Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 04/13/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

IF THERE IS NO HENTAI COSPLAY AT EL PASO COMIC CON THIS YEAR, I WILL BE DEEPLY DISAPPOINTED – It’s that time of the year again!  When costumed people and pervs who like hentai cosplay (but not me, other people) descend on Downtown for the annual El Paso Comic Con.  The celebration of comic books, science fiction, anime and other nerdtastic genres just keeps on growing and getting better every year and you should definitely check it out this weekend.  And if you are an attractive female, I highly recommend you give hentai cosplay a shot.  I really can’t stress that enough.  (elpasocomiccon.com)

EASTLAKE HAS FINALLY BEEN EXTENDED TO HORIZON BOULEVARD!  AND THE CITY OF HORIZON DIDN’T EVEN HAVE TO RENAME IT SOMETHING STUPID TO GET THE JOB DONE – The work on Eastlake in Horizon City has finally been completed and the much used road has now been extended past Desert Mist Drive all the way to Horizon Boulevard near the high school.  The construction project was completed about 9 months ahead of schedule and gives the residents of Horizon another direct connection to I-10 and Socorro (granted, it’s a longer and loopier connection).  In addition, the mostly commercial development that will occur along this expanded road will bring a ton of tax revenue to the city and allow for more development.  In contrast, the Eastlake expansion in Socorro will finish 9 months behind schedule, over budget and renamed something asinine like Maya Mexica Cesar Chavez Raza Road 3000 Boulevard.  (cbs4local.com)

IN TYPICAL EL PASO NEWS, IDIOTS THAT BOUGHT HOUSES MERE FEET FROM I-10 AND OTHER MAJOR STREETS ARE ANGRY BECAUSE SOME BUSINESSES MAKE NOISE.  TO RECAP, IDIOTS BOUGHT HOUSES THAT ARE A FEW FEET FROM THE FUCKING FREEWAY AND THEY ARE MAD ABOUT NOISE AND TRAFFIC – The current city noise ordinance determines violations via the objective measurements from a sound level meter and are pretty clear on how loud something has to be to be considered a nuisance.  Naturally, certain idiots in the city want special treatment and want a noise ordinance based on how many “buddies” they have in the government and the police department and calling them up to ask for a favor.  There’s nothing much to say other than this is comapdrismo at its finest and the fact that the city is even looking at a change speaks volumes about the good ol’ boy network that exists in the City of El Paso government.  Sadly some people believe that laws should be based on how many “buddies” you have at city hall and the police department.  (elpasoinc.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

FUCK ASSAD!  THE BOMBS PROBABLY WON’T STOP SYRIA’S CHEMICAL WEAPONS AND THEY PROBABLY KNEW IN ADVANCE WHERE THE BOMBS WOULD LAND, BUT AT LEAST THEY DESTROYED SOME OF THE FUCKER’S SHIT – As a result of the Assad Government’s recent chemical attack in Syria, allied forces have launched a missile strike on Syria chemical weapon facilities.  Although reactions are mixed over America’s involvement in this bombing campaign, there was international consensus that something had to be done and destroying their chemical weapons facilities was the least the world could do to a scumbag like Assad.  Hopefully this doesn’t escalate into a unilateral, Iraq-style, Amercian clusterfuck in Syria – but with the idiot in the White House anything is possible.  (bbc.com)

SO, DOES THIS MEAN ECUADOR AND COLOMBIA WILL GO TO WAR WITH EACH OTHER? – The Ecuadorean government has confirmed that 3 journalists from Ecuador, who were recently abducted along the Colombian border, have been murdered.  The culprits are believed to be Farc rebels from Colombia who did not want to sign on to the recent peace agreement with Colombia and just decided to become a full blown drug cartel in control of the Ecuador/Colombia border.  Patrols will now increase in the increasingly dangerous border area as both countries try to work together to stop this from becoming a full blown military conflict involving two countries, drug dealers and ex-rebel groups.  See, Republicans, this is what a REAL fucked up border actually looks like.  (theguardian.com)

I GUESS ARGENTINIAN MICE REALLY LIKE WEED.  THEY REALLY, REALLY LIKE WEED – Police near Buenos Aires, Argentina have blamed mice for more than half a ton of missing marijuana at a police evidence warehouse.  Because this is an amazingly stupid excuse, eight police officers have been dismissed as an investigation looks at what really happened to the missing drugs.  But the fact that somebody thought that mice could eat that much pot without the mice suffering any adverse effects just boggles the mind.  Could mice really eat that much marijuana?  Is it even possible?  Maybe Argentinean police are on to something.  (bbc.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 04/06/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

ONLY CANUTILLO COULD GENERATE THIS MUCH DRAMA OVER THE CONSTRUCTION OF A SCHOOL BARN – Who knew there could be this much backbiting and political posturing over a fucking barn?  The clusterfuck at the Canutillo School District continued this week as the proposed site of a school barn was moved from Garcia Elementary to Canutillo Middle School at the last minute.  The original barn was to be located near the property of a school board member who may or may not have benefited from construction at that location if it did go forward.  This was the spark that brought all the board’s animosity towards the surface and now we have this mess.  The district is now split into factions, officials have walked out of school board meetings and last minute changes are now being used to dick over other members.  And let’s not forget that the school district tried to stop development in the area because some members didn’t want “urban” homes to disturb their “rural” lifestyle.  Amazingly, it took a agriculture education barn to finally bring the incompetence at Canutillo central office to light.  And yes, the use of district funds to construct a barn is weird – but Canutillo is technically a rural district.  (cbs4local.com)

