Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 03/15/2019


THE WORST KEPT SECRET IN THE HISTORY OF EL PASO IS FINALLY OUT.  BETO O’ROURKE IS RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES ……. OR IS HE? – In news that surprised practically no one, Beto O’Rourke has officially announced that he is running for President and will be seeking the nomination from the Democratic Party.  After months of building up hype, he kicked off his campaign by visiting small towns in Iowa and there is no doubt that he is committed to the campaign.  After Beto’s close loss to Ted Cruz in the Texas Senate campaign, his stock has only been rising and he is now one of the front-runners in the election.  Whatever happens, we still love you Beto.  You put Paso Del Norte in a positive light and always stood up when someone said negative things about the city.  Good luck, Beto O’Rourke.  (

EL PASO LOST A J.C. PENNEY IN DOWNTOWN, BUT IT LOOKS LIKE IT WILL BE GAINING AN IMPROVED BUILDING IN THE FUTURE – The loss of the J.C. Penney store in Downtown El Paso was a big economic loss for the area, but with that loss came the hope that an even bigger economic gain might be gained in the future.  That hope appears to have been rewarded as the new owners of the building – M.J.C.P. L.L.C. – look to be pushing forward with their impressive plans to fully renovate the building into an amazing mixed-use project.  The Downtown Management District has just awarded a $25,000 grant to the owners of the building as part of its Commercial Façade Improvement Grant program and this is just the latest piece of the puzzle for this ambitious project that looks to restore the building to its original glory.  Having an economic driver like J.C. Penney was nice for the area, but having that ugly concrete tomb façade that they built around the building removed and replacing it with the original look of the building will be even greater for the area.  (

IT’S JUST LIKE BATTLEBOTS, BUT WITHOUT THE SPARKS AND COOL DESTRUCTION – Congratulations to the Horizon High School Robotics team for winning the state championship at the Vex State Robotics Tournament and for earning a place at the world championships that will take place in Louisville in late April.  Kudos, Horizon High Robot Wranglers.  Your reward for doing good is a trip to Louisville!  Hey, that’s not Disneyland.  (


RIGHT WING NUT JOBS STRIKE AGAIN, THIS TIME WITH A HORRIBLE TERRORIST ATTACK IN NEW ZEALAND.  BUT ACCORDING TO THOSE IN POWER IT’S ONLY TERRORISM WHEN PEOPLE WHO AREN’T WHITE DO IT – Tragedy struck in New Zealand when an idiot, incel, right wing, chan-user decided to take out all his frustrations and racist aggression on innocent Muslims worshiping in two Mosques in Christchurch.  As a result, 49 people were killed and many more were injured in what is the worst terrorist attack in New Zealand’s history.  What made this even more disturbing was that the cunt who did this posted about it on 8chan before starting and even sent a link to the Facebook livestream that he was running while on his terrorist attack.  Add to that the fact that tech companies were unable to stop the spread of the footage after the fact on multiple platforms and you have a situation that lays bare many of the problems that society faces today.  But honestly, fuck this guy and all the other racist fucks on the internet and the people in power who still coddle all these sick fucks by refusing to call it a terrorist attack.  We’re living in really fucked up times.  (

RICH PEOPLE CAN BUY THEMSELVES INTO ELITE COLLEGES?  I’M SHOCKED!  NEXT THING YOUR GOING TO TELL ME THAT RICH AND CONNECTED PEOPLE CAN TRADE MONEY AND FAVORS TO GET GOOD JOBS AND HIGH RANKING GOVERNMENT POSITIONS – A large-scale college “fraud” scheme has been unearthed by government investigators and almost 50 people have been charged in the scheme.  The kingpin of this operation was Rick Singer who used his California-based “college prep” business to help rich and famous people – including actresses Lori Loughlin and Felicity Huffman – get their unqualified children into any college they desired.  Some of the “services” offered by Singer involved funneling bribes to college administrators in addition to helping students cheat on SAT exams.  Although many people are clutching their pearls over this, it’s pretty common knowledge that getting into a good school, getting a good job and getting the best breaks in life are made much easier by how much money you have and how many connected people you know.  Though most people call it “networking”, that’s pretty much a code word for kissing ass and getting a buddy to get you into a good job or hook you up with important clients without any merit.  Did you honestly think America was a meritocracy or something fair like that?  (

OTTERS ARE SOME OF THE MOST ADORABLE CREATURES IN THE WORLD.  AND NOW THEY ARE THE MOST ADORABLE CREATURES TO LEAVE AN ARCHAEOLOGICAL RECORD! – A new study in Scientific Reports suggests that otters and their use of stone tools can leave an archaeological record that is distinct from humans.  Most of the evidence comes from otters and their use of rocks to pry open clams and other shelled sea creatures in order to eat their yummy meat.  When otter use the stones they leave distinct markings on the rocks and also reveal a unique breakage pattern in shells.  Using what has been observed in otter stone tools, scientists can determine where old otter colonies lived and also help distinguish if humans or otters were the ones leaving these clues in the fossil record.  I only wish otters knew how to write so that we could have adorable otter-hieroglyphs scattered around the world.  (


Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 03/08/2019


THE EL PASO LOCOMOTIVE FUTBALL CLUB OFFICIALLY STARTS PLAYING THIS WEEK, SO PLAN ACCORDINGLY.  I STILL THINK IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER IF THEY CALLED THEMSELVES LOKOMOTIV EL PASO – After years of planning and work, the El Paso Locomotive will finally take the field for their first official game this Saturday.  The Locomotive will play against the Oklahoma Energy at the El Paso Chihuahua’s City Hall Field in a game that is officially sold out.  Hopefully this is a harbinger of more exciting things to come and a future football stadium down the line in downtown.  Although not an MLS team, division 2 is still pretty good and we salute MountainStar for bringing another top notch sports team to the region.  (

ALL HAIL CASSANDRO!  ONE OF PASO DEL NORTE’S MOST  UNDERRATED LEGENDS – El Paso and Juarez have produced many great wrestlers, but Cassandro is the most flamboyant of them all.  Saul Armendariz was born and raised here and also developed the Cassandro persona while training to become a pro wrestler in the storied gyms of Juarez.  In addition to being a great professional wrestler, Cassandro was one of the first openly gay mainstream wrestlers to reach the top of his field.  If that wasn’t enough, Cassandro’s fascinating and fabulous life is now the subject of a documentary by French filmmaker Marie Losier.  Cassandro, The Exotico is the title of the documentary and it will have a premiere next Friday, March 15, at the Westside Alamo Drafthouse complete with an appearance by Cassandro himself.  So don’t miss out on the chance to meet a local legend and witness the magic of Cassandro first hand.  (

