Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 08/16/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

AFTER TWO WEEKS OF ANGUISH, EL PASO REMAINS UNITED AND STRONG – The Paso Del Norte region is still reeling from the terrorist attack on August 3 that was carried out by a radicalized right-wing extremist, but the region has responded by being stronger and more united than ever.  We ask that everyone remember the victims of this heinous attack and contribute in any way possible to make sure their families and the survivors have all the support they need to overcome this tragedy.  Various fundraisers and support events have already been held and 2 separate benefit concerts headlined by El Paso natives Khalid and Vikki Carr are coming up in a few weeks.  We shall overcome.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

VIRGIN GALACTIC HAS OFFICIALLY MOVED TO THE LAS CRUCES AREA AND IS MAKING SPACEPORT AMERICA ITS HOME.  I WAS BEGINNING TO WORRY THAT VIRGIN GALACTIC FORGOT ALL ABOUT US – In great news for southern New Mexico and the Mesilla Valley, Virgin Galactic has finally opened up its main office inside of Spaceport America.  While official flights are yet to begin, Virgin Galactic recently unveiled their new interior launch and control space inside the Spaceport to local media and it looks very sleek and modern.  In addition, the company hinted that test flights would finish up soon and the spacecraft would soon start making commercial trips from New Mexico in the near future.  This is very good news for Las Cruces, Truth Or Consequences and the surrounding region.  (cbs4local.com)

THE XII TRAVELERS STATUE PROJECT IS STILL GOING STRONG AND HAS FINALLY REACHED MONUMENT #4 AFTER A FEW DECADES.  WE’LL GET TO MONUMENT #12 BY 2100 COME HELL OR HIGH WATER – The XII Travelers of the Southwest will be unveiling the model for the Benito Juarez statue (monument #4) next Thursday at the Chamizal National Memorial.  The XII Travelers project was started by a group led by John Houser and has already created the Fray Garcia De San Francisco statue at Pioneer Plaza, the Don Juan De Onate equestrian statue at the airport and the Susan Shelby Magoffin statue at Keystone Heritage Park.  John House is sadly no longer with us, but the work on the project continues with help from his son.  The new monument is titled Benito Juarez – Child To Man and will more than likely be placed at the Chamizal National Memorial when it is completed.  Let’s support the XII Travelers and get all these statues done.  By the time they reach monument #12 it will be a statue dedicated to Mr. Mouse and Simple Minded Entertainment and our role in fighting the Great Alien Invasion Of 2099.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

INDIA’S STUPID, RIGHT WING ANSWER TO DONALD TRUMP IS NARENDRA MODI.  AND JUST LIKE HIS IDIOTIC AMERICAN COUNTERPART, HE DOES STUPID ASS SHIT UNDER THE GUISE OF “NATIONALISM” THAT ENDS BADLY.  CASE IN POINT:  KASHMIR – Because Kashmir wasn’t enough of a powder keg already, Narendra Modi’s recent decision to strip “Indian Kashmir” of its autonomy has brought more unrest to the region with no real benefit to be found.  If anything, he did it in order to rile up his idiot nationalistic base (Donald Trump would be impressed) and made a situation worse in order to make a minority group look bad and evil.  So now the world focuses once again on Kashmir and the possibility that this might escalate in to an even bigger pissing match with Pakistan.  Though Pakistan at the moment should be commended for not escalating things and doing something equally stupid as India.  It says a lot when Pakistan is the voice of reason in a conflict.  Modi did the impossible and made Pakistan look rational.  Yes, that Pakistan.  (bbc.com)

HONG KONG IS STILL RIOTING.  THEY HAVE UNTIL 2047 TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THEY WANT TO DO, BUT IT SEEMS THERE’S NOT ENOUGH TIME IN THE WORLD TO KEEP HONG KONG FROM BEING SWALLOWED BY CHINA – Student protests have been raging in Hong Kong for weeks now and although many people call these “pro democracy” protests, these are more like “what the hell are we going to do when 2047 rolls around and the one-country, two system agreement ends” anxiety protests.  The full reunification of Hong Kong with China seems inevitable and protests like these will become the norm unless Hong Kong can work out an indefinite agreement or somehow gain its independence.  The virtual death of Hong Kong’s once mighty film and TV industry at the hands of the China behemoth was just the beginning of what appears to be the dissolution of Hong Kong’s identity and culture; and there seems to be very little that can be done to stop it.  Keep up the good fight, Hong Kong.  You still have a few decades to work something out.  (bbc.com)

REST IN PEACE, PETER FONDA.  YOU CAN NOW RIDE YOUR MOTORCYCLE IN HEAVEN LIKE A TRUE BAD ASS – Peter Fonda passed away this week at the age of 79 at his home in Los Angeles.  He had a lengthy career that spanned movies of all genres, but he will best be remembered for his role in Easy Rider and for being one of the last great Hollywood mavericks of the ‘60s and ‘70s.  He was a great actor and we should all watch a Peter Fonda movie marathon this weekend in his honor.  (deadline.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 08/09/2019

