Simple Minded Entertainment 2018

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

THE NEW WILLIAM BEAUMONT ARMY MEDICAL CENTER IS FINALLY COMPLETE.  FOR REAL THIS TIME! – After what felt like decades and over a billion dollars later, the new William Beaumont Army Medical Center on the far east side of El Paso is finally complete.  The building is now officially “done” and it will open its doors later this year once the hospital is “outfitted” and is determined to be in operating condition.  The VA will now be able to better serve El Paso area veterans and is a big upgrade from the old William Beaumont Center.  And remember, all the delays and cost overruns were not because the building will also serve as a top secret government facility involving aliens.  That’s just a silly conspiracy theory.  Wink Wink (cbs4local.com)

MONTANA VISTA IS GETTING A SEWER SYSTEM AND IS GETTING ONE STEP CLOSER TO BEING A LEGITIMATE CITY!  ALL THEY HAVE TO DO NOW IS INCORPORATE AND THEY CAN GET EVEN MORE PUBLIC SERVICES IN THEIR AREA – We normally don’t hear much news from Montana Vista, but it looks like there is some good news afoot for the community in the far, far east area of El Paso County.  Montana Vista is finally getting a sewer system thanks to the help of various government agencies and community outreach.  This will help development and health in the area greatly and the community might just take the next step to becoming a legitimate town sometime in the near future.  And according to the plans it looks like there will be some rather deep manholes in the system that will be filled with giraffes and other large animals.  So it looks like Montana Vista might get a zoo as well.  Good show, Montana Vista.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

ZUILL BAILEY DAY IS THE HOLIDAY YOU NEVER KNEW YOU NEEDED – The City of El Paso has just given the Conquistador Award (the highest honor the city gives out) to internationally renowned cellist Zuill Bailey.  In addition, the city proclaimed February 4 to be Zuill Bailey Day.  The cellist and music instructor is perhaps the most renowned musician in the Greater Mogollon region and has won numerous awards and has contributed to the community in many ways to numerous to list.  Let us all celebrate Zuill Bailey Day by listening to cello music and getting hammered – it’s the El Paso way.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

HAPPY TRAILS TO OUR GREATER MOGOLLON FRIENDS WE LOST IN FEBRUARY – Wolves usually get a bad wrap, but the El Paso Zoo has done a good job educating the public about them with their Mexican Gray Wolf exhibit.  Zephyr, a 14-year old gray wolf, was euthanized by the El Paso Zoo due to health issues this month and it was a great loss to the zoo family.  The outdoor music festival market is a bit oversaturated at this point and the latest casualties are Music Under The Stars and the Las Cruces Country Music Festival.  Both fests were run with the help of local government agencies and the costs associated with the fests were too much to justify continuing with the projects.  Though they could have just focused on local artists and been fine, they would not have been the big events that people are used too.  Maybe one day the fests will come back in another form.  But for now the festivals will only take place in music festival heaven.  (elpasoheraldpost.com / cbs4local.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

WELL, THIS DOESN’T LOOK GOOD – The artist formerly known as the Wuhan Virus has an official name now thanks to the World Health Organization and will henceforth be officially known as COVID-19 as caused by coronavirus.  The infections seems to be growing substantially and we now have major clusters popping up in Italy and Iran.  Things aren’t looking too good at the moment, but this is a great opportunity for anybody who has ever dreamed of doing a real-world reenactment of 12 Monkeys.  (bbc.com)

ARROKOTH THE CELESTIAL SNOWMAN IS JUST FULL OF SURPRISES – The New Horizons spacecraft flew by Pluto and then later passed by the Kuiper Belt orb Arrokoth on its way to further deep space exploration.  The spacecraft passed by Arrokoth over a year ago but scientists are still receiving and analyzing data from that spectacular visit to the Kuiper Belt orb.  Arrokoth was found to have a snowman shape as a result of two orbs fused together and now scientists are determining how the odd little snowman came to be.  The preferred theory for the formation involves a low speed collision that was as slow as 2 miles per hour, but I like to think it was fused together by aliens creating an art installation in the Kuiper Belt.  Who knows what other secrets the Kuiper Belt snowman holds for us?  (popsci.com)

THESE COLORS DON’T RUN ……. UNLESS DONALD TRUMP COMMANDS A ONE-SIDED PEACE TREATY AND RETREAT – After more than a decade of pointless fighting in Afghanistan by the American government, Donald Trump and company have announced a “peace treaty” with the Taliban in Afghanistan.  The treaty pretty much offers the Taliban free reign while the United States removes all troops from the region – all while the Taliban offers minimal-to-zero concessions to the Afghan government and America.  So basically the Taliban won the “War On Terror”.  Congratulations, Taliban!  Have fun destroying Afghanistan all over again!  (npr.org)

WE POUR ONE OUT TO THOSE WE LOST IN FEBRUARY – Kirk Douglas was a Hollywood Legend who not only excelled in front of the camera but was an instrumental force behind the scenes on many classic movies.  He passed away this month at the age of 103 and leaves a cinematic legacy that few will ever match.  His legend will live on via his family and the countless people that were influenced by his work.  Lee Phillip Bell passed away this month and she will now go up to the big soap opera in the sky.  She is best known as being the co-creator, along with her husband William J. Bell, of the long-running soap operas The Young And The Restless along with The Bold And The Beautiful.  Most people don’t give soap operas the respect they deserve and just write them off as trivial throwaway entertainment.  But soap operas have been offering some of the best character development and plots for decades and the recent surge in serialized television owes a great deal of gratitude to soap operas.  Lee Phillip Bell was a true pioneer.  Robert Conrad was best known for his iconic TV roles, but was an accomplished actor who had an amazing career that spanned decades.  He will always be remembered for his lead roles on The Wild Wild West and on Baa Baa Black Sheep and is an icon of the early years of television’s rise.  Rest in peace, Robert Conrad.  (deadline.com / Bloomberg.com)