FAREWELL TO THE MURALS AT LINCOLN PARK BENEATH THE SPAGHETTI BOWL.  AT LEAST THEY MANAGED TO SAVE SOME OF THEM – The planned I-10/Spaghetti Bowl/Border Highway/Chamizal Border Crossing connector project is about to begin construction and some of the artwork in the area will have to be demolished in the name of progress.  Over 50 murals are currently painted on the multiple support columns that raise the spaghetti bowl over Lincoln Park, but due to the new construction 15 of those columns and corresponding murals will have to be torn down.  There was some back and forth over what would be torn down in the area to complete this project, but thankfully activists worked with txdot to spare the Lincoln Community Center and to leave a couple of the columns as canvases for the existing murals.  Normally txdot is a bit belligerent on these things, so it was nice to see that they worked with people in the area to save as many of the murals and buildings as possible.  For a full list of the murals that will be lost, make sure to visit the El Paso Inc. website for one of the best summaries of all that will be lost by this necessary project.  (


NOW VENEZUELA HAS NATIONWIDE BLACKOUTS!  ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, NOW THE PEOPLE CAN’T SEE MADURO BEING INCOMPETENT AND GUAIDO BEING PROPPED UP BY THE CIA – As of yesterday, massive blackouts have been hitting all of Venezuela after issues were reported at the country’s hydroelectric power stations.  This should only add to all the drama in Venezuela as Maduro is slowly crushed by the vice of covert CIA actions and American intervention.  At this point it’s pretty obvious that “external forces” are the ones causing a clusterfuck at the power stations as well as all the other recent actions that have led to Guaido’s rise to power.  Guaido studied at CIA University (aka George Washington University) for God’s sake.  Maduro is a giant piece of trash that deserves to be tossed on his ass, but let’s not be blind to what’s happening here.  So tune in next week when we see what the CIA “doesn’t” do to create even more chaos in Venezuela.  (

ALGERIA’S PRESIDENT IS PRACTICALLY IN A COMA AND HE’S STILL GOING TO RUN FOR ANOTHER TERM AND WILL PROBABLY WIN.  ALGERIANS ARE OBVIOUSLY NOT VERY HAPPY – Algerians are protesting around the country as they have become fed up with President Abdelaziz Bouteflika and his eternal claim to the presidency.  He has been in power for 20 years but since having a stroke in 2013 has rarely gone out in public and is currently in Switzerland receiving treatment.  For the most part, Algerians put up with President Bouteflika.  But now he’s practically a puppet and the people have become fed up and are gathering in the streets to denounce this blatant disregard for the democratic process.  But even after all of this, it’s still possible that the president wins another term in office!  It’s like Weekend At Bernie’s but with more protests, corruption and bloodshed.  (

US AIR FORCE SECRETARY HEATHER WILSON HAS RESIGNED HER HIGH RANKING POSITION FOR A JOB AT ……. UTEP? – It’s just been announced that the person replacing Diana Natalicio as President at UTEP will be none other than Heather Wilson.  Wilson was a high ranking official at the Pentagon and was in the running to be the next Defense Secretary, but apparently the Trump administration is such a shitshow that working at UTEP is preferable to having one of the highest ranking positions in the U.S. military.  Good luck to Heather Wilson and let’s hope she realizes that she is now going to work for an institution that produced multiple employees of Simple Minded Entertainment.  (

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION – 03/01/2019


THE RESULTS ARE IN AND EL PASO COMMUNITY COLLEGE IS THE GREATEST COLLEGE IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD.  SUCK IT, HARVARD – For the 14th straight year, EPCC has been ranked #1 in number of associate degrees awarded to Hispanic students according to The Hispanic Outlook on Education Magazine.  The college awarded 3,128 associate degrees to Hispanic students and also ranked #2 in the country for total degrees and certificates awarded to Hispanic students.  While EPCC isn’t exactly Yale or Stanford, it’s a great place to start a college education and a great value compared to other schools.  Kudos, EPCC.  (

WILL SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE SKANKS.  WHAT ABOUT THE SKANKS? – In news that surprised absolutely no one, the Cabaret Gentlemen’s Club on Montana was temporarily shut down last week because of alleged prostitution, drug dealing and other illegal activities.  The neighbors in the area are happy because the skankiest strip club in El Paso has been shut down; but society as a whole has lost some culture after the skankiest strip club in El Paso is closed and another fabled Montana strip club seems to have bitten the dust.  Rest in peace, Cabaret.  (

MAKE SURE TO ENJOY THE ROSES BEFORE THEY BURST INTO FLAMES SOME TIME IN THE SUMMER – The El Paso Rose Garden has just re-opened and we hereby welcome warmer temperatures to the region.  The Rose Garden once again opens its doors on March 1 and the public is welcomed to check out all the roses, paths and plants that the 4 acre park has to offer.  So be sure to check out the city’s rose garden on 1702 North Copia before the warm temperatures REALLY return and incinerate everything sometime in June.  (


TENSIONS RISE IN KASHMIR AS PAKISTAN SHOOTS DOWN AN INDIAN FIGHTER PILOT FOR HAVING A FUNNY MUSTACHE – Things have been getting crazy these past few weeks as Pakistan and India have been going at it over attacks in the disputed Kashmir region.  Things reached a boiling point this week when Indian fighter planes went into Pakistan territory to attack “militant” sites and one of the planes was shot down and the pilot was captured by Pakistani forces.  Luckily, cooler heads have prevailed and Pakistan returned the pilot to India and didn’t even shave his crazy mustache off.  Let’s hope this is the start of a cooling down of emotions in Kashmir and a start of dialogue.  The last thing we need is two nuclear powers going to war over an overblown conflict.  Like they say, respect for another man’s crazy facial hair is the first step to peace.  (