SELF DEFENSE IS NO OFFENSE – Hisaias Justo Lopez stabbed and killed Isaac Morales last year AFTER Morales chased him and he turned around and stabbed him, that much we know is true.  Unfortunately, the media is only giving one side of the story and trying to paint Isaac Morales as a hero because he was a Border Patrol agent.  Hisaias should be punished for killing someone, but at most it should be manslaughter and not some trumped up capital murder charge like the media is salivating for.  A bunch of drunks got in a fight outside a bar, as happens at most bars, and then one of them made the mistake of chasing down someone with a knife and died when the fucker being chased defended himself.  When drunks argue at a bar it’s not a matter of “who started what?” because the reason for stupid ass bar fights is usually something asinine like “Don’t stare at muh girl!” or “Dallas Cowboys are number one, bitch!”.  It’s a tragedy that someone died, but please stop mentioning that Isaac Morales was in the Border Patrol.  At that moment he wasn’t a Border Patrol agent but was just one person among a group of drunk individuals who got in a stupid bar fight and chased someone with a knife.  The media should tell all sides of the story instead of immediately creating a narrative that their aging audience will prefer.  (cbs4local.com)

TAKING A PAGE FROM FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY’S, EL PASO’S NEW GOAL IS TO SCARE CHILDREN INTO RECYCLING WITH THE HELP OF ANIMATRONIC RECYCLING BINS – The City of El Paso has a new mascot and this time it’s an animatronic recycling bin robot that looks happy but may just be using that as a façade to make you drop your guard.  Bleu, the curbside recycling robot, has been introduced by the city to try and educate kids on the wonders of recycling – and if that doesn’t work, to give kids nightmares if they don’t recycle.  It doesn’t say how much the Environmental Services Department spent on the robot.  But at a time when the city is thinking of downsizing the curbside recycling program because of cost issues, it’s quite amusing to see that they still have funds for essential items like recycling bin robots.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

WOW, BRAZILIAN POLITICS ARE AMAZINGLY FUCKED UP!  AND EX-PRESIDENT LULA IS TAKING IT TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL – In one of the oddest moments seen in politics in years, Brazilian ex-president Luis Inacio Lula da Silva refused to turn himself in to authorities and instead went to a union building in Sao Paulo and refuses to come out.  He is set to start a 12 year prison sentence for corruption but it looks like he isn’t going down without some grandstanding.  Thousands of his supporters are surrounding the building thus making any show of force to capture him a very stupid and dangerous idea.  Lula is beloved by many for his programs to get people out of poverty, but he was also accused of wasting a ton of money and being corrupt.  Lula denies that he did anything wrong and that his trial was politically motivated and thus Brazil finds itself in this conundrum.  And though this is crazy, it gets even crazier when you realize that he is so well liked that he would probably win the presidential election if he were allowed to run.  Never stop being wacky, Brazilian politics.  (bbc.com)

WELL, THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ILLEGALLY TAKE SOMEONE’S LAND AND FORCE THEM INTO A PRISON-LIKE GHETTO.  EVENTUALLY PEOPLE GET TIRED AND FIGHT BACK – Israeli troops have murdered dozens of protesters over the past few weeks as Palestinians have gathered on the non-official “border” in an attempt to get back to their ancestral lands.  Even though many of the Palestinians have actual legal documents from generations ago that state that it is their land, the Israeli government and friends still like to point at magical books and claim that it has more legal weight than actual deed and property records.  Even by the loosest interpretation of magical books, it’s really stretching it to think that the Hebrew tribes had that much of a authoritative presence beyond a few miles around Jerusalem.  So now we find ourselves in the usual position where Israel immediately calls anyone who disagrees with them as Hamas terrorists and where the Palestinians take things a little too far and vow to kill all the Jews.  So just another day in the Middle East.  (bbc.com)

ONE DAY HISTORY WILL LOOK BACK AND MARVEL THAT DENNIS RODMAN AND USB DRIVES WERE THE KEY TO UNIFYING SOUTH AND NORTH KOREA.  HISTORY IS WEIRD – North Korea and South Korea have been very chummy recently and things are starting to look up for a possible friendly relationship between the two countries and, hopefully, some type of long-term unification plan.  The always excellent Discover Magazine blog has an great article on how the small and efficient USB drive has been a God-send for people in North Korea who want a taste of the outside world and how the USB information wave led to the positive reaction of the audience at a recent K-Pop concert in Pyongyang.  Although the USB drive is an important piece of the puzzle, let us never forget Dennis Rodman’s role in opening up the lines of communication and the fact that Donald Trump is such a horrible and vile idiot that South Korea feels that it can negotiate more with Kim Jong Un than with whatever idiots Donald Trump has chosen to represent America in Korea.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 03/30/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

EL PASO AND JUAREZ ARE “OFFICIALLY” SISTER CITIES!  THIS IS LIKE WHEN PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN LIVING TOGETHER FOR YEARS RANDOMLY DECIDE TO JUST GET THE MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE – Although most people know that El Paso and Juarez (and Las Cruces) make up the core of the Greater Mogollon region, the sister city/twin city designation was apparently never official.  That all changed this week with a signing ceremony at the Plaza De Los Lagartos that made the sister city agreement official and concluded the surprisingly complex “sister city” process that began last year.  As a result of the event, El Paso Mayor Dee Margo and Juarez Mayor Armando Cabada stated that they hope this helps bring a common vision to the area and strengthens economic ties in the region.  So basically everyone will keep on doing what they were already doing but now there will be a fancy framed certificate on the wall!  If not already, I hope Las Cruces gets in on the act and signs a sister cities agreement with both Juarez and El Paso.  We don’t want Las Cruces to get left out.  (cbs4local.com)

LOOKS LIKE SUNLAND PARK MALL ISN’T DEAD AFTER ALL – Kudos to the Kimmelman family for expanding their Starr Western Wear empire and helping the ailing Sunland Park Mall in the process.  They did this for business and financial reasons, obviously, but It is nice that a local company is one of the first major entities to step up and try to set up at the struggling mall.  The latest Starr Western Wear will take up the space where Macy’s used to be thanks to the Kimmelman’s buying up that empty space.  This news pretty much came out of nowhere but it is extremely welcome news.  Good luck to Starr Western Wear in their latest expansion.  I’m not much for western clothes, but I might just go buy a pair of new boots from the store once it opens up to support a great local business.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