 

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

I’LL TAKE A LUCKY GUESS AND ASSUME THAT THE NEW RIDE WILL HAVE THE WORDS ‘SPLASH’, ‘WET’ AND/OR ‘SPLOOGETASTIC’ SOMEWHERE IN THE TITLE – Wet ‘N’ Wild Waterworld is building a new ride for the coming summer season and it promises to be their biggest ride yet.  A groundbreaking ceremony was held this month – complete with frog mascot – and park officials are optimistic about what the new year will bring.  The ride hasn’t been named yet and there are scant details on what the actual ride will look like, but the water park promises to drop hints on the new ride in the coming weeks.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

TORNILLO IS FINALLY GETTING A PUBLIC PARK!  GOOD TO SEE THE EL PASO COUNTY GOVERNMENT FINALLY NOTICED THERE IS LIFE BEYOND SOCORRO ON THE EASTSIDE – The El Paso County Government along with Tornillo ISD have come together to build Coyote Park in Tornillo.  The park is named after one of the most dangerous things in the immediate vicinity of the park area – apparently Redneck Rapist Park was already taken.  Coyote Park will feature many amenities including new trees, trails, playgrounds and sidewalks and will connect with the $2.1 million hike and bike trail that will one day stretch from Alameda to Aguilera International Highway.  Now that El Paso County is finally showing some efficiency, maybe they can build some more parks in Fabens, San Elizario, Sparks, Clint and some of the other communities in the county.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

THE BILLY ABRAHAM BOOZE IMPLOSION – Just days after getting probation for his skeevy business dealings, Billy Abraham decided to fight the system by getting drunk and driving to the El Paso Times building to yell at the newspaper.  It appears he wasn’t yelling at any specific person but at the newspaper itself.  I guess he was mad at the media but sort of chose the most irrelevant form of journalism he could find in this day and age.  Needless to say, he was arrested for drunk driving because he was visibly perturbed, parked incorrectly and the influence of booze was obvious to everyone at the scene.  Most people would just be sent to jail after doing something like this while on probation, but Billy Abraham will just get an award and live to drink another day.  (kvia.com)

HAPPY TRAILS TO OUR GREATER MOGOLLON FRIENDS LOST THIS MONTH – January saw long time El Paso Zoo tiger Melor pass away after living a long life.  She was brought to the El Paso Zoo in 2001 and was beloved by many from the very beginning.  This month also saw Monsignor Francis J. Smith leave this world at the age of 85.  He served the El Paso community for decades, including 29 years at St. Raphael Parish.  Happy trails, friends.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

WUHAN!  THEY GOT YOU ALL IN CHECK – Looks like the Wuhan Coronavirus is a lot tougher to control than originally thought and now we have cases popping up in different places around the world.  The Chinese government has practically shut down the country and isolated all of Wuhan and Hubei province but it seems like that wasn’t enough to keep the virus from spreading from the hot zone.  Technology is way more advanced today than what our ancestors had on hand during the bubonic plague/Black Death and the 1918 Influenza Pandemic.  So this will hopefully be stopped or somewhat controlled ……. I hope.  (bbc.com)

IN MORE SIGNS OF IMPENDING ARMAGEDDON, A RATHER LARGE VOLCANO IN PHILIPPINES IS THREATENING TO BLOW UP – The Taal volcano in the Philippines has been very active lately spewing tons of ash and lava in the surrounding area as scientists fear the eruptions will only get bigger.  The volcano is in a highly populated area and less than 100 miles from Manila.  Taal has already disrupted the lives of millions of people and the hope is that it doesn’t go off in a giant mega explosion.  Because a much bigger eruption would be very, very bad for the area.  (nature.com)

IN OTHER NEWS, AUSTRALIA IS STILL ON FIRE – The brushfires that have been raging across Australia continue to burn, with the southeast portion of the country getting some of the most vicious fires.  The ecological disaster is already one for the record books and the social and economic impact is also quite massive.  The only thing that will stop this is eventual rains or if the fire just gets bored after burning the entire country to the ground.  Stay safe, Australia.  (npr.org)

WE POUR ONE OUT TO THOSE WE LOST IN JANUARY – One of the most shocking events this past month occurred when NBA legend Kobe Bryant, his daughter and others died in a helicopter crash just north of Los Angeles.  The loss was unexpected and the outpouring of grief has been massive around the world.  Fans of Lamb Chop and Shari Lewis would be saddened to know that Lan O’Kun has passed away.  He was vital in helping create the songs and stories of the Lamb Chop extended universe and with his passing only Lamb Chop and her other puppet friends remain as part of the original team.  Fortunately, Lamb Chop and her puppet friends are in good health and will outlive us all.  In January we also saw some great musicians, performers and writers pass away including Buck Henry, David Olney, Harriet Frank Jr. and Mary Higgins Clark.  Rest in peace, friends.  (deadline.com)

 

 

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

AFTER OVER 100 YEARS, WHITE SANDS WILL FINALLY BE A NATIONAL PARK – Due to land issues and multiple agreements, White Sands has only been classified as a national monument and has never received the full national park treatment.  But that should all change in 2020 as recently passed legislation in Washington includes a designation for White Sands to become a national park.  There will be a land-swap with the White Sands Military Base as part of the agreement, but as long as there is no environmental harm in this land deal it should be a win-win for everyone.  White Sands National Park has a nice ring to it.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