PASO DEL NORTE AND WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

EL PASO HAS SUFFERED A TERRORIST ATTACK, BUT EL PASO WILL EMERGE FROM THIS STRONGER THAN EVER – The only story we will cover this week will be the heinous white supremacist terrorist attack at the Cielo Vista Wal-Mart from last Saturday that claimed the lives of 22 people and injured countless more.  We will not focus on the cowardly, racist terrorist from the edge of Redneckistan – just outside of Dallas – that was radicalized by the teachings of Donald Trump and will not give him the benefit of mentioning his name.  Instead we hope everyone will remember the people who lost their lives and all the heroes who helped out that day and those who continue to help the region during this very dark moment.  Paso Del Norte will not buckle because of this and instead stands tall and spits in the face of racism, fascism and radicalized right wing terrorists along with their figurehead Osama bin Trump.  Stay strong, El Paso.  God bless us all.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 08/02/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

TIME TO NUMB YOUR ASS BY SITTING DOWN FOR 11 DAYS OF NON-STOP MOVIE MADNESS.  THE PLAZA CLASSIC FILM FESTIVAL IS BACK – The Plaza Classic Film Festival is celebrating its 12th anniversary and this year promises more cinematic goodness in and around Downtown El Paso.  The festival began on Thursday and continues until August 11.  Most of the great movies range in price from free to just under $10, so it’s a great bargain to see some of the best the cinematic world has to offer.  Prepare your ass for hours and hours of non-stop sitting.  (cbs4local.com)

BUILD SEESAWS, NOT WALLS – The border is so dangerous that ……. seesaws were installed across the stupid border wall for children to play with.  That’s right, seesaws were installed on the wall along Sunland Park and no cartels came by to shoot the children and give everyone free drugs.  The seesaws are the work of California professors Ronald Rael and Virginia San Fratello, whose work brought joy to a structure that has become the symbol of Donald Trump’s hatred and racism in America.  (cbs4local.com)

SMELTERTOWN NEEDS OUR HELP – The Smeltertown Cemetery is in pretty bad shape and needs volunteers and supplies for cleanup efforts.  The cemetery was in much worse condition but a volunteer group led by Willie Cordero jump-started the revitalization process and his group has been cleaning up the cemetery for some time.  So lend a hand and help out the friends of Smeltertown Cemetery.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

RWANDA HAS 99 PROBLEMS BUT EBOLA AIN’T ONE – The Ebola crisis continues to grow in the Democratic Republic of Congo and now Rwanda has taken the controversial step of shutting down the border between the two countries.  The border has now reopened but the temporary closing of the border between Goma, DR Congo and Gisenyi, Rwanda has rattled nerves in the area.  This all comes after the third confirmed Ebola case in the large city of Goma that is the major urban area in the region of DR Congo that has been plagued by Ebola in the past year.  The outbreak has already claimed close to 2,000 lives and there is genuine concern that the virus can spread in this densely populated part of the country.  Rwanda has a ton of problems and Ebola jumping over the border would be pretty bad for the country’s medical infrastructure.  (bbc.com)

WHY YES, JULY WAS VERY HOT THIS YEAR.  SOME WOULD SAY IT WAS THE HOTTEST FUCKING MONTH IN HISTORY – Scientists at the Copernicus Climate Change Service say that preliminary results indicate that July was the hottest month on record in relation to the decades of data they have available.  July was filled with record-breaking heatwaves all over the world and most people would agree that July was pretty hot.  Overall, this follows a trend that shows the past few years are among the hottest in recorded history.  So yeah, maybe climate change is real and the world is heating up to some very worrisome levels.  (bbc.com)

THANKS TO ‘FROZEN ZOOS’ I’LL BE ABLE TO SEE ALL THE ANIMALS THAT HUMANITY HAS DESTROYED IN EXCITING FROZEN TISSUE FORM! – Cryobanks are locations where animal and plant samples are frozen and/or stored for future generations to study and possibly to help in the revival of extinct species.  The scientific branch for this is known as cryobiology and is becoming a very important area of study thanks to humanity’s wanton destruction of the environment.  Fresh off the heels of the most recent meeting of the Society for Cryobiology, Discover Magazine has a great summary of the amazing cryobank projects happening all across the world.  Not all humans want to destroy the environment for a few pieces of silver, some people actually care about things.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 07/26/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

EL PASO WATER’S TECH20 LEARNING CENTER AND WILDLIFE HABITAT IS LIKE A ZOO BUT WITHOUT THE PESKY CAGES.  SO IT’S ACTUALLY BETTER THAN A ZOO BUT SLIGHTLY MORE DANGEROUS – A hidden gem wildlife preserve exists in far East El Paso that protects local wildlife and preserves the Chihuahuan Desert from the encroaching urban environment.  The wildlife habitat is run by the TecH20 Learning Center and welcomes the Paso Del Norte community.  The El Paso Herald Post has a nice write up on the habitat but you can do one better and go visit it in person to learn more about the Chihuahuan Desert in all its natural glory.  Just don’t get bitten by a coyote, mountain lion, jackrabbit, snake and/or tarantula.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

