Simple Minded Entertainment 2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

IT’S LOOKING LIKE VISTA HILLS COUNTRY CLUB WILL NOT BE SAVED.  WE’LL BE LUCKY IF THEY MANAGE TO SALVAGE A MINI-GOLF COURSE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE INEVITABLE MINI MALL THAT SPROUTS UP AT THE LOCATION – The financial clusterfuck that is Vista Hills Country Club keeps sputtering along with no resolution in site.  Plans and possible offers have popped up according to many news outlets, but the current ownership group somehow feels like they have leverage and is holding back for a magical super deal that will never be offered.  The bills keep piling up and Vista Hills Country Club and the surrounding homes are on the verge of becoming a dilapidated weed garden.  Let’s just get this over with and turn the thing into a public park and golf course like Ascarate – the local government already spends tons of money on pointless projects, might as well do something useful with our tax dollars.  (cbs4local.com)

AND SO ENDS THE HUNT FOR THE MONTWOOD EMBEZZLING BANDIT – Former Montwood High School booster club treasurer Stacey Telles turned herself over to the police after a warrant was issued for her arrest in the alleged embezzlement of around $50,000 from the Montwood booster club.  It was initially believed she was on the run, but even the famous Montwood Bandit knew she was no match for the El Paso Police Department   Stealing is wrong, but stealing from a bunch of high school students is severely fucked up and the only thing that would have been worse were if the band were made up of terminally ill and mentally handicapped kids.  But maybe that’s the next goal for the Montwood Bandit.  Perhaps the most surprising thing was that a high school band booster club had $50,000 to steal.  I know parents waste tons of money on random things like high school football, but who knew parents wasted that much money on high school band as well.  Never live your life through your kids, you’ll just end up spending more money than is logically reasonable on pointless shit.  (cbs4local.com)

HOORAY!  IT’S DOGGIE SWIMMING DAY! – You know it’s the end of the summer when they allow pet owners to bring their dogs in for a final swim before they drain the pools.  This weekend will be El Paso’s Doggie Swimming Weekend and dog owners are encouraged to bring their doggos for a cool day at the pool.  Owners will be charged $2 per dog and must have shot records for all the participating pets.  I’m not sure if you can go if you don’t have a dog.  But as long as you don’t tell anyone, no one will judge you for being the guy that doesn’t have a pet and just goes to look at other people’s dogs.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

HURRICANE DORIAN BASICALLY ANNIHILATED THE BAHAMAS AND JUST MISSED FLORIDA BY A HAIR.  AS MIAMI’S MOTTO STATES:  IT’S BETTER TO BE LUCKY THAN COMPETENT – Hurricane Dorian continues its North America tour this weekend as the hurricane now finds itself barreling toward Canada(!) and the Nova Scotia area.  Though the hurricane is now severely weakened, that was not the case when the storm hit the Bahamas as a category 5 storm and then just stayed over the islands for what seemed like days.  The devastation in the Abacos Islands and Grand Bahama is staggering and the death toll of 43 is expected to rise drastically as the full extent of the damage comes into view.  Florida was extremely lucky to avoid this storm and one can only imagine the catastrophe that would have unfolded if good luck and/or divine intervention hadn’t intervened.  Hell, even Lucifer probably had a hand in steering this thing away from Miami.  (reuters.com)

BREXIT IS STILL A DISASTER – Britain’s parliament has just passed laws that force Prime Minister Boris Johnson to ask the EU for a delay in Brexit if no deal is reached by October 31.  This was done to prevent a no deal Brexit and to stop Boris Johnson from exercising dictator-like powers and forcing the UK out of the EU without any plan.  It’s still possible that Boris Johnson does something stupid and ignores the law to get his precious no-deal Brexit.  But that would be an unprecedented act and even Boris Johnson isn’t as stupid and oblivious as Donald Trump … we hope.  So yeah, the Brexit debate is going to continue for a little longer.  Maybe they should let the people vote all over again and let them choose from the options on the table.  (bbc.com)

MOVE OVER, GONORRHEA.  THERE’S A NEW BATCH OF HORRIFYING SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED INFECTIONS LURKING ABOUT – When it comes to Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs), most people know about the basics like syphilis and chlamydia.  But there are over 30 documented STIs and they all cause a  fair bit of damage.  Acording to doctors, it seems like 4 of the lesser known infections are becoming more common and more dangerous due to antibiotic resistance.  The 4 infections that are causing worry are Mycoplasma genitalium, Neisseria meningitidis, Shigella Flexneri and Lymphogranuloma venereum.  They are all pretty bad and you can read up more on this nightmare fuel over at Discover Magazine.  Yet even with all this crazy shit stumbling about, people still have unprotected sex.  It’s almost as if humans just want to die.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