THEY SAID IT COULDN’T BE DONE, BUT EL PASO CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL HAS FINALLY TURNED A PROFIT!  HOORAY! – After around 7 years, and a bankruptcy, El Paso’s Children’s Hospital turned a profit for the first time in fiscal year 2019.  The hospital was expected to lose close to $4 million this year, but instead brought in a tidy $2.6 million in profit.  The hospital is on track to pay off its bankruptcy and will use the sudden influx in cash to expand services and help even more children – which is exactly what a children’s hospital should do instead of losing tons of money.  What a difference competent leadership and rigorous oversight can do for an organization.  (cbs4local.com)

NEVER CHANGE, EL PASO – Santa Claus celebrated Christmas this year in typical El Paso fashion by being stranded in traffic on I-10.  He was witness to a minor traffic accident that then turned into a foot chase along I-10 when an off-duty officer and other bystanders subdued the guy who crashed into multiple cars.  Naturally, the overtime commandos of the El Paso Police Department shut down the freeway for hours because even fender benders deserve full blown investigations – it’s not because they want to rack up easy overtime hours, honest.  (kvia.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

WHAT BETTER WAY TO SAY GOODBYE TO 2019 THAN WITH YET ANOTHER DEADLY GIANT WHIRLY STORM – Another deadly typhoon has struck the Philippines and, sadly, the world will continue to see more of these deadly storms in greater frequency in the years to come.  Typhoon Phanfone made landfall over the Christmas holiday and the storm has so far claimed the lives of 28 people.  It wasn’t the biggest storm to hit the Philippines this year, but that’s just because many large storms hit this season.  Goodbye 2019, we hope for less storms next year but know that will probably not be the case.  (bbc.com)

BELOVED STAR BETELGEUSE MIGHT EXPLODE INTO A SUPERNOVA ……. SOMETIME IN THE NEXT 100,000 YEARS – The media has been abuzz this week as news spread that Betelgeuse, one of the brightest stars in the night sky and a part of the Orion constellation, has been dimming at an alarming rate over the past few months.  Though the star normally varies in brightness, the substantial drop in brightness was rare and led to speculation that the star was dying and on the verge of exploding as a spectacular supernova.  Scientists aren’t exactly saying that an explosion is imminent, but it does appear that the star will probably go boom in the next couple of thousand years.  Or perhaps it already has exploded and we still haven’t seen it because light from the red supergiant takes about 600 years to get here.  Regardless, if we do see the explosion in our lifetime it will produce an amazing visual in the night sky that will be very memorable.  None of the effects of the explosion will be felt on earth, however.  But maybe the scientists are lying to us and super gamma radiation is on its way and that’s why they raided the solar observatory in Cloudcroft last year.  Just playing ……. or am I?  (universetoday.com)

HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM SIMPLE MINDED ENTERTAINMENT.  NEW AND BETTER THINGS ARE ON THE HORIZON – Just want to wish everyone a Happy New Year and hope you keep on periodically perusing our website.  Next year should bring some new and improved changes and perhaps some new features.  Starting next month we’ll be doing the Recap-ITATION! on a monthly basis, so we’ll see you in 30 days for a recap of what we found important/amusing/perturbing for January.  Happy Holidays one and all.  (simplemindedentertainment.com)

 

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

IN THE CITY OF EL PASO’S DEFENSE, THE CITY GOVERNMENT CAN BARELY MANAGE THEIR CURRENT PRIORITIES.  YOU REALLY WANT THEM OWNING AN ELECTRIC COMPANY? – The greedy fuckers at El Paso Electric have decided to sell out to the even greedier fuckers at JP Morgan and now we will have a completely privatized electric company.  The City Of El Paso had a shot to buy it and turn it into a municipal utility, but it just didn’t make much sense financially.  Even though virtually every other government group in the region wanted to block the sale, the City Of El Paso had the final say and decided not to risk their finances on owning a public utility.  So now we are left at the mercy of a private company to manage our electricity and, judging by privatized companies in the past, we’ll be lucky if they leave the headquarters in El Paso and only raise rates by a couple dozen percentage points.  (cbs4local.com)

THE PONIES ARE BACK JUST IN TIME FOR THE HOLIDAYS! – Horse racing is back at Sunland Park Racetrack and Casino starting on December 26.  This will be the 61^st season of racing at the track and will run through April 21, 2020.  As always, the highlight of the race schedule will be the Sunland Derby at the end of the season but many big purse races will also take place from now until April.  So go cheer on your favorite ponies and jockeys at the track and make some money in the process.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

GOOD SHOW, EL PASO SYMPHONY – Starting in 2020, the Tocando after school music project will expand to Tornillo Elementary School.  The program is sponsored by the El Paso Symphony and provides instruments and instruction to students from low-income schools.  The program currently serves Aoy and Hart Elementary as well as Guillen Middle School and the Young Women’s Academy.  This is a great program that provides music opportunities to student’s that would not regularly get a chance to seek out musical extracurricular activities.  It’s good to see Tornillo get some love.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

THE LATEST UN CLIMATE SUMMIT IS REACHING THE END AND REMARKABLY LITTLE HAS BEEN ACCOMPLISHED.  BUT AT LEAST THE ATTENDEES GOT A NICE CONTINENTAL BREAKFAST OUT OF THE DEAL – The Chile-hosted climate summit (that was moved to Madrid, Spain for rioting reasons) is about to close and the developed world and the developing world are as far apart as before.  So basically the big and rich countries don’t care anymore and just want to make as much money as possible before shit really hits the fan and small countries – particularly island nations – want something done immediately because they are already getting screwed over by rising sea levels.  As it stands, we’re all sort of fucked and it appears that climate change is here to stay and temperatures will keep on rising because there is very little that can actually be done in today’s political environment.  But at least rich people will be able to make even more money.  (reuters.com)