FORT BLISS IS ACTUALLY GOING TO PRESERVE A HISTORICAL MURAL.  GOOD JOB, FORT BLISS – In 1943, soldier and artist Baron Carl Rudolph Von Ripper painted a mural at the William Beaumont Hospital Library of a multi-ethnic group of people holding up a map of the United States.  The mural has stood the test of time and, even though most of the buildings are now dilapidated, the mural is still in pretty good condition.  Even though there was some confusion on the ultimate fate of the mural, Fort Bliss has just announced that the mural will be restored and preserved.  The City of El Paso is currently in negotiations to lease the old land of the William Beaumont complex from the base and this is the first word we have received that the mural will not be destroyed as part of any demolition in the area.  Kudos, Fort Bliss.  Now if they can just finish up the new William Beaumont Medical Center before the end of the century.  (cbs4local.com)

LOVE THEM OR HATE THEM, THE TRUE VALUE OF A PROFESSIONAL SPORTS TEAM IS THE COMMUNITY DEVELOPMENT PROJECTS THEY BRING TO A CITY – The El Paso Locomotive has announced that they will be adding the Locomotive Futures Program to their youth futball development program.  The Locomotive already provide plenty of youth development for under-17 futball players and the new programs announced will offer even more opportunity for local youth to take their game to the next level and maybe get a scholarship or professional playing opportunities in the future.  Though many people don’t like pro sports teams because of the perceived taxpayer benefits they feel the organizations get, you can’t deny they do provide a boost to the local community.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

EUROPE IS BURNING, THE ARCTIC IS ON FIRE AND SIBERIA IS COVERED IN SMOKE.  THE WHOLE WORLD IS GOING TO BURST INTO FLAMES! – Fresh on the heels of last month’s European heatwave, another dome of high temperatures has parked itself over most of the continent bringing even hotter temperatures to some places.  Paris saw a record all-time high temperature of 42.6C (108.7F) and many places in Europe have also experienced record temperatures and evaporating rivers and lakes.  Not to be outdone, a record amount of fires are burning throughout the Arctic and a part of Siberia – of all places – is experiencing an extreme influx of smoke because of the fires in the area.  Although climate change is not responsible for these events, most scientists agree that global climate change is making these types of events more severe and more frequent.  So get ready to become a giant desert, Europe.  (bbc.com)

I’VE GOT NO PROBLEM WITH WOODEN SKYSCRAPERS.  LET’S START BUILDING MORE OF THEM – On the topic of our imploding environment, researchers have found that building with wood is much more sustainable and beneficial for the environment than using concrete and steel.  It might seem counter-intuitive, but when done correctly and with proper forest management, using wood as the main construction material has great benefits for the environment as opposed to traditional concrete and steel construction.  Hell, thanks to new laminated timber technology it is possible to build rather tall structures using only wood.  The BBC has a great write up on the people pioneering the use of modern wood products in construction projects and the ways they can help the environment.  Who knows?  One day you might be living in a wooden skyscraper.  (bbc.com)

HEY KIDS!  DROP OUT OF SCHOOL AND JUST FOCUS ON PLAYING VIDEO GAMES.  THAT’S WHERE THE MONEY IS AT! – This weekend will see the Fortnite World Cup in New York City where a bunch of teenagers will compete for millions of dollars in prizes.  Who needs an education when you can get Fortnite money!  The event will feature the largest shared purse for an e-sports event – worth $30 million – and the winners of each event will get around $3 million.  Not bad for giving up your entire social life and ignoring people of the opposite sex as you play video games non-stop for 10 hours a day, seven days a week.  (polygon.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 07/19/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

GOOD JOB, IDIOT ANTI-VAXERS.  NOW EL PASO HAS MEASLES – After more than 25 years of no measles cases reported in El Paso, the city has now reported a fourth case of the disease this year.  The first case popped up a few weeks ago and is part of the new wave of measles that has spread across the country over the past few months.  Now people that legitimately can’t get a vaccine because of legit medical reasons are at risk because more and more people read random bullshit on Facebook and think they are suddenly medical professionals.  Fucking moron anti-vaxers.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

MINERS F.C. IS THE REAL DEAL – Congratulations to the Miners F.C. youth (13 and under) futball team on winning the National Championship at The 2019 U.S. Youth Presidents Cup.  The Miners defeated the Las Vegas Pros by a score of 4 to 3 in extra time to capture the prestigious title for the club.  Good job, mini Miners.  May the full grown Miners at UTEP get some inspiration from this and win some games (in all sports) this season.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

IF YOU HAD YSLETA INDEPENDENT SCHOOL DISTRICT SUPERINTENDENT XAVIER DE LA TORRE AS YOUR PICK IN THE SUPERINTENDENT UFC OFFICE POOL, CONGRATULATIONS – After news of a San Antonio Whataburger brawl involving Socorro ISD Superintendent Jose Espinoza broke out a few weeks ago, there has been much speculation on the identity of the other superintendent that allegedly started it all.  Despite the sketchy attempt at redaction by the San Antonio Police Department, El Paso news sources were able to determine that the other superintendent was none other than YISD’s Xavier De La Torre.  By now we all know the details and the “he said, she said” game is about to start.  But don’t worry about the two chuckleheads.  Overpaid government officials rarely get more than a slap on the wrist when they do something stupid.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

