PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

VINTON IS FINALLY GETTING RUNNING WATER AND A SEWAGE SYSTEM!  HOORAY AND WELCOME TO CIVILIZATION – For years, the town of Vinton has been struggling to get a decent water hookup and a working sewer system in their community.  This struggle was highlighted a few years ago when “town leaders” in their government refused millions of dollars in grants and government money earmarked for their water system.  For some amazingly stupid reason that is still unknown, the idiots in the government did not take the money and were subsequently removed from office and replaced by officials who had a basic understanding of how government works and the need to use grants and loans to get things done.  The USDA recently awarded over $7 million in grants and loans to Vinton that will be used to finally get the upgrades the city so desperately needs.  As mentioned by one of the residents in the story, even poor colonias in Juarez have running water and a sewer connection and this was something that was long overdue.  So kudos to the current government officials in Vinton for securing the funds and righting some of the wrongs of the past.  (cbs4local.com)

EL PASO WRESTLERS ARE ONE STEP CLOSER TO WRESTLEMANIA – Congratulations go out to the Hanks High School girls’ wrestling team for winning their 4^th straight state title this weekend and also congrats to all the other local wrestlers that won individual titles in the state meet.  We salute you!  (cbs4local.com)

SIMPLE MINDED 2.0 – So we’re still working on updating the website.  Some content may be missing and some links might not work, but we are gradually fixing everything and improving the Simple Minded experience.  Keep your eyes open for updated features and even more Simple Minded goodness.  (self)

 

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

WELCOME TO TRUMP’S AMERICA, WHERE LEGAL IMMIGRANTS ARE SHOT BY EMPOWERED REDNECK RACISTS WHO WANT TO MAKE THEIR ORANGE RULER HAPPY – Olathe, Kansas was the site of a vicious hate crime last week when engineer Srinivas Kuchibhotla was murdered by a dumbass redneck fuck, who was so emboldened by the Republican party’s bullshit immigration rhetoric, that he decided to confront the first brown people he saw regardless if they were Muslim or from countries on Donald Trump’s “big bad scary country list”.  The attack also left two other people wounded including Srinivas’s friend and a good Samaritan who tried to intervene and stop the attack.  Amazingly, Donald Trump and friends have yet to respond to this in any meaningful way and there is no way in hell the idiots will admit that their hate mongering directly led to this.  But rest assured, if a Muslim man would have shot a white guy at a Kansas bar. Donald Trump would be tweeting non-stop for 24 hours about how we need an even bigger Muslim ban and a bigger wall to protect Murica from the terrorists.  It’s staggering to see that he was targeted just because he looked “different”.  He wasn’t even from one of the “banned countries” OR A MUSLIM!  Fuck, the fact that he was DRINKING BEER AT A BAR should have been a clue that this wasn’t an “Evil Muslim Refugee” out to commit a terrorist attack in Buttfuck, Kansas.  But just because he looked like a possible Muslim from another country was enough for some idiot, Fox News-loving redneck fuck to shoot him in cold blood.  Welcome to Donald Trump’s Murica.  (bbc.com)

BILL PAXTON IS DEAD.  LONG LIVE BILL PAXTON – One of the more memorable actors from the past few decades, Bill Paxton, has passed away at the age of 61 as a result of complications from surgery.  Although never a superstar, he had many memorable roles in some of the most classic movies of the past 30 years or so – from Weird Science to Aliens to Twister to Titanic, he was a big part of many big films.  In addition, he was a very good actor and had multiple awards for his work.  Nothing best describes Bill Paxton’s career like the following piece of trivia from IMDB:  “(Bill Paxton) was the only other actor, along with Lance Henriksen, to have been killed by a Terminator, an Alien, and a Predator on screen.”  Now that’s what you call a cinematic legacy!  Rest in peace, Bill Paxton.  (bbc.com)

THE OSCARS HAVE BEEN AWARDED AND THAT ONLY MEANS ONE THING ……. IT’S TIME FOR THE TOURNAMENT OF FILM – One of the biggest, if not the biggest, Oscar moments of all time occurred this weekend when La La Land was incorrectly named the Best Picture and during the acceptance speech it was revealed that a mistake had been made and Moonlight was the real winner.  The important thing in all of this is that now Moonlight gets the all-important 25 points, associated with the Oscar winner, in the Simple Minded Entertainment Tournament of Film ranking process.  Just a reminder that the Tournament of Film for 2016 is coming soon once the selection process is finalized.  (bbc.com)

 

