Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 07/13/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

SUNLAND PARK IS CELEBRATING ITS 35TH YEAR OF BEING AN “OFFICIAL” CITY BY BRINGING IN HUNDREDS OF JOBS TO THE CITY!  HOW THE HELL DID THE DUMBASSES IN THE CITY GOVERNMENT NOT FUCK THIS UP? – In surprising and happy news, Stampede has announced that they will be establishing a major protein processing (mass food preparation) plant in Sunland Park that will create over 1,000 jobs in Sunland Park.  When Tyson Foods left the facility a few years back, state and local government agencies came together to create a plan to bring another employer to fill the void and they have surely accomplished that goal (and then some) with the arrival of Stampede to the city.  Who knows how much credit the city government of Sunland Park should get for this?  But I like to think that when Mesilla Valley Economic Development Alliance members and state officials had meetings with Stampede in Sunland Park, they told the mayor and city council members that the meeting was on the Moon and sent them to the Spaceport so they wouldn’t screw up negotiations.  Happy 35th anniversary of being called a city, Sunland Park.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

EL PASO’S DIVISION TWO SOCCER TEAM IS HAVING A “CONTEST” TO CHOOSE A NAME FOR THE TEAM.  IT’S NOT LIKE THEY ALREADY HAVE THE NAME DECIDED ON AND ARE USING THIS AS A SHAMELESS MARKETING SCHEME.  LORD KNOWS HOW WELL THE NAMING CONTEST DEBACLE WENT FOR THE CHIHUAHUAS – El Paso is getting a division 2 soccer team and MountainStar Sports Group “needs your help” in picking a name.  The El Paso team will play in the USL and fans are asked to pick from a list of five finalists.  Three of the names (Stars, Estrellas and Tejanos) are amazingly stupid so, knowing the team management, are probably the frontrunners.  Tejanos is actually the dumbest name that can be chosen because ‘Tejanos’ is the term that people in South Texas east of Laredo use to refer to themselves because of some random pseudo-historical beliefs that they hold.  So Tejanos makes no sense in this part of the world and it’s also, inexplicably, the nickname for the El Paso Community College sports teams.  The remaining two names aren’t all that bad and both have a nice ring to them.  ‘Lagartos’ has a strong affinity with Downtown El Paso and the Plaza De Los Lagartos and the desert gator theme was a fan favorite when the baseball team voting contest was announced before Chihuahuas was finally chosen.  ‘Locomotive’ is the other name that is pretty cool because it ties in with the train yard and railroad history in El Paso and acts as an homage to all the Eastern European futball teams that use the Lokomotiv name.  So please, for the love of God, go vote for Lagartos or Locomotive as the El Paso Futball team name.  Otherwise we’ll end up with Stars, Estrellas or (GROAN) Tejanos.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

NMSU STUDENT EXCAVATIONS HAVE UNCOVERED THE REMAINS OF A SETTLEMENT MORE THAN 500 YEARS OLD THAT SHEDS LIGHT ON THE ORIGINAL JORNADA MOGOLLON INHABITANTS OF THE REGION.  ARCHAEOLOGY IS FUN! – NMSU’s Anthropology Department has continued important work on the poorly named Cottonwood Spring Pueblo north of Las Cruces and the El Paso Herald Post has a great story on the ongoing research.  Although it is called a ‘pueblo’ the settlement is more closely related to the Mogollon people and the Paquime nation state than the contemporary Pueblo settlements and people of northern New Mexico.  If anything, the people who created these settlements are more closely related to the contemporary Apache tribes in the area than to any other group.  Still, the research they are doing here is very important and gives a clear picture of the complex and advanced peoples that inhabited our region hundreds of years ago.  Current dating techniques place the Cottonwood Spring Settlement to about 1300 to 1450 AD and the size is rather impressive, consisting of hundreds of rooms.  Let us never forget our past and the history of the Greater Mogollon region and its people.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

IF YOU WERE WONDERING IF THINGS COULDN’T GET WORSE IN NICARAGUA, WELL THEY JUST GOT WORSE – Fighting continues in Nicaragua as mass protests have grown in the past few months and a mass strike just added more fuel to the fire.  Of the more extreme things to come out this week was the raid by government/paramilitary forces on a church that resulted in the deaths of multiple protestors that were seeking refuge in the facility.  As it stands, President Daniel Ortega is steadfast on maintaining power and will not even call for new elections or any viable changes.  So both sides are at a stalemate and we now find the violence in the country approaching ‘90s civil war levels.  If you thought the migration from Central American countries into the U.S. was bad now, it will get monumentally worse if Nicaragua goes into civil war mode.  (reuters.com)

IN ADDITION TO EARTHQUAKES, HURRICANES AND VOLCANOES; JAPAN ALSO HAS TO DEAL WITH OVERWHELMING RAIN AND CATASTROPHIC FLOODING.  I GUESS GODZILLA AND OTHER KAIJU ARE JUST THINLY-VEILED METAPHORS FOR ALL THE NATURAL DISASTERS THAT CONSISTENTLY HIT JAPAN ON A CONSISTENT BASIS – Torrential rains and accompanying floods and mudslides in western and central Japan have killed more than 170 people since last week and millions more have been affected by blackouts and the evacuation of homes in the danger zone.  This is the strongest flooding event that Japan has seen in decades and some parts of the country have truly been devastated.  Although the rain has died down, any future rainfall in these saturated areas will just bring more damage and destruction.  Stay safe, Japan.  (bbc.com)

THE WORLD CUP IS COMING TO AN END.  ALL THAT’S LEFT IS THE UNLIKELY CHAMPIONSHIP GAME OF FRANCE VS. CROATIA.  RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING TO BE THE FINAL – The World Cup ends on Sunday and it has been, for the most part, a pretty good tournament.  No real standout team has emerged, but we have had a few solid teams in the mix and two of the strongest are now in the final.  Croatia is probably the more exciting and productive of the two, but France has the “strong defense, only do enough to win” vibe that doesn’t excite but leads to multiple victories.  So who you got?  (bbc.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 07/06/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

JUDGING BY THE LOCAL NEWS STATIONS, YOU’D THINK THAT DRUNK DRIVING AND DOWNTOWN ARENA CONSTRUCTION WOULD BE THE LEADING CAUSE OF DEATH IN EL PASO.  BUT NO, PLAIN OLD HEART DISEASE IS THE NUMBER ONE KILLER IN EL PASO – The El Paso Public Health Department has released a study that covers different aspects of the health of El Paso’s residents as a whole.  Among the more interesting findings was that the top 4 leading causes of death in the region can be attributed to cardiovascular disease, cancer, stroke and accidents.  They also released a color coded map of the area’s health issues with dark red being the color for the unhealthiest areas of the city.  Guess what part of the city was colored with the darkest red imaginable?  It rhymes with ‘Vower Lalley’.  Who would have thought that a car-dependent area filled with nothing but auto dealerships, junkyards, bars, greasy spoon diners, money laundering operations masquerading as successful businesses and liquor stores would be an unhealthy environment?  Naturally, the people in the Lower Valley will respond by complaining to the city and asking for more on-street parking and more places to drive their car – why bother with sidewalks when you can just use that space for another driving lane and more parking!  That last part sounds like a joke, but people in the Lower Valley have actually asked for sidewalks and pedestrian areas to be removed so they can have more space to park and drive their shitty cars.  (cbs4local.com)