EVEN LAS CRUCES IS GETTING IN ON THIS CONSTRUCTION BOOM – Lost in all the news of development and store openings in Downtown El Paso and the rest of the city is the fact that Downtown Las Cruces is also going through its own redevelopment boom.  The two projects that are about to open in Downtown Las Cruces are the Amador Project and the new Las Cruces Visitor’s Center.  The Amador Project will bring a much needed late night venue to the area and will include a bar, restaurants and a rooftop lounge.  The Visitor’s Center will open next door and give people a taste of all there is to do in Las Cruces as well as offer shuttle rides to Spaceport America.  Things are looking up in the region and Las Cruces has some pretty cool projects coming up.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

WHEN YOU ARE OUT THIS WEEKEND, PLEASE MAKE SURE THAT A SPACESHIP DOESN’T FALL ON YOUR HEAD – As is the custom with large space stations that go out of control, China’s Tiangong-1 Space Lab will fall to Earth and some portions of the craft will survive re-entry and make it to Earth’s surface.  Scientists are expecting the largest pieces to hit harmlessly in the ocean, but the cone of uncertainty is still a bit worrying.  So be careful out there and possibly wear a hat and take your umbrella just in case.  You can’t really trust a giant mass of space junk that lost control years ago.  (bbc.com)

I’LL NEVER COMPLAIN ABOUT AN EL PASO DUST STORM EVER AGAIN – If you thought the dust storms in the Chihuahuan Desert were bad, then thank your lucky stars that you don’t live in Beijing.  Not to be outdone by the weirdo wind storm that brought sand from the Sahara to parts of Europe, a massive sandstorm hit Northeast Asia and took aim right at Beijing and other cities in the vicinity.  The storm was so massive that it even reached Korea and Japan.  The sand was bad, but coupled with Beijing’s pollution this led to a very grim scenario for the Chinese capital.  So next time you get stuck in an El Paso dust storm, you can think of how good you have it compared to other dusty parts of the world.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

FACEBOOK IS FUCKING GARBAGE – There really is nothing more to say.  Facebook is really shitty.  Most social media companies are data mining assholes, but Facebook takes the skeeviness to a whole new level.  Not only do they not give a damn about the security of their users’ data, they practically sent out a memo that said that it was okay if people inadvertently died because of their service as long as they turned a profit.  Seriously, fuck this data mining social media bullshit.  (bbc.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 03/23/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

GOD BLESS THE WONDERFUL MONEY-MAKING PONIES AT SUNLAND PARK – It’s that time of the year again, it’s time for the annual Sunland Park Derby!  And there’s no equine herpes in sight to stop this one!  One of the most important sporting events in the region will take place this Sunday as ponies from around the country will race at the Sunland Derby in order to win large cash prizes totaling $800,000 and points to guarantee a place in the Kentucky Derby.  The favorite for this race is All Out Blitz, but we’ll all be rooting for home track favorite Runaway Ghost to make Sunland proud.  God speed, ponies!  (cbs4local.com)

WELCOME BACK, FANCY RENOVATED EL PASO STREETCARS – After an extensive restoration, the first of the six El Paso Streetcars that will be rolling around Downtown El Paso has come back from the Pennsylvania.  Most of the ground work is done on the El Paso Streetcar project and now the waiting game begins as the fancy renovated streetcars return and then are tested before the service can start back up later in the year.  Who knows how successful this service will be, but this revived streetcar looks pretty fucking cool.  (cbs4local.com)

IF THE NEW TEAM ISN’T NAMED THE EL PASO COMPLETE WASTE OF MONEY UNITED, I WILL BE GREATLY DISAPPOINTED – They’re having a contest to name the new Division 2, Sub-MLS futball team that MountainStar is bringing to El Paso and we recommend that everyone enter the contest and come up with the dumbest name imaginable.  Bonus points if you can work in an arena/stadium/Duranguito reference into the name of the team.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

WE SALUTE THE “MARCH FOR OUR LIVES” STUDENTS FOR THEIR FIGHT AGAINST ARCHAIC GUN LAWS AND THE NRA’S PROPAGANDA MACHINE – The “March For Our Lives” protest will be occurring on Saturday and hundreds of thousands of people are expected to gather in Washington D.C. and other cities to demand that proper government action is taken to prevent psychos and idiots from owning high powered weaponry.  While the students from Douglas High School and others are just looking for some action on the topic (as opposed to the decades of inaction by the NRA-controlled cowards in the government), this will be spinned by the alt-right and their fascist ilk into a “librul plan ta take muh guns” propaganda storm.  Let’s get one thing straight, the “March For Our Lives” protesters are pissed off but they don’t want to take all of your guns – they just want responsible action against highly unnecessary semi-automatic weapons.  You know, basic restrictions like the ones we currently have that prevent idiots from owning rocket launchers.  Technically rocket launchers count as “arms” and should be allowed under the Second Amendment.  (bbc.com)

MEANWHILE IN SPAIN, CATALONIA IS STILL PISSED OFF – Because things aren’t already tense enough, the Madrid government decided it would be a great idea to arrest five Catalan politicians for being “dangerous” separatist leaders.  By now it’s apparent to everyone that Catalonia will not resort to violent means to get their deserved freedom, but that doesn’t stop Madrid from taking the heavy handed approach in order to distract from the serious issues that are actually facing Spain.  Clashes have been reported in Barcelona between police and protesters and things are only getting more chaotic in Spain.  (bbc.com)

IT SEEMS THAT, ONCE UPON A TIME, A STAR CAME PARTICULARLY CLOSE TO THE SOLAR SYSTEM AND ACTUALLY INTERACTED WITH OUR SOLAR SYSTEM’S OORT CLOUD.  BUT DON’T GET TOO EXCITED, IT’S NOT LIKE IT’S PLANET X OR NIBIRU OR ANYTHING ……. OR IS IT? (CUE UNSOLVED MYSTERIES THEME) – Thanks to the tracking of weirdo space objects that have strange orbits in and out of the Solar System, astronomers in Europe have deduced that a large object may have come into the Oort Cloud about 70,000 years ago and caused some of the objects in this area to come into the Solar System.  This tracking prediction just happens to be supported by the discovery of Scholz’s Star a few years back and the determination that it came near the Solar System at roughly that same time and place.  At the moment this is just considered a highly coincidental correlation, but it makes for some very good circumstantial evidence.  We’re not saying that Catastrophism is accurate, but it might have some truth to it.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 03/16/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

