Simple Minded Entertainment 2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

THE EL PASO DEVELOPMENT COMMUNITY’S WORST KEPT SECRET IS FINALLY OFFICIAL.  AMAZON IS BUILDING A BIG ASS BUILDING IN EL PASO – Amazon officially announced this month that they are building a large fulfillment warehouse on the eastern edge of the city.  The project is quite large and is going up on that large lot that is bordered by Rojas, Eastlake and I-10/Gateway West.  Construction crews can currently be seen in the area almost 24/7, so Amazon means business when they say they want it up and running by 2021.  So now El Pasoans will get the chance to work a warehouse job for slightly-above menial wages as Jeff Bezos becomes the world’s first meeleeon-beeleeonaire.  Hooray!  (kvia.com)

EVERYBODY KNOWS THE HOTTEST PART OF EL PASO IS BUTT TOWN (THE STRIPTASTICAL STRETCH OF GATEWAY WEST BETWEEN RED PARROT AND JAGUARS).  WE DON’T NEED A FANCY SCIENTIFIC STUDY TO KNOW THAT – The city of El Paso has announced that it is collaborating with multiple local and national organizations to create a heat map of El Paso.  The group will collect data this summer to determine where the highest temperatures are found throughout the city in order to understand where people are more at risk from dangerously high temperatures.  I think the recent heatwave has shown that 100% of El Paso is really, really fucking hot in the summer – study complete!  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, WHITE SANDS MISSILE RANGE!  YOU’RE OUR FAVORITE MILITARY TESTING GROUND (AND OUR FAVORITE NON-SECRET NON-ALIEN TECHNOLOGY NON-RESEARCH CENTER WINK WINK) – White Sands base celebrated it’s 75^th Anniversary this month and we salute it for the great economic and military impact it has had on the region in that time.  The military complex started as the White Sands Proving Ground on July 9, 1945 and has expanded substantially since then.  Happy Birthday!  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

THE PLAZA CLASSIC FILM FESTIVAL ISN’T GOING TO LET A PANDEMIC STOP THE MOVIES.  LIKE CLONED DINOSAURS, THEY FIND A WAY – Don’t forget to support the Plaza Classic Film Festival this summer.  They will keep the yearly fest going this year with drive-in movies and online screenings.  I’ll miss the experience of watching a classic movie in a wonderful theatre, but classic movies on drive-in screens isn’t too shabby.  As an added bonus, the movies will now be playing in different locations all around the city so you don’t have to travel far to watch some great films  That’s such a good idea that I hope they keep the traveling drive-in portion of the festival even after the pandemic is over.  (theprospectordaily.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

THE PANDEMIC IS STILL GOING STRONG AND NOW WE  HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT LONG TERM DAMAGE ASSOCIATED WITH THE VIRUS –  Despite some people trying to downplay the current situation for petty political reasons, the COVID-19 pandemic is still a very serious and dangerous issue for the world.  On top of the hospitalizations straining the system and the tragic deaths; we keep on getting word that for those that survive the virus there might be some long term ailments to look out for.  Recent studies and observations have found that the impact of the coronavirus includes memory loss, chronic fatigue, cognitive issues as well as organ damage.  It almost seems like the virus keeps on getting more powers the more we find out about it.  And yet some people still refuse to wear a face mask because it’s the devil or some other stupid reason of that nature.  (sciencemag.org)

LOOK EVERYBODY, DONALD TRUMP NOW HAS A SECRET POLICE THAT ABDUCTS PEOPLE FOR NO REASON.  BUT HE’S NOT A FASCIST, HE JUST DOES FASCIST THINGS BECAUSE HE LOVES AMERICA SO MUCH – Because the Justice Department is now just filled with sycophants that want to suck Donald Trump’s dick, federal agents are going around Portland and abducting people illegally on Donald Trump’s command.  The excuse is because Antifa is some sort of super terrorist group and they are “destroying” Portland.  But the real reason is because Donald Trump is a thin-skinned pussy and he just wants to act like a dictator to impress the racist morons who support him.  And now he’s even threatening to send his secret police to other cities.  So this is how freedom dies in America.  (npr.org)

