Simple Minded Daily Recap-ITATION! – 05/28/2017

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

IT WOULD BE AN INJUSTICE IF JEFFERSON HIGH SCHOOL DIDN’T NAME IT’S NEW STADIUM AFTER EDDIE GUERRERO – After decades of having to play “home games” at Bowie High School, Jefferson will finally get a stadium starting in the 2017-2018 school year. The stadium doesn’t have a name yet and the district is working out the details, but it would be a travesty if the stadium were not named after Eddie Guerrero. I can’t think of any famous football or track athletes to come out of Jefferson, but Eddie Guerrero was on the Jefferson wrestling team and eventually became a professional wrestling champion and a WWE legend. Sure, wrestling doesn’t happen on the field but it’s still a part of Jefferson’s athletic legacy. And for those of you who say professional wrestling isn’t a real sport, feel free to get in the ring and let the wrestlers know how you feel. Let’s make Eddie Guerrero Stadium a reality! And if you go by Wikipedia, the only other famous Jefferson alum is Richard Ramirez the Night Stalker. So Jefferson either names its stadium after Eddie Guerrero or a serial killer. Hopefully Jefferson High School makes the right choice. (kvia.com)

A GREAT WEEKEND FOR WATER LEVELS AT ELEPHANT BUTTE MAKES FOR A NOT SO GREAT WEEKEND FOR RV CAMPERS PLACED TO CLOSE TO THE WATER – Officials at Elephant Butte Dam say the lake is at the highest level seen in 8 years and the waters continue to rise thanks to the high amount of snow that fell in the winter up north that is finally melting and flowing to the Rio Grande. The lake is over 24% full and increased flow should make the levels rise until it reaches its peak in the summer. This is great news for a region that has been hit by drought and dry conditions over the past few years. This is, however, bad news for people that decided to put their vehicles and campers close to the water days in advance in anticipation of Memorial Day crowds. The rising waters mean that some of these people will arrive to partially submerged property once they get back to the lake. But if ending the drought means a bunch of dumbasses get their fancy camping equipment flooded, then so be it. (kvia.com)

IT’S LIKE CANNES IN THE DESERT – The 6^th annual EPISD Student Film Festival was held recently and the submitted films have been placed online. Hundreds of films and videos were submitted by students from around the region and the results are pretty damn good. Though the festival comes in under the radar, the films and students deserve much more attention than they currently get. So if you have some time, go to the official film festival website to check out the selected submissions and find your own favorites. I recommend the fake movie trailers. Some of those trailers are so good I’m actually disappointed that I’m not able to see the fake movies they are advertising. (kvia.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

WORLD’S DUMBEST TERRORIST ATTACKS ARIANA GRANDE CONCERT. YES, THE STRATEGICALLY SIGNIFICANT AND EXTREMELY IMPORTANT ARIANA GRANDE CONCERT – Tragedy struck in Manchester when an idiot suicide bomber blew himself up outside of an Ariana Grande concert as fans were starting to leave the arena. Of all the important political meetings and events occurring in Europe this week, a suicide bomber decided to end his life attacking a fucking Ariana Grande concert. If they weren’t so stupid and worthless, terrorists might be an actual threat to the government and western society as a whole. Fuck the terrorists and long live all the innocent people who died in Manchester this week. (bbc.com)

YOU MEAN I NOW HAVE TO WORK UNTIL I’M 70 TO GET A CUSHY RETIREMENT? I QUIT. I’M JUST GOING TO BUY A BUNCH OF LOTTERY TICKETS AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS – According to the World Economic Forum, the increase of life expectancy in the developed nations to 100+ levels is having a serious impact to retirement ages. It is recommended that retirement ages be raised to at least 70 in most developed nations to try and minimize the impact of rising life expectancy around the world. Even then, the rate of young workers to retirees is getting smaller and drastic changes will have to be made to our system to ensure that retirement plans exist for future generations. To summarize, unless all the old people die from some crazy pandemic … we are screwed. (bbc.com)