AUSTRALIA IS HOTTER THAN HELL AT THE MOMENT.  LITERALLY HOTTER THAN HELL – A massive heatwave is hitting Australia at the same moment that large brushfires are burning across New South Wales.  It was so hot in Australia that the record for hottest day ever was broken on Tuesday and then again on Wednesday as the average maximum temperature in the nation reached 41.9C (107.4F) – or an average summer day in El Paso.  So the fires and heat rage on as the forecast shows little cold/rain relief in the forecast.  (bbc.com)

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!  AS AN EARLY CHRISTMAS PRESENT, THE IDIOT DONALD TRUMP HAS JUST BEEN IMPEACHED! – Christmas is next week, so be sure to enjoy time with your loved ones as you eat tons of food, get lots of presents and watch a bunch of Star Wars movies.  As an early present, Congress finally impeached Donald Trump for only a few of the corrupt things the idiot has done while in power.  Unfortunately, the Republican controlled Senate – led by Mitch McConnell and other bootlickers – are already on their knees ready to suck Donald Trump’s dick and let him go free once the Senate trial begins.  But at least history will know how horrible Donald Trump is as he becomes only the 3^rd  American president in history to be impeached.  MERRY CHRISTMAS!  (bbc.com)

 

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

ALL HAIL TONY THE TIGER.  HE HAS DETHRONED OSCAR LEESER AS THE KING OF THE SUN BOWL AND WILL NOW RUN FOR MAYOR OF EL PASO – The Sun Bowl is now the Tony The Tiger Sun Bowl and this year the match up will feature Arizona State Vs. Florida State.  This is a solid match-up and will be the first time in over 50 years that Florida State has played in the Sun Bowl.  The game will be played at noon on December 31 and will be broadcast on CBS.  Get your tickets now and make Tony The Tiger proud.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

SANTA KHALIDAUS STRIKES AGAIN – Among all the local organizations that hand out toys and gifts for the less fortunate in El Paso, The Great Khalid Foundation is one of the most memorable ones.  Every year since his rise to fame, Khalid and the foundation led by his mother has given out toys to various schools throughout the region.  This year, The Great Khalid Foundation chose Whitaker Elementary as one of the schools they would surprise this year and every student received a present.  Kudos to Khalid and everyone else in the region who gives a little extra during the holidays.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

IF EVERY OTHER RANDOM EVENT CAN BE A LEGITIMATE HIGH SCHOOL COMPETITION, THEN REBOTE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO BE RECOGNIZED.  NEXT STOP, COMPETITIVE SYNCHRONIZED LOWRIDER HYDRAULIC SHOWS – Recently, Bowie High School hosted one of the first high school Rebote tournaments that featured teams from Chapin, Jefferson as well as Bowie.  The inaugural championship was won by the team from Chapin and we hope this is the first of many officially sanctioned Rebote events in the region.  Although many people are not familiar with the sport, it’s in the same family as Squash which is a fully sanctioned international sport.  And would it kill them to make high school e-sports an actual thing – video game nerds need a shot at highs school glory too.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

AND THE SLOW MOTION CAR WRECK KNOWN AS BREXIT LOOKS TO BE HEADING TO ITS INEVITABLE CONCLUSION – The Pro-Brexit conservative party has won a majority in the UK election and now Boris Johnson will finally sign off on the amazingly shitty exit deal that they were able to negotiate.  The UK will now be at a worse economic position on the global stage and will have to renegotiate trade deals from a weaker position.  But at least they get to stick it to the immigrants and liberals!  This is what it must feel like to look at Donald Trump and his stupidity parade from the comfort of a foreign country.  It’s only funny when you’re not in the middle of it.  (bbc.com)

SAUDI ARABIA NOW HAS EVEN MORE MONEY!  IT’S ALWAYS NICE WHEN THE POOR UNDERDOG FINALLY MAKES IT – As Saudi Arabia sees the writing on the wall regarding the future of oil, it has decided to privatize some of its oil assets in order to “cash out” and raise funds for non-energy investments.  Last week, Saudi Aramco raised over $25 billion in its initial offering and the company is hovering around the $2 trillion valuation.  Meanwhile in America, the idiots are doubling down on “muh oil” and fracking the shit out of everything to sell barrels of oil below the breakeven price.  But once the oil sector implodes we can just rely on “the internet” and the “thoughts and prayers” sectors to prop up the economy.  (bbc.com)

IT’S THE GOLDEN AGE OF THE MILF!  WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE – A study by the Pew Research Center has found that 23% of children in America live in single parent households.  That rate is the highest in the world and is around 3 times larger than the global rate of 7%.  Most of these are single mom households and America is leading the way in milf-appreciation and milf hunting activities.  Long live the milfs!  (pewresearch.org)

 

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

FAREWELL, SILVA’S SUPERMARKET.  YOU ARE A SEGUNDO BARRIO INSTITUTION AND YOU WILL FOREVER BE MISSED – Sad news was revealed this week when the Silva family announced that their landmark store and business would be shutting down on December 31, 2019.  The store was started in 1918 under the El Faro name by Jose Felix Silva and for over 100 years it has served Downtown El Paso in an ever evolving business model that spanned multiple locations and various names.  According to the owners, they just wanted to retire and the newer generation of the family did not want to continue the store and were unwilling to sell to another non-family ownership group.  Silva’s provided a great service to the Segundo Barrio and was an icon of independent business ownership throughout the region.  Where will the cholo’s buy their tall boys now?  Will someone please think of the cholos!  (cbs4local.com)

