PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

TO ALL FIVE PEOPLE WHO VOTE IN EL PASO, DON’T FORGET TO VOTE IN THIS SATURDAY’S MAYORAL/COUNCIL ELECTIONS.  WE HAVE A GOOD SHOT OF KICKING MORONS OUT OF OFFICE AND ELECTING COMPETENT INDIVIDUALS – The El Paso Mayoral and City Council Elections are this Saturday, May 6, and the city has a shot to remove some speed bumps in the current government and replace them with qualified people who can make a difference and not spend all their time bitching and flip flopping on the location of the arena.  Voting isn’t very popular in El Paso, sadly, and some of these elections will be decided by hundreds of votes or less!  So please go out and vote.  In local elections your vote DOES make a difference.  I won’t tell you how to vote, but as a public service I WILL tell you who you shouldn’t vote for in the major elections:

MAYOR – Don’t vote for David Saucedo

DISTRICT 2 – Vote for anyone BUT Jim Tolbert

DISTRICT 7 – Please, for the love of God, don’t vote for Lily Limon

(epcountyvotes.com)

THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT HE DIDN’T GET DRAFTED BY THE DALLAS COWBOYS OR NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS.  AT LEAST AARON JONES GETS TO BE ON A LIKABLE TEAM – The wait is over and Aaron Jones has been drafted by the Green Bay Packers in the 5^th round of the NFL Draft.  Aaron Jones is a 100% El Paso machine that dominated at running back for Burges and UTEP and will be hoping to do the same for the Packers.  Hopefully this is a sign of things to come and we’ll see more El Paso athletes reach the professional level.  Good luck, Mr. Jones.  (cbs4local.com)

WET N WILD IS GETTING A NEW RIDE!  HOORAY!  NOW IF THEY CAN JUST BUILD A NICER PARKING LOT – Wet N Wild has been a hallmark of summer fun for decades in Paso Del Norte and their latest expansion is one of the more impressive projects they have done in quite some time.  Jaguar Falls (not to be confused with Jaguars Gold Club on Gateway West, another type of wet ride) will open in late May/early June and the group raft slide will be the biggest attraction in the park yet.  Construction is still ongoing, but in a few weeks there will be another cool ride that you can check out when you go out to the park.  Kudos, Wet N Wild for staying strong for more than 30 years!  Western Playland, the ball is now in your court to build a cool ride.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

I’M GUESSING RECEP ERDOGAN GOT MAD WHEN WIKIPEDIA DIDN’T LET HIM CHANGE HIS ENTRY TO ADD THAT HE HAS “A GIANT 18-INCH PENIS” AND IS “THE LEGITIMATE RULER OF TURKEY” – This weekend, Turkey decided to “temporarily block” access to Wikipedia throughout the country for no apparent reason and with no actual court order.  Even China and Russia make a half-assed effort to only “hinder” Wikipedia and not block it completely.  Even by authoritarian standards, Turkey is going off the rails in spectacular fashion.  It’s not like Wikipedia is “western propaganda”.  As long as you have facts and sources you can go ahead and change anything on Wikipedia ……. ANYTHING!  Any idiot can put things on Wikipedia as long as there is a modicum of truth to it!  Wait, that’s the problem – things have to be somewhat truthful to be listed on Wikipedia.  Hope Erdogan is having fun oppressing the truth and running his country into the ground.  (bbc.com)

IF ANYTHING CAN GET AUTISTIC INDIVIDUALS TO CONQUER THEIR SOCIAL PHOBIAS, IT’S ECSTASY.  MOLLY CAN MAKE ANYONE WANT TO PARTY – A study by Alicia Danforth and Charles Grob with the Los Angeles Biomedical Research Institute has shown that MDMA (aka Ecstasy or Molly) has reduced anxiety and social phobias among people with Autism.  Although this is only the beginning of the research, the results are promising.  Coupled with therapy, the use of these drugs can be extremely useful when treating severe social anxiety in people with Autism and others.  Damn, even the “evil drugs” seem to have a useful purpose when regulated.  America’s “War on Drugs” gets dumber and dumber every year with each new study and their resulting facts and statistics.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

AFTER AN EXTENDED DICK MEASURING CONTEST, NOW AMERICA IS WILLING TO NEGOTIATE WITH NORTH KOREA.  EVEN TWO KIDS WITH ADHD IN AN ARGUMENT ARE MORE CONSISTENT THAN KIM JONG UN AND DONALD TRUMP – In keeping with its current wacko leadership, the US government is now saying that it wants to negotiate with North Korea over its nuclear weapons program; this after it sent warships into the area, engaged in massive military drills with South Korea and implied it would bomb North Korea preemptively if they didn’t stop their nuclear weapons program.  So it appears the strategy to deal with North Korea is to just throw shit on the wall and see what sticks.  At least Kim Jong Un is consistent with his stupidity, Donald Trump just seems to be making it up as he goes along.  Oh well, Seoul doesn’t have massive Trump “investments” so it’s of no concern to Washington if that’s the main target of any North Korean retaliation.  Pray for Seoul.  (bbc.com)

