Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 09/14/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

IT’S KHALID APPRECIATION WEEKEND IN EL PASO!  PLAN ACCORDINGLY – Khalid has returned home to El Paso a conquering hero and he was rewarded by the El Paso city government with the key to the city.  In addition, Khalid will celebrate his triumphant return by playing back-to-back concerts at the Don Haskins Center on Friday and Saturday.  Well played, Khalid.  So make sure you celebrate Khalid Day by buying his album and jamming out to all his great songs – it’s the official way to celebrate this new holiday.  (cbs4local.com)

MORE THAN ONE WEEK LATER AND THE SUNSPOT OBSERVATORY IS STILL CLOSED WITH NO REASON GIVEN.  I DON’T WANT TO SAY IT’S ALIENS, BUT IT WAS PROBABLY A “WEATHER BALLOON” – Last week, the FBI mysteriously closed off the Sunspot Observatory near Cloudcroft and forced all the employees out of the premises.  No reason has been given for this closure and the tight lipped nature of the operation has led to many conspiracy theories popping up online.  It’s anybody’s guess as to what went down in the Sunspot Observatory.  But we can all agree that the authorities will make up some bullshit excuse over the closure that doesn’t even begin to explain the use of Blackhawk helicopters and federal agents on an NMSU facility.  My money is on an official explanation involving swamp gas and birds that look like UFOs.  (kvia.com)

I’VE SAID IT BEFORE, EL PASO NEEDS A MEXICAN AMERICAN CULTURAL CENTER LIKE A PIG NEEDS TWO ASSHOLES.  THE ENTIRE FUCKING CITY IS A MEXICAN AMERICAN CULTURAL CENTER.  IT’S MORE THAN 2/3 “MEXICAN AMERICAN” AND “MEXICAN AMERICAN” IS THE DOMINANT CULTURE IN THE REGION! – As long as the city doesn’t go over budget and keeps the money spent in a respectable range, the Mexican American Cultural Center is okay.  It’s a stupid idea, but if it makes people happy and can be used by the entire community it will be a nice thing.  The latest plan to keep costs down is to expand the Downtown library with a new building and include the cultural center in the improved library/center complex.  This would cut down on costs and fit in nicely with the nearby history museum and future children’s museum.  Naturally, certain idiots in the city want to show off their Latino Superman nonsense and are asking for an even bigger center that requires even more taxpayer money.  These people are idiots and, even if they disrupt community meetings, they should just be ignored and the most financially responsible option should be used.  If there is no private sector push, let’s not let this snowball into a massive waste of money.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

AT ONE POINT THIS WEEK, THERE WERE FOUR NAMED STORMS IN THE ATLANTIC IN ADDITION TO ALL THE OTHER STORMS RAMBLING AROUND IN THE PACIFIC OCEAN.  AND THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A BELOW-AVERAGE HURRICANE SEASON! – As Hurricane Florence soaks the Carolinas and Typhoon Mangkhut makes its way towards the Philippines and China, a bunch of other storms of varying sizes are twirling around all around the globe.  Whether you call them hurricanes, typhoons or cyclones; these storms are dangerous and all should be on alert when in their vicinity.  If this is a below-average season, I can’t imagine what it would be like if we were in an above-average season.  (bbc.com)

REMEMBER WHEN EBOLA OUTBREAKS WERE CONSIDERED SCIENCE FICTION AND THE WORLD WAS SCARED OF WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF THEY BECAME REALITY?  AH, SIMPLER TIMES.  NOWADAYS EBOLA OUTBREAKS ARE SO COMMON IN AFRICA THAT THE REST OF THE WORLD JUST IGNORES THEM – Lost in the news cycle is the current Ebola outbreak impacting the Democratic Republic of Congo.  The outbreak has been occurring since August and 91 people have died out of 133 cases.  To make matters worse, this is all occurring among the backdrop of warring militant groups fighting for control of this part of the Congo.  Normally this would be pretty big news, but the rest of the world doesn’t really care about poor countries like Congo and tragedies like this are more common than many people think.  The global community should really pay attention to issues like this before they burn out of control.  (telegraph.co.uk)

IN ADDITION TO BEING A SMUG, SACK OF SHIT CONSERVATIVE ZEALOT; LOOKS LIKE BRETT KAVANAUGH IS ALSO A SEXUAL PREDATOR.  THIS WON’T DISQUALIFY HIM FROM THE SUPREME COURT AND ONLY MAKES HIM MORE IN LINE WITH REPUBLICAN IDEALS.  HE’LL BE ABLE TO JOIN FELLOW SEXUAL PREDATOR, CLARENCE “COCA COLA PUBIC HAIR” THOMAS, ON THE SUPREME COURT AND FOLLOW ORDERS FROM ULTIMATE SEXUAL PREDATOR, DONALD TRUMP – Brett Kavanaugh is an idiot conservative zealot and a lap dog for Donald Trump.  For those reasons, he should not be on the Supreme Court.  Though now it seems we can add sexual predator to Kavanaugh’’s list of accomplishments.  A woman has come forward and revealed that Brett Kavanaugh attempted to drunkenly sexually assault her at a high school party back in the ‘80s.  In his defense, getting drunk and trying to take advantage of incapacitated girls is the accepted norm for hypocrite Republicans.  So the Donald Trump shitshow just keeps on growing and we can only expect more creepy stories to come out regarding Brett Kavanaugh.  The guy literally looks like the adult bro embodiment of date rape and roofie abuse.  (newyorker.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 09/07/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

IT TURNS OUT ONE OF THE NEGATIVES OF INSTALLING ARTIFICIAL TURF IN POORLY SECURED AREAS IS THAT IDIOTS CAN CAUSE HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS IN DAMAGE THAT IS NOT EASILY REPAIRED.  IF EPISD WOULD HAVE JUST INSTALLED REGULAR GRASS AT BOWIE, THE VANDALIZED FIELD COULD HAVE BEEN FIXED WITH SOME DIRT AND $5 OF GRASS – After spending hundreds of thousands of dollars to install spiffy artificial turf at Bowie High School Stadium, the field was severely damaged when 4 idiot teens drove their car onto the field to do donuts and then proceeded to vandalize other parts of the stadium.  The idiots were caught but, because laws don’t work and the idiots were minors, they will most likely get off with a slap on the wrist and taxpayers will be on the hook for the full cost of repairs.  Right about now I bet EPISD is wishing they didn’t waste all that money on artificial turf at Bowie without making sure that there was adequate barriers in place to prevent random vehicles from getting on the field.  That’s why you can’t have nice things, Bowie.  (cbs4local.com)