HOORAY FOR ELECTRIC BUSES!  A NEW HYBRID ELECTRIC BUS LINE WILL CONNECT EL PASO TO SUNLAND PARK AND BEYOND.  ELECTRIC BUSES WILL SAVE US ALL! – In an attempt to increase connectivity and public transit options between El Paso and Southern New Mexico, the South Central Regional Transit District has announced expanded projects thanks to funding from the El Paso Metropolitan Planning Organization.  The plans include purchasing two hybrid-electric buses to improve service on the upgraded Yellow Route connecting El Paso and Sunland Park.  In addition, enhanced service will be provided on the Purple Route that connects Las Cruces, the communities in Southern New Mexico and El Paso.  Now if we could only get a train line to connect El Paso and Las Cruces and everything in between.  (cbs4local.com)

ALL THAT MUSIC & VIDEO IS TRULY THE LITTLE RECORD STORE THAT COULD – Perhaps the most well known record store in the greater Paso Del Norte region, All That Music is announcing expansion plans for 2020.  The business has been open for decades and George Reynoso has led the business through the ups and downs of the music industry including the digital wave that destroyed the majority of record stores and physical media sellers throughout the world.  In 2020, All That Music will move its main retail operations to a space at The Fountains but will keep its current location as a retail warehouse that will process online orders and give visitors a chance to browse through their massive used music/movie collection.  And for fans of selling and trading, don’t fret; it appears the much loved sell/trade option will still be alive and well at the warehouse location.  So support your local businesses and go buy some kick ass vinyl at All That Music.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

JUST IN CASE ANYONE HAS FORGOTTEN, INDIA IS STILL FUCKING OVER KASHMIR FOUR MONTHS AFTER THEIR “SECURITY TAKEOVER”.  JUST A REMINDER – While most of the international news focuses on what is happening in Hong Kong or the Earth’s inevitable climate collapse, it should be noted that four months after stripping Kashmir of its autonomy and taking over for “security reasons” – the people in Kashmir are basically prisoners and don’t even have internet access, among other things.  The right wing nationalist nut jobs in control of the Indian government think this is great because it buys votes from the ignorant and makes them feel like tough guys for invading someone else’s land and calling it their own.  Hell, if other Frankenstein countries like Brazil, Russia, China and the U.S.A. can do it – why not India?  So Kashmir continues to be isolated and now most of the people will lose their WhatsApp accounts.  WhatsApp is basically the only form of reliable communication in most underdeveloped areas where the government doesn’t particularly care about infrastructure or freedom or anything besides bribery and exploitation.  (bbc.com)

YUP, WE’RE FUCKED – The once mighty Victoria Falls is now a mere trickle as the increased frequency of droughts and changes to the rain pattern have taken their toll on the amount of water feeding the Zambezi river and the waterfalls.  The drought this year is one of the worst in the last 100 years and most of southern Africa is feeling the pain.  Climate change cannot be blamed for individual instances of drought and specific events such as this one, but the increased frequency of droughts and low levels of rain can be attributed to climate change and things will only get worse.  If this can happen at the mighty Victoria Falls, what chance do the rest of us have?  (reuters.com)

THIS IS HOW SYFY CHANNEL MOVIES USUALLY START.  COMING SOON ……. POLAR BEAR APOCALYPSE! – Thanks to melting sea ice and warmer temperatures, polar bears are traveling farther south in search for food.  The Russian village of Ryrkaypiy has recently been visited by over 50 polar bears this year and authorities are fearful that the visits will increase and somebody will get hurt.  On the bright side, most people thought that the melting arctic ice would kill off all polar bears.  But now we know that they will move to Russian villages where they will drink vodka and complain about the world around them.  Meanwhile – in Derbyshire, England – swans go house by house and knock on the doors asking for food.  The swans aren’t forced into town by warmer temperatures, they just find it easier to waddle around asking people for food.  Invasion Of The Derbyshire Swans isn’t a particularly scary movie.  (bbc.com)

 

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

DAMN!  TXDOT HAS A GOOD IDEA FOR ONCE.  THE END OF THE WORLD MIGHT BE COMING SOON – As a result of all the pedestrian safety issues along Mesa in the Kern Place/Cincinnati/UTEP party zone, txdot has unveiled preliminary plans for a pedestrian deck that stretches across North Mesa.  The street itself will tunnel under the pedestrian deck to allow pedestrians to simply walk from one side of the street to the other with minimal change in grading.  A pedestrian bridge across North Mesa has also been suggested in the past for this area, but history and studies show that people are too fucking lazy to climb stairs and would rather risk their lives than add a few extra steps to their journey.  This is just preliminary and part of the 20 year plan for Mesa, but it’s a start and is a much needed improvement after all the countless pedestrian casualties that have happened in that area over the years.  We don’t say this often – but good show, txdot.  (cbs4local.com)

MORE PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT BUDDY WANZER AND HIS IMPACT ON THE LAS CRUCES CINEMATIC SCENE.  AND NOW PEOPLE WILL GET A CHANCE TO SEE HIS MOST MEMORABLE MOVIE ON THE BIG SCREEN! – Orville “Buddy” Wanzer was a pioneer in the region’s movie-making scene and an underrated icon in the Las Cruces community.  In addition to creating films, he was also a professor at NMSU who encouraged the art of cinema in the region.  Wanzer’s “The Devil’s Mistress” was an acid western made in 1965 and was the first documented feature length movie to be created and produced in Las Cruces.  That movie will be screening next week at the Rio Grande Theatre in Las Cruces as a memorial to Buddy Wanzer and as a way to raise funds to finish a documentary on his work.  Buddy Wanzer passed away earlier this year but his legacy will live on and hopefully more people will become familiar with his work.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