THE HONG KONG PROTESTERS ARE NOW JUST DOING IT BECAUSE THEY DON’T LIKE THE CHINESE GOVERNMENT.  THEIR ORIGINAL DEMANDS WERE MET LONG AGO AND NOW OLD WOUNDS ARE LAID BARE – The protests in Hong Kong continue and the demonstrations are getting more physical and disruptive as time goes by.  While the original demands against the extradition bill have been met, it seems the protesters now want to voice their full disapproval of their relationship with Beijing.  If this is how it looks like now, I can only imagine how things will be in 2047 when China officially becomes full “owner” of Hong Kong and the city-state loses its autonomy.  The waters only get rougher from here out to 2047.  (bbc.com)

FINALLY, THE EBOLA CRISIS IN DR CONGO HAS BEEN DECLARED AN EMERGENCY BY THE WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION.  ALL IT TOOK WAS AN EXTRA THOUSAND INFECTIONS AND HUNDREDS OF DEATHS, IT SEEMS – The World Health Organization has declared a public health emergency of international concern over the Ebola crisis in the Democratic Republic of Congo.  This is the highest level of warning that can be given out by the WHO and has only been issued 4 other times in the past.  The Ebola crisis has been raging for close to a year in DR Congo and has recently reached a critical point with over 2,000 people infected – of which over 1,600 have died.  In addition, the Ebola virus has now popped up in the city of Goma – a city of over 1 million people that is the largest in DR Congo to face the infection thus far.  It is hoped that the emergency declaration will bring more attention to this crisis and encourage nations to send more aid.  Good luck, DR Congo.  (bbc.com)

HAPPY FIFTIETH BIRTHDAY, SAN DIEGO COMIC-CON – The massive pop culture convention and marketing tsunami known as San Diego Comic-Con will be taking place this weekend and celebrating its 50th anniversary in the process.  The convention started from humble beginnings in a hotel basement conference room and exploded over the decades into one of the largest conventions on the planet.  Be sure to check out the excellent history of Comic-Con article over at NPR for a very entertaining and informative look at how it all began.  (npr.org)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 07/12/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

EL PASO AREA SUPERINTENDENTS MAKE EL PASO PROUD! – In hilarious news this week, it was just revealed that two local superintendents got in a fight in a San Antonio Whataburger in mid-June.  The conflict started when an unnamed El Paso area superintendent (cover-up much?) went up to Socorro ISD Superintendent Jose Espinoza and criticized his clothes.  To be exact, the unnamed idiot said, ““Where are you coming from? Soccer practice?”  At that point, Jose Espinoza did the obvious cholo-thing and told him to repeat the question.  The exact quote was not listed, but the natural Socorro cholo phrase would be, “Why don’t you come say that to my face, ese?”  Unnamed idiot took the bait but then head-butted Jose Espinoza after repeating the question.  The situation broke down into a mini-brawl with Jose Espinoza throwing a punch after the head butt.  There is no detailed specifics, but I like to think they both started slap-fighting and then they wrestled around on the floor like some comedy involving yuppies fighting.  There is obviously some special treatment going on and the other superintendent should be named and hopefully ridiculed for getting into a drunk fight at a Whataburger during a “leadership” conference.  Our superintendents might not be too good at educating kids, but damn can they drunk fight with the best of them.  (cbs4local.com)

MAYBE THOSE “SAVE CRAZY CAT TRAIL” PEOPLE CAN FINALLY DO SOMETHING USEFUL AND “SAVE RED SANDS”.  ARROYO TRAILS ARE A DIME A DOZEN IN EL PASO, SAND DUNES ARE MUCH RARER AND NEED TO BE SAVED – To no one’s surprise, irresponsible morons flooded Red Sands during the July 4th holiday and left the beautiful dunes covered in trash and debris.  This Sunday morning the Texas Rescue Patrol (TPR) will be holding a volunteer cleanup at Red Sands with the hope of cleaning up all the trash left in the aftermath of July 4th.  TPR is a great volunteer group that tries to keep Red Sands clean and safe for the community.  It would be nice if the government could finally turn Red Sands into a regional, state or national park area – but the dunes lie amid a hodgepodge of private lots with no unified ownership.  It would take a lot of effort, but turning Red Sands into regulated public park land should be a high priority for all local stakeholders.  If a random arroyo trail like Crazy Cat can be saved, then why not Red Sands?  (cbs4local.com)

WELCOME BACK, CODY DECKER – Ex-El Paso Chihuahuas player, Cody Decker, recently announced his retirement from professional baseball and his return to El Paso.  Decker will now be the Associate Executive Director for Athletic Development with the El Paso Border Youth Athletic Association where he will help local youth reach their athletic potential.  He and his wife, Jenn Sterger Decker, will also be doing a radio/podcast sports show in the area and we wish them the greatest success on their return home.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