TURNS OUT MOMO IS A HOAX.  BUT WHAT IF MOMO IS USING REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY AND IS ACTUALLY REAL AND CREATING A HOAX TO GO AFTER MORE KIDS? – The Momo craze is the latest spectacular hoax to cause idiots to clutch their pearls and bitch and complain about the internet and “child safety”.  For those that don’t know, Momo was some sort of big-eyed Japanese monster that some people would use to befriend children on social media and make them kill themselves.  The Momo craze was so large that even major news outlets and police departments were caught in the hype even though no legit victims were found and there was no evidence that any of it was actually true.  I’m just going to go out on a limb and assume that this was all started by random assholes on 4chan who were high on drugs at the time.  If so, kudos to 4chan for making fools of all the idiots who take shit like Facebook and Twitter seriously.  (

YOU TOO CAN BE LIKE THE PREDATOR!  ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS INJECT NANOPARTICLES INTO YOUR EYEBALLS AND YOU CAN HAVE INFRARED VISION.  EASY! – Scientists from the U.S. and China have figured out that mice can be given infrared vision by injecting nanoparticles into their eyes.  The research has been published in the journal Cell and gives exciting insight into the way the eye works and the overall electromagnetic spectrum.  One day mice will develop Predator powers and these researchers will be solely responsible for mankind’s downfall.  (

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 02/22/2019


MOLD JUST WANTED TO GO TO SCHOOL AND NOW THEY’RE GOING TO TEAR THE WHOLE THING DOWN.  GOOD GOING, MOLD – You would think mold is a rarity in the desert, but never underestimate shoddy plywood and dry wall construction and mediocre contractors.  After months of “decision making” that could have been done in a few weeks, the Las Cruces Public School Board has decided that they will tear down Columbia Elementary School and build a new school because the mold damage is too costly to repair.  So while there are adobe buildings in Mesilla that are over a hundred years old, a comparatively new decades-old school in Las Cruces has to be torn down because of an organism that should basically be extinct in the desert.  The students from Columbia Elementary have been going to school at Centennial High School since the closure in September and will be there for a while until Columbia is torn down and replaced with New Columbia.  Word of advice to Las Cruces Public Schools, don’t hire the same fucking contractors that built the original Columbia Elementary.  (

IT’S GOOD TO SEE LOCAL MUSEUMS FINALLY RECOGNIZE THE IMPORTANCE OF ANCIENT MOGOLLON AND ARIDOAMERICA CULTURES IN THE REGION.  MORE PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT OUR ARIDOAMERICA/MOGOLLON HISTORY – The El Paso Museum of History is opening a new exhibit starting today that features pottery from the Casas Grandes region of Chihuahua that once formed a key part of the Aridoamerica/Mogollon cultural region that extended from present-day northern Sonora and southern Arizona to southern New Mexico, northern Chihuahua and western Texas.   The exhibit is called From Fire and Earth and is a collaboration with the art and archaeology museums and features ceramics and pottery from Casas Grandes and Mata Ortiz.  It’s about time that local cultural institutions start recognizing the importance of local culture and not kowtowing to the ignorant belief that only Aztec and Maya motifs can represent “True Mexican” culture – when the fact is that the Aztecs and Maya never even came remotely close to northern Mexico.  Let’s remember and elevate our own local Mogollon/Aridoamerica culture and history.  (

THEY HAD ME AT “FREE CHICO THE CHIHUAHUA PONCHO”! – The El Paso Chihuahuas have just announced their promotional and giveaway calendar for the upcoming 2019 season and all you have to know is that they will be giving away a free Chico The Chihuahua howling dog poncho for the game on April 17.  Start lining up now!  The promotions are great as always so go check out the full calendar and plan out what days you will be attending the baseball games to get cheap beer and free clothes.  Opening day is April 4.  (


THE SITUATION IN VENEZUELA GROWS INTO AN EVEN BIGGER CLUSTERFUCK EVERY DAY WITH NO END IN SIGHT.  AND NOW THE VENEZUELAN GOVERNMENT HAS UPPED THE ANTE AND HAS CLOSED IT’S BORDER WITH BRAZIL.  THIS PROBABLY WON’T END WELL – As a result of the opposition’s demands to transport foreign aid into Venezuela, the Maduro government has ordered his army to block the border entry with Brazil and Colombia to prevent crowds and supplies from crossing the border.  It’s gotten so bad that multiple people have been hurt and killed as soldiers have fired on protesters who are trying to block the military from setting up at the border and/or trying to get into the country.  Add to this the absurd atmosphere of a benefit concert on the Colombian side of the border with Venezuela put together by Richard Branson (along with a competing Pro-Maduro concert on the Venezuelan side) and you got yourself a bizarro powder keg that is ready to explode this weekend in Venezuela.  But thankfully there is a non-CIA groomed “leader” waiting in the wings to take over once Maduro is out.  Because we all know how well things have worked out when America gets involved in Latin America and puts up CIA groomed drones in power.  (

TAKING A PAGE FROM THE DONALD TRUMP PLAYBOOK, SUDANESE PRESIDENT OMAR AL-BASHIR HAS DECLARED A STATE OF EMERGENCY IN ORDER TO FIRE THE ENTIRE GOVERNMENT AND HOLD ON TO POWER FOR ONE MORE YEAR.  AT LEAST THE UNITED STATES CAN SAY IT HAS SLIGHTLY BETTER LEADERSHIP AND SLIGHTLY BETTER CHECKS AND BALANCES THAN SUDAN – Omar al-Bashir has been in power in Sudan for almost 30 years and, even though there have been protests to remove him from power, he is defiant and seems to be planning to hold on to power until they remove it from his cold dead hands.  So as it stands, Sudan is trying its best to make Venezuela look stable in comparison.  But Sudan doesn’t have too much economic importance in the world so not many foreign powers are lining up to offer “aid” for the people of Sudan any time soon.  (

HAYABUSA2 HAS JUST BECOME THE MOST GANGSTA SPACECRAFT IN THE SOLAR SYSTEM AFTER SHOOTING A BULLET AT ASTEROID RYUGU – Japanese spacecraft Hayabusa2 continues to impress in its scientific endeavors after it shot a small bullet at Ryugu to help collect soil samples from the asteroid.  This is the first time that a spaceship has committed a drive-by shooting on an asteroid and 50 Cent was quick to get on Twitter and talk shit about Hayabusa2.  Hayabusa2 later responded with a libel lawsuit at which point 50 Cent declared bankruptcy and said he couldn’t pay anything.  Don’t listen to the haters, Hayabusa2.  You’re the most gangsta spaceship ever!  (

