PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

WE SHOULD JUST BE GRATEFUL THAT WE DON’T GET HURRICANES IN EL PASO.  I’M SURE THE FREEWAY ON THE WESTSIDE WOULD EXPLODE IF MORE THAN A FEW INCHES OF RAIN EVER FELL ON IT – Heavy rains on the Westside caused flooding on Mesa that left cars stranded and created a traffic nightmare on the alternate route to the disaster known as txdot’s I-10 project.  The rains also caused the Chihuahua’s baseball game to be postponed among other headaches around west and central El Paso.  But at least Socorro didn’t flood this time, so that’s a plus.  I don’t want to blame txdot for the traffic disaster and flooding on Mesa, but their piss poor planning probably had a hand in the crappy way the water is flowing in that area.  But don’t worry, txdot will just blame Top Golf and developments in Horizon that are miles away for the flooding.  Nowadays, all flooding in El Paso is because of new developments miles away and not because people irresponsibly build on arroyos and block the natural flow of water.  (cbs4local.com)

GOOD LUCK AT THE MTV VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS, KHALID – I think it’s official that Khalid has “made it” and is a part of mainstream music.  But adding an MTV VMA to his growing list of accomplishments would be pretty sweet.  The El Paso-based singer is up for best new artist and you can vote for him on the MTV website.  So let’s help a local star win an award, El Paso.  Go to the MTV website and vote for Khalid and show the world that Khalid is here to stay.  (elpasoproud.com)

I’M GOING TO TAKE A WILD GUESS AND SAY THAT THE HOUSE IN JUAREZ WITH ALL THE EXOTIC PETS BELONGED TO DRUG DEALERS – Police in Juarez raided a home recently that included AT LEAST two tigers, one lion and a crocodile.  That, however, is not really news and is sort of par for the course for Juarez.  The real news is that officials said that they are still trying to determine who owns the fancy country club house filled with exotic animals.  Gee, I’m about 99.9% sure that a drug dealer or someone involved with drug dealers owns the house.  Either that or a crazy veterinarian.  At least no one died or got hurt, so this is pretty good news for Juarez.  Esta NO es la mala nota!  (kvia.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

HURRICANE HARVEY IS POISED TO HIT TEXAS AS ONE OF THE STRONGEST STORMS TO REACH THAT AREA IN DECADES.  EVEN THOUGH IT’S HUNDREDS OF MILES AWAY, THIS STORM WILL PROBABLY CAUSE FLOODING ON COKER ROAD – Hurricane Harvey is gaining strength in the Gulf of Mexico and will probably hit Texas as a category 4 storm.  It’s projected to bring strong winds and a ton of rain, so stay safe if you’re in the path of the storm.  (bbc.com)

PROOF #16789 THAT GLOBAL WARMING IS REAL – The Christophe de Margerie, the Russian ship with a French name, made history as the first shipping vessel to travel through the Arctic Ocean without the aide of an icebreaker ship.  The ship is technically a hybrid tanker/icebreaker thanks to its thick hull, but it still made the trip without the aid of a dedicated ice breaking vessel so the record is legit.  The journey from Norway to South Korea took 23 days and delivered its cargo of liquefied natural gas to the Asian market.  The trip through the Arctic Ocean was about 30% faster than the southern route through the Suez Canal and with a rapidly melting arctic environment it is believed that the journey will be faster and cheaper in the future.  Even if you don’t believe in man-made climate change, you can’t deny that the world is getting warmer and the changes in climate are getting pretty scary and maybe humanity shouldn’t speed up the process by polluting the entire fucking planet.  And just to rub salt on the wound, corrupt Russian oligarchs will now have new sea routes to make even more money thanks to the weakened icy environment in the Arctic.  So apparently global warming will only benefit horrible people.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

DONALD TRUMP WILL ALWAYS BE A COMPLETE, FUCKING CUNT – In an attempt to be the biggest scumbag imaginable, Donald Trump decided to dump the news that he was going forward with his transgender military ban and that he was going to pardon super racist Joe Arpaio just as Category 4 Hurricane Harvey was set to strike near Corpus Christi.  Plenty of politicians dump controversial and bad news on weekends in an attempt to drown out the reaction, but Donald Trump just took that to new levels of depravity by using a life-threatening hurricane to cover his hate-filled actions.  (mirror.co.uk)

 