NEW ORLEANS SHOULD HAVE LEARNED ITS LESSON AFTER KATRINA, RIGHT?  THE NEW ORLEANS GOVERNMENT ISN’T THAT INCOMPETENT, RIGHT? – Tropical Storm Barry is expected to hit southern Louisiana as a category one hurricane over the weekend and people all across Louisiana are bracing for impact.  Although not a severely powerful storm, Barry will bring a ton of rain to the region and will test the flood protection capabilities of New Orleans and surrounding areas.  Much was learned after Hurricane Katrina devastated the city and, hopefully, New Orleans is now better prepared to handle hurricanes and extreme flooding.  (reuters.com)

IT’S CRICKET-MANIA AS ENGLAND AND NEW ZEALAND PLAY FOR THE CRICKET WORLD CUP TITLE – The world cup final (the cricket one, not the futball one) is finally upon us as England take on New Zealand for the championship on Sunday.  Both teams had some shaky moments during the tournament, but persevered and pulled off some outstanding wins to get where they are.  The Cricket World Cup is played under the one-day international format that consists of 50 overs a side and is not to be confused with traditional cricket where one game can take days, months or even years to complete (only a slight exaggeration).  So get ready for some exciting cricket action!  It’s like baseball only cricket is actually fun.  (bbc.com)

THIS IS HOW THE SEAWEED MONSTER COMES TO LIFE.  ONLY GODZILLA CAN SAVE US NOW – 2018 saw the largest seaweed bloom in history stretch from West Africa across the Atlantic Ocean to the Gulf of Mexico.  A scientific study of this amazing phenomenon did not pinpoint an exact cause, but it is believed a series of events and conditions created the explosion of Sargassum weed that eventually washed up in beaches around the Atlantic.  I’m not saying this giant mass of seaweed will become a sentient seaweed monster, but I’ve seen enough monster movies to know that this is exactly what is going to happen.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 07/05/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

WILL CHICO THE CHIHUAHUA WIN THE HOME RUN DERBY?  YOU’LL HAVE TO TUNE IN TO FIND OUT – The 2019 RMHC Triple-A Baseball All-Star Game will be happening next week and El Paso’s very own City Hall Field has been chosen to host the festivities.  Three Chihuahuas baseball players (Ty France, Austin Allen and Luis Urias) will take part in the all-star game and some will also take a shot in the home run derby.  And I’m sure Chico The Chihuahua will also show up at some point and do various dances on the field among other antics.  The game will take place on July 10 with the home run derby taking place a few days before on July 8.  So make sure you go out and support your Chihuahuas and make the city look good on the national stage.  So that means NOT getting drunk at the game and running naked onto the field.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

THIS IS WHY ANIMAL SERVICES ALWAYS TELLS PEOPLE WEEKS IN ADVANCE TO TAKE CARE OF THEIR PETS DURING JULY 4TH.  MORAL OF THE STORY, MOST PETS DON’T LIKE FIREWORKS AND A BUNCH GOT LOST THIS PAST 4TH OF JULY – Between July 3 and July 5, 188 lost pets were brought to El Paso Animal Services in the hopes that their owners would be found.  The July 4th holiday is typically one of the busiest times at the animal shelter due to lost pets, and this year was no exception.  Most fees are being waived this month as animal services tries to reunite most of these pets with their families, so if you lost your pet this past week – please check with the animal shelter and make sure you follow the warnings and keep a close eye on your pets during these types of holidays.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

WET N’ WILD IS CELEBRATING ITS 40TH ANNIVERSARY AND THAT MEANS 40 YEARS OF JULY 4TH FIREWORKS! – We’re in the midst of Wet N’ Wild’s 40th anniversary celebration season and this July 4th the water park marked 40 years of fireworks and Independence Day celebrations.  Here’s to 40 more years of hot girls in bikinis and explosions!  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

AND THAT WAS A VERY BIG REMINDER THAT CALIFORNIA GETS EARTHQUAKES.  IT’S BEEN MORE THAN 20 YEARS SINCE A QUAKE THIS BIG HIT THE STATE, BUT THERE’S A REASON THEY SPEND ALL THAT MONEY ON EARTHQUAKE-SAFE CONSTRUCTION – Not one, but two, major earthquakes have struck California in the past few days and the southern part of the state is on edge after a few decades of rather tranquil earthquake activity.  The first tremor was a major 6.4 quake that struck near Ridgecrest on July 4 and then tonight an even bigger 7.1 quake struck in roughly the same area.  Though many people thought the first quake was the main event, it turns out it was only a foreshock.  Luckily no major casualties have been recorded from these quakes, but the shaking was strong enough to be felt in Los Angeles and Las Vegas which are more than 100 miles away.  Keep safe, Californinos.  (ktla.com)

WHAT WE REALLY WANT TO KNOW IS HOW MANY TEAM USA PLAYERS WILL GET DRUNK AT DISNEY WORLD IF THEY WIN THE WORLD CUP.  I SAY DISNEY SHOULD GIVE THEM ALL FREE BOOZE AND NOT KICK THEM OUT IF THE DO WIN THE WORLD CUP – The U.S. Women’s futball team will take on the Netherlands this Sunday in the final of the Women’s World Cup.  The U.S. team is ranked number one in the world but the Netherlands are the reigning European champions and are a tough challenge.  Good luck to the U.S. women’s team and hope they play a great game.  I assume Disneyland Paris will be on red alert if the U.S. wins and Alex Morgan shows up at the park.  (sbnation.com)