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 02/15/2019


AT LEAST SOMETHING USEFUL IS BEING BUILT WITH THE “BORDER SECURITY” MONEY THAT DONALD TRUMP WAS BITCHING AND MOANING ABOUT – As part of the billions of dollars that were approved by Congress for border security, a large detention center will be built in El Paso to house refugee families while they are processed for asylum.  The now empty Hoover plant in West El Paso will be converted for this purpose starting in the spring but there is still no word on whether the $190 million earmarked for this project will be used at the proposed Hoover location or if another purpose built center will be constructed at a yet to be named location.  Kudos to Congresswoman Veronica Escobar for managing to snag a massive $100+ million plus project for El Paso amidst the border security melee – aka Trump Wall Temper Tantrum.  As a bonus, this construction project will actually serve a purpose and make the system more efficient, unlike the useless border wall project that is just an egotistical boondoggle.  (

WHO KNEW MEERKATS WOULD MAKE SUCH GOOD ACCOMPLICES FOR VALENTINE’S DAY REVENGE? – The El Paso Zoo had a great promotion this Valentine’s Day where they would name a cockroach after your ex and then feed it to one of their meerkats.  The ‘Quit Bugging Me’ event was a great success that attracted international media attention, had online submissions from all over the world and raised money for zoo exhibits.  The meerkats get to eat cockroaches as a treat anyway, so might as well make a neat little promotion out of it.  Kudos to the El Paso Zoo for coming up with a great promotional event and to the meerkats for being so adorable.  Now if you’ll excuse me I will go and mourn for the brave little cockroach that was named after me.  (

LOOK AT THOMASON HOSPITAL BEING ALL INNOVATIVE AND FANCY.  GOOD SHOW, THOMASON HOSPITAL – A brand new surgical procedure was recently performed at UMC in order to help a patient suffering from stomach cancer.  The surgical procedure was led by Dr. Mendoza-Ladd and helped a patient who couldn’t eat because of a blockage in his digestive tract.  The “endoscopic jejunostomy” operation creates a new hole in the stomach which is then connected to the small intestine thus bypassing the blockage.  This is only the second time this operation has been completed in Texas and offers incredible relief to people who are suffering from similar conditions.  Kudos, Thomason Hospital.  (


KEEP ON EYE ON 5G NETWORKS IN THE FUTURE.  FOR THE UNITED STATES TO ATTACK HUAWEI LIKE THAT, IT CAN ONLY MEAN THAT ALL GOVERNMENTS ARE PLANNING TO USE THE NETWORK FOR NEFARIOUS PURPOSES IN THE FUTURE – European mobile networks are the latest group to raise the alarm over 5G security and as it is set to roll out strong in the coming years, this is a major issue that more people should be paying attention too.  The first sign that this is much bigger than just a simple cell service upgrade came when the United States government went after Huawei because it is one of the largest equipment suppliers for the 5G network.  Although it looks like a case of corporate protectionism at first glance, one has to wonder if the U.S. government is just projecting its own motives on Huawei and wants them out of the picture because everything they are accusing them of is exactly what they want to do.  At this point, any country worth its salt should be looking at creating their own networks with their own home grown suppliers.  Because if 5G is going to be a vital part of the future infrastructure involving the internet of things and self-driving car networks, it’s best that neutral countries don’t depend too much on China or the USA.  (

IN THE FUTURE, EL PASO’S CLIMATE WILL BE LIKE ARIZONA AND ARIZONA WILL JUST BECOME AN OVEN AND EXPLODE – A massive study published in Nature Communications shows how the climate in the major cities in America will change in 60 years if nothing is done to stop climate change.  The hard working researchers even created a web program that lets you choose a city and then gives you a forecast for which current city the climate will likely emulate in 60 years.  In El Paso and Las Cruces’ case, the climate in 60 years will most likely resemble Phoenix – so it will be slightly warmer and drier and a lot more racist (Arizona redneck joke!).  So unless we get our act together, we’re going to get a bit hotter in the future.  (

DONALD TRUMP CONTINUES TO BE A COMPLETE, FUCKING CUNT – Fresh off the heels of his bullshit-filled racist monologue in El Paso on Monday night, Donald Trump decided the best way to build a stupid fucking wall is to declare a fake national emergency in order to steal taxpayer money.  So like a good little fascist he is trying to go around the checks and balances of the Constitution because congress doesn’t agree with his stupid ideas and doesn’t want to give him an ungodly amount for a stupid wall.  This will naturally go to the courts and we will have to see if certain “compromised” individuals on the Supreme Court follow their master’s bidding or show some backbone and protect the integrity of the nation.  Of note is that Donald Trump literally said that he didn’t have to do this and could wait to get the funding but wanted to see if he could abuse his power and get the money faster; thus negating any claim he has that there is an actual emergency on the border.  Donald Trump is a complete, fucking cunt.  (

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 02/08/2019


ON MONDAY, FEBRUARY 11 BETO O’ROURKE WILL LEAD THE EL PASO COMMUNITY ON A MARCH TO CELEBRATE THE PEACE AND UNITY OF THE PASO DEL NORTE REGION.  ALSO ON THAT DAY, A VILE RACIST OLD MAN WILL SPEW LIES AND HORSESHIT ON A STAGE IN THE EL PASO COUNTY COLISEUM – Multiple El Paso-area organizations will be uniting on Monday to march from Bowie High School to Chalio Acosta Park where they will be led by Beto O’Rourke in a celebration of unity at the border.  The March For Truth will take place at around 6 PM and will run counter to Donald Trump’s glorified klan rally in the coliseum.  So let’s all attend the March For Truth and keep the coliseum empty for the fascist’s vile rhetoric.  (

THE LAS CRUCES INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL IS ALMOST UPON US.  START STOCKING UP ON CHILE AND BOOZE – One of the coolest regional arts events is the Las Cruces International Film Festival.  The event is less than two weeks away and the lineup and special guests are as great as ever.  This year the event features film events with Edward James Olmos and George Lopez, so start preparing your Battlestar Galactica questions now.  Get your tickets now and get ready for the Las Cruces International Film Festival!  (