MIRACLE IN LAS CRUCES – Kudos to the Las Cruces community and other charitable people in the area for stepping up big time when the  Las Cruces Gospel Rescue Mission burned down on June 22.  Since then, different people and businesses have committed to help and now the thrift store will have a temporary home as they make repairs and the more than 700 children who depend on the organization for school clothes will still be able to get help for the upcoming school year.  The Las Cruces Gospel Rescue Mission could still use help, so if you want to donate to an organization doing good things locally look no further than these guys.  (cbs4local.com)

JUST ANOTHER FRIENDLY REMINDER, RED SANDS IS FUCKING PRIVATE PROPERTY.  SO QUIT POLLUTING THE PRISTINE SAND DUNES WITH UNAUTHORIZED OFF ROAD VEHICLES.  BAD ENOUGH THAT CRAPPY HOUSING IS ALREADY ENCROACHING ON THE AREA – Red Sands is private property, but that still doesn’t stop the throngs of people who use it for off-roading, drinking, photo shoots, parties and other random violations of natural space.  The problem is so bad that there is a security force known as the Texas Rescue Patrol (possible Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers reference) that is made up of volunteers whose sole purpose is to make sure people don’t go onto the private Red Sands property for borderline illicit activities.  Instead of focusing on dime a dozen trails on the Westside and rundown slum housing in Union Plaza, it would be nice if “activists” and other interested parties would work with El Paso County and other relevant government entities to try and secure all this land for preservation and regulated public use.  One day greedy developers are going to encroach on this entire area and a unique and pristine sand dune environment will be destroyed.  If you think dumbass, disrespectful off-roaders are cunts; you have no idea how bad the developers will be in comparison.  Let’s force the government to finally step up to the plate at Red Sands and make it a public park.  The Texas Rescue Patrol can protect Red Sands from 4th of July fireworks but, unlike Chip and Dale, they can’t be around 24/7 to protect Red Sands all the time.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT THEY FOUND THE KIDS TRAPPED IN A CAVE IN THAILAND.  THE BAD NEWS IS THAT THEY ARE STRANDED IN THE FLOODED CAVE AND IT’S GOING TO BE A HELL OF AN EFFORT TO GET THEM OUT – 12 boys and their futball coach have been found in the Tham Luang cave in Thailand after being missing for days, but now the hard part begins as volunteers try to take them out.  A diver has already died trying to deliver supplies and the monsoon season means it’s a race against time to try and get them out.  Many ideas have been brought up to try and get them out, ranging from the practical to the absurd, as authorities plan their next move.  As always, famous attention whore Elon Musk came out with a stupid idea involving a “kid-sized submarine” even though it’s already been noted that some of the gaps in the cave are so narrow that a diver cannot pass while wearing an oxygen tank.  But sure, a fucking submarine should have no problem taking the kids out in narrow passages where only one person can fit.  Elon Musk, ladies and gentleman!  And they still keep on giving the fucker billions of dollars for outlandish, “futuristic” ideas that don’t generate a profit.  A dozen kids are close to death and Elon Musk still manages to weasel his way into the story.  God help those poor children.  If the cave doesn’t kill them, the SpaceX Tesla Super Submarine will surely explode and kill them all.  (bbc.com)

MEXICO HAS A NEW PRESIDENT, BUT JUAREZ STILL CAN’T PICK A DAMN MAYOR – Lopez Obrador was the landslide winner in Mexico’s election in a contest that wasn’t even close.  But while pundits are marveling over Obrador and the Morena party’s rise to power, Juarez is having an ongoing controversy in the mayoral election.  Preliminary results show Javier Gonzalez Mocken from the Morena party beat incumbent Armando Cabada by just over 5,000 votes.  Naturally, this has led to calls for a recount and claims of fraud at the polls.  And with the added bonus of Cabada being involved, the drama in the Juarez race is the most spectacularly absurd election in all of Mexico.  (elpasotimes.com)

AFTER WHAT SEEMS LIKE YEARS OF SHITTING ON ETHICS AND COMMON DECENCY, SCOTT PRUITT RESIGNED AS CHIEF OF THE ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION AGENCY – Scott Pruitt resigned this week not because Republicans finally grew a pair of balls and called him out on his corruption and cronyism, but because his feelings were hurt because activists were calling him and his family out for being human excrement.  Normally this would be great news, but Donald Trump will just find another sack of shit with no morals to “lead” the EPA and allow corporations to do whatever they want to the environment as long as they “donate” to the right politicians.  Fuck those guys.  (reuters.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 06/29/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

THIS COMING WEEK WE WILL ALL BE CELEBRATING AN IMPORTANT ANNIVERSARY.  THAT’S RIGHT, IT’S CHICO’S TACOS 65TH ANNIVERSARY! – Chico’s Tacos first opened its doors on July 4, 1953 and El Paso, and the world, has never been the same.  Among all their legendary food items, Chico’s is best known for its flautas that are drowned in cheese and a special tomato sauce and that are the food of choice for drunk people getting out of bars at 2 AM.  Though if you go to Chico’s you also have to try the El Paso-style round hot dog or the special menu item where they put a hamburger patty inside a grilled cheese sandwich.  So be sure to do your civic duty this coming week by visiting Chico’s Tacos and buying your fair share of delicious, greasy food and commemorative T-Shirts.  On July 4 we honor Joe Mora, Emma Mora and family for giving us Chico’s Tacos on that fateful July 4th in 1953.  On a side note, July 4th is also Independence Day so you can celebrate that as well and make a double holiday out of it!  (cbs4local.com)

IN STARTLING NEWS, EL PASO COUNTY HAS REVEALED THAT THE ASCARATE GOLF COURSE LOSES MONEY EVERY YEAR AND IT ONLY GETS WORSE WITH TIME.  BUT EL PASO COUNTY IS SO COMPETENT AND THE ASCARATE GOLF COURSE IS SO EFFICIENTLY RUN, HOW CAN THAT BE? – A new report reveals that the Ascarate Park Golf Course loses money because “people aren’t playing gold anymore”.  Seriously, a department in El Paso County researched all the financials and information available on Ascarate and came up with the impressive conclusion that “people just aren’t playing that much golf anymore (shrugs shoulders)”.  Armed with this impressive research, County Commissioners must now decide how to fix this problem and at least break even with the golf course.  Gee, maybe a government entity should not be in charge of an old golf course and should instead sell it and let a private company handle it.  At the very least they can transfer the entire park to the City of El Paso – they do have a parks and recreation department and handle every other fucking park inside city limits.  Hell, maybe El Paso COUNTY can actually build a park outside of El Paso city limits and let the city government handle parks INSIDE city limits.  But alas, El Paso County will keep on pursuing pointless endeavors and lose money on projects they have no business in running.  (cbs4local.com)