ONCE UPON A TIME, NMSU WANTED TO INCREASE ENROLLMENT SO THEY STARTED HANDING OUT A BUNCH OF SCHOLARSHIPS.  THE PLAN WORKED A LITTLE TOO WELL AND NOW NMSU HAS A BUDGET DEFICIT BECAUSE OF THE SCHEME.  OOPS! – NMSU has announced that they have a deficit in the $5 million range because of all the scholarships they have been giving out over the past few years.  For some ungodly reason NMSU included their scholarship students in their planned revenue stream, which is like including ghosts in the revenue stream.  Teachers are getting paid, no matter what, whether there is 1 student or 50.  So they can just stuff all the scholarship students and ghosts in the classrooms without spending an extra dime.  Just don’t count them in planned revenue and, VOILA, you don’t have a budget deficit.  So with that problem solved, keep on giving out scholarships like Halloween candy, NMSU.  Hell, if you start giving scholarships to cows and farm animals you can be considered visionary.  (cbs4local.com)

BILLY ABRAHAM IS IN JAIL AGAIN.  LOOKS LIKE ABRAHAM’S PAST IS OUT TO BITE HIM IN THE ASS – When you live your life in an antagonistic manner and do things without a care for consequences, eventually your actions catch up to you.  Or when your loaded and connected lawyer father dies, there’s no one left to cover your ass.  Either way, it looks like Billy Abraham is in trouble again and there is no one else to blame but himself.   The latest arrest comes from last year’s “elevator incident” in which Billy Abraham brazenly tried to manipulate and bribe witnesses in his attempts to change the inspection and operation dates on an unsafe elevator in one of his buildings that should not have been in service.  The government went after him for the elevator and he thought he could pull a fast one by dicking around with the inspection certificate.  Next time on the Billy Abraham legal soap opera:  bankruptcy court and a possible final partitioning of his property empire.  Stay tuned.  (elpasoinc.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

ALTHOUGH THE ECONOMIC CLUSTERFUCK IN VENEZUELA AND ARGENTINA HAS NOT YET SPREAD TO BRAZIL, THEY ARE KEEPING BUSY WITH THEIR OWN CLUSTERFUCK THAT SAW THEIR NATIONAL MUSEUM GO UP IN FLAMES AND A PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE GET STABBED DURING A CAMPAIGN STOP.  SO JUST ANOTHER WEEK IN BRAZIL – Last weekend, the National Museum in Rio caught fire and virtually all of its contents were lost.  The museum didn’t have a sprinkler system and the people in the country see this as an example of an incompetent government choked by corruption.  The anger of the people in Brazil is palpable and upcoming elections in October are stirring up strong emotions.  A few days ago, one of the front runners for the presidency was stabbed during a campaign stop and almost died.  Granted, Jair Bolsonaro is a right-wing, hate-filled nut job.  But no candidate should be in danger in any advanced democracy.  On the bright side, Brazil’s economy isn’t as crappy as Venezuela or Argentina.  So they’ve got that going for them …….. for now.  (reuters.com)

BURT REYNOLDS IS DOING CRAZY TRANS-AM STUNTS WITH JESUS AT THIS VERY MOMENT.  LONG LIVE BURT REYNOLDS – Some sad news this week as legendary actor Burt Reynolds passed away at the age of 82.  Burt Reynolds will be known for his amazing acting career that included such classics as Deliverance, Smokey and the Bandit and Boogie Nights.  His career ranged from every genre imaginable and he made an impact on both the large and small screen.  Burt Reynolds always had a smile on his face and it seems he had a lot of fun and enjoyed life to the fullest.  Rest in peace, Burt Reynolds.  (bbc.com)

ALTHOUGH THE HURRICANE SEASON STARTED OFF SLOW, IT’S LOOKING TO MAKE UP FOR LOST TIME WITH 3 POSSIBLE HURRICANES IN THE ATLANTIC AND MORE IN THE PACIFIC – Hurricane Florence is the big monster currently lurking in the Atlantic with its eyes set on the Carolinas.  But there are other storms taking aim at American territory on both sides of the globe.  By this time next week we might have major storms making impact from Guam to Hawaii to the Virgin Islands to the Carolinas.  Although the hurricane season started off slow, it looks like it’s coming on with a vengeance during the peak of the season.  Be careful out there.  (tbo.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 08/31/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

THE IDIOTIC FIGHT TO SAVE A WHORE HOUSE AND RED LIGHT DISTRICT-RELATED HISTORY AT UNION PLAZA LOOKS LIKE IT’S COMING TO A CLOSE.  HEAVEN FORBID A NEW ARENE BE BUILT IN THE ULTRA HISTORIC WHORE HOUSE SECTOR OF UNION PLAZA – The Texas Supreme Court has finally done something right and ruled against the lawsuit by morons Max Grossman and J.P. Bryan that was pushing for voters to be allowed to vote on the Union Plaza area being declared a historic district.  The Texas Supreme Court wisely ruled against this stupid idea that would set a precedent to allow organizations with enough clout to put time consuming zoning-related issues on the ballot.  What’s the point of electing a government if every stupid fucking idea and decision is going to be placed on the ballot by sore loser, crybabies?  So now we wait and see how the other frivolous lawsuits by Grossman and friends pan out before construction on the multi-purpose arena/center is begun in the area.  People that really care about the buildings in the area should make a deal with the city as soon as possible and at least incorporate the facades of the more aesthetically pleasing buildings into the new building.  By following an idiot like Max Grossman, the people that really care about the area will see the entire thing flattened completely with nothing saved.  Now is not the time to listen to opportunistic, outsider trash like Max Grossman and J.P. Bryan.  (cbs4local.com)

KUDOS TO SAN ELIZARIO FOR DOING SOMETHING PROGRESSIVE AND TRYING TO SAVE BEES AND NATURAL PLANTS IN THE AREA.  SEE THAT, SOCORRO AND THE REST OF THE LOWER VALLEY?  THAT’S HOW YOU RUN A NON-INCOMPETENT GOVERNMENT – The City of San Elizario recently passed an ordinance protecting three species of plant that are important to bees and the native ecosystem.  The plants that will be protected are Baileya multiradiata, verdolagas and globemallow.  In addition, San Elizario will be holding a “bee festival” to celebrate the little critters and the plants that they love.  Meanwhile, Socorro has just passed an ordinance to allow even more plants to be bulldozed so more shitty drywall and cardboard box homes can be built and they have also hired local cholos to stab all the city’s bees because they might bother the City Manager’s son on his busy schedule of getting drunk, doing cocaine and speeding on Alameda.  We can’t have pesky bees stinging the City Manager’s son as he does cocaine and drive his car really fast.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

WE SALUTE YOU, EL PASO-STYLE FLAUTAS AS CREATED BY CHICO’S TACOS.  WE HAD NO IDEA SO MANY PLACES SERVED THEM – El Paso Inc has a great write up on Chico’s Tacos and the culinary tradition they launched when they made El Paso-style flautas/rolled tacos/flautas ahogadas/Chico’s Tacos so popular.  They have a list of all the places that currently offer the dish around the region and we had no idea they were so pervasive outside of Chico’s.  As a public service, here is a list of all the local restaurants that offer their take on the El Paso culinary staple:  Chico’s Tacos (obviously), Frisco’s, Fat Bun, Fast Lane, La Tapatia, Fat Bear, Spirit Of 66, Carlos & Mickey’s, Lucy’s, Cincinnati Bar & Grill, Knife & Barrel, 3rd Tavern & Grill, The District Pub & Kitchen and every fucking greasy spoon diner along Alameda, North Loop, Montana and Dyer.  (elpasoinc.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