EL PASO NEEDS ANOTHER CHURCH AS MUCH AS IT NEEDS ANOTHER BAR.  BECAUSE LORD KNOWS EL PASO DOESN’T HAVE ENOUGH BARS AND CHURCHES – It seems like every day a new random bar or church opens up somewhere in El Paso.  But now a popular church has replaced a popular club to some hilarious reactions online.  Abundant Living Faith Center (El Paso’s own tribute to Joel Osteen without the closeted homosexuality) has purchased over the building that once housed the popular Tricky Falls nightclub on El Paso Street.  The reaction online has been hilarious and some crazy people online had some real choice words for ALFC after they announced the deal.  In ALFC’s defense, the prick owner of the building kicked Tricky Falls out a few months back and the building was simply sold to the highest bidder.  But it is a bit of a downer that a popular performance space that offered something unique in the city will now be replaced by something that is available in practically every block in the city.  But hey, a fancy church will add some diversity to Downtown’s business lineup and since the building now has an owner/tenant it will finally get a full blown renovation.  But still, it stings.  Rest in Peace, Tricky Falls.  (


WHEN BILLIONAIRES FIGHT EACH OTHER TO THE DEATH, WE ALL WIN – According to Jeff Bezos (the guy who conned humanity into giving him billions of dollars for a business model that barely turns a profit), the National Enquirer is trying to blackmail him via dick pics because of his ownership of the Washington Post and his fights against the powers that be.  Whether completely true or not, the last person you want to blackmail is a fucker with billions of dollars and not just “pretend billions”.  What makes this more intriguing, however, is the insinuation that certain people in power (coughTRUMPcough) and his cronies used their position to get dirt on Jeff Bezos and feed it to the National Enquirer.  Given the fact that the garbage enquirer’s owner has his mouth around Donald Trump’s dick and that the organization has been found to work with the idiot in the past, it’s not too far-fetched to believe that Donald Trump and friends have been using the government to try and attack Jeff Bezos.  Turns out that billionaires are just as petty and trashy as everyone else.  (

MEANWHILE IN BRITAIN, THE UK EXPRESS HAS LOST ITS BRAKES AS IT CAREENS TO THE EDGE OF THE CLIFF KNOWN AS NO DEAL BREXIT – Even though Britain has no leverage whatsoever, Theresa May continues to ask for concessions from the European Union for her stupid Brexit plan.  The EU is, obviously, just laughing when she gives her demands but you have to admire her blind devotion to a stupid cause.  The main issue continues to be the Northern Ireland border backstop but it is highly unlikely that the European Union will let the UK have their cake and eat it too by letting them leave the EU but still give them special treatment with freedom of movement.  I guess that grand plan of having the UK leave the EU yet still having freedom of movement and business for UK residents only didn’t work out.  Who would’ve thought?  (

SCIENTISTS HAVE DISCOVERED THAT FISH AND HONEY BEES ARE SMARTER THAN DONALD TRUMP.  THAT IS NOT SURPRISING AT ALL – New scientific research has discovered that fish can recognize themselves in a mirror and that honey bees can do basic math.  So these animals are self aware, can do basic math and would more than likely not lie after being presented with facts and data.  Hell, it seems like most fish and bees are infinitely more qualified to be in the White House than most of the current inhabitants.  (

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 02/01/2019


AFTER WHAT SEEMS LIKE DECADES, THE CATHOLIC CHURCH IS BEGINNING TO BE MORE TRANSPARENT WITH ITS HISTORY OF CHILD ABUSE AND THE EL PASO DIOCESE IS COMING TO TERMS WITH ITS PAST SINS – In conjunction with all the Catholic Diocese in Texas, the El Paso Diocese has recently released a list of all the priests who ever served in the El Paso Diocese who had credible accusations of child molestation brought against them.  Although the percentage of abuse was lower than the national average and the last recorded case came in 1999, it is still disheartening to see that people that were placed to help the community could cause so much harm.  This is merely one of the first steps as the Catholic Church in El Paso seeks to heal from this unfortunate part of its history.  (

PLEASE WELCOME THE ADORABLE DEJA THE BABY SIAMANG TO THE EL PASO ZOO – Deja the siamang has arrived from the Pittsburgh Zoo as the adorable ape searches for foster parents.  Siamangs are in the gibbon family which is part of the larger ape family that includes the more recognizable gorillas and chimpanzees.  Deja is coming to the El Paso Zoo after her mother sadly rejected her at birth and is being hand raised until she is introduced to her surrogate siamang family here at the zoo.  The hope is that the El Paso Zoo’s resident siamangs, Suni and Adinda, will accept her and that she will become part of their family unit.  Deja is only 5 months old and visitors will be able to see her during special sessions where the zoo staff will show how they are taking care of her.  Kudos to the El Paso Zoo for doing their part in protecting endangered species.  (

APPARENTLY THE CONCEPT OF PUBLIC RIGHT OF WAY IS TOO HARD FOR SOME PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND.  I GUESS “PUBLIC” AND “PERSONAL PROPERTY” ARE EASILY CONFUSED BY SOME – Once again, the people with homes around UTEP and Kern Place are bitching and complaining because they think that the sidewalk in front of their houses belongs to them and that the street in front of their house is their own personal parking space.  First they bitched and moaned about UTEP students and now they are complaining about hospital visitors and staff.  It’s been said before, but we shall try to explain the concept of public right of way once more to these obviously confused people.  The personal property line of all houses ends where the sidewalk or parkway begins.  The sidewalk, parkway and street are all part of the PUBLIC RIGHT OF WAY and belong to everyone in the public.  Anyone in the public has as much of a right to walk and park in front of a house as anyone else.  IT IS NOT THE HOMEOWNER’S PERSONAL PARKING SPACE!  IT’S PUBLIC FUCKING RIGHT OF WAY!  Read the damn city code or any civil code to understand this basic universal concept.  And if all else fails the residents in these areas can go ahead and lease the space from the city at a fair market rate for their personal parking or create one of those stupid parking districts that the city made up to make the whiny crybabies shut the fuck up.  And shame on the local media for referring to this issue as a “residential parking problem”.  There’s no such thing as fucking “residential parking”, public right of way belongs to EVERYONE.  Please stop pandering to these crybabies.  If they don’t like a dense urban environment they can move to Montana Vista and have all the on-street public parking that their hearts’ desire.  (


YUP, THAT’S WHAT YOU CALL COLD – A phenomenon known as a polar vortex has brought crippling cold to a good portion of the central and eastern United States.  The temperature went down to minus 49 degrees Celsius (minus 56 degrees Fahrenheit) in some parts of the country with a wind chill close to negative one meeleeon beeleeon degrees.  So yeah, it was a smidge cold in the Midwest this week.  And of course, there were idiots – including Donald Trump – using this as “proof” that global warming/climate change doesn’t exist even though this is an example of weather and not climate.  In fact, most climate change forecasts show that extreme weather phenomenon will increase in a rapidly warming world and that events like polar vortex explosions will become more common in the future.  And just for the record, Australia just experienced their warmest January on record.  So it is really, really hot in some parts of the world right now.  (