MAYBE IF WE GIVE THEM ANOTHER HALF A BILLION DOLLARS, THE EL PASO POLICE DEPARTMENT CAN JUST CREATE A GESTAPO AND KILL EVERYONE IN THE CITY.  THAT WILL SOLVE ALL THE CRIMES! – It says a lot about the local media, and local bootlickers in general, that KVIA was the only news organization to make a major story out of the video of an El Paso police officer threatening to kill a civilian because he made a stupid comment.  But the worst thing about this has been the official police response that blamed the guy who was threatened because he didn’t report a naked guy running in the street.  Apparently he should have been a psychic and known that the guy was high on drugs and had just attacked his kids inside his house.  How can the EPPD do its job when civilians aren’t psychics?  That’s just too hard.  And worst of all, the civilian “insulted the badge”.  Oh no, he insulted the badge.  How will the badge survive such trauma and pain.  Who will explain to the badge’s wife and little badge children that the badge was insulted and died of emotional injuries.  Oh, the horror!  Naturally, nothing will come of this and the cop will just get a slap on the wrist – if anything – while the city gives them hundreds of millions of dollars with no accountability.  The guy that mouthed off to the cop was a moron, but that’s no excuse for a public servant that gets paid to carry a gun to threaten to kill him.  That’s not how a public servant should act.  (kvia.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

ALBANIA IS NOT EXACTLY KNOWN AS A HOTBED OF SEISMIC ACTIVITY, BUT WE WERE REMINDED THIS WEEK THAT MAJOR EARTHQUAKES DON’T ALWAYS HAPPEN ALONG ULTRA-ACTIVE FAULT LINES – A 6.4 magnitude earthquake struck Albania on Tuesday and the tremor caught many by surprise.  The death toll is at 30 but that number is expected to rise.  Most of the major damage occurred in the cities of Durres and Thumane with scenes coming out of the area showing many collapsed buildings.  Building standards in Albania are not at the same level as can be found in major earthquake zones and that is one of the factors that contributed to the heavy damage.  Stay safe, Albania.  (bbc.com)

WELL, THAT SEEMED LIKE A FUN THANKSGIVING VOYAGE FOR MOST OF THE PEOPLE IN AMERICA – Large winter storms hit the western part of the United States earlier this week and have trudged eastward over the course of the week.  In their wake they have left delayed flights and closed roads that have had knock-on effects from coast to coast.  So if you didn’t have to get out of your house this week and travel, lucky you.  Who says being a shut-in with no family doesn’t have its benefits.  (reuters.com)

ACCORDING TO BRAZILIAN IDIOT AND APPARENT PRESIDENT, JAIR BOLSONARO, LEONARDO DICAPRIO IS FINANCING THE FIRES IN THE AMAZON IN ORDER TO GAIN PUBLICITY FOR ENVIRONMENTAL ISSUES. THAT’S NOT A JOKE, THE PRESIDENT OF A COUNTRY ACTUALLY SAID SOMETHING THAT STUPID – So Leonardo DiCaprio is an arsonist and environmentalists are burning down the Amazon in order to get more money to use in stopping the destruction of the rainforest that they are burning down.  Yup, that sounds like a pretty solid conspiracy theory – not at all stupid.  At least we now know that right wing nutjobs around the world are all equally vapid and moronic.  Meanwhile, the world is approaching multiple climate change tipping points and we are all pretty much fucked.  Maybe we can blame this one on other random Hollywood celebrities as well.  (reuters.com/discovermagazine.com)

 

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

TREES!  LIGHT PARADES!  LITTLE TRAINS!  ICE!  YES, IT IS TIME FOR DOWNTOWN WINTERFEST! – The annual Downtown El Paso winter festival is back again this year and it is bigger than ever.  The downtown event that expanded on the tree lighting started back in the late ‘90s, by my estimates, and it has slowly become one of the better family traditions in the area.  This year the decades old tree lighting ceremony will be accompanied by the now traditional light parade.  In addition, the Downtown Winterfest will continue through the new year with vendors, an ice skating rink and a little train near the Plaza De Los Lagartos festival area.  So embrace the cold and head to Downtown El Paso and welcome even colder temperatures.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

I THANK THE NATURALLY OCCURRING LITHIUM IN THE GREATER PASO DEL NORTE REGION’S WATER SUPPLY FOR THE LOW LEVELS OF DEPRESSION.  SWEET, SWEET LITHIUM – A new study has found that El Paso has the second lowest rate of depression among mid-size cities in the United States and is in the top 20 overall among all cities.  Though the study isn’t part of a major scientific research project, it’s still nice to see El Paso come among the top-tier in lists like this.  There are many factors that contribute to El Paso’s good mental health ratings, but I’m just going to give 100% credit to the lithium in the water supply.  Thank you, lithium.  (cbs4local.com)

LET’S BUILD A CHIHUAHUAN DESERT EXHIBIT INSIDE OF A ZOO THAT’S IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CHIHUAHUAN DESERT! [MIND BLOWN] THE EL PASO ZOO IS THE MOST META ZOO IN THE UNIVERSE – Although at first glance it seems a bit absurd that a zoo in the Chihuahuan Desert spent millions on a Chihuahuan Desert exhibit, the fact that the exhibit will focus on preservation of local species makes it all worth it.  There are many species in our surrounding desert – including Mexican grey wolves, mountain lions, jaguars and parrots – that are threatened and some that are practically extinct in certain areas and this new zoo section will bring awareness to all the amazing animals that live in the desert and perhaps create an opportunity to re-introduce these species back into the wild.  They also have a Copper Canyon themed rope course so you can make a fool of yourself when you realize just how out of shape you really are.  Let’s protect the Chihuahuan Desert.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