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

JOHNNY FLOREZ IS A LEGEND IN LAS CRUCES, AND THE SURROUNDING REGION, AND HE NEEDS A HELPING HAND.  LET’S PAY OUR RESPECTS TO THE MAN WHILE HE IS LIVING – Johhny Florez is a mariachi ambassador who has been playing in Las Cruces, and beyond, for decades and who has been a fan of the genre for more than 85 years.  He’s such an influence on the Las Cruces music scene that the city gave him his own day in 2014.  Johnny Florez has been fighting cancer for the past few years and now he needs help with some payments.  It’s tough to be handling a major disease and having to struggle with your bills and it is a very humbling experience to ask for help.  So for everything he has done, the entire community of Las Cruces and across the region should dig into their pockets and give him a little help if they can.  More information can be found at the link.  (kfoxtv.com)

STOP ME IF YOU’VE HEARD THIS ONE BEFORE.  LOU FERRIGNO AND AARON JONES WALK INTO A BAR – El Paso Comic Con came and went this weekend and it was a pretty good event.  One of the more amusing side anecdotes of the whole thing involved Lou Ferrigno (The Hulk) showing up for a pre-NFL Draft party at Spirit of ‘66 to support UTEP running back Aaron Jones as he attempts to enter into professional football.  He apparently gave Jones some words of advice and the whole things sounds pretty cool.  So mark your calendars for next year’s El Paso Comic Con, because you never know what random adventures will be had in local bars involving celebrities and UTEP athletes.  Also, good luck to Aaron Jones at this week’s NFL Draft.  (elpasoproud.com)

IF YOU’RE NOT FAMILIAR WITH THE CATHOLIC CHURCH AND RELICS, IT IS LIKE THE CHURCH’S VERSION OF POKEMON ……. BUT WITH HOLY OBJECTS! – A good portion of Catholic churches have relics within them that represent holy artifacts from the history of Catholicism and most are out in the open available for viewing to all.  The churches in El Paso are no exception and many feature unique relics within their walls.  The  El Paso Herald Post website has an excellent photo essay and article on some of the relics found in a few of the local churches that cannot be missed.  If you love history, religion or just like to see unique things; a tour of El Paso’s religious relics is something that might be right up your alley.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THAT THINGS COULDN’T GET ANY WORSE IN VENEZUELA ……. THINGS HAVE GOTTEN WORSE IN VENEZUELA – After three weeks of increasingly violent protests in Venezuela that have left multiple people dead, it seems like the whole country has gone to the streets demanding an end to the current shit show of an administration that is “leading” the country.  Just look at any of the pictures or videos online from the weekend protests and you will see a massive sea of people marching in cities all around Venezuela.  Even someone as stubborn and deluded as President Nicolas Maduro is getting nervous over this and is trying to establish talks with the opposition.  But it’s probably a little too late for “talks” and the masses in Venezuela might finally have enough support to overthrow the morons that are running the country into the ground.  (bbc.com)

FRANCE HAS VOTED AND THEY REALLY DON’T LIKE THEIR RULING PARTIES.  TWO “OUTSIDERS” WERE THE TOP CANDIDATES IN THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION AND NOW THE ELECTION WILL GO TO A RUNOFF – One of the top two finishers in France’s election is Marine Le Pen (the female version of Donald Trump), but luckily most of the country hates her and her opponent Emmanuel Macron looks to have support from multiple factions and should win the run off.  The most important take away from this whole election is that the two parties who have had the presidency for over 50 years did not even qualify for the runoff and that an “outsider” will be president of France.  Although there is a fear that crazy right wing nationalists are the only ones that can win when the establishment crumbles, Macron has shown that centrists and progressives can also win in these situations.  So let’s just hope that Marine Le Pen doesn’t pull of a miracle and win or we’ll end up with some sort of super depression in Europe that collapses the world’s economy.  (bbc.com)

THESE NEW GIANT VIRUSES WILL KILL US ALL!  AHHHHHHH! – Scientists have discovered so-called giant viruses that are often bigger than bacteria and have a complex genome that takes them very close to having full autonomy.  The virus/giant virus/new type of life form is known as Klosneuvirus and is being studied by the Joint Genome Institute.  The giant virus has not decided to kill anyone, yet, and is not really that big, all things considered.  So we’re safe for now.  But if this virus starts growing and learns to use weapons, watch out world!  This is exactly how those craptacular horror movies on Syfy channel start.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

ONE OF BETO O’ROURKE’S STRENGTHS IN HIS RUN AGAINST TED CRUZ FOR SENATE IS THAT HE ISN’T TED CRUZ.  A RANDOM PIECE OF GARBAGE ON THE FLOOR WOULD MAKE A BETTER SEANTOR THAN TED CRUZ – Kudos to Beto O’Rourke for having the balls to run for Senate even though the odds are wildly stacked against him.  After months of speculation, he officially started his campaign this weekend and will have to get through a tough Democratic Primary before he even gets a chance to go after Ted Cruz.  Beto O’Rourke isn’t perfect and he has his flaws, but he is way better than Ted Cruz and most of the people currently in the Senate.  So be sure to support Beto O’Rourke in his campaign and go give him a listen if he’s in your area.  He’s been a great public servant for El Paso in the local and congressional level and there’s no doubt he would do great in the Senate.  (cbs4local.com)