I GUESS SOCORRO HIGH SCHOOL WASN’T HISTORIC ENOUGH.  A NEW SOCORRO HIGH SCHOOL WILL BE BUILT AS THE OLD BUILDING IS GRADUALLY TOSSED TO THE DUSTBIN OF HISTORY.  BUT THAT IS THE PRICE OF PROGRESS – It’s been brewing for awhile, but the planned overhaul of Socorro High School is well underway now.  Recent community meetings have revealed designs and timelines for the massive $135 million project and it’s looking like it is full speed ahead for the destruction/re-construction of Socorro High.  The building has been around for decades; but many buildings made of cinder block, drywall and plywood just don’t pass the test to attain significantly historic status.  It’s sad to see an old building go, but the future looks bright thanks to this new project in Socorro.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

IF THE MEASLES DOESN’T GET YOU, THE WEST NILE VIRUS WILL – 3 new cases of the West Nile Virus have popped up in El Paso this week, raising the total to 13 this year.  The virus is spread by mosquitoes, so be extra careful with the annoying little bastards as the summer comes to an end.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

IT’S TIME FOR EL PASO HEMPFEST 2019 FEATURING CBD!  IT’S NOT LEGALIZED MARIJUANA, BUT WE’RE GETTING THERE – Buena Vida Wellness will be holding the 1^st Annual Hemp And CBD Wellness Fair this Saturday at Sunland Park Mall.  It will be a professional and responsible showcase for the community to get familiar with hemp and CBD products.  The more people become aware of these products the easier it will be to progress to a full legalization of Marijuana and the abolishment of these arcane anti-drug laws.  Taking things slowly and maturely is probably the best way to attain legalization.  Though I still think the Simple Minded Legalize Pot And Fuck the Hypocrite Moralistic Drunk “Conservatives” Festival and Revolt 2019 has potential.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

IF YOU THOUGHT BREXIT COULDN’T BECOME AN EVEN BIGGER CLUSTERFUCK, HOW WRONG YOU WERE – Boris Johnson, the new Prime Minister of the UK, has decided that he wants to collapse the British economy in the most spectacular way possible by accelerating towards a no-deal Brexit.  The prime minister has called for a suspension of Parliament in September and October, a move that will only allow lawmakers a few weeks to prevent a no-deal Brexit.  Boris Johnson’s plan – apparently – is to try to negotiate a new deal with the EU with absolutely no leverage and by showing off his crazy hair and poor planning skills.  So yeah, the UK is really fucked.  The best solution is to go back to voters with a choice of either ‘No Brexit’, ‘No-Deal Brexit’ and ‘Brexit with the shitty ass deal that was the best that the UK could get from the EU’.  This new referendum would cut through all the pie-in-the-sky bullshit that was promised in the original Brexit vote and give voters the cold hard truth of what to expect.  (bbc.com)

PEOPLE ARE BORN THIS WAY, BUT IT’S A LITTLE MORE COMPLEX THAN JUST ONE BIOLOGICAL FACTOR CONTROLLING EVERYTHING – A large research study has just been completed on the relationship of genetics and homosexuality.  The study was led by Harvard researchers and has just been published in the journal Science.  The main findings of the study show that multiple genes may be involved in homosexual behavior in humans.  The study got data from hundreds of thousands of people in DNA databases along with an associated sexual experience questionnaire.  In all, the study found five variants in the genome that had a big impact on sexuality.  Though not all were present in people that exhibited homosexual behavior, it seems that many of the variations were present in these situations.  Human sexuality – it turns out – is very complex and sexual preference doesn’t just come down to one gene or one single environmental factor.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

HEY, KIDS!  NOW’S YOUR CHANCE TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF AN INTERNET CONTEST AND GIVE A NASA ROVER A STUPID NAME.  CHOOSE SOMETHING LIKE ROVERY MCROVERFACE, ONLY MORE STUPID IF POSSIBLE – NASA is holding the Mars 2020 Name The Rover Essay Contest for students across the country to write an essay about a rover and give it a name.  The winner gets to watch the launch of the mission that includes the rover and – more importantly – gets to give the rover a name.  Although this appears to be a juried contest and will not involve an internet poll, there is still a chance to give the rover a stupid name.  So any kids out there, be sure to write an essay about a rover that likes to party and get drunk and give it a cool name like King Beer Memorial Rover 3000.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