BILLY ABRAHAM IS SLOWLY RUNNING OUT OF HIS NINE LIVES AND SOON HE WILL LOSE MOST OF HIS REAL ESTATE EMPIRE IN EL PASO – After a legal fight with his creditors, who were seeking a Chapter 7 Bankruptcy, Bankruptcy Judge Christopher Mott has ordered a trustee to be assigned to sell off Billy Abraham’s 11 El Paso properties to pay off his $1.3 million debt to the relatives of Juan Gabriel and others.  Though his creditors argued that his finances and records were so muddled that more information was needed to determine how much he actually earns and what exactly it is he owns, it appears the judge will allow just the 11 registered Billy Abraham properties to be sold to cover his debts.  The money from the sale of the 11 buildings should be more than enough to cover the debt and Billy Abraham will live to fight another day with whatever businesses and real estate he has stuffed away in partnerships and corporations.  So though we are nearing the end of the nine lives of Billy Abraham, this is not the last you will hear of his wacky business adventures.  (cbs4local.com)

UTEP HAS A NEW BASKETBALL COACH!  LET’S HOPE THE NEW COACH CAN MANAGE A SEASON WITHOUT MULTIPLE PLAYERS LEAVING EVERY OTHER WEEK – Let the next chapter of UTEP Basketball begin.  Rodney Terry has left Fresno State and will be the new head basketball coach at UTEP.  He had some success at Fresno and felt that he had done all he could at Fresno State; either that or he was just looking for an excuse to get out of Fresno.  Good luck to new coach Rodney Terry and hopefully he can take UTEP out of the athletic doldrums they are currently in.  The next few seasons will be a rebuilding period, but if he can get the team to at least the NIT on an yearly basis after a few years that would be a major improvement.  It’s Confernece USA, a storied program like UTEP has no excuse not to get into at least the NIT on an yearly basis.  (cbs4local.com)

VERONICA ESCOBAR WON THE DEMOCRATIC PRIMARY WITH OVER 60 PERCENT OF THE VOTE AND BEAT THE CLOSEST COMPETITOR BY MORE THAN 20 PERCENTAGE POINTS.  SOMEHOW, NORMA CHAVEZ THINKS THIS MEANS THAT THERE WAS “HACKING” INVOLVED AND HER LACK OF VOTES IS NOT BECAUSE MOST OF THE PEOPLE IN THE CITY THINK SHE IS AN IDIOT – If you ever needed proof that most of the people who run for public office in El Paso are crazy idiots, look no further than the latest publicity stunt by Norma Chavez, Enrique Garcia and John Carrillo.  Normally election fraud is alleged when it is a close race and a few votes are moved to swing an election.  When you are leading in the polls and win by more than twenty percentage points it would be pretty stupid and a bit of overkill to engage in “hard drive hacking” as alleged by Norma Chavez and friends.  This scheme is so stupid and absurd that even 2nd place finisher Dori Fenenbock is staying out of the whole mess and Fenenbock took part in the almost as stupid Children’s Hospital publicity stunt that the idiot posse put together just before the election.  If anything, you can always count on El Paso politics to have a little crazy and stupid thrown in to make things entertaining.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

SOUTH AFRICAN PRESIDENT JACOB ZUMA IS FINALLY BEING PROSECUTED FOR CORRUPTION ALMOST A DECADE AFTER THE ALLEGED GRAFT AND RACKETEERING OCCURRED.  IF SOUTH AFRICA CAN DO IT, SO CAN AMERICA.  LET’S JUST HOPE IT’S SOONER THAN A DECADE FOR THE IDIOT IN THE WHITE HOUSE TO FACE THE MUSIC – When not dealing with water shortages and the killing of random white farmers, the people of South Africa have to deal with corruption and incompetence from their leaders.  But things are looking up.  President Zuma was forced to resign his presidency last month and now the new leadership is pursuing the corruption allegations that have plagued Zuma and his cronies for years.  None of this will bring the water back, end the prejudice or fix the economy any time soon – but it’s a start.  Let’s hope that the saying “whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger” also applies to nations.  (Bloomberg.com)

SOMEWHERE OUT THERE, BENDER IS DRINKING A FORTY IN HONOR OF STEPHEN HAWKING – Famed Futurama character, and brilliant physicist, Stephen Hawking has died.  In addition to being a character on Futurama and The Simpsons, Stephen Hawking is best known for his work with relativity and quantum mechanics as well as his insight into black holes.  At age 22 he was given only a few years to live as he gradually lost most of his physical control to a rare disease and had to depend on a motorized wheelchair to move around and a computerized voice to speak.  He proved those doctors wrong and lived to age 78 and managed to produce some of his most important work after that time.  Perhaps more amazing than any of his work in physics is that he managed to leave his wife and shack up with another woman all while in this condition.  He had game.  Rest in Peace, Stephen Hawking.  (bbc.com)

THAT SWEEPING SOUND YOU HERE IS AUSTIN AUTHORITIES TRYING TO SWEEP THE TERRORIST MAIL BOMBINGS UNDER THE RUG IN ORDER NOT TO DISTURB THE ONGOING GENERIC CORPORATE MEDIA EVENT #1138 2018 TAKING PLACE IN AUSTIN AT THIS TIME – Terrorist mail bombings have occurred multiple times this month in Austin, killing 2 people and injuring others.  Because the victims are minorities and the bomb senders have not been identified as Muslims and/or immigrants, no one seems to care and this is just being considered a “random crime”.  But rest assured, if random white people had been targeted by Muslim immigrants then Donald Trump himself would have tweeted about this for 5 days straight and this week’s Generic Corporate Media Event #1138 2018 would have been cut short.  (cbs4local.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 03/09/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