KHALID IS HOLDING A SPECIAL HOMETOWN CONCERT IN EL PASO IN SEPTEMBE …… WAIT IT SOLD OUT, BUT THEY JUST ADDED A SECOND SHO ……. TOO SLOW, THAT ONE SOLD OUT TOO – Khalid announced a special hometown show at the Don Haskins Center for September 14 and soon after the tickets went on sale the show sold out in minutes.  But because Khalid is such a cool guy, he added a second show to maximize the amount of people who bought tickets.   Space is still available for the second show, so buy your tickets now or miss out on some Khalid action.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

AT LEAST EUROPE IS TRYING TO FACE ITS MIGRATION PROBLEMS HUMANELY.  UNLIKE OTHER COUNTRIES – After days of contentious meetings, the European Union has reached an immigration control agreement between its members that seeks to make sure all countries are on the same page when it comes to migration.  Even though the number of immigrants that have come into Europe has dropped considerably in the last couple of years, some eastern European countries continue to be racist and Italy continues to take the brunt of the Mediterranean migrants because it is the closest and most popular entry point for migrants.  One of the main issues is the weirdo European Union policy of having migrants register in the country where they reach Europe (which is most often Italy) and the fact that most people don’t want to stay in Italy or any of the other countries that they arrive in when they reach the continent and instead want to go to Germany or France.  This new agreement offers to help the “arrival” countries and give funding to promote economic development in Africa , but most people believe this is all for show and that the continents migration issues will continue.  But at least they aren’t separating children from their parents and creating internment camps on military bases – that would just be fascist and no modern country would ever sink to those levels.  (reuters.com)

IT’S GREEN SATURDAY!  GO STOCK UP ON YOUR UNREGULATED GHETTO WEED PRODUCTS BEFORE THE GOVERNMENT TAKES THEM ALL! – Ever since California legalized recreational marijuana sales, July 1st was the date given for when full government regulation would kick in to ensure that all marijuana retailers were only selling safe and government approved products.  With that in mind, shops all over California are rushing to fulfill these government regulations and are having fire sales to get rid of all their ‘unregulated’ merchandise before they become unauthorized.  It’s Weed Apocalypse and now is the time to stock up on cheap, ghetto weed and marijuana products from a legitimate business before you are forced to buy your favorite garbage product from a random drug dealer that doesn’t know the difference between herbicides and rat poison.  (reuters.com)

REMEMBER WHEN REPUBLICANS IN CONGRESS REFUSED TO APPROVE BARACK OBAMA’S FULLY MANDATED CHOICE FOR THE SUPREME COURT BECAUSE “THERE WAS AN IMPORTANT ELECTION COMING UP”?  GUESS WHO IS NOW TRYING TO PUSH THROUGH A FLY BY NIGHT SUPREME COURT NOMINATION BEFORE A MAJOR ELECTION? – Republicans and Conservatives are hypocritical sacks of shit.  Donald Trump gets a lot of blame for being a complete, fucking cunt and human excrement, but the Republicans are fully complicit in all this fascist bullshit and they should be called out on it.  The fact that they stole a Supreme Court pick from President Obama and are now trying to fast track a pick from Donald Trump speaks volumes about their hypocrisy and evil nature.  We won’t even bother with the mysteriously corrupt circumstances of Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy’s retirement; these fuckers can burn the Constitution and wipe their ass with the ashes and the redneck fucks that follow them would just applaud.  The scary thing is that most of these sacks of shit are followers of American Evangelism, which is nothing more than an evil mockery of the teachings of Jesus Christ, and they use to justify their racism and evil nature.  Jesus would be ashamed of these people and the vile things that they do in his name.  Fuck the hypocrite, conservative Republican sacks of shit and their theft of the Supreme Court.  Republicans sure seem to be fans of treason and fascism.  (reuters.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 06/22/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

SUMMER IS HERE AND, AS TRADITION DICTATES, IT’S GOING TO BE HOTTER THAN HELL IN THE GREATER MOGOLLON REGION – El Paso is welcoming Summer in its usual fashion with a crippling heat wave.  Temperatures are expected to hover around highs of 105 degrees Fahrenheit or higher this weekend, so be safe and try to limit outdoor activities this weekend.  You can go outside, but just don’t do anything stupid.  El Paso is used to super hot weather but nobody is immune to heat stroke.  (cbs4local.com)

KUDOS TO THE EL PASO COMMUNITY FOUNDATION FOR TRYING TO HELP OUT IMMIGRANT FAMILIES THAT ARE STUCK ON THE BORDER ON BOTH SIDES – Since we last left Donald Trump’s Fascist Adventures, he decided to create a humanitarian crisis by issuing his big bad “Zero Tolerance” policy that led to children being separated from their parents and placed in internment camps.  After that massive public relations failure, Donald Trump backtracked on the whole torturing children plan and is now flapping his gums and spewing racist rhetoric to try and cover his mistakes.  After this clusterfuck, there are a ton of impoverished families that need help and the El Paso Community Foundation is stepping up to help all those in need in the Paso del Norte region.  The “Migrant Families Relief Fund” that they started will help distribute funds to local organizations that will provide everything from food to supplies to housing and legal aid for immigrants in need in both El Paso and Juarez.  Good show, El Paso Community Foundation.  Even if fascists are in power in Washington, it doesn’t mean that the rest of the country can’t be decent human beings.  (elpasoinc.com)

STUDENTS AT CLARKE MIDDLE SCHOOL HAVE CREATED A MOBILE APP THAT HAS BEEN PICKED UP BY THE APPLE APP STORE.  WHEN I WAS IN MIDDLE SCHOOL I USED COMPUTERS TO WRITE ANONYMOUS OBSCENITIES ON RANDOM MESSAGE BOARDS AND LOOK FOR PICTURES OF NAKED GIRLS.  DAMN, THIS NEW GENERATION OF RESPONSIBLE YOUNG ADULTS ARE MAKING ME LOOK BAD – Elements and Principles of Art is a mobile app that teaches users about art concepts such as balance, contrast, unity, pattern, etc.  The thing that is really inspiring is that students at Clarke Middle School, under the guidance of visual arts teacher Samuel Saucedo, are the ones that designed and put the app together.  Kudos to these kids for doing a very unique and amazing thing.  It’s a free app, so if you can take time off from your busy schedule of writing obscenities online and looking for pictures of naked girls make sure to download the app and get these guys some more exposure.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