DEATH BY TOXIC SLUDGE LANDSLIDE MONSTER IS AS SCARY AS IT SOUNDS – Video footage has just been released of last week’s dam burst/toxic sludge flood in Brumadinho, Brazil and it’s as surreal and frightening as imagined.  Although not super fast, it moves across the land devouring everything in its path with a brisk yet relaxed paced.  The mass of water, mud and toxic sludge is massive and one can only imagine the shock that was going on in the minds of the drivers of the vehicles – seen in the video – that were racing to get out of the way.  As of last count, the disaster had taken 110 lives with over 200 people still missing.  Authorities are still investigating, but it is believed that liquefaction of the dam was the cause of the collapse and that it is similar to previous dam collapses seen in other mines in Brazil.  Multiple people have been arrested for safety violations and Vale SA – the owner of the mine and the retention pond and dam – will probably face more consequences over their lack of safety preparation.  (

MEANWHILE IN VENEZUELA, MADURO IS STILL HOLDING ON TO POWER AND THE SHIT SHOW IS GROWING – Say what you want about dumbass Maduro, but he’s pretty good at holding on to power.  Despite all the hemming and hawing by the global community over the opposition and Juan Guaido, Nicolas Maduro still has the military in his back pocket and is no closer to stepping down as he was before this whole mess started.  And now we wait to see what the next move is in this “spontaneous” rebellion that is in no way being propped up by the CIA and their ilk.  Because we all know the CIA and friends have NEVER EVER done anything like this in Central America and elsewhere in the world.  (

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 01/25/2019


THE CITY OF EL PASO IS REALLY PUSHING TO IMPROVE THE NORTHEAST.  YOU CAN’T SAY THEY AREN’T TRYING – Northeast El Paso has unfairly had a negative stigma for a long time.  But the city government and investors are really trying hard to improve the image and economic potential of Northeast El Paso.  From Paul Foster’s planned super development to the mixed-use plans for the Northpark Mall lot to the planned renovation of the Cohen Stadium zone; it’s looking like Northeast El Paso will finally get some love in the future.  And the city is even holding a city council meeting in Northeast El Paso to try and engage with the people in the area and get some feedback on these future plans.  You can’t say the city isn’t trying to make Northeast El Paso better.  (

IT’S CHILE FEST TIME AT NMSU!!!! – It’s that time of the year again.  New Mexico State is holding their annual New Mexico Chile Conference February 4 – 5.  As always,, the 2019 conference will be hosted by New Mexico State’s Chile Pepper Institute and registration is now open for the public.  NMSU is one of the top agricultural universities in the world and is one of the world’s top organizations for chile pepper research.  So if you love chile and all things chile-related, then be sure to check out the presentations, booths and more at 2019 CHILE FEST!!!!!   You must pay for the whole seat, BUT YOU’LL ONLY NEED THE EDGE!!!!!! (

AS LONG AS RED T. HAWK DOESN’T USURP OUR BELOVED AMIGO MAN, I WELCOME HER WITH OPEN ARMS – El Paso International Airport has a new mascot; a tough, ex-fighter pilot Red Tailed Hawk that will encourage girls and boys to pursue science related fields.  Coincidentally her name just happens to be Red T. Hawk and, like her brethren, is a native to the region.  This mascot looks pretty cool and we welcome her into the pantheon of El Paso area mascots that include Amigo Man, Paydirt Pete, Bowie High Bear, El Paso High Tiger, Austin High Panther and Kiki La Kobra.  We hope this is the start of an amazing trend where every random organization and government department starts getting mascots until we are flooded by large, cute and cuddly spokespersons like in Japan.  Also of note is that Red T. Hawk is female and brings some much needed estrogen into the male-heavy mascot realm.  God speed, Red T. Hawk.  (


VENEZUELA HAS UPPED THE ANTE ON ITS CURRENT CRISIS AND NOW WE ARE ON THE BRINK OF A CIVIL WAR.  NICOLAS MADURO IS NOT VERY GOOD AT LEADERSHIP – It was bound to happen and now Maduro has pissed off so many of his country’s citizens that protests have grown to such a level that a new leader has emerged to unite the opposition and claim to be the “real president”.  In fact, opposition leader Juan Guaido has become so popular that foreign governments, including the United States, have gone so far and acknowledged him as de facto ruler according to the tea leaves that are currently being used as a constitution in Venezuela.  Maduro still has the backing of the military and certain countries with veto power and “mercenary” capabilities – so this is far from over.  But as it stands, a civil war might just erupt in this most unstable of regions.  Maybe Maduro can come up with another farcical election and dig up the corpse of Hugo Chavez to save him from his self-made mess.  (

THE HIGHEST QUALITY PICTURES OF ULTIMA THULE HAVE ARRIVED AND IT STILL LOOKS LIKE A SNOWMAN – The New Horizons spacecraft has been transmitting data since it passed Ultima Thule on the outer edges of the Solar System back on New Year’s Day.  And now scientists have the most detailed picture ever of the unique Kuiper Belt dual orb.  As expected, the object still looks like a snowman missing its face.  Though we only have one side of the object, so it’s still possible the other side features a delightful face made of random objects and a carrot nose.  So if you are a snow man aficionado and are ever in the Kuiper Belt region of the Solar System, be sure and visit Ultima Thule the Snowman.  (

DONALD TRUMP BLINKED AND NOW THE MCCONNELL/TRUMP SHUTDOWN IS OVER AND HE STILL DOESN’T HAVE HIS WORTHLESS FUCKING WALL.  LET’S SEE IF HE HAS ANOTHER TODDLER TANTRUM WITH NANCY PELOSI AND STARTS ANOTHER SHUTDOWN WITH EVEN LESS LEVERAGE AS BEFORE – It happened, Donald Trump finally gave in to public pressure and the Democrats stood their ground and prevented the idiot in the White House from using threats to hijack the legislative branch.  Donald Trump (with tail between his legs) opened up the government after more than a month by signing off on temporary funding to re-open the government for at least another 3 weeks.  Though, it should be noted, he has kept on making his bullshit immigrant propaganda and threatening to shutdown the government again if he doesn’t get his stupid wall.  Donald Trump has even less leverage now and his remarks from the past few days show that he is still taking responsibility for any future shutdowns or borderline dictatorial national emergency declarations.  The wall is a stupid waste of money and it’s good to see the Democrats – and some Republicans – stand up to the use of a shutdown as a bargaining tool to force things on the legislative branch of the government.   Let’s see if idiot Trump is willing to start the McConnell/Trump Shutdown:  Part 2.  (