IT’S ALMOST AS IF ARGENTINA SAW THE SHIT SHOW IN VENEZUELA AND YELLED OUT, “NO ONE OUT ECONOMIC DISASTERS ARGENTINA.  ARGENTINA IS THE MASTER OF SOUTH AMERICAN ECONOMIC DISASTERS.” – In news that surprised no one, Argentina’s currency has collapsed as the country’s economic troubles spiral into the abyss.  Even after interest rate hikes by the central bank, the peso still keeps on falling and it looks like Argentina will need some outside help.  Naturally even though this is all Argentina’s fault, they will take money from the IMF and still blame them and foreign powers for all the economic troubles.  Brazil, the gauntlet has been thrown.  Now we wait and see if Brazil can do something even dumber than Venezuela and Argentina.  (reuters.com)

BASED ON PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE, LARGE GROUPS OF RIGHT WING NATIONALISTS MARCHING IN GERMANY IS NEVER A GOOD IDEA.  MAYBE IT’S BEST THAT THIS IS NIPPED IN THE BUD EARLY – A tragic crime in the German city of Chemnitz has ignited a powder keg in the country with no resolution in sight.  News leaked last week that Middle Eastern migrants were involved in a late night fight that turned deadly in Chemnitz and that led to right wing bastards hijacking the tragedy to turn it into an anti-immigrant protest and right wing march.  The protests in the city and elsewhere in Germany have been raging all week and thousands of people have marched and counter-marched as a result of this right wing wildfire.  The sad thing is that the nationalist dumbasses don’t even care about the victim, Daniel Hillig, and few people are even mentioning his name.  He wasn’t even political or remotely right wing and now people are using his death to encourage violence.  We should all be weary of those that preach of “nationalism” as nothing more than a cover for racism and hate.  (bbc.com)

IN THE FUTURE, GENETIC ENGINEERS WILL REPLACE DOCTORS FOR MOST MEDICAL TREATMENTS.  THE FUTURE OF MEDICINE IS UPON US – Scientists have made some extraordinary progress in muscular dystrophy research thanks to gene editing.  Using Crispr gene editing, researchers were able to use harmless viruses to enter the body and modify the DNA of dogs to stop one of the irregularities in patients with muscular dystrophy that prevents dystrophin (a protein that is important for muscle strength) from being created in the body.  Although it is too early to tell if just modifying the “dystrophin creation” is enough to end muscular dystrophy, the signs are promising that this will at least make this disorder more manageable.  Thanks to Crispr editing it looks like the genetic engineering revolution in medicine is upon us.  (bbc.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 08/24/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

AT THIS POINT, SUNLAND PARK IS LIKE THAT CREEPY EX-BOYFRIEND THAT CAN’T TAKE ‘NO’ FOR AN ANSWER AND ENDS UP GETTING A RESTRAINING ORDER – Santa Teresa’s fight for freedom continues and they have just gotten good news from the courts.  After some failed lawsuits, a New Mexico judge has ruled in favor of Santa Teresa becoming its own incorporated municipality.  This all comes as a result of Sunland Park’s shameless attempt to forcibly annex Santa Teresa and the ensuing bullying tactics used by the members of the Sunland government to bring about this annexation by force.  After the revolving door of city managers and the virtual collapse of the Sunland Park government a few years back, is it any wonder that Santa Teresa isn’t really excited about forcibly being annexed by Sunland Park?  Keep up fighting the good fight, Santa Teresa.  The Sunland Park government should fix the problems within their own city limits before they start invading other territory in order to bolster their tax base.  The next step now is for Santa Teresa to take their fight to the Dona Ana County government where they must show that they can provide public services better than what Sunland Park can provide.  Judging by the Sunland government’s incompetent past and current bullying tactics, it’s a safe bet that any rational official can see that Santa Teresa shouldn’t be forced to do something it does not want to do.  (kvia.com)

IT’S BEEN CLOSE TO 2 MONTHS AND JUAREZ STILL DOES NOT HAVE AN “OFFICIAL” WINNER IN THE MAYORAL ELECTION.  NORMALLY THIS WOULD BE A PROBLEM, BUT AT THIS POINT A SACK OF POTATOES WOULD PROBABLY BE JUST AS GOOD AS ANYONE ELSE IN THE MAYOR’S OFFICE – On July 1, Javier Mocken won the mayoral election by beating incumbent Armando Cabada by a very narrow margin.  The result was reviewed by the municipal election board and Mocken was declared the winner.  Cabada threw a fit and appealed to the people who handle elections in the state level where he was declared the winner after a “review” by the Chihuahua office.  This has angered many people and now the election will be reviewed at the federal level after multiple complaints.  Once the federal officials decide this thing it looks like there will be nowhere else to complain and Juarez will finally have a legit mayor by sometime in September.  Although we are still hopeful that the Mexican election officials in the federal level just say “Fuck It!” and declare a sack of potatoes the winner of the election and the new mayor of Juarez.  Hell, the sack of potatoes will probably do a better job of lowering crime in Juarez.  (elpasoinc.com)

FOR THOSE PLACING BETS ON HOW LONG IT WOULD TAKE FOR SOMEONE TO GET INTO AN ACCIDENT WITH A DOWNTOWN EL PASO STREETCAR, THE ANSWER IS NEGATIVE 2 MONTHS – Yup, the El Paso Streetcars don’t go into service until November and some drunk already crashed into them during the streetcar training phase.  Luckily, the accident was minor and no serious injuries or damage to the streetcar was reported.  But there is still time to place your bets for how long it will take for someone to do something stupid and get killed while running into a streetcar.  My money is on ’20 minutes after they go on official service’.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

IF ANYONE NEEDS ANY ADVICE ON HOW NOT TO RUN A COUNTRY, JUST TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT MADURO AND FRIENDS ARE DOING IN VENEZUELA – On top of the ultra inflation that is currently crippling Venezuela and its ‘new’ currency, the country’s neighbors are getting nervous at the wave of migrants and are looking to block access at the border.  The latest of the nearby countries that are feeling the pressure is Peru which plans to introduce travel restrictions and require a passport for Venezuelans entering the country.  Normally, Venezuela’s neighbors would let Venezuelans enter as long as they have an ID card.  But the current migration crisis is reaching critical mass and nearby countries have to balance the impact to their own population as well as the humanitarian principles that determine that they should be kind to innocent refugees in a time of need.  So not only is Venezuela imploding, but now the idiotic government of Maduro is threatening the stability of an entire region. God help Venezuela and South America.  (bbc.com)