LOOKS LIKE A MASSIVE BODY OF WATER CAN’T KEEP IMMIGRANTS AWAY FROM EUROPE.  MAYBE IF THEY BUILD A WALL ON THE MEDITERRANEAN IT WILL STOP IMMIGRATION, EVERYONE KNOWS ALL YOU NEED IS A MASSIVELY EXPENSIVE WALL TO SOLVE ALL IMMIGRATION PROBLEMS – The migrant drama continues to be a hot button issue in Europe, even though the numbers have died down from the highs experienced a few years ago.  Italy is threatening to take over ships used to rescue migrants, Malta is refusing to let ships filled with migrants to dock on their shores and Hungary is creating draconian laws to punish people who help immigrants in any form.  So yeah, just a typical week in Europe.  America’s immigration issue is nothing compared to the immigration problems that Europe has to face – but even the most hard line Europeans treat migrants with some basic decency, unlike the American government.  (bbc.com)

KOKO THE GORILLA WILL JOIN THE PANTHEON OF GREAT APES THAT INCLUDES KING KONG, DONKEY KONG, MAGILLA GORILLA AND DONKEY KONG JR. – Koko the Gorilla died this week at the age of 46 and she will forever be remembered as the Gorilla who learned sign language.  Koko died under the care of the Gorilla Foundation in Californa where she spent her latter years and continued with her mastery (by gorilla standards) of sign language.  Hell, I can barely communicate in human languages and don’t know a thing about sign language – so Koko had one up on me.  Rest in peace, Koko.  You were a kickass gorilla and you will be missed.  (reuters.com)

INCOMPETENCE IN RECYCLING ISN’T JUST AN EL PASO PROBLEM, IT’S A GLOBAL PROBLEM NOW – There’s a problem facing recycling programs worldwide and tons of recyclables sit in warehouses waiting for someone to buy them up and recycle them.  Once upon a time, China bought most of the world’s recyclable materials and life was good for most recycling companies and government recycling programs.  But then China decided to evolve its economy and stopped buying plastics and most other recyclables as it focused inwards on its own waste recycling and other environmental issues.  As has been seen with the City of El Paso and its recycling contracts, most recycling companies are not making money and tons and tons of plastics and other items are accumulating in warehouses with nowhere to go.  China isn’t going to come around and buy everything up, so the world will now have to find another way to economically recycle plastics and other items or watch as they are simply dumped in landfills.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 06/15/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

FROM WILDFIRES TO MUDSLIDES, THE MESCALERO APACHE TRIBE JUST CAN’T CATCH A BREAK – Over 1,000 acres of forest were burned down in last week’s fires near Mescalero, New Mexico and now heavy rains this weekend are expected to bring the threat of mudslides to the area.  Wildfires burn down vegetation and that in turn causes the soil to wash away more easily and exasperates the runoff and mudslide potential.  Federal authorities are working with the tribe and local governments to try and secure the area that is in danger of mudslides.  A state of emergency has been issued by the Mescalero Apache Tribe and evacuations are still on the table in case things get real bad with the storms.  And now the unpleasant waiting game begins.  (cbs4local.com)

THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT IS NOT VERY GOOD AT BUDGETING AND RESPONSIBLE SPENDING.  IN RELATED NEWS, THE SKY IS BLUE – In news that surprised no one, an audit has revealed that the new William Beaumont Army Medical Center in Far East El Paso is over $200 million over budget and 3 years behind schedule.  The hospital project was started in 2013 and was expected to be completed in 2016 at a cost of $812 million, yet here we are.  Incompetent contractors and an absurd amount of design changes have led to the bloated budget and, unless they are building a secret alien base and using the hospital as a cover, the time and money wasted is absurd even by federal government Baby Huey standards.  The moral of the story is that the federal and state governments should never be in charge of anything and all money should just be funneled straight to the local level where it can be used efficiently.  Let’s cross our fingers and hope Beaumont Medical Center actually gets completed by 2019.  (cbs4local.com)

WE CAN ALWAYS NOT BUILD PLAYGROUNDS AND JUST HAVE CHILDREN RUN AROUND IN THE GRASS LIKE A NORMAL PARK – Parents in El Paso are mad that playgrounds are hot during the middle of the day IN SUMMER and are asking the city to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars for protective shelters at each playground location.  Geez, can’t people just go early in the morning or wait until the fucking Sun goes down for their kids to use the playground?  Do we really need to spend millions of dollars to coddle people who obviously don’t give a damn about anything and take their children outside during 100+ degree temperature days.  Somehow people are up in arms over crappy buildings in Union Plaza being torn down yet aren’t protesting when the government plans to waste millions on pointless projects like playground shelters for dumbass parents and their kids.  Your tax dollars at work.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

AFTER DECADES OF POSTURING AND COMPLAINING, GREECE WILL FINALLY RECOGNIZE THE COUNTRY OF ‘MACEDONIA’ AS LONG AS THEY CALL THEMSELVES ‘NORTH MACEDONIA’.  GREECE LOVES ITS POINTLESS CONFLICTS – The leaders of Greece and Macedonia/North Macedonia have agreed, in principle, to a compromise that will see ‘Macedonia’ change its official name and Greece finally support the small country’s admission into the European Union and NATO.  The compromise is 27 years in the making and is one of the more absurd political powder kegs that Greece has created for itself over the years.  At issue was Greece’s objection to the name ‘Macedonia’ being used for a country because there is also a region of Greece known as ‘Macedonia’ and there were fears of future land grabs in the area.  Also, Greece has a heavy Alexander The Great fetish and didn’t want to share him and his legend with the place that was now calling itself Macedonia – ‘Macedonia’ being the homeland of Alexander.  Though it should be noted that after thousands of years very few people in this geographic region actually have a direct connection to him because thousands of years of migration will generally wipe away any pure genetic connection to any region of the world.  But all this posturing seems to be in the rearview mirror and all that remains is for the respective citizens and representatives of the countries to agree to this and it will all be settled.  Though because this is Greece and ‘North Macedonia’, we can expect lots of riots before any decision is made official.  (bbc.com)

WHO KNEW DESTABILIZING LEGITIMATE GOVERNMENTS IN CENTRAL AMERICA IN ORDER TO FIGHT A FAIRY TALE BATTLE WITH THE SHADOW OF THE SOVIET UNION WOULD LEAD TO SO MANY NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES? – The American government generally reaps what it sows and the current shit show in Nicaragua is indirectly related to all the anti-communist paranoia in Central America that they engaged in for most of the 20th century.  Hell, the CIA might be directly involved in this one as well.  President Daniel Ortega and his opposition have been fighting a bitter battle in Nicaragua over the past two months that has left over 170 dead.  A truce has been called to try and end hostilities, but as long as President Ortega stays in power and offers no concessions the opposition will still keep on fighting.  Considering what happened in the Contra War of the 1980s, this has the potential to explode in scope.  Let’s just hope this doesn’t lead to another large refugee crisis in Central America, the idiot in the White House can barely manage the current trickle of immigrants without resorting to human rights violations.  For the sake of the whole world, let’s hope that America stays out of this and just lets Nicaragua sort this out themselves with possibly the help of the UN.  (reuters.com)