THE CITY OF SOCORRO DOUBLES DOWN ON THE STUPID IN THEIR ATTEMPT TO JUSTIFY A COP GIVING ULTRA PREFERENTIAL TREATMENT TO A GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL.  JUST WHEN YOU THINK SOCORRO IS ON THE CUSP OF LIVING UP TO ITS POTENTIAL, THEY GO AROUND AND DO SOMETHING AMAZINGLY CORRUPT AND/OR STUPID – Socorro government officials are known to bend the rules and in the past have gotten caught messing around with the placement of political campaign signs, the paving of home driveways, the naming of streets, attempted bribes for annexation targets and sketchy business deals.  But this latest scandal ranks right up there with the skeeviest of all Socorro government clusterfucks.  This all started when City Manager Adriana Rodarte’s son, Diego Salais, was pulled over in late January for speeding and admitted to drinking alcohol AND was found with a white substance on his nose that tested positive for cocaine.  Despite all of this, the little fucker wasn’t charged with anything and they called mommy to pick him up.  A normal person would have been breathalyzed to death and been charged with drug trafficking for the trace cocaine on the nose, but they didn’t even bother to properly test his blood alcohol level!  Instead of doing something about it, the government in Socorro decided to extend the City Manager’s contract and said that the Socorro cop was an “expert in DWI” (because DWI is like a martial art now) and that he has the authority to pick and choose, at will, who is drunk or not.  This would have probably been swept under the rug if the dash-cam video hadn’t been leaked by a heroic whistle-blower and that appears to be the only thing the Socorro government officials are mad about.  A crooked cop did a solid for an equally crooked government official and let someone who had been drinking AND doing cocaine AND driving erratically go free, but the Socorro council is mad because they have BIG BAD LEAKERS in the office.  DWI laws are fucking stupid, but if you must have overkill laws it would be nice if everyone had to follow the same rule book regardless of who your mommy is.  (cbs4local.com)

RECYCLABLE MATERIALS ARE SOLD FOR PROFIT BY INDIVIDUALS WHO COLLECT THEM YET THE CITY OF EL PASO PAYS SOMEONE TO TAKE THE RECYCLABLES.  YUP, THAT’S PAR FOR THE COURSE FOR THE CITY OF EL PASO GOVERNMENT – Because governments are lazy and incompetent, the City of El Paso is in the midst of a contract dispute with Friedman Recycling Company who wants MORE money to take the recyclables that it then sells for EVEN MORE money to people who process the recyclables.  The current sob story is that China isn’t buying certain recyclable materials anymore and now they need the city to increase what it pays them in order to protect their current profit margin.  The city could probably just create a department filled with homeless people that sorts recyclables and just let them keep whatever money they make re-selling the materials, but I’m sure the city would screw that up and Tommy Gonzalez would just hire one of his Dallas friends to “manage” that department for a $150,000 salary.  To put it in perspective, this is the equivalent of having a garage sale and paying people to take your stuff.  Government recycling programs might be a bit inefficient.  (cbs4local.com)

THE EL PASO COMMUNITY FOUNDATION AND THE CITY OF EL PASO WANT TO MAKE SCENIC DRIVE A NICER PLACE TO PARK YOUR CAR AND HAVE SEX – In more happier local news, it looks like Scenic Drive and the lookout Murchison Park area will finally get a makeover.  The renderings look great and will really give people a reason to take visitors and potential lovers up there.  Sure, we’ll miss the rusted metal, dangerous access and overall lack of safe parking – but this is the price of progress.  Hopefully this partnership works out and this awesome local attraction finally gets some monetary love instead of the illicit carnal love it normally sees.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

DESPITE THE LONG STANDING POLICY THAT AMERICAN LEADERS WOULD NOT MEET DIRECTLY WITH NORTH KOREA UNTIL THEY ELIMINATE THEIR NUCLEAR WEAPONS, DONALD TRUMP WILL MEET WITH KIM JONG UN.  IF OBAMA WOULD HAVE DONE THIS, REPUBLICANS WOULD HAVE SHOT HIM ON THE SPOT AND CALLED HIM A FOREIGN TERRORIST – So despite confusion and concern from government officials, it seems that Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un WILL actually meet up and try to negotiate a deal for peace on the Korean peninsula.  Kim Jong Un already won the first round by even getting this far, so let’s see how much he can get out of Donald “Great Negotiator” Trump.  By the end of the year it’s possible that North Korea will own Guam, the Aleutian Islands and Hawaii while Donald Trump gets a fake gold watch in return.  Anything is possible when you have an idiot toddler in the White House.  (bbc.com)

AN EX-RUSSIAN SPY AND HIS DAUGHTER WERE ATTACKED IN ENGLAND BY SOMEONE USING A DEADLY AND RARE NERVE AGENT.  GEE, I WONDER WHO HAS ACCESS TO RARE AND DEADLY NERVE AGENTS AND COULD HAVE ORDERED THIS ATTACK?  COUGHPUTINCOUGH – Sergei Skripal and his daughter, Yulia, were the targets in an apparent assassination attempt that used a very nasty nerve agent.  The pair survived but are in critical condition.  No one has claimed responsibility but it’s pretty fucking obvious that Putin and Russia were behind the attack.  Putin himself could be on video delivering the poison with a giant jug marked ‘poison’ and the fuckers would still deny it.  Meanwhile, Donald Trump and his compromised cronies have remained silent on this terrorist act and are probably just waiting for talking points from daddy Putin.  (bbc.com)

DON’T FORGET YOUR GOOD LUCK CHARM!  YOU’LL NEED IT IF YOU WANT TO BE SUCCESSFUL – Although amazingly hard to accurately study, there have been multiple scientific studies to try and determine how much of a role talent and luck play in a person’s financial success.  The most recent scientific study involved a model that was developed by researchers at the University of Catania which found that luck is quite important in an individual’s success.  Although this doesn’t mean that you should just give up on working hard and just buy a bunch of lottery tickets, it does go to show that often the most skilled people aren’t always the most successful.  So work your ass off and pray to God you get a few lucky breaks if you really want to be financially successful.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 03/02/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