FIRST THE ROBOTS CONQUERED CHESS, THEN THE ROBOTS CONQUERED GO AND NEXT THE ROBOTS WILL CONQUER LIFE ITSELF – Google’s AlphaGo AI super program has defeated many great human Go players and it can now add the world number one, Ke Jie, to its list of victories. Google’s DeepMind has already reached the peak of Go artificial intelligence and now the world of AI research seeks to find the next peak to climb. I recommend that the next game they take on is Battletoads for the NES, that game is hard. Many people fear the rise of artificial intelligence but I, for one, welcome our new game playing robot overlords. (bbc.com)

Simple Minded Daily Recap-ITATION! – 05/21/2017

PASO DEL NORTE CENTRIC-NEWS

I ALWAYS THOUGHT I WOULD BE OUTLIVED BY THE BRASS ASP. IN FACT, SCIENTISTS ORIGINALLY BELIEVED THAT ONLY A METEOR IMPACT COULD DESTROY THE BRASS ASP. HOW WRONG WE ALL WERE – The Brass Asp and five other central El Paso bars are “no more” as a TABC investigation has found illegal activity in the bars that required them to be shut down. Although not caught in any “alcohol related” offenses, the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission found that employees at these places were engaging in illegal drug sales inside the premises and it was prevalent enough that they decided to shut them down. The TABC don’t fuck around and all bar owners should make sure that they don’t put their business at the hands of people who would be this bad at decision making. To make matters worse, the bars were within 1,000 feet of “drug-Free Zones”, such as schools or daycares, and that made the punishment that much more severe. A reminder that even though these places were less than a 1,000 feet from a school, the bars never abducted any children or forcefully gave them alcohol and forced them to work as prostitutes. “Drug-Free Zones” and school zoning laws – fear mongering at its finest! Rest in peace, sketchy central El Paso bars. If anything, maybe Max Grossman will start a petition to save the historic Brass Asp Bar, which has the same amount of history as “Duranguito” and doesn’t need a fake marketing name. (kvia.com)

AFTER MORE THAN A CENTURY, A RECENTLY DISCOVERED DOCUMENT MIGHT FINALLY SHED SOME LIGHT AS TO WHO REALLY KILLED PAT GARRETT. EVEN WITHOUT KIKI VIGIL, THE DONA ANA COUNTY SHERIFF’S MANAGED TO TURN A CASE WITH A FULL CONFESSION INTO AN ACQUITTAL AND A CONSPIRACY THEORY CLUSTERFUCK – A document recently unearthed in the Dona Ana County archives promises to shed new light on the murder of Pat Garrett back in 1908. The coroner’s jury report was found in an un-archived box and is one of the few official documents that have information on the murder. Pat Garrett gained recognition as a lawman when he killed Billy the Kid, but his life was marred with financial troubles and his life ended when he got involved in a skeevy land deal involving goats and some of the more sketchy residents of southern New Mexico. The same sketchy residents that were friends with Albert “Teapot Dome Scandal” Fall and that were loosely involved in all the hazy happenings in the area at the time, including the disappearance of Albert Jennings Fountain. Even though Jesse Wayne Brazel confessed to the killing, he was STILL acquitted and a mystery developed regarding what happened that day in 1908. Even back then, Dona Ana County Sheriffs and prosecutors were already finding ways to mess up cases and let killers go free. With this find, Dona Ana County hopes to secure more funding to restore this, and other, historical documents and increase its search for other antique treasures in its archives. The document is set to be officially unveiled this summer in case any history buffs want to take a look. (lcsun-news.com)