IN CONTINUING WITH THEIR STREAK OF AWARDING THE WORLD CUP TO COUNTRIES WITH FLAGRANT HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATIONS, THE UNITED STATES WILL HOST THE WORLD CUP IN 2026 ON THE HEELS OF THE EVENTS IN RUSSIA AND QATAR – A joint bid by the United States, Canada and Mexico has been chosen by FIFA as the winning entry for the right to host the 2026 World Cup.  The only competition was Morocco, but their lack of extreme human rights violations set them back in the voting.  The addition of safe, secure and honorable Canada really set the bid back but Donald Trump’s decision to separate children from their parents at the border and place young kids in internment camps was the icing on the cake that put America on top of the voting and dwarfed all the horrible abuses that even Russia and Qatar have engaged in.  Although the U.S. and Mexico can hold their own in human rights violations, which is something that FIFA looks for in its World Cup bids, Canada will have to step up its game if it truly wants to earn FIFA’s respect.  (bbc.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 06/08/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

REMIND ME TO NEVER PISS OFF A HAIL STORM – An American Airlines flight from San Antonio to Phoenix made an emergency landing in El Paso after it went into the path of a severe Thunderstorm last Sunday.  This was the same system that brought heavy rains and hail to the El Paso area on Sunday and judging by the after-pictures of the plane it was one hell of a severe storm.  I don’t know how large the hail stones were, but they busted up the windshield and “completely fucked up the plane’s nose cone” (actual aviation term).  Luckily no one was seriously injured in the incident and the plane will be repaired and live to fly another day.  But let this be a lesson to everyone, don’t mess around with desert thunderstorms – they can cause a lot of damage.  (cbs4local.com)

AFTER MULTIPLE INSPECTIONS, THE CITY OF EL PASO IS TAKING ACTION AGAINST THE OWNERS OF A BATTERED DOWNTOWN BUILDING TO KEEP IT UP TO CODE.  THE PLOT TWIST IS THAT THE BUILDING DOESN’T BELONG TO BILLY ABRAHAM, FOR ONCE – The Popular Building in Downtown El Paso is a historic landmark designed by Henry Trost that once housed the Popular Department Store.  Unfortunately, its glory days are long gone and the current owners aren’t exactly rushing to fix the property.  After multiple violations, including mold and exposed electrical wires, the City of El Paso has finally put its foot down and given Fallas Paredes and its parent company 30 days to fix the most pressing problems at the building before fines and other punishments are levied on the owners.  The building still has retail and some apartments on the first few floors and the owners do seem to have a legitimate restoration plan, so hopefully this will kick start the renovation of the building.  Worst case scenario is that Billy Abraham somehow buys the building and nothing gets done for decades until he is sued by the estate of another deceased pop star.  (elpasoinc.com)

SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL ARTISTS! – The Paso Del Norte music scene produces tons of great artists and now they have a new outlet to be heard … the El Paso International Music Foundation.  The foundation is a great idea that hopes to offer networking and exposure opportunities to local musicians trying to get their music heard.  And keeping with the El Paso music scene tradition, you can expect a lot of drama and everybody sleeping around with everyone else’s boyfriends/girlfriends.  (elpasoinc.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

GUATEMALA’S FUEGO VOLCANO LIVED UP TO ITS NAME WITH DEADLY RESULTS.  ON A RELATED NOTE, NEVER BUILD YOUR HOUSE NEXT TO SOMETHING CALLED FUEGO VOLCANO – The death toll of the disastrous Fuego volcano eruption is now over 100 as authorities and the people of Guatemala struggle during the recovery phase.  The volcano erupted with a big explosion earlier this week and , unlike the slow burn lava flow previously seen in Hawaii, the action in Guatemala was limited to a short period of time but produced ultra-deadly pyroclastic flows and lahars that engulfed nearby villages with minimal warning.  So as the desperate search for survivors reaches its end, the people are now looking to the authorities for help but also for answers as to why there was no warning about the impending eruption.  Let’s hope this is the last we hear from Fuego for awhile.  (reuters.com)

HOORAY!  IT’S WORLD CUP TIME!  THE MAGICAL CONTEST HELD EVERY FOUR YEARS WHERE GERMANY, SPAIN AND BRAZIL WILL COMPETE FOR THE TITLE OF SUPER MASTERS OF FUTBALL AS DOZENS OF OTHER TEAMS WITH A SNOWBALL’S CHANCE IN HELL PRETEND LIKE THEY HAVE AN ACTUAL CHANCE TO WIN – The World Cup starts next Thursday and, even though FIFA chose to have it in a borderline dictatorship like Putinland, at least they didn’t pick a country like Qatar to host the most important futball tournament in the world – that would just be absurd.  So sit back and enjoy the magic as your productivity at work and in your personal life drop down to near zero as you aimlessly watch Tunisia vs. Panama while subconsciously wondering where your life went wrong.  (dailymail.co.uk)

DONALD TRUMP WILL ALWAYS BE A COMPLETE, FUCKING CUNT – Donald Trump is now attacking our allies and is poised to make a fool of himself at the G7 Summit in Canada by bitching about unfair trade even though he understands nothing about global trade and business in general.  The idiot probably thinks he can make America declare bankruptcy and he can just run off with all his ill-gotten gains when the whole thing collapses.  This is sadly the reality we are living in.  Oh, and he gets to meet with Kim Jong-un next week in his attempt to strike a “deal” with North Korea.  So he has double the opportunity to make a global ass of himself in the next few days.  The bar is so low that as long as he doesn’t give North Korea any American territories or islands as part of the “deal”, people will consider it a great success.  (reuters.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 06/01/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

EPISD OFFERS A SURPRISE KICK IN THE BALLS TO MANY STUDENTS AS THEY LEAVE FOR SUMMER VACATION.  EPISD DOESN’T HAVE MUCH TACT – In a surprise announcement that caught many off guard, the EPISD Board President and friends decided to let everyone know (during the last fucking week of school) that the district is low on funds and was probably going to close some schools to save money.  Even the Superintendent was apparently caught off guard by this news as he only issued a statement on Friday and did not answer questions from the press.  The optics of this announcement looks horrible as only last year the El Paso Independent School District got hundreds of millions of dollars in a bond election to consolidate and build new schools and now they are coming back and saying that enrollment is still collapsing and that schools will have to be shut down.  Gee, maybe this should have been addressed when the district was asking voters for hundreds of millions of dollars.  In addition, there are plans for the construction of a new central office building near Downtown El Paso and the fact that millions will be spent on that will make these school closures look even more awful in comparison.  Most of the schools that are “under capacity” and in danger of closing are elementary schools in poor neighborhoods and that just adds to the increasingly horrible optics of this plan.  It’s almost as if EPISD wants everyone to hate them and move their kids to another district thus allowing them to close even more schools!  (cbs4local.com)