EL PASO DISTRICT ATTORNEY JAIME ESPARZA ISN’T VERY GOOD AT HIS JOB.  HE’S SO BAD AT HIS JOB THAT EVEN UTEP FOOTBALL COACHES MARVEL AT HIS INCOMPETENCE – For a second time, a Judge has declared a mistrial in the case of Devon Huerta and the punch that “may or may not” have killed Constable Robert White back in Halloween of 2014.  Though there was no hard evidence that Devon Huerta delivered the punch that “may or may not” have led to Constable White’s eventual deadly heart attack, the DA still decided to proceed with a Jury Trial for some stupid ass reason that is only known to Jaime Esparza.  I assume he just wanted to waste taxpayer money as he grandstanded for votes by showing how much he loves law enforcement.  At most, this should have been some basic assault plea deal but it ended up as two costly trials because DA Jaime Esparza wanted to appear “tough”.  Now we wait and see if it goes back to trial or if something else can be worked out.  By now DA Esparza should have known that the juries in El Paso and Las Cruces don’t really like cops and are usually stacked with morons who will gladly let someone get away with murder if it satisfies some random agenda that only exists in their head.   (cbs4local.com)

OH GOODY!  EL PASO IS GETTING ANOTHER DIVISION 2 SPORTS TEAM.  WE’RE REALLY HITTING THE BIG TIME NOW!  /S – After finally realizing that they really aren’t that important or powerful the members of MountainStar Sports Group have given up on their plans to get an MLS team and have settled for a division 2 futball team in the USL.  Although it should be noted that the MLS really, really sucks balls and by international futball standards it is probably division 3 thus making El Paso’s new team a division 4 team at best.  Regardless, MountainStar Sports is hyping this up and is trying to drum up support for a downtown stadium.  Though after the debacle with the multipurpose arena, no politician with any brain is going to touch that project with a ten foot pole.  If they build the stadium with their own money that would be awesome, but in the current climate there is no way in hell any of the local government agencies commit to this without risking their ass in future elections.  Our local government will sooner build a monument to Billy Abraham in downtown El Paso before they do another controversial sports complex deal.  (elpasoinc.com)

FOR THOSE WONDERING IF THAT DOME GOING UP NEAR DOWNTOWN ON I-10 IS RELATED TO ALIENS ……. NO, IT’S NOT ALIENS.  UNLESS ALIENS ARE SILENTLY INVESTING IN ROOFING MATERIALS – The Gabbo-tastic dome that has been going up near Downtown El Paso has been attracting attention since construction started and now we know what exactly is going on in that building.  Thanks to KDBC, who simply asked the owner what was going on, we now know that the dome is being built as a showroom for foam roofing company Foam Applications LLC.  The company is owned by Francisco Molinar and he has apparently been working on this business with his family for quite some time.  Although foam roofing doesn’t sound very sexy, the building looks like it’s going to be a fresh an eye-catching architectural experience.  And if all else fails, the family can just lease the building which will inevitably become a strip club called “One Giant Boob Club”.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC-NEWS

AT LEAST IT’S NOT A NUCLEAR WAR.  IF THE IDIOT TODDLER IN THE WHITE HOUSE MUST START A WAR, IT’S BETTER IF IT’S JUST A TRADE WAR – In one of his most ignorant moves yet, Donald Trump has committed to steel and aluminum tariffs because he thinks the rest of the world will just let him do whatever he wants without retaliation and because “trade wars are easy to win”.  He’s doing this to kiss ass in the Rust Belt for upcoming elections, but doesn’t understand the basics of economics and can’t see how this will fuck over the rest of the country when the price of all other goods start to rise as a result of other countries and their inevitable retaliatory tariffs.  Donald Trump is a complete, fucking cunt.  (bbc.com)

PRESIDENT XI JINPING OF CHINA IS ON THE VERGE OF DECLARING HIMSELF DE FACTO DICTATOR FOR LIFE.  BUT DID YOU KNOW HE HAS ALSO BANNED WINNIE THE POOH IN CHINA?  THE MONSTER! – China has a weirdo communist/capitalist system in place that once made a big deal of limiting term limits because of Chairman Mao and the horrible shit parade that his decades in power ultimately created.  But now the weirdo communist/capitalist system will bend the rules it created because President Xi Jinping wants to be president for life and the country is stable enough that no one in power really cares if he stays or not.  In the run up to this historical change to the government rules, the Chinese government has been cracking down on phrases like “election term” and “emperor for life” from internet posts but also erasing pictures of Winnie the Pooh from the internet.  Why is Winnie the Pooh a resistance figure in China?  Well, it turns out that President Xi Jinping has a striking resemblance to the lovable, portly bear and the Chinese people use Winnie the Pooh as a replacement figure when they indirectly want to criticize their president.  Do yourself a favor and look for Xi Jinping/Winnie the Pooh comparison pictures on the internet.  You won’t be disappointed.  All hail Chinese Emperor Winnie the Pooh!  (bbc.com)

IT IS ACADEMY AWARDS TIME!  WILL THE SEQUEL / REMAKE / RE-IMAGINING / HOMAGE TO THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON WIN BEST PICTURE?  YOU’LL HAVE TO WATCH THE CEREMONY ON SUNDAY TO FIND OUT – The Oscars will be taking place in Hollywood this Sunday and that can only mean one thing ……. THE SIMPLE MINDED ENTERTAINMENT TOURNAMENT OF FILM IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER.  So once the New York / Los Angeles Film Awards take place this Sunday, the movie prize that really matters can finally be decided.  Onward to the 2018 Simple Minded Tournament of Film!  (Deadline.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 02/23/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