AS ONE TIGER PASSES AWAY AT THE EL PASO ZOO, TWO WHITE TIGERS ARE BORN IN SAN JORGE ZOO IN JUAREZ. IT’S ALMOST POETIC – El Paso Zoo’s Belahat the tiger passed away last week at the age of 18. He had suffered from kidney disease for the past two years and just wasn’t able to recover from the most recent troubles he had with the disease. But don’t feel too bad, he lived a decent amount of time in tiger years and sired 4 male and 3 female cubs in his lifetime. So he did his part. And in more happier local tiger news, 2 white tiger cubs were born in the San Jorge Zoo recently and the zoo is celebrating their arrival. The cubs were born to Jazmin Tigre and Sascha Tigre and the whole tiger family is doing well and on display at the zoo. The cubs don’t have names yet, but the zoo is planning on holding a contest for local schoolchildren to submit their suggestions soon. We recommend the names “Pancho Pantera” for a boy cub and “Niurka” for a girl cub – kids, start stuffing the ballot box with those names NOW! So make sure you visit the El Paso Zoo and the San Jorge Zoo if you like tigers of all colors. (elpasoproud.com / cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

LOOKS LIKE WE MIGHT BE GETTING A NEW REVOLUTION IN AFRICA. HOPEFULLY THIS DOESN’T END BADLY LIKE THE PAST 500 “REVOLUTIONS” THAT HAVE OCCURRED IN AFRICA – In what is perhaps one of the largest prison breaks in history, sources say that over 3,000 prisoners escaped from Makala Prison in Democratic Republic of Congo last week. What makes this prison break so important is that the religious/political/revolutionary group Bundu Dia Kongo is believed to be responsible for the attack on the prison and that the escapees include Ne Muanda Nsemi, who is considered a major leader of the group, and many of his followers. Bundu Dia Kongo seeks to “revive” the ancient Kongo Kingdom in parts of DR Congo and surrounding countries. One cannot condemn a group of people for trying to claim their sovereignty, so let’s just hope this is a noble fight and not a shameless excuse for ethnic cleansing as has been seen in most “revolutions” in the last few decades. (bbc.com)

CHRIS CORNELL IS DEAD. LONG LIVE CHRIS CORNELL – Chris Cornell was a legendary rocker that had enormous success with Soundgarden, Audioslave and as a solo artist. He was one of the founding fathers of Seattle’s grunge music scene and was instrumental in the alternative music boom of the 1990s. Tragically, Chris Cornell died last week and it is alleged that he committed suicide, adding yet another casualty from the list of grunge pioneers. I grew up during the heyday of that amazing ‘90s alternative music scene and Chris Cornell and Soundgarden were one of the nostalgic musical highlights of my youth. His amazing voice transcended rock music and he will be dearly missed. Rest in peace, Chris Cornell. (bbc.com)

FOR THOSE KEEPING TRACK, THAT WEIRDO STAR THAT DOES WEIRD THINGS THAT MAY OR MAY NOT BE RELATED TO ALIENS IS STILL DOING WEIRD THINGS – Star KIC 8462852 (aka Tabby’s Star, aka WTF Star) is a star that has defied explanation and that has been observed to dim up to 20% by something larger than a planet. To date, there have been many theories to explain its behavior but nothing has really been finalized. The thing is so weird that a theory involving aliens creating a Dyson Sphere around the object is just as viable as most other theories. Well, it’s still doing weird things and it has started to dim all over again – so act accordingly. I vote for giant cosmic cloud made of a weirdo substance as the source of the dimming, but it would be pretty cool if the source was a giant alien structure. (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

Simple Minded Daily Recap-ITATION! – 05/14/2017

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

ALL HAIL NOLAN RICHARDSON! THE NEW KING OF THE SEGUNDO BARRIO! – Congratulations to Nolan Richardson who was named the Segundo Barrio person of the year and was honored with a parade this weekend. Nolan Richardson grew up in the Segundo Barrio neighborhood and went on to play basketball at UTEP, coached at Bowie and then had a hall of fame career at the University of Arkansas where he won a national championship. Nolan Richardson is one of the city’s favorite sons and it’s good to see his old neighborhood honor him in such a great way. (kvia.com)

BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION IN THE UPCOMING MAYORAL RUNOFF ELECTION IS “WHICH CANDIDATE IS THE BOYS & GIRLS CLUB OF EL PASO ENDORSING?” – Things were going nice and civilized in the one on one mayoral match-up between Dee Margo and David Saucedo, but once the current mayor and six city representatives endorsed Dee Margo – David Saucedo threw a tantrum. Seriously, minutes after the vast majority of the city government said that Dee Margo would be the best choice for mayor, David Saucedo started accusing the city government and staff of corruption and implied that Dee Margo was a part of the corruption and would make things even more corrupt in City Hall. David Saucedo offered no evidence for his stupid allegations (probably because he pulled the “information” out of his ass during the tantrum) and started babbling about anonymous sources that were too scared to come forward about city inspectors and staff taking bribes to get things done. If he does know about specific acts of corruption in the city, he should go to the authorities immediately or he would be considered to be aiding in the alleged corruption. But since he’s just making things up in a desperate attempt to get votes, it’s best just to ignore him. Along with his creepy “Old Guy Trying To Fit In At Tipsy Tiger” look, it’s almost as if David Saucedo is doing everything in his power to turn people off and lose the election. This can’t be stressed enough, David Saucedo is coming off as less likable than a guy who referred to the ugly, overkill border security near the Segundo Barrio as a fucking “Freedom Fence”! (kvia.com)

EARLY REPORTS SUGGEST THAT AN EL PASO POLICE OFFICER FLIPPED HIS CAR ON SCHUSTER BECAUSE WAS CHASING A BALD HEADED MAN IN A NEON COLORED MUSTANG WHO WAS DRIVING “FURIOUSLY FAST” – El Paso police officer J. Andrew Morales lost control of his vehicle and flipped it over near El Paso High School because he was driving too fast and not paying attention. There was no other cars involved and there is no logical reason why someone would be driving that fast on a residential street, but the officer still managed to do it. If he can’t blame the wreck on a cool car chase he should just double down and tell people he was practicing to be in the next Fast and the Furious movie – SCENIC DRIVE DRIFT! The officer was cited for “failure to control speed” which will be rapidly dismissed once it goes to court. At least he wasn’t drunk, because drunk driving is apparently the only thing that causes any outrage among El Paso’s ankle biters. (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC

PHISHING SCHEMES ARE SO 2016, RANSOMWARE IS THE HIP NEW THING THAT ALL THE COOL KIDS ARE DOING – A massive worldwide computer attack occurred this weekend as businesses and government offices in over 100 countries have been hit by a ransom parasite that locks and encrypts files on a computer and asks for bitcoin in order to unlock them. The attackers are unknown at this time, but they are pretty cheap considering that they are only asking for the equivalent of around $300 in bitcoin to “unlock” the files. Lazy hackers, back in my day hackers used to work hard and con people in elaborate phishing schemes to scam companies out of millions of dollars. Nowadays they just download ransomware programs stolen from the American government and get paid in their fancy pants bitcoin. Get off my lawn, hackers! (bbc.com)

WHILE AMERICA WANTS TO BUILD WALLS AND ALIENATE ALL ITS NEIGHBORS, CHINA IS NOW WORKING TO IMPROVE ROADS AND INFRASTRUCTURE FOR NEIGHBORING COUNTRIES IN ORDER TO ENCOURAGE TRADE AND PROSPERITY. I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SEE THE DAY THAT AMERICA WOULD BE THE CLOSE-MINDED AUTHORITARIAN AND THAT CHINA WOULD BE THE OPEN-MINDED CHAMPION OF FREE TRADE AND PEACE – China has pledged $124 billion for their long gestating Belt and Road initiative that seeks to improve transportation and trade between China, the rest of Asia, Europe and Africa. Part of the funding will include aid for less prosperous countries in order for them to improve ports, roads and other critical infrastructure. Chinese President Xi Jinping has long stressed the importance of trade and the belief that China should aid other countries without getting involved in their internal affairs. Contrast this with the Donald Trump shit show and its fear mongering and obsession with walls and you start to wonder who is the progressive, democratic leader and who is the authoritarian? Hell, even the Communist party doesn’t allow a leader to fire someone that is investigating them for treasonous actions. (bbc.com)