WE WERE THIS CLOSE TO HAVING A COUNT CHOCULA BOWL – It was announced this week that Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes will be the new sponsor for the Sun Bowl and the full name for the beloved bowl game will be the Tony The Tiger Sun Bowl.  Kellogg’s has also committed to work with the Sun Bowl to help out in youth sports programs.  This is a pretty good sponsorship deal for the Sun Bowl with Frosted Flakes and Tony The Tiger being moderately football-related.  So, unlike most bowls, this deal makes sense.  Everyone knows the sugar content in Frosted Flakes makes for the perfect jet fuel for young athletes and Tony The Tiger is practically a college football mascot looking for a university.  All in all, this is a much better idea than the original plan to rename the game as the Tony Montana Cocaine Bowl in honor of Scarface.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

MONTE IS NOW THE MOST SUCCESSFUL DOG ACTOR IN THE HISTORY OF LAS CRUCES.  HELL, HE’S MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN MOST ACTORS WILL EVER HOPE TO BE – Kudos to Monte the dog for landing the role of a lifetime as Tramp in the Disney+ remake of Lady And The Tramp.  Although he was adopted from HALO Animal Rescue in Arizona, Monte was originally from Las Cruces.  Monte is a 2-year old terrier mix and looks exactly like the beloved Tramp character from the movie.  Make us proud, Monte.  (cbs4local.com)

THE UTEP BOOZE FESTIVAL, AKA MINERPALOOZA, TAKES PLACE NEXT WEEKEND; SO YOU HAVE ONE WEEK TO BUILD UP YOUR ALCOHOL TOLERANCE – A new school year is starting at UTEP and that means football season, tailgating and shameless binge drinking are not that far behind.  To honor the occasion, UTEP is holding its annual Minerpalooza celebration on Friday, August 30 right next to the Sun Bowl.  The festival will include live music, games, food and booze!  And if that isn’t enough, the Cincinnati party district is like 10 feet away with hot girls in thongs serving up even more booze!  Let’s celebrate binge drinki……… I mean, let’s celebrate UTEP and all their academic accomplishments.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

THE AMAZON RAINFOREST IS ON FIRE.  LOOKS LIKE MAKING A RIGHT-WING MORON AS LEADER WASN’T SUCH A GOOD DEAL FOR THE ENVIRONMENT – The Amazon rainforest is burning in multiple locations with a size and intensity not seen in more than a decade.  It’s probably not fair to blame this entirely on the idiot Jair Bolsonaro and the morons who voted for him.  But his lax attitude toward the environment and his relaxation of deforestation and industrial regulations have certainly taken Brazil back to the turn of the century – and not in a good way.   After pressure from Europe, Bolsonaro is now sending the military to fight the fires because his “ultra capitalist” government doesn’t even have a sufficient environmental and fire management department.  And we won’t even get started on the fact that a Frankenstein country like Brazil is not equipped to handle problems that occur thousands of miles away from the capital and the major cities.  Heaven forbid Frankenstein countries like Brazil be broken up into more efficient rationally-sized nations.  This would never have happened if Amazonland was its own country with Manaus as the capital.  (bbc.com)

MUD BACTERIA ISN’T THE HERO WE WANTED, BUT IT IS THE ONE WE NEED – Dimethyl Sulfide (DMS) is a chemical that helps reflect sunlight and create clouds and, in turn, helps cool the Earth.  Thus, it is considered a “good guy” gas because it can help neutralize or reverse the accelerated, man-made heating of the Earth that will eventually fuck us all up.  Researchers, led by scientists at the University of East Anglia, have recently discovered that bacteria in sea mud produce a ton of the helpful DMS gas and much more than open water organisms.  How this can help in the fight against climate change is yet to be seen, but it’s good to see that some organisms on Earth are actually trying to help the environment.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

SO IS THE PLAN TO MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN BY CRASHING THE ECONOMY AND STARTING A RECESSION?  MAYBE THE PLAN IS TO FUCK UP SO BADLY THAT DEMOCRATS TAKE OVER ALL THE BRANCHES OF THE GOVERNMENT IN THE NEXT ELECTION AND FIX EVERYTHING FOR DONALD TRUMP! – Donald Trump knows jack shit about economics and business and is only using tariffs because that’s one of the few things he can do without congressional approval (checks and balances apparently isn’t that great in the American government).  Naturally, this has had devastating consequences and now the economy is on the verge of a recession because an idiot overgrown toddler likes throwing tantrums in the White House.  Make no mistake, the economy is in an amazingly shitty position and it’s basically being propped up by the American consumer and their endless supply of stupidity and credit cards.  And don’t be fooled by any “magical” economic reports that the government puts out; if the Trump administration can fuck around with environmental reports and the justice department, they can fuck around with economic data.  On a good day, most financial reports are filled with more bullshit than a rodeo.  There’s no limit to the amount of bullshit that can be generated by sycophants and right wing bootlickers.  But hell, maybe if we put even more tariffs on other countries we’ll finally get the opposite effect of what’s already happened thousands of times before.  (bbc.com)