Simple Minded Recap-ITATION! – 01/18/2019


MAYBE IT’S ABOUT TIME THE EL PASO COUNTY SHERIFF’S OFFICE STARTS CRACKING DOWN ON IDIOTS WHO LET THEIR OVERGROWN DOGS RUN AROUND IN THE STREET IN THE LOWER VALLEY – The Licon Dairy petting zoo has reopened, but it was a somber scene after the vicious dog attack that left many animals dead earlier this week.  The Licon Dairy is well known for its amazing asadero cheeses and also for the petting zoo that is located at their farm/store in San Elizario.  The generally tranquil life of the farm animals was shattered when two large dogs entered the Licon Dairy farm and attacked and killed 10 animals including goats, sheep, llamas and a swan.  Idiots in San Elizario and the rest of the Lower Vahlley have been letting their large dogs loose on the street for years and it’s about time that the authorities cracked down on these irresponsible morons.  It’s sort of funny, if not stupid, when people let small dogs like Chihuahuas or terriers out in the street.  But it is completely despicable and abhorrent when dumbasses let large dogs like German Shepherds and pit bulls out in the street.  This time it was poor, defenseless animals in a petting zoo but next time it could be a small child that is killed by dogs.  Let’s hope the authorities finally do something to stop the idiots in San Elizario who don’t give a damn about proper dog ownership.  And please support the Licon Dairy by visiting their reopened shop and petting zoo, and don’t forget to buy some asaderos while you are there.  (

GOODBYE, SANDMAN – A beloved local artist passed away this week, but his art and legacy will live on in the hearts and minds of all who enjoyed his work.  Alberto “Sandman” Avila is best known as the man behind most of the sand art on the sidewalks and medians throughout El Paso.  You might not have known his name, but if you have ever seen the random sand pictures on the sidewalks while driving around the city then you are familiar with his work.  And if you ever saw a man shaping piles of sand with a broom on one of the medians in the city, then you just happened to see the Sandman in his prime at work.  He lost his battle with cancer but he will always be remembered in the city by those that appreciate art and free expression.  Rest in peace, Sandman.  (

DID YOU KNOW EL PASO HAS PRODUCED SAINTS?  THANKS TO THE EL PASO HERALD POST NOW I KNOW THE STORY OF SAINT PEDRO DE JESUS MALDONADO LUCERO – The often overlooked history of El Paso and the Greater Mogollon region is very interesting and we can always count on the El Paso Herald Post and Steven Cottingham for great stories.  Saint Pedro De Jesus Maldonado Lucero – or Saint Peter Of Jesus Maldonado for short – was born in Chihuahua in 1892 and made his way to El Paso during the Mexican Revolution to finish his studies to become a priest.  He worked as a priest in El Paso and throughout Mexico and used the city as his base during times of religious persecution in Mexico.  He was ultimately tortured and killed by authorities in Chihuahua after one of his missionary trips into Mexico from El Paso and he was remembered as a martyr.  He was ultimately canonized by Pope John Paul II and is considered the patron saint of the Diocese of El Paso among other honors.  Kudos, El Paso Herald Post, for making history come alive.  (


EVEN BY BREXIT STANDARDS, THAT WAS ONE HELL OF A HUMILIATING DEFEAT FOR THERESA MAY AND THE IDIOTS THAT THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA FOR BRITAIN TO LEAVE THE EUROPEAN UNION AND SHRINK THEIR ECONOMY AND INTERNATIONAL BARGAINING POWER – Prime Minister Theresa May has been tasked with delivering a clean break for Britain from the European Union once the Brexit deadline is reached in March.  Unfortunately, Britain has no real bargaining power and their demand that they get all of the benefits of being in the European Union without actually having to play by the European rules is laughable at best.  Seriously, that’s the plan that the idiots who wanted Brexit want from Europe – as if Europe would just give them all of that for no apparent reason.  Naturally, the deal that Theresa May was able to negotiate sort of sucks ass and parliament voted it down by a stunning 432 votes to 202.  So now Britain finds itself staring down the barrel of a no-deal Brexit by the March deadline that will see Britain out of the European Union with no benefits and having to get in line with all the other countries in the world to set up trade deals and treaties with the EU.  So now Britain finds itself bracing for a no-deal Brexit and hoping that Theresa May can get some concessions from the EU on a new deal even though she has no leverage whatsoever.  They can also ask for another referendum and hope that this time the intelligent people in Britain vote to stay in the EU and that stupid, xenophobic dumbasses stay home and don’t get involved with shit that they don’t understand.  (

AT LEAST THE PEOPLE OF DR CONGO DIDN’T VOTE FOR EBOLA AS PRESIDENT.  THOUGH EBOLA WOULD PROBABLY BE A BETTER LEADER THAN ALL THE OTHER PEOPLE THAT HAVE RUN THE COUNTRY INTO THE GROUND – Despite the conflicts, Ebola and general corruption; Democratic Republic of Congo had its first democratic elections in a long time last week (with obvious controversial results).  The winner of the election was Felix Tshisekedi who won with only 38.5% and who is being accused by his closest rival for election fraud.  The allegations are not entirely unwarranted and many observers say that there are inconsistencies in the voting.  Even the African Union is urging caution and asking the courts not to approve the results.  In the long run, none of this will make any difference as DR Congo will either explode with Ebola or just spontaneously combust sometime in 2019.  DR Congo has A LOT of problems and the country should probably just be broken up into smaller countries because the current situation makes no sense at all.  (