I NEVER KNEW HOT DOGS LED SUCH INTERESTING LIVES – If you ever wondered how hot dogs became so popular in America, the BBC (of all places) has you covered.  Read up on the story of the first hot dogs and how Feltman’s and Nathan’s in New York’s Coney Island were responsible for the rise of the hot dog in America.  God bless hot dogs.  God bless America.  (bbc.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 06/28/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

LOOKS LIKE INN OF THE MOUNTAIN GODS IS GETTING A SPORTSBOOK.  GUESS I’M GOING TO SPEND MORE TIME AND MONEY IN RUIDOSO NOW – The Mescalero Apache Tribe will start offering sports betting later this year at their Inn Of The Mountain Gods Casino after partnering with William Hill to open a sportsbook at the casino.  With this move, Inn Of The Mountain Gods will become the 4th casino in New Mexico to allow sports betting but it will become my personal number one casino in New Mexico.  Good show, Mescalero Apache Tribe.  (cbs4local.com)

LOOK AT HORIZON CITY, ALL FANCY WITH A BRAND NEW FIRE STATION – Horizon City has begun construction on their fire department’s #2 station in a bid to keep up with the impressive growth of the city.  The fire department will make the community safer and is a great sign of efficient and responsible public infrastructure investment by the city government.  Meanwhile in Sparks, the city has hired a mule with a garden house to function as both fire department AND mayor!  You’d think Sparks would incorporate by now after seeing what a united community like Horizon City can accomplish; but they are probably just waiting for El Paso, Socorro and/or Horizon City to annex them.  You can’t be an unincorporated wild west outpost forever, Sparks.  You either incorporate and do something with the community or just get absorbed by another entity.  Although a Mayor/Fire Department Mule is awesome, it can’t solve all your problems.  (cbs4local.com)

THE GIANT PSYCHEDELIC FUNGUS LIVING AT THE ENTRANCE TO THE EL PASO WESTSIDE NATATORIUM HAS WON AN AWARD.  SCORE ONE FOR GIANT PSYCHEDELIC FUNGAL GROWTHS – CODAworx has just awarded the public art piece at the EL Paso Westside Natatorium a CODA Award as one of the top 100 public art pieces in the world.  The work is known as “Marquise” and was created by artist Marc Fornes, though most people just call it the “giant psychedelic fungal explosion at the entrance to the pool”.  As an added bonus, people can go to the CODA website and vote for the piece as one of the top 2 people’s choice award winners.  So go and vote for the piece and let’s give the giant hippie fungus another prize.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

EUROPE IS BURNING AND PARTS OF THE CONTINENT ARE LITERALLY ON FIRE.  I GUESS DRY DESERT SUMMERS AREN’T SO BAD AFTER ALL – Europe just went through one of the biggest heat waves in its history this week and many records were broken throughout the continent.  Of note is that France recorded its highest temperature in history when the mercury rose to 45.9C (114.6F) in Gallargues-le-Montueux in the southern part of the country.  The heat wave came as a result of hot air pouring in from North Africa and, even though it’s not a direct result of global climate change, scientists believe that events like this will become more intense and frequent as a result of climate change.  In addition to the high temps, the extreme weather also exasperated fires in Spain that have now become some of the biggest in decades.  Even El Paso doesn’t get that bad in the summer.  (bbc.com)

IT’S GOOD TO SEE THAT SCIENTISTS ARE WORKING ON TOOLS TO EXPOSE DEEPFAKE VIDEOS.  BUT THE PROBLEM WITH DEEPFAKES IS THAT ONCE THEY CREATE THE INEVITABLE MARILYN MONROE/ADOLF HITLER SEX TAPE, I WILL BE UNABLE TO UNSEE IT.  I KNOW IT’S FAKE, THAT’S NOT THE PROBLEM WITH THOSE VIDEOS – Deepfakes are those creepy videos where they put someone’s face on another person in order to make them look like they are doing or saying something that they would normally not do.  The majority of these videos are doctored porn videos where celebrities are put into explicit sex scenes with varying degrees of realism.  Although most of the fake videos are easy to spot, some are created by creepily obsessive individuals that have mastered the deepfakes programs and are creating amazingly realistic forgeries.  Luckily, scientists are working on various analytic tools and algorithms to point out fake videos even when the naked eye can’t tell the difference.  It’s a creepy, creepy world.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m NOT going to go online and search for Harvey Weinstein Deepfakes.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