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

AFTER TWO WEEKS OF ANGUISH, EL PASO REMAINS UNITED AND STRONG – The Paso Del Norte region is still reeling from the terrorist attack on August 3 that was carried out by a radicalized right-wing extremist, but the region has responded by being stronger and more united than ever.  We ask that everyone remember the victims of this heinous attack and contribute in any way possible to make sure their families and the survivors have all the support they need to overcome this tragedy.  Various fundraisers and support events have already been held and 2 separate benefit concerts headlined by El Paso natives Khalid and Vikki Carr are coming up in a few weeks.  We shall overcome.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

VIRGIN GALACTIC HAS OFFICIALLY MOVED TO THE LAS CRUCES AREA AND IS MAKING SPACEPORT AMERICA ITS HOME.  I WAS BEGINNING TO WORRY THAT VIRGIN GALACTIC FORGOT ALL ABOUT US – In great news for southern New Mexico and the Mesilla Valley, Virgin Galactic has finally opened up its main office inside of Spaceport America.  While official flights are yet to begin, Virgin Galactic recently unveiled their new interior launch and control space inside the Spaceport to local media and it looks very sleek and modern.  In addition, the company hinted that test flights would finish up soon and the spacecraft would soon start making commercial trips from New Mexico in the near future.  This is very good news for Las Cruces, Truth Or Consequences and the surrounding region.  (cbs4local.com)

THE XII TRAVELERS STATUE PROJECT IS STILL GOING STRONG AND HAS FINALLY REACHED MONUMENT #4 AFTER A FEW DECADES.  WE’LL GET TO MONUMENT #12 BY 2100 COME HELL OR HIGH WATER – The XII Travelers of the Southwest will be unveiling the model for the Benito Juarez statue (monument #4) next Thursday at the Chamizal National Memorial.  The XII Travelers project was started by a group led by John Houser and has already created the Fray Garcia De San Francisco statue at Pioneer Plaza, the Don Juan De Onate equestrian statue at the airport and the Susan Shelby Magoffin statue at Keystone Heritage Park.  John House is sadly no longer with us, but the work on the project continues with help from his son.  The new monument is titled Benito Juarez – Child To Man and will more than likely be placed at the Chamizal National Memorial when it is completed.  Let’s support the XII Travelers and get all these statues done.  By the time they reach monument #12 it will be a statue dedicated to Mr. Mouse and Simple Minded Entertainment and our role in fighting the Great Alien Invasion Of 2099.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

INDIA’S STUPID, RIGHT WING ANSWER TO DONALD TRUMP IS NARENDRA MODI.  AND JUST LIKE HIS IDIOTIC AMERICAN COUNTERPART, HE DOES STUPID ASS SHIT UNDER THE GUISE OF “NATIONALISM” THAT ENDS BADLY.  CASE IN POINT:  KASHMIR – Because Kashmir wasn’t enough of a powder keg already, Narendra Modi’s recent decision to strip “Indian Kashmir” of its autonomy has brought more unrest to the region with no real benefit to be found.  If anything, he did it in order to rile up his idiot nationalistic base (Donald Trump would be impressed) and made a situation worse in order to make a minority group look bad and evil.  So now the world focuses once again on Kashmir and the possibility that this might escalate in to an even bigger pissing match with Pakistan.  Though Pakistan at the moment should be commended for not escalating things and doing something equally stupid as India.  It says a lot when Pakistan is the voice of reason in a conflict.  Modi did the impossible and made Pakistan look rational.  Yes, that Pakistan.  (bbc.com)