AS EXPECTED, BILLY ABRAHAM’S BANKRUPTCY FILING HAS LED TO SOME AMAZINGLY STUPID SCHEMES TO TRY AND KEEP THE COURT FROM SELLING OFF ALL HIS BUILDINGS.  LUCKILY, THE JUDGE AND EVERYONE ELSE WITH A BRAIN CAN SEE HOW STUPID THESE SCHEMES ARE – In an attempt to prevent the court from selling off the American Furniture Building, Billy Abraham is working with Jose A. Gonzalez in a plan that will lease the building to accommodate an alleged Wyndham Hotel.  While Paul Foster has made a $225,000 offer on the building, Jose A. Gonzalez is offering a $185,000 a year lease for the building which he says he will renovate and thus bring in a Wyndham hotel to the property.  While this is all well and good, Jose A. Gonzalez is just as sketchy as Billy Abraham and has dozens of multi-million dollar projects “in the planning stages” all around the city in addition to his own financial legal issues.  Judge H. Christopher Mott, who is handling the bankruptcy case, found all of this to be a bit fishy and has set a July 24 date for a hearing to determine if this is all feasible or just a shameless Abraham-Gonzalez scheme that will never get off the ground and is being proposed solely to keep the building from being sold.  Stay tuned.  (elpasoinc.com)

FREE ONIONS!  CHEAP LEASES ON LAND!  THIS CATTLE RANCHING RACKET SOUNDS PRETTY SWEET! – A mini controversy erupted in Las Cruces this week as residents found a huge pile of onions in the middle of the desert and decided to use social media to let people know that there were free onions available for everyone.  Unfortunately, the onions belonged to the cows on some guys government leased land and were not put out there so people could go get them.  The story garnered multiple news stories on local news sites and was quickly blown out of proportion.  Things calmed down when it was explained that the onions were not dumped there as waste and that Barker Produce donated the non-consumer friendly onions to the rancher to feed to the cows.  Barker Produce also offered to give cull onions to anyone who went to their company’s front desk and asked for them.  Although they have a hard center, the rest of the onion is edible even though they are not too aesthetically pleasing.  So problem solved and free onions for everyone!  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

HEY LOOK, ANOTHER EBOLA OUTBREAK IN AFRICA.  ONE DAY LUCK WILL RUN OUT ON THE DUMBASSES RUNNING THESE COUNTRIES TO THE GROUND AND AN EBOLA OUTBREAK WILL BECOME CATASTROPHIC – The latest winner of the Ebola lottery is the Democratic Republic of Congo where the World Health Organization has increased their projections to 100 to 300 cases of Ebola this summer in the current outbreak region.  Fortunately for everyone else, the outbreak is centered in the remote and sparsely populated Bikoro region and thus will probably not reach any major urban zones.  Democratic Republic of Congo is a corrupt, war-ravaged borderline dictatorship; so the presence of Ebola in the country only makes a bad situation even worse.  But the WHO is on the case and they have enough experience with this to stop this before it becomes something truly catastrophic.  But we shouldn’t grow too complacent, one day luck will run out and the world will have to face prolonged exposure to Ebola in urban environments outside of Africa.  (reuters.com)

THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT THE CURRENT KILAUEA ERUPTION IS ENTERING A “CALM” PHASE, THE BAD NEWS IS THAT IT MIGHT BE BUILDING UP TO A BIGGER EXPLOSION THAN BEFORE – The volcanic lave flows continue on the big island of Hawaii and more homes and businesses continue to fall in the lava’s path.  Even though the eruption has entered a calm phase, the lava still flows and this will continue to be a problem for the residents on this part of the island for some time to come.  Though we should be careful not to sensationalize these eruptions and act like all of Hawaii is on fire, it is still a pretty big deal to the people in this area and the pictures and videos of the lava and eruptions are simply spellbinding.  Be safe, Hawaii, and let’s hope that the calming isn’t a sign of more devastating things to come.  (reuters.com)

DONALD TRUMP CONTINUES TO BE A COMPLETE, FUCKING CUNT AND ANYONE WHO IS OFFENDED BY THAT CAN GO FUCK THEMSELVES – This week, Donald Trump decided to bully AMERICA’S ALLIES by putting tariffs on them and risked the start of a major trade war due to his stupidity and arrogance.  Though these countries are America’s friends and allies, they won’t stand idly by as they are attacked by a jingoistic American jackass who sadly controls trade powers.  Interestingly, Russia is not getting any major tariffs or sanctions, but fuck if Donald Trump would ever anger his masters.  In addition, idiot Trump also went back and forth on the North Korea summit and defended racist tweets by Roseanne Barr.  So it was quite the week for the racist, moron sack of shit that is currently in the Oval Office.  Donald Trump is, and will always be, a complete, fucking cunt.  (bbc.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 05/25/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

WELCOME BACK, BASSETT TOWER! – After decades of neglect, the O.T. Bassett Tower has finally been renovated and many of its original features have been restored to their former glory.  The iconic El Paso tower is now an Aloft hotel and includes an bar called WXYZ that will be open to the public.  The ground floor areas at the base of the building will soon see some new restaurants that promise to inject some new life into the area.  The pictures of the renovation look excellent and show that this was a high quality project for the city.  Kudos to all involved for making this great project a reality.  (ktsm.com)

EL PASO HAS TIRZ FEVER AND THE ONLY CURE IS MORE INVESTMENT AND DEVELOPMENTS – The City of El Paso is in the process of creating 2 new Tax Increment Reinvestment Zones, aka TIRZ, and expanding an existing one to include a larger area.  The new TIRZ and the expansion area are located in Northwest and Northeast El Paso and are areas that are poised to see increased development in the coming years.  TIRZ are a government tool that allows taxes generated in the zone to be reinvested for infrastructure and other projects that are unique to the zone.  Overall, TIRZ are a great tool to encourage controlled growth and are a great way to handle taxes.  But for those who still have questions, the City of El Paso will be holding public meetings to give more details on the zones and to handle any questions, suggestions and complaints that the public might have.  Now is the time to speak up about this plan and to ask questions.  Don’t wait until the project is practically ready to start before you begin the bitching and moaning like the fuckers who don’t want the Downtown Arena.  It’s good to see the city making an attempt to handle growth and taxation responsibly.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

ONCE MORE, CONGRATULATIONS GO OUT TO KHALID.  KHALID JUST CAN’T STOP WINNING AND KICKING ASS – El Paso’s beloved crooner, Khalid, has won another trophy to add to his extensive collection.  The singer won the 2018 Billboard Music Award for Top New Artist and gave El Paso a shout out in the process.  Kudos, Khalid.  Your music is awesome and you are one hell of a guy.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

IRELAND WAS ONE OF THE FEW CIVILIZED COUNTRIES IN THE WORLD THAT STILL HAD EXTREME LAWS AGAINST ABORTION.  LOOKS LIKE IRELAND WILL BE CASTING THAT ANOMALY ASIDE AND WILL BE AN EVEN STRONGER MEMBER OF THE DEVELOPED WORLD – The Irish people have spoken and it looks like they are overwhelmingly behind Women’s basic rights.  For years, abortion was only legal in Ireland when a mother’s life was in danger.  But now it seems that Ireland will get less extreme laws when it comes to a woman’s right to choose.  Exit polls are showing a landslide vote in favor of changing Ireland’s laws to allow abortions within the first three months and in special cases involving rape and incest.  Although not as liberal as some of Europe’s other countries, the change to Ireland’s laws will finally give Irish women the basic rights that were denied to them for so long.  (bbc.com)