MAYBE THE HURRICANE’S RAINS WILL FINALLY HELP STOP HAWAII’S ENDLESS VOLCANO – As Hurricane Lane enters in range of Hawaii, Kilauea is still erupting without a care in the world.  Hawaii got lucky this week as Hurricane Lane swerved enough to only brush the island and spare people the worst of the storm.  A ton of rain still fell in Hawaii, but at least they didn’t get category 4 winds barreling down on the island and even more rain that would fallen in a direct hit.  Of note is that the Kilauea volcano is still chugging along and waving at Hurricane Lane as it passes by.  The volcanic lava flow is now a trickle, but you got to be impressed by how powerful and long lasting volcanoes can be.  And you got to be even more impressed by Hawaiians and their ability to live normal, stable lives as they are sandwiched between two forces of nature.  (reuters.com)

DONALD TRUMP IS (AND WILL ALWAYS BE) A COMPLETE, FUCKING CUNT – The idiot Donald Trump completed a banner week as ex-associates Cohen and Manafort were found guilty of various felonies and other associates were found to have received immunity for their testimonies.  On top of all this, Donald Trump continued with his stupid, unwinnable trade war with China and continued whining like a child on Twitter.  I’m pretty sure the idiot did other horrible things and was caught up in more scandals this week, but it’s really hard to keep up with the fuck up and all his disasters.  Here’s hoping that the next week is the one where he resigns or finally gets impeached.  (bbc.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 08/17/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

IF A PERSON HAS A DRINK AND GETS CAUGHT IN A WASTE-OF-RESOURCES DUI CHECKPOINT, THEY GO TO JAIL.  IF A PERSON MURDERS SOMEONE WITH THEIR CAR IN A PARKING LOT AND SAYS THEY ARE “DISORIENTED”, THEY GO FREE AND GET A PAT ON THE BACK.  EL PASO LAW AND ORDER SURE HAS ITS PRIORITIES STRAIGHT – Tragedy struck earlier this week as a mother was killed when an idiot driver struck her and her children in the parking lot of Tippin Elementary on the first day of school.  Kharisma James was the young mother that died and her children and others were also injured in the incident.  The idiot in question that killed Kharisma James was Roger Hawkins who was conveniently “disoriented” when the cops arrived after showing off his poor understanding of driving.  Naturally, no charges were filed by the police.  But if he would have had one drink in his system rest assured that the police and every pearl-clutcher in the region would be asking for his execution.  Unfortunately, while driving under the influence is considered a major crime by many, “driving while old and stupid” is considered an accomplishment by many members of society.  So if you ever commit a crime, just be sure to tell them that you are “disoriented” and they’ll let you go with a slap on the wrist.  (cbs4local.com)

EL PASO IS ONE STEP CLOSER TO GETTING A DENTAL SCHOOL!  IT TOOK ABOUT A CENTURY, BUT THE TEXAS GOVERNMENT IS FINALLY NOTICING US – The Texas Tech Board of Regents has just approved the doctor of dental medicine degree that will be offered starting in 2021 at the El Paso medical school campus.  This is a long time coming and is one of the many professional degrees that have been missing from El Paso’s educational puzzle for a long time.  Now if the state can just stop fucking us over and allow us the opportunity to have a law school, architecture school and veterinary school; we’ll be on our way.  Kudos to the Paso Del Norte Foundation and the Hunt Foundation for getting the ball rolling on this plan and helping to bring a dental school to El Paso.  Although it would be cool if the school was called Doctor Diente’s Toothatorium and Dental School, the Woody L. Hunt School of Medicine is also a good name.  After the Hunt Foundation’s $25 million donation and support, they deserve the naming honors.  (elpasoinc.com)

 DOWNTOWN BUSINESS OWNERS ARE ONCE AGAIN BLAMING RANDOM THINGS FOR LACK OF BUSINESS.  THIS SEASON’S BOOGIE MAN IS THE CONSTRUCTION ON EL PASO STREET – El Paso Street is undergoing a major renovation project and, as is tradition, the downtown business owners are blaming their low business numbers on random reason #11354:  construction.  Although much of the loss of business over the years can be attributed to a business plan that basically consists of taking a truck to Los Angeles and buying as much cheap “Made in China” goods as possible and selling them at double the cost.  Though that simple plan might have worked in the past, consumers are now looking for more upscale goods and even shoppers from Juarez will rather drive, or take public transportation, to the mall or the nearest Wal-Mart to buy stuff.  But changing the business plan would require effort and it’s much easier to just blame random things and the government for all your problems.  Of note is the mention in the article that most of the business owners are buying into a rumor that the city has run out of money and has stopped construction on the street.  WhatsApp Conspiracy theories and fake news is alive and well in Downtown El Paso!  But we’ll hold off judgment until the late October deadline for construction to end arrives.  Maybe the conspiracy theory is right!  But once construction is complete by the end of the year we can go back to making WhatsApp rumor jokes about Downtown business owners.  Did you know Godzilla and his kaiju friends are planning to attack El Paso and are only focusing on Downtown Businesses?!?  It’s true because it’s on Facebook AND WhatsApp.  And someone’s tio has it on good authority that none other than Mayor Dee Margo is working with Godzilla to destroy businesses on El Paso St. and in Union Plaza so that they can build TWO arenas.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

EVEN DEVELOPED NATIONS AREN’T IMMUNE TO SHITTY ENGINEERING – In one of the more shocking disasters to occur in quite some time, a bridge collapsed in Genoa, Italy on Tuesday, killing more than 30 people.  What makes this so shocking is that this was a massive bridge in Genoa, Italy that served as one of Italy’s most important connections.  And it was a truly massive collapse that took out a good portion of the bridge and structures below.  It’s actually a miracle that more people didn’t die or get horribly injured, that’s how bad this collapse was.  Authorities and the bridge managers are now pointing fingers and trying to pass the blame on anybody but themselves.  Although a big storm was going on at the time and repair work was being done at the base of the tower that collapsed, it is still too early to determine why such an important bridge collapsed, seemingly, without warning in one of the most advanced and richest regions in the world.  It should be noted that the bridge was de facto privatized and a private sector company was in charge of tolls and maintenance.  So maybe privatizing important public infrastructure isn’t such a hot idea.  In case any private sector groupies want to expand this idea into America, never allow the private sector anywhere near important infrastructure.  (bbc.com)

LONG LIVE THE QUEEN OF SOUL, ARETHA FRANKLIN – Aretha Franklin passed away on Thursday at the age of 76.  Throughout her career she had a string of classic hits including “Respect” and had one of the most powerful voices in the world throughout her lifetime.  She was the Queen of Soul while alive and I don’t see anyone taking that title anytime soon.  Rest in peace, Aretha Franklin.  (reuters.com)