HONG KONG IS STILL RIOTING.  THEY HAVE UNTIL 2047 TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THEY WANT TO DO, BUT IT SEEMS THERE’S NOT ENOUGH TIME IN THE WORLD TO KEEP HONG KONG FROM BEING SWALLOWED BY CHINA – Student protests have been raging in Hong Kong for weeks now and although many people call these “pro democracy” protests, these are more like “what the hell are we going to do when 2047 rolls around and the one-country, two system agreement ends” anxiety protests.  The full reunification of Hong Kong with China seems inevitable and protests like these will become the norm unless Hong Kong can work out an indefinite agreement or somehow gain its independence.  The virtual death of Hong Kong’s once mighty film and TV industry at the hands of the China behemoth was just the beginning of what appears to be the dissolution of Hong Kong’s identity and culture; and there seems to be very little that can be done to stop it.  Keep up the good fight, Hong Kong.  You still have a few decades to work something out.  (bbc.com)

REST IN PEACE, PETER FONDA.  YOU CAN NOW RIDE YOUR MOTORCYCLE IN HEAVEN LIKE A TRUE BAD ASS – Peter Fonda passed away this week at the age of 79 at his home in Los Angeles.  He had a lengthy career that spanned movies of all genres, but he will best be remembered for his role in Easy Rider and for being one of the last great Hollywood mavericks of the ‘60s and ‘70s.  He was a great actor and we should all watch a Peter Fonda movie marathon this weekend in his honor.  (deadline.com)

PASO DEL NORTE AND WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

EL PASO HAS SUFFERED A TERRORIST ATTACK, BUT EL PASO WILL EMERGE FROM THIS STRONGER THAN EVER – The only story we will cover this week will be the heinous white supremacist terrorist attack at the Cielo Vista Wal-Mart from last Saturday that claimed the lives of 22 people and injured countless more.  We will not focus on the cowardly, racist terrorist from the edge of Redneckistan – just outside of Dallas – that was radicalized by the teachings of Donald Trump and will not give him the benefit of mentioning his name.  Instead we hope everyone will remember the people who lost their lives and all the heroes who helped out that day and those who continue to help the region during this very dark moment.  Paso Del Norte will not buckle because of this and instead stands tall and spits in the face of racism, fascism and radicalized right wing terrorists along with their figurehead Osama bin Trump.  Stay strong, El Paso.  God bless us all.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

TIME TO NUMB YOUR ASS BY SITTING DOWN FOR 11 DAYS OF NON-STOP MOVIE MADNESS.  THE PLAZA CLASSIC FILM FESTIVAL IS BACK – The Plaza Classic Film Festival is celebrating its 12^th anniversary and this year promises more cinematic goodness in and around Downtown El Paso.  The festival began on Thursday and continues until August 11.  Most of the great movies range in price from free to just under $10, so it’s a great bargain to see some of the best the cinematic world has to offer.  Prepare your ass for hours and hours of non-stop sitting.  (cbs4local.com)

BUILD SEESAWS, NOT WALLS – The border is so dangerous that ……. seesaws were installed across the stupid border wall for children to play with.  That’s right, seesaws were installed on the wall along Sunland Park and no cartels came by to shoot the children and give everyone free drugs.  The seesaws are the work of California professors Ronald Rael and Virginia San Fratello, whose work brought joy to a structure that has become the symbol of Donald Trump’s hatred and racism in America.  (cbs4local.com)

SMELTERTOWN NEEDS OUR HELP – The Smeltertown Cemetery is in pretty bad shape and needs volunteers and supplies for cleanup efforts.  The cemetery was in much worse condition but a volunteer group led by Willie Cordero jump-started the revitalization process and his group has been cleaning up the cemetery for some time.  So lend a hand and help out the friends of Smeltertown Cemetery.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

RWANDA HAS 99 PROBLEMS BUT EBOLA AIN’T ONE – The Ebola crisis continues to grow in the Democratic Republic of Congo and now Rwanda has taken the controversial step of shutting down the border between the two countries.  The border has now reopened but the temporary closing of the border between Goma, DR Congo and Gisenyi, Rwanda has rattled nerves in the area.  This all comes after the third confirmed Ebola case in the large city of Goma that is the major urban area in the region of DR Congo that has been plagued by Ebola in the past year.  The outbreak has already claimed close to 2,000 lives and there is genuine concern that the virus can spread in this densely populated part of the country.  Rwanda has a ton of problems and Ebola jumping over the border would be pretty bad for the country’s medical infrastructure.  (bbc.com)

WHY YES, JULY WAS VERY HOT THIS YEAR.  SOME WOULD SAY IT WAS THE HOTTEST FUCKING MONTH IN HISTORY – Scientists at the Copernicus Climate Change Service say that preliminary results indicate that July was the hottest month on record in relation to the decades of data they have available.  July was filled with record-breaking heatwaves all over the world and most people would agree that July was pretty hot.  Overall, this follows a trend that shows the past few years are among the hottest in recorded history.  So yeah, maybe climate change is real and the world is heating up to some very worrisome levels.  (bbc.com)