SUNLAND PARK WAS DOING SO WELL AND THEN ……. BAM!, THEY FIRE THEIR CITY MANAGER FOR NO APPARENT REASON AS RUMORS OF CORRUPTION ARISE – Sunland Park did the most Sunland Park thing possible this week when it fired City Manager Bob Gallagher without warning.  To make matters sketchier, no real reason was given for his firing which brings up more questions on what the fuck is going on in Sunland Park.  Nothing says transparency and honest government like firing the City Manager and then not giving the public a proper explanation.  Bob Gallagher, himself, went so far as to accuse the Sunland Park government of asking him to do illegal and skeevy things and of reverting back to their old ways.  If these accusations are false, Sunland Park officials have more than enough ammo to hold Bob Gallagher accountable for slander.  But in this case, the Sunland Park government’s silence is deafening.  You were doing so well, Sunland Park.  (kvia.com)

REJOICE!  CHILE HARVEST SEASON IS UPON US – Hatch and the rest of the greater Mogollon region have started the annual chile harvest that will bring us tons and tons of delicious green chile that will in turn begat red chile.  Although Hatch is the king of chile production, various parts around Las Cruces and El Paso also grow their own delicious green chiles.  So whether you’re a major chile growing operation, a chile lover with plants in your garden or just someone who loves to eat them – the start of the chile harvest should put a big smile on your face.  (elpasoinc.com)

IN TYPICAL AGGIE FASHION, NMSU GOT A BREWERY FROM ALBUQUERQUE TO CREATE AN “AGGIE” BEER INSTEAD OF USING A LOCAL LAS CRUCES BREWERY.  WAY TO SHOW COMMUNITY PRIDE, NMSU – New Mexico State University just announced the creation of Pistol Pete’s 1888 Ale in association with Albuquerque’s Bosque Brewing Co.  Normally beer news is awesome news, but the fact that NMSU ignored the local breweries and went to Lobo territory to create their beer is leaving many with an ultra bitter IPA taste in their mouth.  Maybe next time NMSU can research the services available in Las Cruces before running off to Albuquerque to act subservient to the Lobos.  Hopefully the Las Cruces breweries create Mayfield High and Las Cruces High beers that are stronger and higher selling than Pistol Pete’s 1888 Ale.  (kvia.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

IT’S BEEN A CRAZY WEEK FOR TERRORISTS WHO LIKE TO USE CARS AS WEAPONS – Two major terrorist attacks occurred this past week involving cars hitting pedestrians.  First, a white power terrorist used his car to hit anti-Nazi protesters in Charlottesville last weekend then a Muslim Extremist terrorist used a van to hit innocent people in one of the most pedestrian heavy parts of Barcelona.  Dozens of people were killed or severely injured as a result of these attacks and the world has to be strong and fight back to prevent these extremists from hurting innocent people.  All extremists are scum and their terrorist actions will not be tolerated.  (bbc.com)

IF YOU THINK FLOODING IS BAD IN THE LOWER VALLEY, WAIT TILL YOU SEE WHAT SOUTH ASIA HAS TO DEAL WITH – Parts of Nepal, Bangladesh and India have been hit so hard by monsoon rains that they are experiencing extreme floods that threaten to reach historic levels.  Over 16 million people have been affected by the floods and the biggest risk to most of them is disease and lack of food once the flood waters go down.  So if you’re looking at donating some money to a charity in the not too distant future, maybe you can spare a few bucks for any organization that will try to help after the floods end.  (bbc.com)

SCIENTISTS HAVE FINALLY DISCOVERED THAT THE REASON SIMPLE MINDED ENTERTAINMENT IS SO AWESOME AND CREATIVE IS BECAUSE OF ALCOHOL! – For years, society has romanticized the idea of the loose cannon artist who does nothing but drink and do drugs and is thus creative because of his freedom from obligations.  Turns out there might be some truth to that stereotype (a very small amount, but it’s a start).  Recent research has shown that one drink improves certain aspects of creativity, but that excessive amounts of alcohol (obviously) destroy any cognition or functioning.  So if you want a creative boost, maybe you should drink a beer or a nice little snifter of brandy.  Now, if you’ll excuse us, the staff of Simple Minded Entertainment will be at the bar in order to make this site as good as it can be.  It’s a sacrifice.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

 

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

IT’S LIKE THE LITTLE ENGINE THAT COULD.  IF THE LITTLE ENGINE JUST WENT AROUND UTEP AND DOWNTOWN WHILE PARTYING AND GETTING DRUNK – The final pieces of rail will be placed in the downtown El Paso trolley circuit and we are that much closer to bringing back the trolleys to El Paso.  What once seemed like a dream is becoming reality as the trolley project finishes up the hard part of laying the rail and now focuses on the overhead lines and the beta testing of the trolley in the coming months.  The trolleys will hopefully be back in business in a year or so and the anticipation is growing.  To celebrate the placement of the final pieces of track, the public was invited to a celebration at Franklin and Stanton earlier this week where they were allowed to write a message on the track.  If no one drew a giant penis on the track I will be severely disappointed.  (cbs4local.com)