TASMANIAN DEVILS NOT ONLY HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT HUMANS DRIVING THEM TO EXTINCTION, THEY ALSO HAVE TO DEAL WITH A CRAZY CONTAGIOUS CANCER THAT ONLY INFECTS THEIR SPECIES.  NOW THAT’S SOMETHING WE DIDN’T SEE IN THE CARTOONS – Tasmanian Devils are a fascinating creature that managed to survive human encroachment in their isolated geological area yet are still threatened by a cancer known as devil facial tumor disease.  What is interesting about this cancer is that it is highly contagious if the devils touch the infected area of another animal and it is one of the few known cancers that acts in this way.  Thanks to preservation efforts, and sheer Tasmanian Devil will power, the Tasmanian Devil has managed to avoid extinction and is recovering in some areas.  Some fascinating research is being conducted on these remarkable creatures and their relationship to cancer and it is possible that this may help humans in their fight against the disease.  So if you’ve ever been curious about Tasmanian Devil medical issues, have I got a research paper for you.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 08/10/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

A PERSON WAS SEVERELY INJURED AFTER A WHITE PICKUP TRUCK SPED THROUGH AN ALLEY IN FIVE POINTS WITH NO REGARD FOR SAFETY.  SO IF ANYBODY KNOWS ANY CUNTS WHO RECKLESSLY DRIVE WHITE PICKUP TRUCKS, TURN THEM INTO THE COPS – Christian Ortiz, aka DJ Swift, suffered massive injuries this past Sunday when a bastard in a white pickup truck maliciously went through an alley in Five Points and pinned Christian against his car.  Christian is currently in the hospital with severe injuries while the driver of the truck got away.  Surveillance footage was released of the incident and it clearly showed a white pickup truck with no regard for safety plowing into the alley.  So if you know anyone with a white pickup truck that would do something this horrible, report them to the cops immediately.  (cbs4local.com)

WE’RE GETTING CLOSE TO THE DAY WHEN I’LL BE ABLE TO 3D PRINT STRIPPERS FROM THE COMFORT OF MY OWN HOME.  AT THAT POINT I WILL BECOME A SHUT-IN AND DIE – UTEP has pulled off quite a feat and has managed to attract Aconity 3D to set up its North American headquarters in El Paso.  UTEP lured them thanks to their Keck Center for 3D Innovation that provides countless research opportunities for UTEP students to get hands on time with industrial 3D printers.  So kudos to the UTEP staff for bringing more research and employment opportunities for El Paso’s students.  So let’s get started with that 3D printed android stripper research, UTEP.  (elpasoinc.com)

RON STALLWORTH IS ONE OF EL PASO’S GREATEST UNSUNG HEROES.  BUT A NEW MOVIE BY SPIKE LEE WILL FINALLY PUT HIM IN THE SPOTLIGHT – Ron Stallworth is an El Paso native who is best known as the black police officer who managed to trick the KKK into letting him into their organization.  During his time in law enforcement in Colorado, he infiltrated the KKK to stop an attack and later published his experience in his amazing memoir.  His story was recently made into a movie by Spike Lee which will only make his story a wider audience.  The movie, Blackkklansman, is now in theatres and Ron Stallworth will be speaking at Alamo Drafthouse and the Plaza Classic Film Festival about his experiences.  So go check out this El Paso hero if you get a chance this weekend.  As an added bonus, they’ll have copies of his book and he’ll be signing autographs!  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

BANGLADESH IS IN THE MIDST OF PROTESTS DESPITE GOVERNMENT CRACKDOWNS TO TRY AND SUPPRESS THE NEWS.  WE’LL DO OUR PART BY GIVING THE PROTESTERS A VOICE AND KEEP THE GOVERNMENT FROM DROWNING THEM OUT COMPLETELY – Bangladesh has a ton of problems and the straw that broke the camel’s back happened in late July when 2 children were killed by a speeding bus driver.  At that point the people became fed up and have been holding almost daily protests to ask for better road conditions.  Although the core of the protests center on pedestrian safety, the protests have flared up due to the general frustration of the people with a government that seems a bit on the corrupt side.  We hope things get better in Bangladesh, but their government will sooner start shooting protesters before it actually tries to make the country better.  Shooting people is much easier than working hard and helping your fellow countrymen.  (bbc.com)

TWENTY MINUTES AFTER THE HEATWAVE ENDED IN EUROPE A GIANT FLOOD HIT THE CONTINENT.  WE’RE GETTING CLOSE TO HURRICANES HITTING EUROPE AND PEOPLE WILL STILL DEBATE IF CLIMATE CHANGE “MAYBE” HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT – Wacky weather has always been around, though nowadays it seems like crazy, unpredictable weather is the norm rather than the rarity.  Just as the record temperatures receded in France and the rest of Europe, heavy rains took their place and flooded many parts of the continent.  The heaviest flooding appears to have occurred in France where over 1,500 were rescued due to rising waters.  Welcome to Europe:  If you happen to spontaneously combust, just wait awhile until the floods put you out.  (bbc.com)

SO WHEN CAN I GO TO THE PET SHOP AND BUY MYSELF A FOX? – Researchers in Russia, led by Dmitry Belyaev, managed to domesticate foxes in the 20th century and over that time managed to gather tons of research on domestication and the parts of the brain linked to aggression and the genetic basis for these changes.  The study has tons of information with an impact on everything from genetics to behavioral psychology.  Make sure you read the write up on Discover or the full journal article from Nature Ecology and Evolution if you want the full story on fox domestication.  So where can I go buy a pet fox then?  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 08/03/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

IT’S PLAZA CLASSIC FILM FESTIVAL TIME AGAIN!  AND ONCE MORE THEY HAVE SHUNNED DEUCE BIGELOW:  MALE GIGOLO – One of El Paso’s best yearly events is the Plaza Classic Film Festival.  The movie lover’s dream returns this week with more than a week of excellent movies chock full of special guests and related events.  This year there is an even bigger focus on movies with local connections and even a museum exhibit dedicated to the greater Paso Del Norte region and its role in film history.  So make sure you check out at least one movie this festival season.  You can’t go wrong with seeing a classic film in the gorgeous movie palace known as the Plaza Theatre.  The festival runs from August 2 to 12 and you can find more information at plazaclassic.com.  (elpasoinc.com)

EL PASO HAS ANOTHER WORLD CHAMPION – Kudos to Andres Hernandez for winning the gold in the 200 freestyle, in addition to other medals in the 100 freestyle and the 100 back, at the World Swimming Championships for Down syndrome that took place in Canada recently.  Andres has been competing for years and this time out beat competitors from over 20 countries to get his medals.  Congratulations to Andres.  He makes the region proud.  (cbs4local.com)