CONTINUING THE CENTURIES LONG TRADITION OF CORRUPT MEXICAN POLITICIANS FLEEING TO EL PASO WITH THEIR ILL-GOTTEN GAINS, EX CHIHUAHUA GOVERNOR CESAR DUARTE IS CURRENTLY HIDING OUT IN EL PASO – The current governor of Chihuahua, Javier Corral, is on an anti-corruption binge and has declared the ex-governor a fugitive from justice over allegations that he abused his power while in office to gain land and business opportunities.  Naturally, Cesar Duarte ran like the wind and is believed to have crossed into El Paso and hiding out in the area.  It should be noted that these are “alleged” instances of corruption and he sort of deserves his day in court.  But the evidence is pretty solid and, since Interpol is now involved in the manhunt, it is safe to assume that ex-governor Cesar Duarte is probably a little on the corrupt side.  Here’s hoping the roles are reversed and one day we are reading about a manhunt in Juarez looking for Greg Abbott and Donald Trump who were ousted for being corrupt and incompetent.  (kvia.com)

WATER IS COMING BACK TO THE RIO GRANDE!  HOORAY! – Because of canals, the dam and extensive farming; most of the water that should be in the Rio Grande in the El Paso area is strategically diverted and gradually released back into the Rio Grande from the Caballo Lake reservoir.  So by looking at how much water was released into the Rio Grande we can determine how bad of a drought we are having and if the Rio Grande will sort of look like a river in the summer months.  Although farmers aren’t getting a full allotment of water from the reservoir this season, it’s been years since that has happened, the water flow reaching farmers via the river is greater than previous years and possible snow melt later this year will hopefully lead to a larger release later on.  So far so good and let’s hope for more water in the Rio Grande soon.  (kvia.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

THIS WEEKEND MORE PEOPLE DIED BECAUSE OF MUD THAN DIED BECAUSE OF TERRORISTS.  THE WORLD HAS A SHITLOAD OF PROBLEMS AND SOMETIMES PEOPLE PAY ATTENTION TO THE WRONG THINGS – Although terrorism is bad, abject poverty and piss poor infrastructure is a larger problem that is currently facing the world.  Over the weekend, more than 250 people lost their lives as a result of mudslides and flooding around Mocoa, Colombia.  The worst is not over, as many more people are still missing, and it seems like it will be weeks before clean running water and electricity are brought back to the community as a whole.  This is an avoidable tragedy that could be remedied with better infrastructure and better planning and it is these types of issues the world should focus on fixing.  This problem isn’t limited to developing nations and even major countries have large issues involving infrastructure and planning.  So let’s hope governments around the world get the idea and start spending money on important infrastructure and utilities and not pointless things like, say, giant guns and pointless walls in the middle of the desert.  (theguardian.com)

I BET DONALD TRUMP GETS AN ERECTION EVERY TIME HE READS ABOUT ALL THE HORRIBLE THINGS THAT NICOLAS MADURO DOES – Venezuela was one step closer to a full blown dictatorship last week when the country’s supreme court declared that congress had no legislative powers and that everyone should bow down and obey Generalisimo Maduro.  This angered most of the country and, after tons of protests and signs of disgust from even the most avid Maduro bootlickers, the court reversed its decision and gave congress its limited powers back.  But we were real close to Venezuela becoming North Korea Jr. last week and that was very scary.  At least Trump’s America isn’t Venezuela ……. yet.  (bbc.com)

AND OUT COME THE WOLVES.  THE WRITERS GUILD OF AMERICA IS THE FIRST ENTERTAINMENT UNION TO TRY AND RE-UP THEIR CONTRACTS IN THE MIDST OF THE CHEAPO STREAMING BONANZA THAT HIPSTER FUCKS ARE CALLING “PEAK TV” – The WGA is threatening a strike as it becomes the first major union to negotiate contracts after the rise of streaming TV content on places like Hulu and Netflix.  Normally broadcast TV was the major league of television and the medium that commanded the highest pay for writers and other creative types.  But now that broadcast is getting similar ratings as cable and streaming, something’s gotta give.  The new contract will either see a reduction in pay for broadcast content, what the corporations want, or a rise in the pay for cable and streaming content, what the writers want.  A compromise will have to be reached in order to avoid a strike, but it’s pretty hard to root against the writers when the major entertainment companies are claiming record profits one minute and then claiming to be stuck in poverty the next.  Add to this the rather nebulous accounting and claims by the secretive streaming services and we have a situation where if streaming services are making money it’s only because they are paying the creative types sub-cable money to create the hours of pointless content found in practically every corner of the internet.  And we won’t even get started on the horrible health insurance quagmire they’ve got themselves into.  The writers really have an uphill battle ahead of them.  Good luck trying to get any money from online only services that may or may not be making money depending on what random formula you use on any given day.  (deadline.com)