IF EBOLA DOESN’T KILL YOU IN THE DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC OF CONGO, THE MEASLES WILL AT LEAST FUCK YOU UP A LITTLE MORE.  SEE KIDS, THAT’S WHY VACCINES ARE IMPORTANT – More than twice as many people have died from the measles virus as have died from the Ebola outbreak in DR Congo in this year alone.  Around 250,000 people have been infected this year alone and the epidemic has been compounded by a shortage of vaccines and attacks on medical personnel.  If there’s a silver lining it’s that if the Ebola virus didn’t destroy DR Congo, no virus known to man will ever cripple it completely.  (bbc.com)

HONG KONG IS STILL A MESS AND IT LOOKS LIKE CHINA IS JUST GOING TO LET THE WHOLE COMMUNITY IMPLODE AS IT SLOWLY TAKES IT OVER FROM WITHIN – The unrest continues in Hong Kong as elections loom next week.  Protesters are being arrested, including young students, and it looks like China is more than happy to let the territory tear itself apart as it gradually turns it into official China province #1194583.  And regardless of the results of the election, the world will just wag their finger and won’t do anything else because trying to force China to do the right thing is as pointless an endeavor as getting Russia or America to do the right thing and not be selfish.  (bbc.com)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! – It’s Thanksgiving next week, so have fun with your family that you only see once or twice a year and try not to get too wasted and argue with your loved ones.  And if you’re going to the Sun Bowl Thanksgiving parade be safe and be on the lookout for the Dragons Of Thrones float by the Delta Academy – this one wasn’t built with taxpayer money!  See that, El Paso County government?  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

 

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

UTEP IS MANUFACTURING SUCCESS ……. LITERALLY! – $70 million has been approved at the state level for UTEP to expand on its additive engineering and rocket research programs.  The money will be used to build a new facility for the Center For Advanced Manufacturing And Aerospace and to update UTEP’s aerospace research facilities at the old Fabens Airport.  The projects will support work in high tech fields that constantly need new employees and UTEP will be helping fill the need for these jobs in the future.  To infinity and beyond, UTEP.  (cbs4local.com)

JEFFERSON HAS A NEW PAIR OF MASCOTS THAT DOESN’T INVOLVE A TRANSFORMER LOWRIDER.  WHEN WILL A CENTRAL EL PASO SCHOOL FINALLY ACCEPT FATE AND CHOOSE A TRANSFORMER LOWRIDER AS A MASCOT? – Please welcome Jeffrey and Sylvia Fox to the El Paso mascot community.  The Jefferson/Sylvia mascots have cool new costumes that replace the old ones that have been around for years.  Jeffrey is a classic red fox and a boy, while Sylvia is a silver fox and a girl wearing a pink skirt.  The new costumes look great and Jefferson should be proud of their new ambassadors.  Though if they wanted to be completely accurate; the silver fox should be a retired body shop owner who works out a lot, is recently widowed and now spends all his cash at strip clubs.  Becoming a silver fox is the only way to retire.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

IT’S GOOD TO SEE THAT THE CITY OF EL PASO GOVERNMENT TAKES THEIR MARCHING ORDERS FROM WAL-MART.  HEAVEN FORBID THE CITY NOT BE BEHOLDEN TO CORPORATE INTERESTS – The City Of El Paso recently moved the makeshift memorial in honor of the victims of the August 3 terrorist attack from its natural site on the road behind Wal-Mart to the nearby, and  out of the way, Ponder Park.  It’s only a coincidence that the city moved the memorial a few days before Wal-Mart rushed its reopening just in time for Black Friday.  It’s not like the city bent over backwards for a large corporation that has been largely indifferent to the terrorist attack.  Wal-Mart is also building a memorial for the victims, but that won’t be completed by Black Friday because memorials don’t sell Chinese goods at enormously marked up prices and thus can’t turn a profit.  ALSO, DON’T FORGET TO SHOP AT THE CIELO VISTA WAL-MART – IT HAS REOPENED AND HAS SPECIALS FOR ALL!  This message has been approved by the City Of El Paso.  (elpasoheraldposst.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

I THINK THIS IS HOW WATERWORLD STARTED.  NICE KNOWING YOU, VENICE – Flooding in Venice, Italy has reached near record levels and 80% of the city was flooded at one point this week.  The flooding was a result of storms and a wind-aided tide that raised the high tide to a near record 187 cm on Tuesday, just below the 194 cm reached in 1966.  Although global climate change cannot be blamed for causing this specific event, the rising temperatures globally are having a chaotic change in global weather patterns that will make events like this the norm and not just a “once in a generation” event.  In fact, of the top ten high tides that have hit Venice since records began in 1923, around half have occurred in the past decade or so.  So while climate change isn’t creating monster storms, it is creating conditions that make them more frequent.  Visit Venice while you can before Kevin Costner buys it and turns it into Waterworldland.  Kevin Costner was right all along.  (bbc.com)