I HOPE THEY ALLOW HORSES ON THE NEW SUPER TRANS-EL PASO TRAIL PROJECT.  I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO PARTY DOWNTOWN AND THEN RIDE MY HORSE BACK TO THE LOWER VALLEY LIKE THEY DID IN THE GOOD OL’ DAYS – The Paso del Norte Health Foundation is pushing forward with what has been a dream project for many over the years, to create a linear trail that runs the length of El Paso County and connects parks and public amenities from one side of the county to the other.  The best plan would be to create a master trail along the Rio Grande, like they have in New Mexico, but America’s xenophobic, overkill protectionist tendencies would never allow that.  So the next best thing is to try to use the existing canal, gas and electrical easements in the county to try and create a nice pedestrian path that everyone can use.  The project is still in the planning stage and is gathering public input, but the Paso del Norte Health Foundation has already done some great work with the Lower Valley canal trail project.  Now all we need to do is make sure they create a true master trail that allows not only pedestrians and bicyclists, but also horses and skateboards!  (kfoxtv.com)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SILVA’S SUPER MARKET.  YOU ARE, AND WILL ALWAYS BE, THE BEST PLACE TO BUY MD 20/20S AND BOONE’S – Congratulations go out to Silva’s Super Market for thriving in the tough independent grocery business for 99 years.  Silva’s was opened by Jose Felix and Elvira Silva back in 1918 and has been one of the cornerstone businesses in the Segundo Barrio ever since.  In addition to being an awesome family-owned grocery store, their parking lot is also one of the best places to park after hours if you plan on walking over to Juarez for a night out on the town!  (elpasoproud.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

YOU MIGHT THINK AN ISLAND PARADISE LIKE THE MALDIVES HAS FEW PROBLEMS ……. BUT IT HAS BIG PROBLEMS! – The Maldives is one of those island nations that will be heavily hit by rising sea levels and global warming in the future.  All of its islands are practically at sea level and any rise in the ocean will be devastating to the country.  In the meantime, however, the country is dealing with crazy political drama involving ex-dictators, skeevy votes, demonstrations, coups and plain ol’ corruption.  It’s like if Venezuela and Kenya had a tropical paradise baby!  So if you want to know more about the often ignored Maldivian political drama involving President Abdulla Yameen, ex-president Mohamed Nasheed and ex-dictator Maumoon Abdul Gayoom – please read this great BBC article on the ex- British colony.  It’s everything you ever wanted to know about the Maldives but were afraid to ask!  (bbc.com)

IS THERE ANYTHING THAT PIGS CAN’T DO?  IT ALMOST MAKES ME FEEL BAD THAT THEY’RE SO DELICIOUS – We are one step closer to getting all our transplant organs from pigs and doing away with transplant waiting lists that fuel the global organ trafficking rackets.  Scientists at eGenesis have genetically modified pigs to eliminate viruses that hide in the piggy DNA.  The scientists identified and removed 25 Pervs (porcine endogenous retroviruses) from pig genes using Crispr gene-editing technology then used cloning methods to create embryos that led to 37 healthy pigs being born.  Pervs are capable of “escaping” and infecting human cells so this is a major step in creating safe pig/human organs.  There are still plenty of steps to making this a reality, but sometime in the near future many people will be saved by pig organs!  If a pig saves my life, I might just give up bacon as a sign of respect.  (bbc.com)

DONALD TRUMP AND KM JONG UN ARE BOTH IDIOT MAN-CHILDREN.  IT LOOKS LIKE THE FATE OF THE WORLD IS NOW AT THE HANDS OF K-POP SINGERS, THE ONLY RATIONAL PEOPLE IN THE WHOLE NORTH KOREA MISSILE CLUSTERFUCK – It’s good to see that even though the leaders of North Korea and the U.S. are busy having an idiotic dick measuring contest, there are still some people trying to face this in a way that won’t kill hundreds of thousands of people.  Korean musicians are coming together for the annual peace concerts that occur next to the Demilitarized Zone and even the current tension filled climate won’t stop them from holding their concerts at the foot of North Korea.  Kudos to the organizers and performers for having more courage and bigger balls than Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un.  Let’s see what other stupid shit the morons say in the safety of their highly secure facilities surrounded by military protection.  (bbc.com)

 

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

THE PLAZA CLASSIC FILM FESTIVAL IS UPON US!  TIME TO TAKE OUT YOUR FANCY MONOCLE TO WATCH FANCY CLASSIC FILMS AND YOUR FISHNET STOCKINGS TO WATCH THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW – The Plaza Classic Film Festival has already started and continues through next weekend.  This year the festival features some great classic movies, tons of local films, cult classics and honored guests including Don Bluth, Kathleen Turner and Richard Dreyfuss.  So get some time off from work and try to enjoy as much of the Plaza Classic Film Festival as you can.  I recommend the Don Bluth retrospective, Jaws, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, The Secret of NIMH, any of the silent films and Snow White.  (plazaclassic.com)