REMEMBER WHEN TURKEY WAS THE MODEL OF PROGRESS IN THE MIDDLE EAST?  PRESIDENT ERDOGAN REALLY DID AN AMAZING JOB OF RUNNING HIS COUNTRY TO THE GROUND – In a largely political gesture to appease his idiot Islamist followers, Erdogan has converted the Hagia Sophia in Istanbul into a mosque after serving as a museum and a symbol of Turkey’s secular triumph in the 20^th century.  The building is considered one of the most beautiful in the world and was originally built as a cathedral in 537 and eventually became a mosque in 1453 after the Fall Of Constantinople.  So now we wait until Erdogan gets more desperate as the economy and society continues to implode and he finally makes Turkey a full-blown Islamist country.  At that point it will become Iraq 2.0 and the world will just shrug its shoulders after the country explodes.  Good job, Erdogan.  (bbc.com)

WE POUR ONE OUT TO THOSE WE LOST IN JULY – John Lewis was a key figure in the civil rights movement in the ‘60s and his subsequent work as a congressman had a profound impact on equal rights in this country.  He passed away at the age of 80 and his legacy is evident with the sheer number of memorials around the country.  Carl Reiner was one of the leading comedians of the ‘50s who worked as a writer, director and actor in the early days of television and who had a great influence on comedy in the decades to come.  He passed away this month at the age of 98.  Olivia De Havilland was the last living main cast member from Gone With The Wind, but her acting career went far beyond one movie.  She was regarded as a great beauty and an amazing talent and had a successful career in Hollywood before retiring to France.  She passed away this month a the age of 104.  Regis Philbin had a very long career in television, but to people my age he will always be remembered for his hosting duties on Live With Regis And Kathie Lee and for being Mr. Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.  He passed away at the age of 89.  I remember Hugh Downs from his work on 20/20 and for appearing in practically every news special on TV when I was growing up.  He retired decades ago but his memory will live on for anyone who ever watched copious amounts of TV growing up in the ‘80s.  He passed away this month at the age of 99.  Rest in peace.  (apnews.com / deadline.com)

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

SUPER ARROYOS HAVE ARRIVED TO SAVE THE DAY! – El Paso Water is showing some vision and intelligence by going forward with its new “aquifer recharge project”.  The project seeks to use excess treated water from the river and other sources to replenish our main aquifer.  One of the main highlights of the project will be an enhanced arroyo (super arroyo) that will not only filter water down to the aquifer but will also provide beautiful landscaping and trails for people to enjoy the outdoors.  Kudos, El Paso Water.  And all hail Super Arroyo, our new overlord.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

WHO EVER THOUGHT THE PLAZA HOTEL WOULD FINISH ITS RENOVATION FASTER THAN THE NEXT-DOOR PASO DEL NORTE HOTEL.  AND THE PASO DEL NORTE HOTEL GOT SWEET, SWEET GOVERNMENT HELP.  I’M SURE THEY’LL JUST BLAME CORONAVIRUS – It’s official, the Plaza Hotel at Pioneer Park is now open for business.  The hotel opened on June 17 after an extensive multi-million dollar renovation done by owner – and Paso Del Norte’s very own Mr. Burns – Paul Foster.  The hotel was originally scheduled to open earlier this year, but COVID-19 sort of delayed plans a little bit.  The hotel was designed by Henry C. Trost and was built by Conrad Hilton during the Great Depression, so the hotel is used to grand openings during major global events.  Overall, the over $70 million renovation project looks great and the restaurants and meeting spaces look to make this one of the best hotels in the city and surrounding greater Mogollon region.  (kvia.com)

IF WE PLAY OUR CARDS RIGHT, WE CAN HAVE A TOMMY LEE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL IN EL PASO.  COMPLETE WITH ANACONDA MASCOTS AND METHODS OF MAYHEM PLAYING AT THE ASSEMBLIES – The El Paso Independent School District just realized that naming a school after a traitor who fought to keep people enslaved is probably not a very progressive idea.  Thus, Robert E. Lee Elementary in Northeast El Paso will now get a name change.  If they want to save money, they can just keep the Lee Elementary Name and find someone else to honor who has ‘Lee’ as a surname.  I suggest Bruce Lee Elementary, Stan Lee Elementary, Christopher Lee Elementary, Geddy Lee Elementary, Jason Lee Elementary, Spike Lee Elementary or, most awesomely, TOMMY LEE ELEMENTARY AND MOTLEY CRUE MIDDLE SCHOOL!  Make this happen, El Paso.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

