pre-teens within the framework of a life changing car accident.  But at least Judge Rangel isn’t an asshole.  Its way better when judges make watermelon vagina comments on derivative TV show pilots instead of being totalitarian pricks in the court room.  ( /


THE PROXY WAR IN YEMEN HAS WORKED OUT SO WELL THAT NOW SAUDI ARABIA WANTS TO START A NEW PROXY WAR WITH IRAN IN LEBANON – Things seem to be heating up in Lebanon as the rhetoric in the Middle East rises to include a possible conflict in that country.  Political forces in Lebanon are starting to get antsy in the wake of Prime Minister Saad Hariri resigning and leaving the country for the “safety” of Riyadh Saudi Arabia.  While the official story is that the prime minister left because he feared for his life after an assassination threat, the rumor inside Lebanon is that he was detained by the Saudis as part of a power play against Iran.  Whatever the result, let’s just hope this doesn’t end up as bad as Yemen.  Yemen is the best evidence that no one wins when Iran and Saudi Arabia get in a dick measuring contest.  (

MUCH LIKE THE PANAMA PAPERS AND EVERY OTHER LEAK BEFORE IT, THE NEW PARADISE PAPERS LEAK PROVES THAT RICH PEOPLE ARE THIEVING BASTARDS THAT WILL NEVER BE PUNISHED – Although most of the tax loopholes used by the people implicated in the Paradise Papers leak are completely legal, it doesn’t take away from the fact that these borderline tax evasion moves are amazingly skeevy.  Many rich and powerful people and organizations around the world have been implicated by the Paradise Papers leak and at the end of the day there will be a lot of finger wagging and not much else.  The rich get richer and the rest of us will always get fucked.  (

BECAUSE ONLINE NAMING CONTESTS HAVE NEVER RESULTED IN STUPID OUTCOMES, NASA WANTS PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET TO HELP NAME A NEW CELESTIAL ORB – The New Horizons probe is on its way to (486958) 2014 MU69, an icy celestial orb-thing that is beyond Pluto.  Because that name is pretty lifeless, NASA is holding a contest to give the object a name before the killjoy scientists give it a stupid cliché name once the object is observed and cataloged.  This promises to end well, so go visit NASA and offer your suggestion for a name.  Or don’t, we all know the winning name is going to be something stupid like Beiberland or Planety McPlanetface.  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 11/03/2017


WILL BILLY ABRAHAM FINALLY BE FORCED TO REPAIR ONE OF HIS BUILDINGS?  OR IS THIS JUST THE BEGINNING OF ANOTHER DECADE OF LEGAL APPEALS – After much legal wrangling, Judge Linda Chew has ordered Billy Abraham and his ownership group to pay over $1.2 million in fines for the condition of the American Furniture Building in Downtown El Paso.  The city fined Billy Abraham over the condition of the building awhile back and now the courts are finally starting to enforce what is obvious to anyone with eyes and that walks within eyesight of the once grand building.  Much like other Abraham-related cases, there will be appeals and stalling tactics but it looks like Billy Abraham will finally have to bite the bullet on the American Furniture Building and either sell or repair it.  Here’s hoping it all works out and the building is restored to its beautiful and historic splendor.  It doesn’t matter who owns the building, we all just want it to look pretty again and not be a waste of space.  (

MAYBE THE CITY OF SOCORRO CAN RENAME THE SUBDIVISION AS “NUEVO OLD HUECO RAZA ESTATES SUBDIVISION”, THAT WOULD SURELY SOLVE ALL THEIR PROBLEMS – Once more, Socorro City Council is the site of more inane bickering as people who didn’t follow the rules when they built their houses are angry because their borderline illegal “canal road access” might be closed off due to development.  Most people just grin and bear it when they break the rules and then get fucked as a result of their stupid actions, in Socorro the people complain and scream for the government to fix their stupid mistakes.  At the heart of the current Socorro clusterfuck, is the Eastlake development that will go near Old Hueco Tanks Road and will be built next to borderline illegal construction that was put up back in the day when Socorro and El Paso County didn’t care much for code enforcement.  The people complaining don’t have access to utilities and they must use a private canal road to access their properties and thus feel that any development next to their property must fix the self-imposed problems that their absurd unauthorized construction caused.  Here’s a bit of advice, if you own a landlocked property with no access to utilities or roads you shouldn’t build a fucking house on the property.  Unless these properties once had access to a road and then the City of Socorro authorized the road to be vacated into private property, the government has no obligation to build roads and bring in utilities for houses that were built without proper authorization.  Normally this would be an open and shut case, but this being Socorro it will probably end with more yelling and a stupid compromise that kills the entire project.  (