FRIENDLY ESTONIANS ARE INVADING EL PASO WITH BOOKS!  RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! – Because everyone on Facebook is a moron, “worried” parents created a mini-scare among an El Paso parents Facebook group when they shared stories of foreign exchange student booksellers roaming the city.  This being Facebook, people immediately jumped to conclusions and started talking about human trafficking, child abductions and other preposterous scenarios.  Naturally, the local news media got involved and calmed everyone’s nerves by discovering that the book sellers were Estonian students that were ensnared by, borderline pyramid scheme, Southwest Advantage to sell books during their summer break.  So no, Estonians are not here to kidnap your children.  They might be a bit pushy when selling books, but please be polite if you encounter them in your neighborhood.  They are guests in our community and we should be friendly and make them feel welcome.  Whoever assigned these poor souls to sell books in Clint during the middle of summer is one messed up individual.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

ON A POSITIVE NOTE, AT LEAST MUGABE ISN’T LEADER OF ZIMBABWE ANYMORE – The first open democratic election in Zimbabwe in decades started out well and then turned into a bloody riot once the results came in earlier this week.  The vote was close, but in the end incumbent President Emmerson Mnangagwa and his party won re-election with a majority of the seats in power.  The close result and long delay in the count have caused some of the population to think that the vote was rigged and this led to deadly protests on the day the results were first released.  Opposition leader Nelson Chamisa has also rejected the results and claims to have really won the election thus making a tense situation that much more dangerous.  Though no serious voting irregularities were reported, Zimbabwe has a SLIGHT reputation for being corrupt and that has led the population to question the results. Regardless, Zimbabwe is still doing WAAAAAAY better than when idiot Mugabe was in charge.  (bbc.com)

AT THIS RATE, EUROPE WON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IMMIGRANTS ANYMORE.  BECAUSE EUROPE WILL BE BURNED TO A CRISP AND EVERYONE WILL BE DEAD.  ONLY THE LAVA PEOPLE WILL BE ABLE TO MIGRATE TO EUROPE – Temperatures are expected to approach the continental record of 118 degrees Fahrenheit the next few days when temps in parts of Spain and Portugal flirt with that hellish mark.  The rest of Europe is also burning up and the heatwave of 2018 continues to be one for the ages.  But of course, global climate change doesn’t exist so this is all an illusion and fake news.  If everyone just ignores the high temperatures, like climate change, the temps will magically go back to normal.  Take care, Europe.  In addition to rising sea levels, desertification and the expansion of existing deserts is one aspect of climate change that many people overlook.  Let’s just hope Europe doesn’t become Sahara 2.  (bbc.com)

THAT IS ONE INTERESTING WEIRDO ROGUE PLANET – Turns out the weirdo rogue object that is floating in the Milky Way is not a Brown Dwarf, but a really big planet.  The orb’s unofficial name has been shortened to SIMP and it is now been deemed a planet because it is just “small” enough to fit in that category.  It seems our giant orb friend also has a powerful magnetic field, is really hot and might have a moon!  The universe is really, really weird.  Let’s just hope SIMP doesn’t decide to wander into our Solar System and play billiards with all his new orb friends.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 07/27/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

DUE TO A SLIGHT CALCULATION ERROR, THE $20 MILLION EL PASO CHILDREN’S MUSEUM APPROVED IN THE 2012 BOND ELECTION SHOULD HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN A $60 MILLION CHILDREN’S MUSEUM.  OOPS, GUESS THEY’LL JUST HAVE TO RAISE TAXES – In the 2012 Quality of Life Bond Election, voters approved $20 million for a children’s museum.  After actual analysis and proper estimates, it turns out a decent museum will cost $60 million.  As a result, the City of El Paso decided this week to give an additional $20 million to the museum with the caveat that the other $20 million is raised by the private sector.  All in all, the region will be getting a better museum but it really makes the people who put together the bond proposal look like complete neophyte idiots.  The tax impact will only be about $3 extra a year on a house valued at $100,000 – so that just means one less Fireball shot for everyone when they go out to the Douchebarmuda Triangle between George Dieter and Zaragoza.  Oh well, now I can only drink 10 Fireball shots in one night.  Hopefully this is the last of the 2012 Bond Election errors we’ll be seeing, but judging by the state of the arena project I wouldn’t be surprised if that $100+ million dollar commitment turned into a one meeleeon beelleon dollar commitment over the next few years.  (cbs4local.com)

EL PASO INC DID A WRITE UP ON LOCAL INTERNET-PEOPLE AND DID NOT MENTION SIMPLE MINDED ENTERTAINMENT.  FOR SHAME, EL PASO INC.  FOR SHAME – Although we are hurt that El Paso Inc. didn’t mention us in their review of favorite local internet-people, it’s still a great list and a good gateway into all the great vloggers, podcasters, writers and internet-people that are making it here in El Paso and the surrounding region.  From booze to travel to comedy to literature; there is an abundance of local talent covering every topic under the sun.  So go check out their list for some good El Paso area entertainment.  (elpasoinc.com)

THE CULT-CHARTER-FAILED EXPERIMENT SCHOOLS ARE INVADING EL PASO!  IT’S FREE LIKE A PUBLIC SCHOOL, BUT THE MAJORITY OF THE TAXPAYER MONEY INSTEAD GOES TO A HEARTLESS “NON-PROFIT” HUNDREDS OF MILES AWAY.  HOORAY PROGRESS? – IDEA School is opening up in Far East El Paso and it’s about as weird as you would expect from a charter-cult school.  I guess all you need to know about the school and the cult program is that they will overload classrooms and aim to have “every student complete college”.  Although a pipe dream, it is a very stupid pipe dream.  If everyone gets a college degree it will cheapen the college degree and having one will be insignificant.  Wouldn’t it be better if some kids that aren’t particularly good at school went through a vocational program and got a job instead?  Shouldn’t the ultimate goal be that every student ends up in a meaningful job instead of the cliché “all kids should go to college”?  All in all, the loaded classrooms and pie in the sky rhetoric makes these schools the same as public schools – but this time the majority of your money goes out of town!  The American government has no fucking clue on how to fix the education system.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

WITH ALL ITS PROBLEMS, THE LAST THING GREECE NEEDED WAS AN UNSTOPPABLE WILD FIRE.  THE LAST THING ANYONE NEEDS IS AN UNSTOPPABLE WILD FIRE – Over 80 people are dead after devastating wild fires hit the Greek coast near Athens, severely damaging multiple villages popular with tourists.  The hardest hit area was the town of Mati where people where many people were overtaken by the fires as they desperately tried to run to the ocean.  Arson is currently considered as the main source of the fire and government officials are also blaming illegal construction and poor municipal planning for the lack of escape routes and for creating an environment conductive to wild fires.  This is the worst fire to hit Greece in decades but, with climate change burning and drying up a good portion of the world, it’s looking like these types of events will sadly become the norm.  (bbc.com)