THANKS TO ‘FROZEN ZOOS’ I’LL BE ABLE TO SEE ALL THE ANIMALS THAT HUMANITY HAS DESTROYED IN EXCITING FROZEN TISSUE FORM! – Cryobanks are locations where animal and plant samples are frozen and/or stored for future generations to study and possibly to help in the revival of extinct species.  The scientific branch for this is known as cryobiology and is becoming a very important area of study thanks to humanity’s wanton destruction of the environment.  Fresh off the heels of the most recent meeting of the Society for Cryobiology, Discover Magazine has a great summary of the amazing cryobank projects happening all across the world.  Not all humans want to destroy the environment for a few pieces of silver, some people actually care about things.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

EL PASO WATER’S TECH20 LEARNING CENTER AND WILDLIFE HABITAT IS LIKE A ZOO BUT WITHOUT THE PESKY CAGES.  SO IT’S ACTUALLY BETTER THAN A ZOO BUT SLIGHTLY MORE DANGEROUS – A hidden gem wildlife preserve exists in far East El Paso that protects local wildlife and preserves the Chihuahuan Desert from the encroaching urban environment.  The wildlife habitat is run by the TecH20 Learning Center and welcomes the Paso Del Norte community.  The El Paso Herald Post has a nice write up on the habitat but you can do one better and go visit it in person to learn more about the Chihuahuan Desert in all its natural glory.  Just don’t get bitten by a coyote, mountain lion, jackrabbit, snake and/or tarantula.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

FORT BLISS IS ACTUALLY GOING TO PRESERVE A HISTORICAL MURAL.  GOOD JOB, FORT BLISS – In 1943, soldier and artist Baron Carl Rudolph Von Ripper painted a mural at the William Beaumont Hospital Library of a multi-ethnic group of people holding up a map of the United States.  The mural has stood the test of time and, even though most of the buildings are now dilapidated, the mural is still in pretty good condition.  Even though there was some confusion on the ultimate fate of the mural, Fort Bliss has just announced that the mural will be restored and preserved.  The City of El Paso is currently in negotiations to lease the old land of the William Beaumont complex from the base and this is the first word we have received that the mural will not be destroyed as part of any demolition in the area.  Kudos, Fort Bliss.  Now if they can just finish up the new William Beaumont Medical Center before the end of the century.  (cbs4local.com)

LOVE THEM OR HATE THEM, THE TRUE VALUE OF A PROFESSIONAL SPORTS TEAM IS THE COMMUNITY DEVELOPMENT PROJECTS THEY BRING TO A CITY – The El Paso Locomotive has announced that they will be adding the Locomotive Futures Program to their youth futball development program.  The Locomotive already provide plenty of youth development for under-17 futball players and the new programs announced will offer even more opportunity for local youth to take their game to the next level and maybe get a scholarship or professional playing opportunities in the future.  Though many people don’t like pro sports teams because of the perceived taxpayer benefits they feel the organizations get, you can’t deny they do provide a boost to the local community.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

EUROPE IS BURNING, THE ARCTIC IS ON FIRE AND SIBERIA IS COVERED IN SMOKE.  THE WHOLE WORLD IS GOING TO BURST INTO FLAMES! – Fresh on the heels of last month’s European heatwave, another dome of high temperatures has parked itself over most of the continent bringing even hotter temperatures to some places.  Paris saw a record all-time high temperature of 42.6C (108.7F) and many places in Europe have also experienced record temperatures and evaporating rivers and lakes.  Not to be outdone, a record amount of fires are burning throughout the Arctic and a part of Siberia – of all places – is experiencing an extreme influx of smoke because of the fires in the area.  Although climate change is not responsible for these events, most scientists agree that global climate change is making these types of events more severe and more frequent.  So get ready to become a giant desert, Europe.  (bbc.com)

I’VE GOT NO PROBLEM WITH WOODEN SKYSCRAPERS.  LET’S START BUILDING MORE OF THEM – On the topic of our imploding environment, researchers have found that building with wood is much more sustainable and beneficial for the environment than using concrete and steel.  It might seem counter-intuitive, but when done correctly and with proper forest management, using wood as the main construction material has great benefits for the environment as opposed to traditional concrete and steel construction.  Hell, thanks to new laminated timber technology it is possible to build rather tall structures using only wood.  The BBC has a great write up on the people pioneering the use of modern wood products in construction projects and the ways they can help the environment.  Who knows?  One day you might be living in a wooden skyscraper.  (bbc.com)