REMEMBER WHEN THEY SAID THE COVID-19 PANDEMIC WAS DYING DOWN AND THAT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO REOPEN?  YEAH, IT WASN’T TRUE – Coronavirus continues to run rampant around the world and no matter how hard some people try to minimize the virus in order to “reopen muh konomy”, things are still pretty bad.  Recently the pandemic has exploded in big states like Texas and Florida and reopening plans have obviously stalled as a result.  Things can only get better though … right?  (bbc.com)

LOOKS LIKE IT IS ALREADY 2047 IN HONG KONG – China has just passed a tough national security law that aims to declaw Hong Kong and make any political dissent illegal in the territory.  Hong Kong came back under Chinese rule in 1997 under the “One Country, Two Systems” plan that saw the transfer of the territory from British rule.  The idea was that Hong Kong would have a sort of semi-independence from China until 2047 in order to lessen any sudden shock from the political and economic shift that would occur in the territory.  Due to recent protests and general unrest, it looks like China wants to cash-in its chips early and just bring in Hong Kong as soon as possible.  At this point it seems like Hong Kong will never be able to return to its past version and must now adapt to being a part of China.  If it doesn’t happen now, it will eventually happen in 2047.  (npr.org)

KIM JONG UN THREW A TEMPER TANTRUM AND BLEW UP A BUILDING THIS MONTH.  I GUESS HE WANTED ATTENTION BECAUSE THE WORLD IS FOCUSED ON OTHER MORE IMPORTANT THINGS AND HAS BEEN IGNORING NORTH KOREA RECENTLY – A joint liaison building has been blown up by the North Korean government near the town of Kaesong.  The building was destroyed for no apparent reason and the action is part of North Korea’s recent sabre rattling to try and gain some attention.  It seems like most governments around the world are run by overgrown children who throw tantrums and are getting cranky because COVID-19 just won’t go away.  Join us next time to see what random object North Korea will blow up next.  (bbc.com)

WE POUR ONE OUT TO THOSE WE LOST IN JUNE – Back To School is one of the most underrated comedies of all time and is one of the quintessential ‘80s comedies.  Alan Metter was the director of that film and he also directed a few other great comedies along the way.  Although he is not regarded as highly as some other comedy directors of the era, he had a great career and retired from directing to lead a comfortable life.  He passed away this month at the age of 77 and we will always be grateful for his help in bringing the awesometastic Back To School to life   (hollywoodreporter.com)

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

DID YOU KNOW EL PASO HAS AN EXTREME WEATHER TASK FORCE?  THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOME SORT OF HARDCORE SUPERHERO TEAM! – Summer is here and that means the Greater Mogollon region will now be bombarded by intense soul-scorching heat.  Even though we are in the middle of a pandemic and social unrest, we should not forget that the harsh desert summers can be deadly and that some people need help keeping cool in the summer.  Enter El Paso’s Extreme Weather Task Force (EWTF).  The organization is limited in their distribution and fundraising because of current events, but they are still doing their best to distribute fans to those in need and providing information on how to keep cool in the summer.  So if you need a fan this summer or want to help the community with a donation, contact thew EWTF.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

GEORGE FLOYD PROTESTS REACH EL PASO – The protests that started in Minneapolis after the murder of George Floyd by police have now reached El Paso.  Police reform is a very important topic and people in El Paso have come together to peacefully protest against police brutality and other related issues.  There were some small skirmishes between police and protesters in Memorial Park after the event ended, but nothing major compared to other cities.  The El Paso Police Department is nowhere near as bad as the New York, Los Angeles, Minneapolis, Austin or Seattle police departments; but there is always room for improvement.  Let’s keep these protests peaceful and push for meaningful change in El Paso and beyond.  (cbs4local.com)

CONGRATULATIONS TO EVERYONE WHO PARTICIPATED IN THE VIRTUAL WORKSHOP FOR THE EL PASO MEXICAN-AMERICAN COMMUNITY CENTER.  I HOPE PEOPLE CAME IN WITH GREAT IDEAS LIKE ‘BUILDING A CHICO’S TACOS INSIDE THE CENTER’ AND ‘A STATUE CELEBRATING SELENA’S LUSCIOUS ASS’ – El Paso’s planned Mexican-American Cultural Center is still a thing and the city held a virtual workshop in early May to allow random people the opportunity to complain and make stupid suggestions via Zoom (it’s the El Paso way).  All in all, the project will improve the downtown library and the surrounding area so it will be nice to see more daytime activity in that area – along with the children’s museum once that is completed as well.  There are still some reservations about building a Mexican-American center in a city that is over 80% Hispanic – which is like building a white pride museum in the middle of Buttfuck, Alabama.  But if they build a classy and well thought out center it should all be worth it.  (ktsm.com)