INCOMPETENT AUSTIN JUDGE CALLS IN SICK ON THE DAY SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO GIVE AN IMPORTANT DECISION THAT’S COSTING EL PASO TAXPAYERS MILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN DELAYS.  A DECISION SHE HAD MORE THAN A WEEK TO PREPARE.  EVEN A FRY COOK AT MCDONALDS WOULD HAVE THE DECENCY NOT TO CALL IN SICK THE DAY THEY’RE UPGRADING THE FRYER – Judge Amy Clark Meachum is way in over her head and even she has acknowledged that she probably has no authority to settle the downtown multipurpose arena dispute and that she was just dragged into a political battle.  But still, you think she would at least stay true to her word and at least release a statement about how the City can proceed with whatever they want to do because a random judge in Austin has no fucking authority to determine where and what is the definition of an “El Paso arena”.  So now we must wait for a written decision on Monday to determine if “sports” can be played in a “multi-purpose” arena that will inevitably be appealed because the judge has no real authority to determine any of this.  And Max Grossman lives to grandstand another day.  He won’t be happy until they build a statue of him with poor Mexican peasants bowing at his feet.  At this point, I would applaud the City of El Paso if they just tore down all the dilapidated buildings in Union Plaza and built a giant parking lot.  (kvia.com)

PICKS UP FOR ALL THE UTEP MINERS PAST AND PRESENT IN THE WORLD TRACK AND FIELD CHAMPIONSHIPS – Good luck to all the current and past UTEP Miners who will be representing their respective countries at this weekend’s World Track and Field Championships in London.  Five athletes with UTEP connections will be at the meet, including Emmanuel Korir, Tobi Amusan, Greta Kerekes, Blessing Okagbare and Churandy Martina.  Good luck, Miners!  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

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FUTBALL CLUB THAT OUTSPENDS COMPETITION BY MILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN ORDER TO GET UPPER HAND GETS BUTT-HURT WHEN IT GETS A TASTE OF ITS OWN MEDICINE AND GOES UP AGAINST A CLUB WITH EVEN MORE MONEY.  STOP WHINING, BARCELONA, NOBODY CARES – Brazilian futball star Neymar is set to move from Barcelona to Paris St. Germain for a world record fee, but not without a hissy fit tantrum from Barcelona.  Neymar is set to pay over $200 million for his buyout clause to leave Barcelona and this is all just a formality, but Barcelona will drag this out via “FIFA financial fair play” and try to get some concessions out of the deal.  Nobody really gives a rat’s ass about Barcelona’s complaints because the fucking team wipes its ass with “financial play” year after year when it outspends the vast majority of La Liga by millions and millions of dollars.  It must really suck getting a taste of your own medicine, Barcelona.  Maybe if they stopped fellating Messi after every fucking game (even the ones that were won because of Neymar!), Barcelona wouldn’t be losing one of their key players.  (bbc.com)

IT’S HOT AND SMOKY IN THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST.  I MEAN REALLY HOT AND REALLY SMOKY.  HOT AND SMOKY LIKE THE PITS OF HELL, NOT REGULAR HOT AND SMOKY – An odd weather pattern has led to record temperatures in the Pacific Northwest, with places like Portland recording record temperatures above 100 degrees Fahrenheit.  In addition, fires in the region have created a large amount of smoke leading to the perfect storm of horrible conditions for any living organism that has lungs.  Meanwhile in El Paso, the temps were below 90, the sky was blue and the late afternoon had a few pleasant showers that cooled us down at night – yet someone will still find a reason to bitch and complain about El Paso.  But don’t worry about Cascadia, the smoke and heat didn’t destroy their craft beer so it will go back to being cloudy, rainy, temperate, chilled, relaxed and awesome very soon.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

SOMETIMES RICH PEOPLE ACTUALLY GET PUNISHED WHEN THEY DO HORRIBLE THINGS.  LIFE IS FULL OF SURPRISES – Martin Shkreli is one of the biggest cunts in the universe who is best known for skeevy financial practices and raising the price on cheap drugs to astronomical rates once his company took over full control of the drug.  He made money off of desperate, suffering people and for that he will burn in hell.  In the meantime he has been found guilty of securities fraud and will at least get some form of punishment for being a scumbag criminal.  Sure, he was acquitted of a few of the major charges against him but at least he was found guilty of something.  Like most Wall Street cunts, he will not learn a damn thing from this and will continue making money by exploiting others.  Who knows, he might be president someday.  But hopefully Lucifer calls him up before that happens.  (cnbc.com)