THE ON AGAIN, OFF AGAIN NORTH KOREA – UNITED STATES SUMMIT APPEARS TO BE OFF AGAIN AS DONALD TRUMP AND KIM JONG-UN CONTINUE TO ACT LIKE TODDLERS WHILE HAVING NUCLEAR WEAPONS AT THEIR DISPOSAL – So after temper tantrums by both Kim Jong-un and Donald Trump, the planned June meeting between the leaders of both countries seems to be off.  This could all change at the drop of a hat, however, as we are one penis-compliment away from both sides becoming friends and declaring the end to all nuclear weapons.  Donald Trump is a moron and will probably GIVE North Korea nuclear weapons as long as Kim Jong-un compliments Donald Trump’s groin and talks shit about Hillary Clinton.  Stay tuned, you never know what to expect when idiots with nuclear weapons get together.  (bbc.com)

YES, APPARENTLY THE BORDER PATROL REALLY IS THAT FUCKING STUPID UP ON THE CANADIAN BORDER – Ana Suda and her friend are U.S. citizens and El Paso natives.  They were recently stopped at a convenience store in Havre, Montana for speaking Spanish in public and being “suspicious”.  Apparently, Border Patrol Agent Buford T. Buttfuck thought he made the bust of the century when he saw two people in Montana speaking Spanish and “obviously” planning terrorist cartel activity.  Because, in his tiny mind, drug dealers are so fucking stupid that they would bring attention to themselves by speaking Spanish in front of a Border Patrol agent in MiddleOfNowhere, Montana.  The two women were released after being questioned, but not after recording the cringe-worthy encounter with the dumbass border security guard.  Border Patrol Agents aren’t exactly the FBI or CIA and you must score really low to end up on assignment in the hinterlands of the Canadian border.  Rest assured, the Border Patrol Agents in the southern border would never be this ignorant and even they think the Border Security Guard Force patrolling Canada is the bottom of the barrel.  (cbs4local.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 05/18/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

DOWNTOWN EL PASO IS GETTING A NEW TALL BUILDING!  IT’S NOT A HIGH RISE OR A SKYSCRAPER, BUT AT 18 FLOORS IT’S A START – The city and county governments of El Paso have approved millions of dollars in tax incentives and rebates to Hunt Companies and WestStar Bank for the construction of a large headquarters in Downtown El Paso.  The building will be built on the corner of North Mesa and I-10 next to the giant ditch where they decided to put the freeway.  In addition to housing the main offices of Hunt Companies and WestStar Bank, the building will also include parking and office space for rent.  Hopefully this jump starts new construction projects in Downtown and maybe we’ll finally get a new high rise or skyscraper in El Paso.  Kudos to everyone involved for making this excellent project happen.  (elpasoinc.com)

HUGS NOT WALLS.  THAT SHORT PHRASE SAYS IT ALL – Last Saturday, hundreds of families were briefly reunited on the Rio Grande as the Border Network For Human Rights organized the fifth annual Hugs Not Walls event.  People from both sides of the border met on the El Paso side of the river for a brief time without fear of punishment and with permission from the authorities.  The fact that this has been going on for five years just goes to show that this idiotic obsession with walls and xenophobia the country is experiencing goes way beyond Donald Trump and his stupidity.  Some parts of Murica are just really, really fucking racist and stupid.  This is a great event for the community and we should do all we can to support the Border Network For Human Rights and everyone else that is trying to create a positive border.  Fuck the wall!  It’s all about Hugs Not Walls.  (ktsm.com)

IT’S LIKE ONE OF THOSE DELIGHTFUL TEEN COMEDIES WHERE STUDENTS GET TOGETHER IN AN ELABORATE SCHEME TO CHANGE THEIR GRADES AND THEN LEARN A VALUABLE LESSON ABOUT LIFE.  ONLY NONE OF THE GADSDEN TEENS ARE DELIGHTFUL AND THEY DIDN’T LEARN JACK – The Gadsden School District and Gadsden High are in the midst of a scandal as it was recently revealed that over 50 students were involved in a cheating scheme.  The students allegedly gained access to a computer program used for credit recovery (more than likely a student got a teacher’s easy to guess password) and then proceeded to change their grades.  If the kids were smart they would have only done this with a few students and only changed their grades slightly and thus would have never been caught.  But the fact that they allowed over 50 idiots to get in on the scheme and then made obvious grade changes leads me to believe that these weren’t the best and brightest that Gadsden has to offer.  So now multiple students have been punished and many more will no longer be able to graduate this year.  All because they got greedy and stupid.  Did they not learn anything from those teen comedy heist movies?  (kvia.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

IF AMERICA’S GOAL WAS TO ADD FUEL TO THE FIRE AND HELP ISRAEL IN ITS HORRIBLE, SOUTH AFRICA-STYLE HANDLING OF THE BORDER DISPUTE WITH PALESTINE, THEN MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.  LET IT BE NOTED THAT DONALD TRUMPS IDIOTIC ACTIONS DIRECTLY LED TO THE DEATHS OF 60 PALESTINIAN CIVILIANS – The junior version of Apartheid South Africa, emboldened by Donald Trump’s idiotic move of the U.S. Embassy to Jerusalem, acted disproportionately to protests on the Gaza border by firing live rounds at unarmed protesters and killing dozens of people in the process.  But the Palestinians had rocks and burning tires, so the brave Apartheid Warriors of Jerusalem were fully justified in using machine guns and calling in airstrikes.  Even the UN condemned the horrible overuse of force that happened on Monday and they generally just let Apartheid South Africa Junior do whatever the hell they want.  This was a low point for diplomacy in the Middle East and it is completely deplorable that the Palestinians are being ghettoized and massacred at will.  Forcing people into ghettos, massacring them when they rise up because of horrible living conditions and then claiming the moral high ground by saying it is “self defense”.  Gee, where have we seen that before?  (bbc.com)

SPEAKING OF STUPID ACTIONS THAT HAVE DONE MORE HARM THAN GOOD IN THE MIDDLE EAST, LET’S CHECK IN ON IRAN – If the ultimate goal was to make America look weak and untrustworthy, then the current foreign policy is working wonders.  Even though the United States have pulled out of the Iran Nuclear Deal, the European Union is still trying to salvage it because it was working and because the last thing the world needs is an economically challenged Iran pushed to make nukes as bargaining chips.  The fact that Europe and the rest of the world are still working on this without America’s help speaks volumes to the diminished role and standing that the United States now has.  When will this corrupt shitshow in the White House end?  (reuters.com)

ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER SCHOOL SHOOTING.  BUT DON’T WORRY, REPUBLICANS (I.E. FAKE CHRISTIANS) ARE OFFERING THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS.  WHY EVEN BOTHER REPORTING ON ALL OF THIS, THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS WILL SOLVE THIS PROBLEM IN A SNAP – Somehow, a teenager was able to get access to a shotgun, handgun and other weapons used in a school massacre and the right wing gun nuts are still trying to blame video games and other random nonsense in order to avoid talking about gun control.  But at least they offered thoughts and prayers, the most powerful tool available to the Fake Plastic Evangelicals.  So 10 innocent kids are dead in Santa Fe High School near Houston and still nothing will be done by the idiots in charge.  No one is talking about banning all guns, rational people just want to make sure that fucked up teenagers can’t get easy access to multiple high powered weapons.  Is that too much to ask?  (reuters.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 05/11/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

WE’RE GETTING CLOSE TO THE DAY WHEN TXDOT SHUTS DOWN ALL THE ROADS IN EL PASO TO PAINT ONE SINGLE TRAFFIC STRIPE ON THE FREEWAY.  A TRAFFIC STRIPE THAT WILL BE PAINTED INCORRECTLY THUS RESULTING IN MORE ROAD CLOSURES THE FOLLOWING WEEK.  GOOD JOB, TXDOT – The geniuses at txdot are back at it and this time they will close I-10 at the intersection of Sunland Park Drive for 57 hours this weekend to demolish the old Sunland Flyover ramps over I-10 as part of their Super Fantastic Go 10 Re-Construction Project.  This latest artificial clusterfuck will shut down the freeway during both a holiday AND UTEP graduations.  They got testy when questioned about the timing of the closure and txdot’s not-a-moron spokesperson, Jennifer Wright, responded, “If not this weekend, when?”  Gee, Jenny, maybe when it isn’t a holiday AND when there aren’t multiple fucking graduation ceremonies going on a few miles away.  I’m sure the original plan was to close the freeway during an important Sunland Park Racetrack event, but even txdot has some common sense.  But here we are, part of a Frankenstein state called Texas and forced to take orders from morons hundreds of miles away.  Would it be so bad if everything west of the Pecos became a separate state and then we would only have to deal with EPDOT?  (cbs4local.com)

LANE GADDY JUST HAS TO BUY A COUPLE OF BUILDINGS IN JUAREZ AND HE’LL BE KING OF THE GREATER MOGOLLON REGION – Not to be outdone by his amazing building renovations in Downtown El Paso, Lane Gaddy has decided to spread the wealth and is leading an investment group in the purchase of the tallest building in Las Cruces.  The 11-story Electronic Caregiver building and surrounding area will now, hopefully, get the Lane Gaddy treatment and become a classy yet modern destination in Las Cruces.  The city has been seeing some new developments lately and the introduction of Lane Gaddy and friends to the mix signifies that more investment and construction projects are surely on the horizon for Las Cruces.  (elpasoinc.com)

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN BAR OWNERS THAT DON’T REALLY GET ALONG WITH THEIR NEIGHBORS MOVE INTO THE WHINIEST RESIDENTIAL NEIGHBORHOOD IN EL PASO?  WE’RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT! – The residents of Kern Place have been complaining about any random noise that comes out of the Cincinnati Entertainment District for decades now and most people have learned to ignore them and just do enough to keep them from stopping the economic progress of the Westside.  You’d think that living mere feet from North Mesa (one of the most crowded streets in El Paso) would have made them accustomed to noise and traffic.  But no, they’ll still bitch and complain about any business that moves anywhere near Stanton.  But now it seems that things will get even wackier as the owners of Later Later, who actually have warrants out for not showing up to court for noise complaints, plan to open a bar near Cincy.  Add to this the fact that all the local news stations love nothing more than giving crazy people an outlet to complain about pointless shit and you have the ingredients for a very entertaining public fight.  We haven’t had any crazy public meetings yet on this topic, but you just know they’re coming.  So get your popcorn ready and don’t forget to create a drinking game that involves taking a shot every time a resident of Kern places bitches about traffic circles even though the meeting isn’t even remotely related to street issues.  You’ll die of alcohol poisoning in 15 minutes.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

IT’S EUROVISION TIME!  THE WORLD’S FAVORITE SONG CONTEST … EXCEPT FOR CHINA.  EUROVISION IS APPARENTLY A LITTLE TOO GAY FOR CHINA – It’s that time of the year again, time for Europe to crown its champion of music by ignoring all musical merit and focusing instead on gimmicks and wackiness.  Yes, kids, it’s Eurovision time!  We have some global controversy this year as Chinese broadcaster Mango TV has lost its broadcast rights because they decided to censor parts of the semi-final round when a rainbow flag was pictured on screen and when two men were seen dancing together.  Apparently rainbow flags and dancing gay men are the new enemy supreme of China.  The grand final will take place on Saturday and, as always, expect the gimmickiest, gaudiest and over the top performance to be crowned as champion.  Don’t even worry about analyzing the music (it isn’t even remotely about the music), just sit back and enjoy the magical and overblown spectacle.  (bbc.com)

THE HISTORY OF HORSE DOMESTICATION AND THE SPREAD OF LANGUAGE AND IDEAS IN EURASIA HAS BEEN A COMPLEX ISSUE THAT HAS LED TO MUCH DEBATE OVER THE YEARS.  AFTER STUDIES OF THE LARGEST COLLECTION OF HUMAN DNA EVER ANALYZED, THE HISTORY OF EURASIA CONTINUES TO BE A COMPLEX ISSUE THAT HAS LED TO MUCH DEBATE – For fans of DNA research and ancient history (who isn’t a fan?), recent studies released in the journals Nature and Science have been a godsend.  The Discover Magazine blog has an excellent run down of all these studies and if you aren’t going to read the journals you might as well feed your mind with the summaries.  From horse domestication to the Indo European Language Family to tool use to the hepatitis B virus, these studies cover everything but the invention of the kitchen sink (and that will probably come in a later DNA study).  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

IF IT LOOKS LIKE FRAUD AND BRIBERY, IT’S PROBABLY FRAUD AND BRIBERY.  UNLESS DONALD TRUMP AND FRIENDS ARE INVOLVED, THEN FOX NEWS LABELS IT “COMMON PRESIDENTIAL BEHAVIOR”.  NOTHING TO SEE HERE – The Trump Shitshow continued this week as his personal lawyer, Michael Cohen, was found accepting large sums of money from corporations that had business or pending business decisions related to the federal government.  Michael Cohen is a shitty lawyer from the shittiest law school  in America and somehow  large corporations were giving him hundreds of thousands of dollars for his expertise and not because he could get them influence and access to Donald Trump.  Suuuuuuuuuuure.  At worst this is extortion to try and get companies to pay up or be punished and at best this is the president’s FRIEND AND PERSONAL LAWYER selling access and possible influence regarding important national decisions.  AT&T and the other companies that paid this moron are like the creepy guys on To Catch A Predator who would walk in to a stranger’s house pants-less with a six-pack and a box of condoms.  We don’t need to see them commit the crime, we all know what their intent was and what they wanted to accomplish with the fictional underage girl.  Where’s Chris Hansen when you need him?  (bbc.com)