LOOKS LIKE MARS HAS EVEN MORE WATER THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT.  AT THIS RATE THEY’LL BE TELLING US THAT THE CANALS ON MARS ARE IN FACT FILLED WITH WATER AND MARTIANS AND THEY HAVE BEEN LYING TO US THIS WHOLE TIME – Last time out, scientists revealed that satellite images had shown signs of melted ice and short-lived running water in some parts of Mars.  Now scientists have used data gathered from the European Space Agency’s Mars Express to show that there is possibly a decent sized lake of liquid water underneath part of Mars’ polar ice cap.  Using radar to penetrate the ground, the spacecraft bounced back data that seems to show that there is something ‘lake-like’ under the surface.  It will take years before a mission can go to the Mars ice cap to verify this information, but it’s looking like Mars is more active than previously thought.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

TURNS OUT AMAZON’S FACIAL RECOGNITION SOFTWARE IS RACIST.  WHO WOULD’VE THOUGHT THAT SUCH A NOBLE AND HONEST COMPANY WOULD CREATE AN ERROR-FILLED, RACIST ALGORITHM – The ACLU recently ran the pictures of all the members of Congress through Amazon’s, much ballyhooed, Rekognition program and 28 were identified as police suspects.  In addition, 40% of the false positives were black even though the percentage of black members of Congress is much lower than 40%.  This would be hilarious if it weren’t such a serious issue.  Apparently, the facial recognition software is a bit on the biased side when linking minorities to a criminal database.  Emboldened by the news, Amazon has said that they will now change their slogan “From A to Z” into the more fitting “From A to KKK”.  (bbc.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 07/20/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

HEY LOOK!  A DISASTER ON I-10 THAT WASN’T CAUSED BY TXDOT! – In one of the biggest traffic nightmares to ever hit El Paso, I-10 has been closed in both directions for more than a day after a truck driver stupidly crashed his truck on Thursday into one of the supporting columns on a utility bridge in that part of I-10 that goes under downtown.  Temporary repairs should be completed soon to open up the freeway, but more permanent repairs will take some time.  The crash was caused when a truck driver from an Arizona company was reaching for his “water bottle” and swerved to the side thus crashing into the column and causing his trailer to burst into flames.  I really hope that “water bottle” is code for “Big Gulp filled with vodka” because it’s pretty scary that someone did something this stupid while completely sober.  The next step will be for the City and state to sue the driver and trucking company for all they’re worth to make up for all the lost time and money caused by this stupid traffic accident.  Hell, everyone in El Paso should sue the fucking company and driver and at least get a few bucks for their misfortune.  (cbs4local.com)

LAS CRUCES IS SHOWING EVERYONE HOW TO DO A PROPER BOND ELECTION.  MEANWHILE IN EL PASO, CITY COUNCIL IS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT MORE WAYS TO DO A POORLY WORDED BOND ELECTION SO THAT EVEN LESS CAN BE ACCOMPLISHED WITH MORE MONEY – Kudos to the Las Cruces city government in being as thorough and informative as possible in their upcoming bond election.  In addition to separating all bond measures to be voted upon individually, the General Obligation Bond Election will be conducted via a mail-in ballot sent to all eligible voters.  The wording on the measures are also specific yet vague enough so that the city isn’t pigeon-holed in what they can and can’t do with the funds (who can forget the geniuses in the City of El Paso’s legal department who decided to call an arena a ‘multi-purpose center’ even though everyone knew it was a fucking arena).  Clear choices, accessibility and proper legal vetting – maybe the City of El Paso should have the Las Cruces government look over their bond elections.  Nah, the City of El Paso will just use Certificates of Obligation to skip that whole pesky bond election nuisance.  (cbs4local.com)

I GUESS THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS TO NEVER POST A VIRAL VIDEO HARASSING COPS ON THE INTERNET IF YOU COMMITTED MULTIPLE CRIMES IN FULL VIEW OF SECURITY CAMERAS A FEW DAYS BEFORE – People were “outraged” a few days back when a cop pulled his gun on a bunch of annoying wannabe thug kids who refused to follow orders and were walking behind him (note to readers:  never walk behind a cop’s line of sight in a heated situation, you’re just asking to get shot at that point).  Many people defended the dumbass kids in the video and wanted the unprofessional cop to be prosecuted for some non-existent crime.  But fast forward a few weeks and we learn that those “innocent’ kids are full blown criminals who are considered a pariah by most people in their neighborhood.  A recent crime spree of robberies and vandalism was reported in Ascarate park a few weeks back and, low and behold, the kids caught on tape committing the crimes turned out to be the “innocent” children who thought they were badasses for harassing a cop and recording it.  Thankfully, these morons will now go to juvenile detention where they will hopefully learn a lesson and stay away from horrible influences and the older ones will go straight to jail where they will hopefully re-think their path in life.  And if there is any justice in the world, the parents of these fuckheads will all be monitored by Child Protective Services and be prosecuted if their children ever do shit like this again.  So if you plan on ever going on a crime spree caught by multiple security cameras, make sure you don’t come out in any viral videos where you will be easily identified.  And yes, a cop losing his cool and pulling his gun on some wannabe thugs is bad.  But being a criminal who goes on crime sprees is much worse, no matter how old you are.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

LOOKS LIKE IT’S SEXUAL ABUSE PUBLIC RELATIONS NIGHTMARE WEEK AT THE VATICAN ……. AGAIN – In addition to the horrible messes that Pope Francis has been dealing with in Chile, Honduras and Australia; now we have another truly disturbing scandal involving a Cardinal in America that looks to explode and bring more pressure on the Pope to actually dole out some meaningful punishments.  Cardinal Theodore McCarrick is facing multiple accusations of abuse and improper behavior and more seem to be popping up.  All in all, the accusations are pretty bad and if found to be true Pope Francis will be under great pressure to dole out a serious punishment instead of the usual “lifetime of penance” thing they normally do.  For all of the Pope’s progressive talk, now is the time where his actions should match his words.  (northjersey.com)

WHILE DONALD TRUMP THREATENS THE WORLD TO COMPENSATE FOR HIS “SMALL HANDS”, PRESIDENT XI JINPING OF CHINA IS IN AFRICA TALKING ABOUT MUTUAL RESPECT AND ECONOMIC DEVELOPMENT IN THE CONTINENT.  LOOK KIDS, A FALLING STAR!  OH WAIT, THAT’S JUST AMERICA’S STANDING AS A GLOBAL POWER FALLING TO THE GROUND – In international news that is mostly positive, Chinese President Xi Jinping is in Africa for the upcoming BRICS summit (emerging markets shindig) in Johannesburg and is taking the opportunity to visit Senegal and Rwanda to strengthen China’s ties to these countries.  In this climate of tariffs and trade wars created by the idiot in the White House, China is doing the exact opposite and talking about mutual respect and the benefits of trade as he wins over the vast majority of Africa to China’s sphere of influence.  Sure, China is doing this mainly for its own benefit and their might be some ulterior motives.  But compared to the shit that the European powers and America have done in Africa, giving countries Chinese loans in order to improve infrastructure and manufacturing isn’t the most nefarious thing imaginable.  Once upon a time, America was respected and looked up to in places like Senegal and other African countries.  Nowadays ……. not so much.  (africatimes.com)