IN THE GOVERNMENT’S DEFENSE, THEY’RE PRETTY FUCKING INCOMPETENT AND ARE PROBABLY NOT TORTURING MIGRANT CHILDREN BECAUSE THEY ARE EVIL – Clint was in international news this week, but not for any good reasons.  The child migrant shelter in Clint made headlines when news leaked out that the children there were living in deplorable conditions and the whole thing was borderline child abuse.  Though some people think that the Trump Administration has encouraged idiot government officials to brazenly commit child torture, the most likely reason this is happening is that the government is really incompetent.  Border Patrol, Homeland Security and Customs can barely take care of themselves and do their jobs properly; so there is no chance in hell those morons will be able to take care of children properly.  The American government in general is pretty fucking incompetent and there are thousands of American children currently in foster care that are in even worse conditions than the kids in Clint.  If Child Protective Services is barely capable of tracking and taking care of kids, the Border Patrol is naturally going to do a piss poor job of doing the exact same thing.  (cbs4local.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 06/21/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

IT’S OFFICIAL!  EL PASO IS GETTING A DENTAL SCHOOL! – In a major coup for El Paso’s legislators this budgetary session, the State of Texas has given an appropriation of $20 million to establish the Woody L. Hunt School of Dental Medicine at Texas Tech University Health Sciences Center El Paso.  This is the result of many years of hard work by many people in the community including generous donations by the Hunt Family (where the school will get its name from) and the Paso Del Norte Health Foundation.  Kudos to all involved.  Now all we need is a school of architecture and a law school in El Paso – let’s start working on that.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

GET READY TO FLY YOUR PRIDE FLAG, EL PASO! – It’s El Paso Gay Pride Week and the festivities will conclude on Saturday with the annual Gay Pride Parade and Pride Fest in Downtown El Paso.  So go out and support the region’s gay community while also using the day as an excuse to wear the tight leather shorts and mesh shirt we all know you have hidden away in storage.  And don’t forget to take advantage of the free streetcar rides on Saturday that will feature a performance by the Sun City Divas drag queen ensemble.  The El Paso Downtown Streetcar is free to ride all this summer, but this will be the only time that will include a free drag show!  Though it’s possible that many impromptu drag shows will take place throughout the summer on the streetcars.  (cbs4local.com)

WE APPRECIATE THE SHAMELESS EXCUSE TO POST A STORY INVOLVING ADORABLE BABY BUNNIES.  WELL PLAYED, LAS CRUCES POLICE DEPARTMENT – Kudos to Officer Joshua Herrera of the Las Cruces Police Department for his selfless bunny rescue on Monday.  The officer was investigating the area of a crime scene when he saw two baby bunnies covered in ants in a nearby area.  He cleaned off the bunnies and placed them in the shade and then, after completing his duties, noticed that the bunnies were covered in ants again and had been essentially abandoned by mama bunny.  Thankfully, the bunnies were taken in by a representative of the Stick House Sanctuary who say the bunnies are doing fine.  It is not known if mama bunny has been found or if any charges will be filed against her for bunny abandonment.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

I BELIEVE THIS IS HOW MAD MAX STARTED – For years, authorities have been warning about the day when cities will run out of water if they don’t change their ways.  While the problem almost reached zero hour in South Africa awhile back, it seems like India might be the first country to experience a city running out of water.  Chennai is the sixth largest city in India and its four reservoirs, which provide most of the water, have recently run dry.  As it stands, Chennai and its more than four million residents are on the brink of losing access to their water supply.  The government has been forced to bring in water trucks to distribute water to the masses and some restaurants and hotels have practically shut down due to the crisis.  The delay in the yearly monsoon has made the situation worse and the people of Chennai are desperately awaiting rain to finally fall on the city after an extremely long dry spell.  Water is the most important thing for any city and all government should use this as an example of why proper long term water planning is necessary for any city and country.  (bbc.com)

TURNS OUT BELUGA WHALES AND NARWHALS CAN HAVE SEX WITH EACH OTHER AND MAKE BABIES.  IT’S PRACTICALLY ROMEO AND JULIET WITH LARGE SEA MAMMALS – DNA evidence has discovered that an odd whale skull from the 1980s belongs to a hybrid narwhal/beluga offspring that has been named a “narluga”.  After being killed by an Inuit hunter in Greenland in the 1980s, the skull was kept as a trophy and ended up in the hands of a Danish natural history museum and researchers in the 1990s.  Recent DNA analysis has confirmed years of speculation and we now know that belugas and narwhals can successfully mate together.  I think science should next study if it’s possible for a tiger to have sex with a narwhal.  Ligers are cool, but tigwhals are infinitely cooler.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

DONALD TRUMP IS BASICALLY AN IMPULSIVE TODDLER THAT MAKES LIFE AND DEATH DECISIONS ON A WHIM.  GOD HELP US ALL – It was revealed today that Donald “cocked and loaded” Trump ordered an attack on Iran and then called it off minutes before the attack was to be executed.  And even though he caused this mess, he made it seem like he was a hero for calling off an attack that HE HIMSELF ordered!  Lord knows why Donald Trump is bullying Iran and lets Russia and Saudi Arabia get away with infinitely worse things, but I’m pretty sure that Donald Trump is just jealous that Barack Obama has a bigger dick than him and wants to tear down everything that Obama did.  So Obama made a peace deal with Iran and Donald Cuck has to break it because his micro-dick psyche is insecure.  It goes without saying; Donald Trump is a complete, fucking cunt.  (bbc.com)