I LIKE TO THINK THAT ROBERT MILES FLOATED UP TO HEAVEN AS AN ARMY OF ANGEL DJS PLAYED “CHILDREN” – Acclaimed DJ, Robert Miles, passed away earlier in the week after a tough bout with cancer. DJ Robert Miles, born Roberto Concina, was a Swiss/Italian electronic music maestro who is best known for his epic track “Children”. He had an amazing career with many electronica hits and contributions to film soundtracks. He was a pioneer in trance music and the electronic music scene and also had a profound social impact through his music. Be sure to read the full BBC article on his passing which includes an excellent story on how “Children” came about and how the song helped save lives during the hectic rave scene of the ‘90s. Rest in peace, Robert Miles. (bbc.com)

TOURNAMENT OF FILM 2016 – Comedy Bracket / 1st Round Results

COMEDY MOVIE BRACKET

ROUND 1 RESULTS

(2 Points Per Category Win, 1 Point Per Tie)

1) La La Land Vs. 16) One Man and His Cow (La Vache)

ACTING
TIE

WRITING/DIALOGUE
Advantage: One Man and His Cow

CINEMATOGRAPHY
Advantage: La La Land

PRODUCTION DESIGN/VISUALS
Advantage: La La Land

SOUND/MUSIC
Advantage: La La Land

EDITING/PACING
Advantage: One Man and His Cow

STORY/MEANING
Advantage: One Man and His Cow

DIRECTING
Advantage: La La Land

TIME MANAGEMENT
Advantage: One Man and His Cow

LASTABILITY
Advantage: La La Land

A FILMS GOAL
Advantage: La La Land

FINAL SCORE
1) La La Land – 13 (Advances to 2nd Round)
16) One Man and His Cow (La Vache) – 9

*******

Continue reading “TOURNAMENT OF FILM 2016 – Comedy Bracket / 1st Round Results”

Simple Minded Daily Recap-ITATION! – 05/07/2017

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

THE FIRST ROUND OF ELECTIONS ARE IN THE BOOKS AND IT LOOKS LIKE MOST OF THE RATIONAL CHOICES EITHER WON OR HOLD A LEAD HEADING INTO THE RUNOFF ELECTIONS. THANK GOD – Dee Margo was the top vote-getter in the El Paso mayoral election, but just missed the 50% cutoff to avoid a runoff and must now face David Saucedo in the final match-up to determine who will be El Paso’s next mayor. Yup, the same David Saucedo who was deeply involved in the Boys & Girls Club of El Paso during the years when it suddenly became an inefficient mess and who was the “leader” of the non-profit in those final moments when it went headlong into the abyss. To his credit, Dee Margo has never done something that amazingly incompetent and by default should get everyone’s vote. Among the other elections, most of the rational candidates ended up with the most votes and have a healthy lead heading into the runoff. God willing, none of the attention seekers who have made “save the neighborhood, say NO to the arena” their only campaign issue will be elected to office. It really is amazing when someone from a district that is miles away from downtown decides to spend 90% of their time talking about how the arena should move to the Cohen Stadium site even though none of those areas would have any impact on their district. But in happier news, Lily Limon lost her city council seat and we anxiously await to see who will wear the crown of most incompetent council member now that she is gone. GO OUT AND VOTE ON JUNE 10 – THE CITY STILL NEEDS YOUR VOTES TO ELECT THE MOST COMPETENT AND RATIONAL INDIVIDUALS TO OFFICE! (kvia.com)

THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT TEXAS TECH IS EXPANDING THEIR MEDICAL SCHOOL WITH THE ADDITION OF AN $83 MILLION BUILDING OFF ALAMEDA. THE BAD NEWS IS THAT THEY USED EMINENT DOMAIN TO BUY OUT A BUNCH OF PEOPLE IN THAT AREA – It’s good to see that Texas Tech plans to expand its research capabilities at their central El Paso medical school, but it still sucks that they keep on using eminent domain in the area to transform the area in their image. Where are all those “Save The Barrio” and “Anti-Arena” types when it comes to the neighborhoods around Jefferson High School? I guess the Union Plaza area is more important than central El Paso. The growth of the medical school shows the bittersweet side of progress, but it is nice to see the medical school/research campus start to grow in this often neglected part of the city. (elpasoinc.com)