JUPITER HAS A LOT OF MOONS AND NOW IT HAS 12 NEW MOONS.  SO WHILE JUPITER HAS 79 MOONS, MERCURY AND VENUS STILL HAVE NONE.  POOR MERCURY AND VENUS ARE THE MILWAUKEE BREWERS AND SAN DIEGO PADRES OF CELESTIAL ORBS – Scientists looking for the fabled Planet X have discovered 12 new moons surrounding Jupiter when the orb passed by their viewing range.  The researchers with the Carnegie Institution for Science found 12 previously unseen moons including a weirdo moon that is less than a kilometer in diameter and that travels in the opposite direction as its closest moon neighbors.  Most of these moons are really small compared to other moons, but having 12 new moons is still very impressive for Jupiter.  I’m sure Mercury and Venus would be elated just to have one teeny, tiny moon to keep them company.  (space.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 07/13/2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

SUNLAND PARK IS CELEBRATING ITS 35TH YEAR OF BEING AN “OFFICIAL” CITY BY BRINGING IN HUNDREDS OF JOBS TO THE CITY!  HOW THE HELL DID THE DUMBASSES IN THE CITY GOVERNMENT NOT FUCK THIS UP? – In surprising and happy news, Stampede has announced that they will be establishing a major protein processing (mass food preparation) plant in Sunland Park that will create over 1,000 jobs in Sunland Park.  When Tyson Foods left the facility a few years back, state and local government agencies came together to create a plan to bring another employer to fill the void and they have surely accomplished that goal (and then some) with the arrival of Stampede to the city.  Who knows how much credit the city government of Sunland Park should get for this?  But I like to think that when Mesilla Valley Economic Development Alliance members and state officials had meetings with Stampede in Sunland Park, they told the mayor and city council members that the meeting was on the Moon and sent them to the Spaceport so they wouldn’t screw up negotiations.  Happy 35th anniversary of being called a city, Sunland Park.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

EL PASO’S DIVISION TWO SOCCER TEAM IS HAVING A “CONTEST” TO CHOOSE A NAME FOR THE TEAM.  IT’S NOT LIKE THEY ALREADY HAVE THE NAME DECIDED ON AND ARE USING THIS AS A SHAMELESS MARKETING SCHEME.  LORD KNOWS HOW WELL THE NAMING CONTEST DEBACLE WENT FOR THE CHIHUAHUAS – El Paso is getting a division 2 soccer team and MountainStar Sports Group “needs your help” in picking a name.  The El Paso team will play in the USL and fans are asked to pick from a list of five finalists.  Three of the names (Stars, Estrellas and Tejanos) are amazingly stupid so, knowing the team management, are probably the frontrunners.  Tejanos is actually the dumbest name that can be chosen because ‘Tejanos’ is the term that people in South Texas east of Laredo use to refer to themselves because of some random pseudo-historical beliefs that they hold.  So Tejanos makes no sense in this part of the world and it’s also, inexplicably, the nickname for the El Paso Community College sports teams.  The remaining two names aren’t all that bad and both have a nice ring to them.  ‘Lagartos’ has a strong affinity with Downtown El Paso and the Plaza De Los Lagartos and the desert gator theme was a fan favorite when the baseball team voting contest was announced before Chihuahuas was finally chosen.  ‘Locomotive’ is the other name that is pretty cool because it ties in with the train yard and railroad history in El Paso and acts as an homage to all the Eastern European futball teams that use the Lokomotiv name.  So please, for the love of God, go vote for Lagartos or Locomotive as the El Paso Futball team name.  Otherwise we’ll end up with Stars, Estrellas or (GROAN) Tejanos.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

NMSU STUDENT EXCAVATIONS HAVE UNCOVERED THE REMAINS OF A SETTLEMENT MORE THAN 500 YEARS OLD THAT SHEDS LIGHT ON THE ORIGINAL JORNADA MOGOLLON INHABITANTS OF THE REGION.  ARCHAEOLOGY IS FUN! – NMSU’s Anthropology Department has continued important work on the poorly named Cottonwood Spring Pueblo north of Las Cruces and the El Paso Herald Post has a great story on the ongoing research.  Although it is called a ‘pueblo’ the settlement is more closely related to the Mogollon people and the Paquime nation state than the contemporary Pueblo settlements and people of northern New Mexico.  If anything, the people who created these settlements are more closely related to the contemporary Apache tribes in the area than to any other group.  Still, the research they are doing here is very important and gives a clear picture of the complex and advanced peoples that inhabited our region hundreds of years ago.  Current dating techniques place the Cottonwood Spring Settlement to about 1300 to 1450 AD and the size is rather impressive, consisting of hundreds of rooms.  Let us never forget our past and the history of the Greater Mogollon region and its people.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

IF YOU WERE WONDERING IF THINGS COULDN’T GET WORSE IN NICARAGUA, WELL THEY JUST GOT WORSE – Fighting continues in Nicaragua as mass protests have grown in the past few months and a mass strike just added more fuel to the fire.  Of the more extreme things to come out this week was the raid by government/paramilitary forces on a church that resulted in the deaths of multiple protestors that were seeking refuge in the facility.  As it stands, President Daniel Ortega is steadfast on maintaining power and will not even call for new elections or any viable changes.  So both sides are at a stalemate and we now find the violence in the country approaching ‘90s civil war levels.  If you thought the migration from Central American countries into the U.S. was bad now, it will get monumentally worse if Nicaragua goes into civil war mode.  (reuters.com)

IN ADDITION TO EARTHQUAKES, HURRICANES AND VOLCANOES; JAPAN ALSO HAS TO DEAL WITH OVERWHELMING RAIN AND CATASTROPHIC FLOODING.  I GUESS GODZILLA AND OTHER KAIJU ARE JUST THINLY-VEILED METAPHORS FOR ALL THE NATURAL DISASTERS THAT CONSISTENTLY HIT JAPAN ON A CONSISTENT BASIS – Torrential rains and accompanying floods and mudslides in western and central Japan have killed more than 170 people since last week and millions more have been affected by blackouts and the evacuation of homes in the danger zone.  This is the strongest flooding event that Japan has seen in decades and some parts of the country have truly been devastated.  Although the rain has died down, any future rainfall in these saturated areas will just bring more damage and destruction.  Stay safe, Japan.  (bbc.com)

THE WORLD CUP IS COMING TO AN END.  ALL THAT’S LEFT IS THE UNLIKELY CHAMPIONSHIP GAME OF FRANCE VS. CROATIA.  RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING TO BE THE FINAL – The World Cup ends on Sunday and it has been, for the most part, a pretty good tournament.  No real standout team has emerged, but we have had a few solid teams in the mix and two of the strongest are now in the final.  Croatia is probably the more exciting and productive of the two, but France has the “strong defense, only do enough to win” vibe that doesn’t excite but leads to multiple victories.  So who you got?  (bbc.com)