 

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 06/14/2019

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

MAYBE ONE DAY THEY’LL TURN VIVA! EL PASO INTO A LAS VEGAS-STYLE SHOWGIRL REVUE.  THAT WOULD BE AWESOME! – Viva! El Paso is back for the summer and this year will be the 42nd season for El Paso’s favorite musical production.  The show has music by Jim Ward and also features the work of Tony award winners and other highly experienced creative professionals.  The show runs most of the summer at 8 PM on Fridays & Saturdays and takes place in the amazing outdoor theatre at McKelligon Canyon.  So be sure to include Viva! El Paso on your “to do” list this summer.  It doesn’t feature any topless showgirls, but it’s still a great musical.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

ALTHOUGH THE LICON DAIRY PETTING ZOO HASN’T FULLY RECOVERED SINCE THE DOG ATTACK, NEW THINGS ARE HAPPENING AT THE DAIRY – The Licon Dairy has a new restaurant/bar called the Outlaw Saloon and as long as they serve their fresh Asadero cheese, it should be a delicious place to get a bite to eat.  The new restaurant is right next to the petting zoo and just behind the retail store where they sell their world famous cheeses.  Although the petting zoo isn’t back 100%, it has reopened along with the new restaurant and upcoming outdoor patio.  So if you ever find yourself in San Elizario, now you can get Asaderos AND booze in one place.  Viva San Elizario!  (cbs4local.com)

IN A DRAMATIC HEEL TURN, SIN CARA WILL CHALLENGE THE EL PASO STREETCAR TO A FIGHT THEN HIT IT WITH A CHAIR – Amazing news for pro wrestling and lucha libre fans as later this month the El Paso Museum of History will kick off its planned lucha libre exhibit with a special appearance by local legend, Sin Cara.  On June 27, the wrestling superstar will take part in a ride along with guests on the Downtown El Paso streetcar and then be the guest of honor at a reception and pop-up exhibit at the museum.  This is just the first part of a much larger lucha libre exhibit that will go up at the El Paso Museum of History and we can’t wait until it opens.  I hope one of the streetcars wears a wrestling outfit in honor of the occasion.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

EBOLA HAS NOW SPREAD FROM DR CONGO TO UGANDA.  AND THINGS JUST KEEP GETTING WORSE IN CENTRAL AFRICA – Bad news came from Uganda this week when it was discovered that two people had died from the virus (and many more were infected) after a family returned from DR Congo where they were taking care of Ebola-infected relatives.  The 50-year-old woman and her 5-year-old grandson are the first fatalities from Ebola in Uganda as a result of the epidemic that started in Congo.  While it’s not too shocking to hear the news that the Ebola virus has spread from the Democratic Republic of Congo to Uganda, it’s still very disturbing to hear that such a deadly disease has yet to be contained in this very chaotic environment.  If there is any silver lining, it’s that Uganda doesn’t have any civil wars going on and the country is much more stable than DR Congo.  This could still get very bad for Uganda and the rest of the world, but so far the authorities in Uganda have followed all recommendations and procedures advised by the international medical community.  Meanwhile in eastern DR Congo, over 1,400 people have died from the Ebola outbreak and there really is no end in sight.  (bbc.com)

HONG KONG REALLY, REALLY, REALLY DOESN’T WANT TO BE A PART OF CHINA – Protests have spread across Hong Kong as citizens are angry over a proposed extradition law with China and surrounding territories.  On paper, the law is not too harsh and would only allow for extraditions for severe crimes and would first have to be approved by Hong Kong authorities before the extradition goes through.  However, most people see this is an attempt by China to gain more power in Hong Kong’s autonomous judicial system and many people are adamant about keeping their sovereignty and will fight any attempt by China to gain ground in Hong Kong.  Whatever happens, conflicts like these will only increase in frequency as 2047 approaches and the end of the “1 country, 2 systems” compromise comes to an end.  Either China fully recognizes Hong Kong’s permanent autonomy or Hong Kong gives in and becomes “just another city in China”; a permanent solution must be reached by 2047 or things will get very messy in this part of the world.  (bbc.com)

TURNS OUT ZEBRA STRIPES MAKE THEM LOOK COOL AND KEEP THEM COOL AT THE SAME TIME – Science has yet to figure out why exactly zebras have stripes and what specific evolutionary advantage they give them, but we do have some new theories out there.  In addition to the prevailing theory that the stripes help ward off insects, some new research has shown that the stripe pattern might create mini air flows around the zebra that act like personal air conditioning for them.  New research from Alison and Stephen Cobb in the Journal Of Natural History has revealed that there are visible temperature differences caused in and around the animal by the stripe patterns.  In addition, the temperature differences can also be seen between the dark and white bands on the animal that create a sort of micro-climate with small airflow around the animal.  Although the main stripe theories involve insect repelling, temperature control, camouflage or a little of everything; my scientific analysis leads me to believe that zebras have stripes because it makes them look cool and helps them get babes.  Never underestimate the evolutionary power of snazzy stripes.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)