HAPPY TRAILS TO OUR GREATER MOGOLLON FRIENDS LOST IN MAY – UTEP football legend Fred Wendt passed away this month at the age of 95.  He is regarded as one of the best running backs to ever play at UTEP and his playing career in the ‘40s produced many records that still stand to this day.  Rest in peace, Mr. Wendt.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

IF YOU THOUGHT 2020 COULDN’T GET ANY CRAZIER, WELL IT JUST GOT CRAZIER – George Floyd was murdered while being ‘restrained’ by Minneapolis police and the resulting protests grew into riots and looting after the Minneapolis government failed to act in a timely manner against the police.  The situation reached a tipping point when rioters burned down a police precinct in the city and the protests spread throughout the country and the world.  The protests have only grown in recent days and people of all colors and backgrounds have joined in calling for change.  It feels like this has grown larger than just a protest against the Minneapolis police and has become a call to arms against racism, poverty and police brutality worldwide.  This has all been exasperated by the current COVID-19 pandemic which has shut down sports, movies, concerts and other forms of ‘bread and circuses’ that normally distract people from what’s happening around them.  Now the blinders are off and people are not distracted by trivial pursuits and can focus on what is really important.  2020 has been a crazy year but at least it can’t get any more wild, right?  Wait, hurricane season just started.  Of course it’s only going to get crazier.  Rest in peace, George Floyd.  Like Mohamed Bouazizi, George Floyd will go down in history as those whose abuse and death at the hands of corrupt authorities will not be in vain.    (bbc.com)

OH RIGHT, CORONAVIRUS IS STILL AROUND.  ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT FOR A SECOND – The COVID-19 pandemic is still going strong around the world and now America has passed the 100,000 death mark.  The coronavirus has now spread around most of the world and places like Brazil and India are starting to feel the most dire effects of the virus.  No matter how hard they try to frame this, this is only the beginning and it looks like the worst is yet to come.  Add in millions of people protesting and a new spike in cases is almost assured in the coming weeks.  But at least the bars get to open up again and the rich get richer after trillions are pumped into the stock market by the government.  It’s almost as if the powers that be want us sedated while they fix the system so that only the rich come out unscathed.  (bbc.com)

LOOK AT CHINA OVER THERE, SECRETLY TRYING TO MOVE THE CLOCK FORWARD TO 2047 WHILE EVERYONE IS DISTRACTED – The Chinese government has imposed national security laws on Hong Kong without their full consent and now there are complaints that Hong Kong is losing their sovereignty.  The ‘One Country, Two Systems’ agreement that governs Hong Kong was set to expire in 2047 and now it seems like that deadline will be symbolic as China seeks to fast forward their obvious ‘unification’ plans.  No matter how hard they protest, it seems like there will be no help for the Hong Kong protestors as the rest of the world struggles with their own issues.  Hell, even the U.S. government wants to strip Hong Kong of its special trade status in order to hurt China economically.  It seems like no one will fight for Hong Kong and that 2047 is just an eventuality that will come sooner rather than later.  (reuters.com)

WE POUR ONE OUT TO THOSE WE LOST IN MAY – Little Richard is perhaps one of the most underappreciated rock stars in history.  He was one of the first over-the-top pop music performers – when he started out in the ‘50s – who not only focused on the music but the visual elements of a live performance.  His on-stage persona influenced many musicians for decades to come.  He passed away in May at the age of 87 and his influence still lives on and will continue to exist as long as pop music lives on.  Fred Willard had an impressive career in comedy that spanned decades and included several movies and TV shows including Best In Show and Modern Family.  He passed away last month at the age of 86 and will be remembered as a comedy legend.  Few actors are able to create a truly iconic character, but Ken Osmond did just that when he brought Eddie Haskell to life on Leave It To Beaver.  In addition to creating such an iconic role, he continued acting on various projects afterwards and even became a police officer in Los Angeles.  Ken died last month at the age of 76 but will live on forever as the manipulative-yet-likable Eddie Haskell.  Rest in peace.  (deadline.com)