I THINK I’VE READ THIS BOOK BEFORE.  I BELIEVE IT WAS CALLED HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES UP TO 1900 – As the world’s attention regarding China focuses on Hong Kong and its trade war with the U.S., China has been using the distractions to expand its program to move thousands of the Uighur population away from their homeland.  The Uighurs are an ethnic minority in China that are predominantly Muslim and live in the northwest portion of the country.  The Chinese want to drive them out of their homeland and have been settling the area with ethnic Han Chinese for decades.  Reservations, internment camps and settlers sent to forcibly replace a population – where have we seen that before?  Hmmmmm?  In a perfect world the Uighurs would gain their independence and a portion of northwest China and Central Asia would be set aside to form a new nation.  But the world we live in is not fair and we’ll be lucky if a couple hundred Uighur are alive a hundred years from now and the Chinese government is “fair” enough to “allow” them to have a casino on their own land.  Then the government can capitalize on their greed and create a bullshit blood quantum gatekeeper to ensure that the tribe becomes inbred and ends up disappearing entirely in a few generations.  At least China learned from the best.  (independent.co.uk)

THE HISTORY OF PLAGUE IS ALMOST AS EXCITING AS THE HISTORY OF HUMANS – New research has found that Yersinia pestis, the delightful bacteria that causes plague, has been found in humans for thousands of years before the first major plague was recorded.  Overall, the plague is believed to have claimed the lives of over 200 million people over the course of human history and is quite the nasty infection.  Discover Magazine has a great summary of the plague’s history and the most up to date research that is showing us just how far back it has harmed humans, so go check it out and learn about our deadly little friend.  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

 

PASO DEL NORTE-CENTRIC NEWS

HOORAY!  NEW MEXICO STATE UNIVERSITY IS #710! – U.S. News And World Report just released their annual list of the best universities in the world and NMSU came in at #710 of the 1,500 universities that made the cut.  Considering all the universities in the world, this is quite the accomplishment.  UTEP didn’t even make the list, so we’ll assume that they are number #10,000 or something.  Or maybe they’re so awesome that they can’t even be ranked.  Congratulations NMSU you are a great university and some of your programs have been acknowledged as world class.  In our hearts your Green Chile Agricultural degree will always be the greatest education program in the universe.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

AFTER DECADES OF DOMINATING EL PASO’S AIRWAVES, ESTELA CASAS IS MOVING ON TO A NEW CAREER – Estela Casas announced her retirement from KVIA this week as she embarks on her new career as Executive Director of the University Medical Center Foundation.  Estela has become the face of TV news in the region and she will be missed by all.  But don’t worry about her, she has a new career now and will do much more meaningful work as leader of the charitable arm of UMC/Thomason Hospital.  Even though the ownership group had turned KVIA into a right wing mouthpiece (like most other local stations), Estela Casas was always a professional and reported on stories without bias.  This is a big loss for KVIA and we will see how they respond once general manager Kevin Lovell removes his mouth from Donald Trump’s dick while prominent Texas right wing nut jobs cheer him on.  Estela will finish out the year at KVIA and will begin her new endeavor in 2020.  Godspeed, Estela.  (kvia.com)

DIG A LITTLE DEEP AND HELP A CITY OUT – El Paso Giving Day, the holiday created by the Paso Del Norte Community Foundation to get El Pasoans to donate money before they blow it all on Black Friday, will take place again this year on November 14.  The early giving period has already begun and the donations currently outpace the rate of giving seen in other years.  This year matching funds will be provided by Wal-Mart – and its $1 million match – along with other organizations.  So make sure to donate to your favorite local charity now or on November 14 and keep making El Paso a great place to live.  (elpasoheraldpost.com)

REST OF THE WORLD-CENTRIC NEWS

EVO MORALES MAY HAVE JUST OVERESTIMATED HOW MUCH THE PEOPLE OF BOLIVIA LOVED HIM.  SPOILER ALERT:  IT APPEARS THE MAJORITY OF THE COUNTRY LOATHED HIM ENOUGH TO RIOT – Almost all of Bolivia is being gripped by protests and riots after Evo Morales got cute in the last election.  During the first round of elections last month, the vote count mysteriously stopped for almost a day and then it was announced that Evo Morales won the 1^st round of voting by more than 10% – thus avoiding a run-off election.  The funny thing is that Evo Morales would have probably won the run-off election in a landslide so he didn’t really need to dick around with the first round of voting.  But I guess he got cocky after he basically annulled term limits and was on his way to becoming dictator for life.  Congratulations, Venezuela.  You are no longer the biggest clusterfuck in South America.  We now wait anxiously to see if Argentina or Brazil take the bait and do something amazingly stupid in the coming week.  (bbc.com)

NOT TO BE OUTDONE BY CALIFORNIA, AUSTRALIA IS ALSO ON FIRE – Dozens of large bushfires are burning around New South Wales and Queensland states in Australia as evacuation orders have been given to thousands of residents.  Much like California; dry conditions, crazy winds and unbridled development are the root cause of the fires that will only be exasperated in the future by climate change.  Unlike California, Australia has precious kangaroos and koalas that can’t run away from the fires.  Will someone please help the kangaroos and koalas!  (reuters.com)

IT’S SINGLES DAY ON MONDAY (11/11), THE CHINESE HOLIDAY INVENTED TO CELEBRATE BEING SINGLE AND WASTING MONEY.  IT’S ALSO VETERAN’S DAY.  HOORAY, CAPITALISM WON! – Have a safe weekend and have fun with whatever you have planned for this Monday’s Veteran’s Day and/or Singles Day.  Veteran’s day celebrates all the members of the armed forces present and past who have mainly fought in America’s wars to spread Western values, like capitalism, around the world.  Meanwhile, Singles Day is a Chinese holiday that started out as a way for college students to celebrate being single (11/11 is just a bunch of lone ‘1’s) and that later evolved into Alibaba’s shameless celebration of Chinese consumerism and capitalism.  Who says America’s push for Western ideals hasn’t had an impact globally.  (bloomberg.com)