HORIZON BOULEVARD HAS BEEN A TRAFFIC AND SAFETY NIGHTMARE FOR YEARS.  GUESS WHO FINALLY FOUND OUT THAT THERE IS TRAFFIC ON HORIZON?  YOU GUESSED IT!  TXDOT! – After years of traffic issues on Horizon Boulevard, txdot has finally showed up to the party a few years late.  I guess they were hoping that the road would magically cease to be the state’s responsibility and that Socorro and Horizon would, also, magically decide to be responsible and proactive.  The state has begun with the public input phase of planning and is now holding community meetings where they will listen to the concerns of the citizens who live there and then just ignore them and go ahead and do whatever it was they were planning to do anyway.  The best thing that txdot could do to alleviate traffic in the area is to create an overpass where Moon Road ends and create another north/south connection under the freeway, but we all know that Bob Bielek and friends will just build half a sidewalk along Horizon, add half a lane, shrug their shoulders and call it a day.  But txdot should not get all the blame for the traffic disaster on Horizon Boulevard.  If El Paso County, Socorro, Horizon City and Sparks would just show some basic government initiative they would at least have plans in the books to expand and improve Moon Road, Mark Twain Avenue and Stockyard Drive.  Connectivity is the best way to reduce traffic problems and giving people other options while driving is the ONLY way these issues can be corrected..  (cbs4local.com)

NOT EVERYTHING ALONG THE RIO GRANDE IN EL PASO IS ABOUT FENCES, CONCRETE AND OVER THE TOP SECURITY MEASURES DESIGNED TO FIGHT OFF IMAGINARY TERRORISTS.  SOME PARTS OF THE RIO GRANDE IN EL PASO ARE TREATED LIKE AN ACTUAL FUCKING RIVER ECOSYSTEM.  HEAVEN FORBID A RIVER BE TREATED LIKE A RIVER – Kudos to the International Boundary and Water Commission for their habitat restoration project along the Rio Grande from the Sunland/El Paso zone all the way up to New Mexico.  The IBWC does a great job of maintaining the land around the river and has planted tens of thousands of plants and trees in order to restore the native environment around the Rio Grande.  It’s a shame that they cannot extend their restoration project into the actual city of El Paso but, because of shitty mid-20th century Anglo engineering that “managed” the river with tons of concrete and the overkill “security” measures needed to fight imaginary invaders, it will be a longgggggggg time before the government fixes the ecological mess they created.  At least the Rio Grande will be restored from Sunland going north, so that’s nice.  (cbs4local.com)

WE TIP OUR HAT TO TWO LOCAL LEGENDS – It was a sad week as Eugenio Licon and Fred Carr passed away.  Licon was the founder of the historical Licon Dairy in San Elizario which produces some of the best Asadero cheese in the world (you have to buy them fresh from the farm) and also has a petting zoo on the premises.  Licon was an esteemed member of the San Elizario community and his loss will be felt by many.  He will have one last ride around his farm on Saturday after the funeral mass and the public is welcome to attend and say their goodbyes.  Fred Carr also passed away this week and he will be remembered as being one of the best linebackers in the history of UTEP football.  Carr led the Miners to 2 bowl victories and was drafted fifth overall by the Green Bay Packers in the 1968 draft.  He had a great career with the team and was inducted into the Green Bay Packers Hall of Fame in 1983.  At first glance, Fred Carr and Eugenio Licon seem from extreme ends of the spectrum.  But they were both valued members of the community who did great things in their time in the Greater Mogollon territory.  God speed, gentlemen.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

LOOKS LIKE LIFE IN SYRIA, FOR THOSE NOT FELLATING ASSAD AND PUTIN, IS STILL PRETTY HORRIBLE – The United Nations will finally seek a ceasefire to hostilities in Syria in an attempt to provide humanitarian aid to the hardest hit rebel areas that are still filled with civilians.  The UN has been pretty passive in this latest round of pro-government (coughRUSSIAcough) aggression in rebel held areas that have left many civilians dead or wounded.  You know it’s bad when the pictures coming out of the area cause the UN to finally grow a backbone and tell Russia to cut its bullshit.  There are many areas in Syria that have experienced indiscriminate bombing by the Assad government but the main focus of this ceasefire is the devastatingly hit area of Eastern Ghouta.  Now we move to the political wrangling portion of the UN’s ceasefire plan which will see Russia try to make this as beneficial as possible to Assad and his cronies.  In case you are wondering, the clusterfuck in Syria is not going to end anytime soon.  (bbc.com)

GOODBYE, OLYMPICS.  WE’LL SPEND ALL OF OUR TIME WATCHING SPORTS WE NEVER REALLY CARED ABOUT AGAIN IN TWO YEARS –The 2018 Pyeongchang Winter Olympics are coming to an end and it all finishes up with the always entertaining closing ceremony on Sunday.  Like most Olympic games, the 2018 event featured many memorable moments and went off with very few controversies.  As an added bonus, NBC has finally gotten it right and announced that Johnny Weir and Tara Lipinski will be part of the main commentary team for the network’s closing night coverage.  Because everything is better with commentary by Tara Lipinski and Johnny Weir.  (deadline.com)

JUST A FRIENDLY REMINDER, VIOLENT VIDEO GAMES AND MOVIES DON’T LEAD TO MASS SHOOTINGS.  THE EASY AVAILABILITY OF WAR WEAPONS AND AMERICA’S CRAPPY MENTAL HEALTHCARE SYSTEM ARE THE REASONS WE HAVE MASS SHOOTINGS – In the wake of the Florida School Shooting, idiots in government have come out of the woodwork to blame “violent” video games and media for influencing the school shooter.  While most people correctly recognize this as paid-off conservatives covering for the NRA, a lot of people sincerely believe this bullshit that video games lead to violence.  Decades of research and studies of violent media and video games have found no correlation with media and mass shootings or even increased violence.  In fact, some studies have seen a DROP in violence because of these so called “bad influence” games, movies and media.  Kudos to the writers of Discover Magazine for breaking this down so eloquently and presenting nothing but the facts in this debate.  Dumbasses have been blaming “corrupting media” for whatever ills society faces for centuries and it’s time that these idiot pearl-clutchers are put in their place.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

 

SIMPLE MINDED 8-TRACK MIX TAPE – 4th Quarter 2017

 

After some delay, here is the Simple Minded 8-Track Mix Tape.  So here's our top musical picks for the 4th quarter of 2017 - July, August and September.  We'll try to put up our full Top 100 Songs list for 2017.  Yes, we are aware we're a couple of months behind schedule.