THE BORDER IS SUCH A CRISIS ZONE THAT THE EL PASO SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT IS FOCUSING ON PECAN THIEVES!  YES, PECAN THIEVES!  THE TRUE MASTERMINDS OF THE BIG, BAD “BORDER CRISIS” – Donald Trump and his vile racist cronies are horrible human beings that make up bullshit stories in order to stoke their base with shameless fear mongering.  Perhaps the most vile of their moves is to create this garbage narrative that there is a crisis in the border and that all the border communities in America are war zones.  Even idiot Republicans in Austin are parroting this bullshit and they actually live in the state and can go down to any border community to see that this is all fear mongering.  For proof that this is bullshit, please note that the El Paso Sheriff’s Office just sent out a news release about pecan thieves.  Things are so unassuming on the border that the sheriff’s office just spent time and effort to talk about pecan thieves taking pecans from the trees in local pecan orchards.  FUCKING PECAN THIEVES!  Unless the border crisis involves pecan robberies, Donald Trump is just speaking out of his ass and making up shit about a part of the country he knows nothing about.  Fuck Donald Trump and all his cult members for disrespecting El Paso and all the border communities in the country.  (

Simple Minded Weekly Recap-ITATION! – 01/11/2019


UTEP HAS BEEN DECLARED A TOP TIER RESEARCH UNIVERSITY!  HOORAY!!  MAYBE THEY CAN RESEARCH HOW TO HAVE A DECENT FOOTBALL TEAM. ZING! – Congratulations to UTEP for attaining a R1 designation in the Carnegie Classification of Institutions of Higher Education.  The designation is only attained by the top tier of universities that make up the top 4.5% of the nation’s schools.  Kudos to UTEP for focusing on the important things in college like education and learning and not blowing all their money on sports and other random nonsense.  (

THE TORNILLO DETENTION CENTER/INTERNMENT CAMP IS FINALLY CLOSING.  GOOD RIDDANCE AND NOW WE HOPE THAT THE MORON’S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS POLITICAL STUNT FOLLOW THE CAMP’S LEAD AND SIMPLY DISAPPEAR – According to U.S. Representative Will Hurd, the migrant youth detention center/internment camp/disgusting political showcase is finally closing and being removed from Tornillo.  Ever since Donald Trump decided to attack migrant children, the center was used to house unaccompanied minors waiting to be reunified with family in the country.  Most of these kids will now go to more stable shelters throughout the country that normally handle these situations and will soon be reunited with their families as they await their day in court.  And the disastrous Tornillo Camp is just another example of the shitshow that Donald Trump creates when he tries to fix things with new ideas that are infinitely worse than what is currently being done.  (

TEXAS ATTORNEY GENERAL KEN PAXTON IS EITHER A FUCKING MORON OR A RACIST SACK OF SHIT WHO PULLS FAKE STATISTICS OUT OF HIS ASS IN ORDER TO APPEASE HIS MASTER DONALD TRUMP – In a brazen attack on El Paso and its people, Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton made the amazingly ignorant statement that the border wall in El Paso helped lower crime in a once “lawless” city.  The truth is that no statistics back that claim up and some stats even show the opposite happening with crime rising slightly in the years after the wall went up about a decade ago.  To make up shit and say that El Paso was a violent place before the idiotic border wall went up is just a vile lie that is laced with racism and sycophantic love for Donald Trump.  Just look at the stats!  There are no statistics that show that crime was high before the wall.  Hell, crime has been down since the 1980s and has remained at the lowest levels in the state since then.  Even the local media – which normally supports stupid conservative talking points and bends the knee to their conservative corporate masters – went out of their way to fact check this dumbass fucker.  When KFOX and the El Paso Times take time off from their busy schedule of spouting right wing idiocy to correct you, you know that the comment was utter bullshit.  In closing, fuck off Ken Paxton.  (


WE ARE ONE STEP CLOSER TO THE END OF ONE OF THE DUMBEST CONFLICTS IN A WORLD FILLED WITH DUMB CONFLICTS – After decades of fighting between the Greek region and the new nation over the right to use “Macedonia”, it looks like the conflict between the areas with the same name will finally be resolved.  Macedonia’s parliament (the country, not the region) has narrowly approved a constitutional amendment by the necessary 2/3 majority to rename itself as the Republic of North Macedonia.  The Greek parliament still has to approve the deal that was proposed by Greek Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras and his Macedonian – correction, North Macedonian – counterpart Zoran Zaev.  People on both sides are still bitching and complaining over the name and taking things to scary levels, but overall it looks like it will all be approved and this 27 year long pissing match over a name will finally end.  This will hopefully end Greece’s decades long cock block of “North Macedonia” and they will finally be able to join NATO and the EU.  Crazy people on both sides with nothing better to do will still debate random things like the actual birthplace of Alexander the Great.  But as long as they don’t kill each other or hurt each other physically this compromise will be considered a great success.  Zeno The Fox would be proud.  (

SOMETIMES TWITTER CAN BE A VALUABLE TOOL AND USED FOR POSITIVE CHANGE AND TO SAVE LIVES.  BUT THE OTHER 99% OF THE TIME IT’S JUST AN OUTLET FOR VILE RACISTS TO SAY HORRIBLE THINGS – Rahaf Mohammed al-Qunun is the 18-year old Saudi girl that made international headlines this week after escaping her family while in Kuwait and then being trapped in Thailand while attempting to get to Australia in an asylum bid.  Her desperate cries for help via Twitter, while trapped in a Bangkok airport hotel room, attracted so much attention that multiple governments got involved to help her leave Thailand and seek asylum.  In a matter of days she went from having only 24 followers to thousands of followers that all helped her get her message out to the world.  For an excellent summary, check out the BBC’s excellent timeline of events that follows her entire ordeal from the first tweet to the tense moments where it looked like authorities in Thailand would send her back to her family and a possible death sentence for renouncing Islam.  Truly riveting stuff.  If it weren’t for Twitter, she would probably be dead – so who says Twitter can’t be used for the forces of good?  (

WHEN DOGS LEARN TO USE GUNS THEY WILL BECOME THE ULTIMATE KILLING MACHINE AND WILL RULE THE WORLD.  OUR TIME IS UP! –In an absurdly tragic story out of Mississippi, a former LSU football player was shot in the leg by his dog and had to have the wounded leg amputated.  Although it sounds like a crazy drunk hunting story, it does appear that his dog accidentally shot him.  According to his friends, Matt Branch left his loaded shotgun on the bed of his truck when Tito the dog jumped in the truck and accidentally stepped on the trigger causing the gun to fire through the side of the truck and hitting his leg.  No word if Tito has already been questioned by police.  On a side note, check out the over-the-top graphic which might have been created by the KDBC graphic department on a bender – a foreboding LSU logo looks on as a shadowy picture of a man hunting with his dog fills the screen.  It’s practically the promo image to a cheesy Netflix show.  Even a caricature of a dog shooting a guy with a machine gun would have been less melodramatic.  (