THE RIO VISTA FARM IS STILL ON TRACK TO BE PRESERVED AS A HISTORIC LANDMARK. THIS BEING SOCORRO, IT’S ALSO POSSIBLE THAT THE PROJECT WILL COLLAPSE IN THE LAST MINUTE AND THEY’LL JUST BUILD A MINI-MALL COMPLETE WITH A BIG 8, A WHATABURGER, A FAMILY DOLLAR AND 20 RANDOM MEXICAN RESTAURANTS – One of the few bright spots among the Socorro government’s constant stream of scandals is the city’s push to restore the Rio Vista Farm and create a historic attraction in the process. $50,000 in state and federal grants have recently been secured for the project and the planning stage is well on its way for this great development. Let’s just hope the city doesn’t change its mind and decides to turn the land into an ineffective drainage pond instead. (kfoxtv.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

THIS WEEKEND, THE FRENCH PEOPLE DECIDED TO USE THEIR BRAINS WHILE VOTING AND ELECTED A COMPETENT INDIVIDUAL OVER AN OVERBEARING, RACIST MORON WHO WANTED TO BLAME ALL THEIR PROBLEMS ON OUTSIDERS. MEANWHILE, IN AMERICA … – Emmanuel Macron has been elected president of France after defeating nationalist Marine Le Pen this weekend. Macron was a centrist candidate who stood against most of Le Pen’s vile and ignorant views about “outsiders” and her skewed view of the problems facing the world. He received over 66% of the vote and many saw this as a referendum against horrible “nationalist” movements that had swept through England and America over the last year and threatened to spread to other developed nations. Now the tough part starts for Macron and it appears he will need to form a coalition of different parties to run the government because his party is so new that it has no representatives in the government and getting a majority in the next election will be a tough challenge. Good luck, Monsieur Macron. (bbc.com)

FOR GLOBAL WARMING’S NEXT TRICK, IT WILL CHOP OFF A HUGE CHUNK OF ANTARCTICA CREATING THE WORLD’S LARGEST ICEBERG – A massive 110 mile long crack in an ice shelf in Antarctica is rapidly widening and this will soon lead to massive chunk of ice sliding off the continent and into the ocean. This event will push sea level rise, impact climate and ocean temperature in the area, confuse satellites and cause mapmakers to go back to their workshops and re-draw Antarctica. There is very little that can be done to stop this and scientists are just monitoring the situation and hoping that the breakage slows down. This isn’t an end of the world scenario, but it goes to show the many changes that global warming can cause on a global scale. It’s amazing that even with things like this in the news, people still refuse to acknowledge that global warming exists. Then again, these are the same people that believe the Devil is responsible for homosexuality. Because Lucifer has nothing better to do than to go down to Buttfuck, Alabama and tell people where to stick their dicks. (bbc.com)

THIS IS PROBABLY A LOW POINT FOR THE REPUBLICAN PARTY, BUT THE NIGHT IS STILL YOUNG – This week, Republican congressmen banded together to “kill” Obamacare even though few, if any, of them had read the bill that would take health care away from many innocent people. To summarize, most of the Republicans in Congress would gladly let people die just so they can lick Donald Trump’s ass and make him feel good. This is pretty horrible, but it should be noted that many Republican Congressmen voted against the bill and the bill is already being viewed with contempt by many people on both sides in the Senate. Now we wait to see if the Senate will modify the bill to try and force it through or if they will actually do the decent thing and allow the thing to die so that sick people don’t have to lose their health insurance. Here’s hoping the Republicans in the Senate have balls, brains and heart – because the ones in Congress are practically Ken dolls in Donald Trump’s toy box. (bbc.com)