THIS IS JUST A SHAMELESS EXCUSE TO WRITE ‘EL PAWSO’.  HA HA HA, ‘EL PAW-SO’ IS PURE BRILLIANCE – El Pawso’s Pageant, which is a pageant for dogs, will be held this Saturday, November 4 in Downtown El Paso’s Cleveland Square Park.  So if you’re an extreme dog lover or just want to giggle like a schoolgirl when someone says ‘El Paw-so’, make sure to hit up the pageant this weekend.  ‘EL PAW-SO’ – tee hee hee hee.  (


TURNS OUT MADAGASCAR ISN’T AS WHIMSICAL AND DELIGHTFUL AS THE DANCING LION AND GIRAFFE MADE IT OUT TO BE.  BUT THEN AGAIN, THE LION AND GIRAFFE MADE IT OUT BEFORE THE PLAGUE BEGAN – It’s strange writing about a plague outbreak in the 21st Century, but here we are.  The bacterial infection that has killed millions in centuries past has made a comeback of sorts and Madagascar is in the midst of the worst outbreak in decades.  So far the outbreak in the island nation has resulted in over 1,800 cases and 127 deaths since it began in late summer.  The country is no stranger to bubonic plague, but this current episode in Madagascar has included the deadlier pneumonic version that is more easily spread.  The outbreak is at a turning point and is on the cusp of dying down, but there is still the chance that this could spread to neighboring countries in Africa and that would be very bad.  (

TURNS OUT THERE WASN’T JUST ONE MASS HUMAN MIGRATION INTO THE AMERICAS VIA THE BERING STRAIT.  IN FACT, IT IS NOW BELIEVED THAT MULTIPLE MIGRATIONS CAME INTO THE AMERICAS OVER THE COURSE OF THOUSANDS OF YEARS.  WE LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERYDAY – For the longest time, scientists believed that the first humans to come into  the Americas came in about 15,000 years ago via a land bridge centered on the Bering Strait during the end of the last ice age.  New research has shown that humans probably started arriving here earlier and might have used a coastal route as well.  Judging by the dozens of unrelated language families that exist, and existed, in the Americas it’s safe to say that hundreds if not thousands of different migrations were taken over the years by different tribes and peoples coming over from Asia to the Americas in search of new hunting ground.  The early colonization of the American continent is a very interesting topic and it changes and expands rapidly.  So if you like ever-evolving scientific research, you should give these studies a closer read.  (

AND THE FIRST DOMINO HAS FALLEN IN THE CASE AGAINST THE INCOMPETENT AND COLLUDING GOVERNMENT OF DONALD TRUMP – The first charges have been filed as a result of the investigation by Robert Mueller into all the sketchy things that Donald Trump and friends did during the election campaign.  Both Paul Manafort and Rick Gates where charged with money laundering and perjury as a result of the lies they told to investigators and their sketchy financial deals with foreign powers.  But perhaps most damning was the fact that Trump campaign contributor, George Papadopoulos, plead guilty to lying about his contacts with Russia during the campaign.  In addition, it seems he was working for the investigation for the past few months as part of a deal.  This pretty much confirms that Russian officials worked with members of Trump’s team and that all the denials from the past about not having any Russian contact at all were complete bullshit.  So get ready for the perjury train, because it looks like the vast majority of Trump’s team will go down for being lying sacks of shit and Russian bootlickers.  Who knows, perhaps the giant orange cunt will resign before his entire family gets arrested.  (