FOURTH QUARTER 2017 – October, November & December

TRACK 1 – “Turbo” by Cosmo from the album Cosmotronic

PRODUCT OF:  Ivrea, Italy

THIS SONG KICKS ASS BECAUSE:  It’s the perfect mix of Euro Pop and avant-garde electronic beats.  And you got to love a song that incorporates a long, hard laugh into the chorus.

IF I CLOSE MY EYES I CAN SEE:  Italian fashion models in post apocalyptic, Middle Eastern haute couture being led by Cosmo in an epic dance fight against a fascist army in the ruins of an Italian city.

WANT TO READ A FANTASTIC FACT RELATING TO THE SONG THAT WE PROBABLY JUST MADE UP?  DID YOU KNOW:  In addition to being the nickname of singer Marco Jacopo Bianchi, ‘Cosmo’ is also the nickname for legendary fashion magazine, Cosmopolitan.

Continue reading “SIMPLE MINDED 8-TRACK MIX TAPE – 4th Quarter 2017”

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 02/16/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

THE WAY THE BORDER PATROL UNION IS PAINTING IT, ALL THE CARTELS GOT TOGETHER AND HIRED A GIANT HOLE TO MURDER A BORDER PATROL AGENT – Once more an official government report has revealed that there is no evidence of a crime being committed in the death of Border Patrol Agent Rogelio Martinez near Van Horn a few months back.  The death of the agent and the injury of his partner was seized upon by conspiracy theorists and right wing nut jobs as proof that illegal immigrants were roaming the desert looking to kill innocent Muricans and thus proof that the border wall was needed ASAP (even though this happened a fuckload of miles away from the actual border).   This all appears to be a very tragic accident involving agents not paying attention and a deep arroyo/culvert ditch, but that won’t stop the conspiracy theorists and the Border Patrol Union from grasping at straws and declaring that master criminals planned this as an assassination for some equally outlandish reason.  (cbs4local.com)

GOOD TO SEE DOWNTOWN JUAREZ MAKING A COMEBACK – After a period of violence, Juarez has been making a comeback these past few years and Downtown Juarez is the epicenter of the revival.  A new first-run theater has opened in Juarez near the Catedral Nuestra Senora de Guadalupe and efforts continue to restore historic buildings in the area.  The multiplex is in a new shopping center created by investors and it is only one of many projects that are sprouting up in the area.  In addition, the government in Juarez is working with the government in El Paso to match the planned renovations on Avenida Juarez with the current restoration being done on El Paso Street.  Let’s hope everything gets better in Juarez and the spirit of revival in Downtown El Paso spreads into Downtown Juarez.  (elpasoinc.com)

SO YOU’RE SAYING THAT THE COCAINE ON THE LAS CRUCES BUS WASN’T PART OF THE CITY’S PLAN TO INCREASE RIDERSHIP?  BUT IT WAS SUCH A GREAT IDEA! – Police in Las Cruces arrested an employee of Roadrunner Transit for allegedly selling drugs on the job.  The alleged bus station dealer is Ernesto Garcia-Quintana and he deserves some credit for doing two jobs at once, though selling drugs on the clock on government property isn’t really the best of ideas.  He was found with 18 small bags of cocaine and $1,000 of cash yet somehow is still employed with the City of Las Cruces.  And why is he still employed despite an obvious work violation?  Because Las Cruces don’t give a fuck and loves the COCAINE!  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER SCHOOL SHOOTING.  IT’S GETTING DEPRESSING THAT THESE THINGS HAPPEN SO OFTEN THAT SOCIETY IS BECOMING DESENSITIZED – A school shooting took the lives of 17 innocent people in Florida this week as a deranged ex-student went to his old school on Valentine’s Day and shot up the place with an AR-15.  The tragedy at Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida seems to have struck a nerve with the American public and it looks like this might actually be a turning point in keeping semi-automatic weapons away from the hands of deranged individuals and morons.  It looks like “thoughts and prayers” won’t be enough for certain members of the government to wipe their hands clean of this and tough ACTION will actually be demanded by the people this time.  Which is a shame, because everyone knows that the most meaningful and powerful prayers come from the mouths of racist, vile, hypocrite Evangelical scumbags like Donald Trump.  (bbc.com)

IT TURNS OUT THAT RUSSIA WAS, IN FACT, INTERFERING WITH U.S. ELECTIONS IN 2016.  THIS WAS OBVIOUS TO EVERYONE BUT DONALD TRUMP WHO GOT A PINKY SWEAR FROM PUTIN THAT RUSSIA DID NOTHING WRONG – Robert Mueller has issued an indictment against 13 Russian nationals for meddling in the 2016 U.S. Election.  And the investigation is still going strong, so get ready for more damning evidence against those that colluded with Russia to “vote for the worst” in the 2016 elections.  While the fact that a foreign power interfered in America’s elections is pretty bad, the fact that American’s went along with it is the most disturbing thing of all.  And the Americans that went along with it are most likely the next group of people to be indicted.  Because he is a moron, Donald Trump will somehow blame all of this on Obama and claim that he and his cronies were forced by him to work with obvious Russian trolls.  (economist.com)

MOVE OVER BLACK PANTHER, AFRICAN ROBIN HOOD FOUTANGA BABANI SISSOKO IS AFRICA’S TRUE UNSUNG HERO – In the mid-‘90s, Foutanga Babani Sissoko scammed a Dubai bank and others for hundreds of millions of dollars with claims that he had black magic powers that could double any investment.  Even after he was caught, he still managed to get off with a slap on the wrist and ended up giving away tens of millions of dollars away to the poor and needy in a way that would make Robin Hood proud.  He continued to evade punishment and returned to his hometown where he was elected to office and lives out his days in his homeland.  Yes, he stole money.  But the fact that he stole money directly from upper level skeevy bankers and the ultra-bastard banking industry AND then went on to give away most of the money sort of cancels everything out.  How the fuck have they not made a movie or TV show about Foutanga Babani Sissoko?  The man is a hero!  Be sure to check out the excellent article on the BBC website for the full story on this obscure modern day Robin Hood.  (bbc.com)