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

EL PASO HEAVILY PROTESTS TEXAS GOVERNOR, WHEELCHAIR MUSSOLINI, ON HIS PROPAGANDA TRIP TO THE BORDER. EL PASO ALWAYS MAKES ME PROUD – On his search for a token Mexican to stage a photo op, Texas governor Greg Abbott aka Maxisimo Fascist Ruler Wheelchair Mussolini came to El Paso to speak at a Republican fundraising dinner to a crowd of bootlickers and random individuals without a spine. Wheelchair Mussolini is best known for trying to fuck the TIguas and block their gaming operations even though there are OTHER casinos and racetracks around Texas in addition to the statewide LOTTERY. Ah, the sweet smell of hypocrisy. Apparently gambling is only bad for those that don’t bow down and kiss the supreme fascist leader’s feet and/or donate to his campaign. The asshole has also been emboldened by his lord and master, Donald Trump, to threaten cities that don’t listen to his stupid “sanctuary city” initiatives by withholding funding and also forcing people out of office for disagreeing with him (which violates most of the Founding Father’s democratic principles and is the literal definition of authoritarian rule). So instead of celebrating the Republican ideals of freedom and a small government, the Republican turncoats are now bowing down to Donald Trump’s fascist version of the Republican party that emphasizes heavy government spending to create a police state that bends over for Russia. Kudos to El Paso for protesting and booing this fascist fuck. Hopefully some of the people that paid money to attend the “dinner” will grow a pair of balls and stand up for true Republican ideals. WHEELCHAIR MUSSOLINI LITERALLY WANTS TO HAVE THE POWER TO REMOVE ELECTED OFFICIALS FROM OFFICE IF THEY DISAGREE WITH HIM! HOW FUCKED UP AND ANTI-AMERICAN IS THAT? (cbs4local.com)
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THE IDK BAR IN NORTHEAST EL PASO SUFFERED ITS 2ND SHOOTING IN SIX MONTHS THIS PAST WEEKEND. BALL’S IN YOUR COURT, BARFLY. LET’S SEE IF THEY CAN BEAT THE 2 SHOOTINGS IN SIX MONTHS RECORD – A mini crime wave hit Northeast El Paso this weekend as multiple shootings and general bad behavior hit the embattled part of the city. Things had been very positive in Northeast El Paso recently, and then came the pointless crimes and shootings. Hopefully the police department and authorities can nip this in the bud before it gets worse and, whether justified or not, the first place they will focus on is the bar that had TWO SHOOTINGS IN SIX MONTHS! Who do they think they are? Union Plaza or something. (cbs4local.com)
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LIKE THE MAJESTIC CATERPILLAR, SIMPLE MINDED ENTERTAINMENT IS METAMORPHOSING INTO SOMETHING MORE BEAUTIFUL. OKAY, WE’RE MORE OF A MOTH THAN A BUTTERFLY BUT OUR WEBSITE IS GETTING NICER – Just a heads up to all our readers and harassers, the Simple Minded Entertainment website is getting an upgrade and hopefully this will make things more efficient. So bear with us as we update our site and try to get everything working properly. (self)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

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MY ADVICE TO THE POPE IS “DON’T FEED THE TROLLS” – The current Pope is pretty cool and has lots of progressive policies that is taking the Catholic Church into the modern era. In addition, he was the first Pope to visit Juarez and that’s pretty badass! It seems this progressive attitude is not going too well with some of the more conservative members of the church and he is being trolled and “bullied” online and with posters around Rome. It’s pretty obvious that some conservative Cardinals and higher ups in the Vatican aren’t too fond of a progressive Pope, but to use the tactics of angry 13 year old girls is pretty sad on their part. And you’d think that decades of child rape by priests and subsequent cover ups would be the thing that gets conservative Vatican officials angry and on the road to reform, but apparently the Pope saying compassionate things about refugees is the one thing that really grinds their gears. (bbc.com)
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THE MANDELA EFFECT IS A FRINGE ALTERNATE UNIVERSE THEORY THAT, AFTER MANY STUDIES, HAS BEEN LABELED AS SCIENCE FICTION. BUT MAYBE THAT’S JUST WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK (CUE CREEPY MUSIC) – The Mandela Effect is a phenomenon that has spread amongst fringe science circles to explain alternate dimensions and the “false memories” that some people seem to have. Among the most popular examples of the effect are the spelling of the “Berenstain/Bearenstein Bears”, Sinbad in a movie called Shazaam, various celebrity deaths and the original example of some people falsely (at least in this universe) remembering that Nelson Mandela died in prison. Most of these examples have been linked to false memories, group think and hive mind; but if they were really examples of an alternate universe no physical evidence would exist and only the ethereal fragments of memories would remain if the timeline was in fact altered sometime in the past. So none of this can actually be proved or disproven. It really makes you think (cue creepy music). (aeon.com)
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DONALD TRUMP CONTINUES TO, AND WILL ALWAYS, BE A COMPLETE, FUCKING CUNT – This week in Donald Trump stupidity, the idiot held a glorified Klan rally in Florida to boost his ego and for no other reason. During his “speech” he once again attacked the media and then started talking about an imaginary terrorist attack on Sweden that occurred the night before in his head but not in the real world. Caught in a lie, he later tried to cover his ass by implying that he was referring to a Fox News report that greatly exaggerated the “terrible refugee crime wave” that is “gripping” Sweden. Maybe he confused the Sweden Attack with the Bowling Green Massacre. Even at its worst, the crime in Sweden doesn’t even begin to compare to the crimes seen in some of America’s worst neighborhoods. It’s hilarious that the leader of a country that includes Baltimore, the Rust Belt, Florida, Chicago and the Mississippi Delta is criticizing Sweden’s crime rate. It’s good to see Sweden fighting back and using humor to make the supreme idiot look even dumber online. Donald Trump truly is a complete, fucking cunt. (bbc.com)