HEY KIDS!  DROP OUT OF SCHOOL AND JUST FOCUS ON PLAYING VIDEO GAMES.  THAT’S WHERE THE MONEY IS AT! – This weekend will see the Fortnite World Cup in New York City where a bunch of teenagers will compete for millions of dollars in prizes.  Who needs an education when you can get Fortnite money!  The event will feature the largest shared purse for an e-sports event – worth $30 million – and the winners of each event will get around $3 million.  Not bad for giving up your entire social life and ignoring people of the opposite sex as you play video games non-stop for 10 hours a day, seven days a week.  (polygon.com)

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

GOOD JOB, IDIOT ANTI-VAXERS.  NOW EL PASO HAS MEASLES – After more than 25 years of no measles cases reported in El Paso, the city has now reported a fourth case of the disease this year.  The first case popped up a few weeks ago and is part of the new wave of measles that has spread across the country over the past few months.  Now people that legitimately can’t get a vaccine because of legit medical reasons are at risk because more and more people read random bullshit on Facebook and think they are suddenly medical professionals.  Fucking moron anti-vaxers.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

MINERS F.C. IS THE REAL DEAL – Congratulations to the Miners F.C. youth (13 and under) futball team on winning the National Championship at The 2019 U.S. Youth Presidents Cup.  The Miners defeated the Las Vegas Pros by a score of 4 to 3 in extra time to capture the prestigious title for the club.  Good job, mini Miners.  May the full grown Miners at UTEP get some inspiration from this and win some games (in all sports) this season.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

IF YOU HAD YSLETA INDEPENDENT SCHOOL DISTRICT SUPERINTENDENT XAVIER DE LA TORRE AS YOUR PICK IN THE SUPERINTENDENT UFC OFFICE POOL, CONGRATULATIONS – After news of a San Antonio Whataburger brawl involving Socorro ISD Superintendent Jose Espinoza broke out a few weeks ago, there has been much speculation on the identity of the other superintendent that allegedly started it all.  Despite the sketchy attempt at redaction by the San Antonio Police Department, El Paso news sources were able to determine that the other superintendent was none other than YISD’s Xavier De La Torre.  By now we all know the details and the “he said, she said” game is about to start.  But don’t worry about the two chuckleheads.  Overpaid government officials rarely get more than a slap on the wrist when they do something stupid.  (cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

THE HONG KONG PROTESTERS ARE NOW JUST DOING IT BECAUSE THEY DON’T LIKE THE CHINESE GOVERNMENT.  THEIR ORIGINAL DEMANDS WERE MET LONG AGO AND NOW OLD WOUNDS ARE LAID BARE – The protests in Hong Kong continue and the demonstrations are getting more physical and disruptive as time goes by.  While the original demands against the extradition bill have been met, it seems the protesters now want to voice their full disapproval of their relationship with Beijing.  If this is how it looks like now, I can only imagine how things will be in 2047 when China officially becomes full “owner” of Hong Kong and the city-state loses its autonomy.  The waters only get rougher from here out to 2047.  (bbc.com)

FINALLY, THE EBOLA CRISIS IN DR CONGO HAS BEEN DECLARED AN EMERGENCY BY THE WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION.  ALL IT TOOK WAS AN EXTRA THOUSAND INFECTIONS AND HUNDREDS OF DEATHS, IT SEEMS – The World Health Organization has declared a public health emergency of international concern over the Ebola crisis in the Democratic Republic of Congo.  This is the highest level of warning that can be given out by the WHO and has only been issued 4 other times in the past.  The Ebola crisis has been raging for close to a year in DR Congo and has recently reached a critical point with over 2,000 people infected – of which over 1,600 have died.  In addition, the Ebola virus has now popped up in the city of Goma – a city of over 1 million people that is the largest in DR Congo to face the infection thus far.  It is hoped that the emergency declaration will bring more attention to this crisis and encourage nations to send more aid.  Good luck, DR Congo.  (bbc.com)

HAPPY FIFTIETH BIRTHDAY, SAN DIEGO COMIC-CON – The massive pop culture convention and marketing tsunami known as San Diego Comic-Con will be taking place this weekend and celebrating its 50^th anniversary in the process.  The convention started from humble beginnings in a hotel basement conference room and exploded over the decades into one of the largest conventions on the planet.  Be sure to check out the excellent history of Comic-Con article over at NPR for a very entertaining and informative look at how it all began.  (npr.org)

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

EL PASO AREA SUPERINTENDENTS MAKE EL PASO PROUD! – In hilarious news this week, it was just revealed that two local superintendents got in a fight in a San Antonio Whataburger in mid-June.  The conflict started when an unnamed El Paso area superintendent (cover-up much?) went up to Socorro ISD Superintendent Jose Espinoza and criticized his clothes.  To be exact, the unnamed idiot said, ““Where are you coming from? Soccer practice?”  At that point, Jose Espinoza did the obvious cholo-thing and told him to repeat the question.  The exact quote was not listed, but the natural Socorro cholo phrase would be, “Why don’t you come say that to my face, ese?”  Unnamed idiot took the bait but then head-butted Jose Espinoza after repeating the question.  The situation broke down into a mini-brawl with Jose Espinoza throwing a punch after the head butt.  There is no detailed specifics, but I like to think they both started slap-fighting and then they wrestled around on the floor like some comedy involving yuppies fighting.  There is obviously some special treatment going on and the other superintendent should be named and hopefully ridiculed for getting into a drunk fight at a Whataburger during a “leadership” conference.  Our superintendents might not be too good at educating kids, but damn can they drunk fight with the best of them.  (cbs4local.com)

MAYBE THOSE “SAVE CRAZY CAT TRAIL” PEOPLE CAN FINALLY DO SOMETHING USEFUL AND “SAVE RED SANDS”.  ARROYO TRAILS ARE A DIME A DOZEN IN EL PASO, SAND DUNES ARE MUCH RARER AND NEED TO BE SAVED – To no one’s surprise, irresponsible morons flooded Red Sands during the July 4^th holiday and left the beautiful dunes covered in trash and debris.  This Sunday morning the Texas Rescue Patrol (TPR) will be holding a volunteer cleanup at Red Sands with the hope of cleaning up all the trash left in the aftermath of July 4^th.  TPR is a great volunteer group that tries to keep Red Sands clean and safe for the community.  It would be nice if the government could finally turn Red Sands into a regional, state or national park area – but the dunes lie amid a hodgepodge of private lots with no unified ownership.  It would take a lot of effort, but turning Red Sands into regulated public park land should be a high priority for all local stakeholders.  If a random arroyo trail like Crazy Cat can be saved, then why not Red Sands?  (cbs4local.com)

WELCOME BACK, CODY DECKER – Ex-El Paso Chihuahuas player, Cody Decker, recently announced his retirement from professional baseball and his return to El Paso.  Decker will now be the Associate Executive Director for Athletic Development with the El Paso Border Youth Athletic Association where he will help local youth reach their athletic potential.  He and his wife, Jenn Sterger Decker, will also be doing a radio/podcast sports show in the area and we wish them the greatest success on their return home.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

NEW ORLEANS SHOULD HAVE LEARNED ITS LESSON AFTER KATRINA, RIGHT?  THE NEW ORLEANS GOVERNMENT ISN’T THAT INCOMPETENT, RIGHT? – Tropical Storm Barry is expected to hit southern Louisiana as a category one hurricane over the weekend and people all across Louisiana are bracing for impact.  Although not a severely powerful storm, Barry will bring a ton of rain to the region and will test the flood protection capabilities of New Orleans and surrounding areas.  Much was learned after Hurricane Katrina devastated the city and, hopefully, New Orleans is now better prepared to handle hurricanes and extreme flooding.  (reuters.com)

IT’S CRICKET-MANIA AS ENGLAND AND NEW ZEALAND PLAY FOR THE CRICKET WORLD CUP TITLE – The world cup final (the cricket one, not the futball one) is finally upon us as England take on New Zealand for the championship on Sunday.  Both teams had some shaky moments during the tournament, but persevered and pulled off some outstanding wins to get where they are.  The Cricket World Cup is played under the one-day international format that consists of 50 overs a side and is not to be confused with traditional cricket where one game can take days, months or even years to complete (only a slight exaggeration).  So get ready for some exciting cricket action!  It’s like baseball only cricket is actually fun.  (bbc.com)

THIS IS HOW THE SEAWEED MONSTER COMES TO LIFE.  ONLY GODZILLA CAN SAVE US NOW – 2018 saw the largest seaweed bloom in history stretch from West Africa across the Atlantic Ocean to the Gulf of Mexico.  A scientific study of this amazing phenomenon did not pinpoint an exact cause, but it is believed a series of events and conditions created the explosion of Sargassum weed that eventually washed up in beaches around the Atlantic.  I’m not saying this giant mass of seaweed will become a sentient seaweed monster, but I’ve seen enough monster movies to know that this is exactly what is going to happen.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)